


Beyond Red

by sephypoo



Series: RED [3]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Kingdom Hearts
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-04-04 07:05:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 37
Words: 126,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14014860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sephypoo/pseuds/sephypoo
Summary: What happens after the world ends? You pick up the  pieces and move on.





	1. GRADUATION

GRADUATION

  


"Roxas...wake up Roxas."

Cloud was shaking his son gently to rouse him from his drug induced slumber. Roxas opened his eyes and looked around. He was still in rehab, still had no shoestrings, and Riku was still dead. Cloud smiled at him, "Wake up baby. I want to take you home for a few days."

Roxas nodded and reached for his water as he sat up. He didn't have much to say anymore…to anyone. He had tried to kill himself twice since Riku died so his dad took him to Atlantica. He would have been graduating with a degree but instead he was trying to earn back the right to use silverware.

At Alantica Place he wasn't allowed many things and he had to look at Rikku daily- a sick reminder of his last mistake with Riku...well not quite his last. His last mistake was not dragging him inside that night and making him stay. He had stood there watching as he walked away…like he said he would never do again after the bonfire on Destiny when Riku nearly died.

Roxas went over and over it in his head: _The last smile, last words, last kiss_. He was living in a hell that looped those memories. The doctor had given him meds to dull his emotions so he didn't cry constantly anymore but he didn't really feel anything. He was glad to see Cloud but immediately began to dread seeing his brothers. He missed them but…

Dressing himself, he was stopped by Cloud who had brought some of his clothes from home. Long sleeves to hide his bandages made him feel a little more at ease about going out so he smiled as he pulled on the shirt and slipped into his favorite shoes. Riku had shoes exactly like these, he thought and his smile faded.

Cloud's heart broke for his son. He remembered the grief he felt after Sephiroth and he knew there was very little that could help it but time. Patiently he watched his mini-me dress and prepare to deal with watching his friends and brothers graduate college while he sat alongside him. He wondered how long it would be before Roxas was well enough to start living some semblance of a normal life again.

  


Roxas walked out with him but had yet to utter a single syllable. It reminded Cloud of when he was very small and rarely spoke. There was quiet then there was too quiet…the kind of quiet that made others uncomfortable.

Instead of going home or to Strife House they went to a cafe where his brothers were waiting. They greeted him with warm hugs and whispers of _I love you_ or _I’ve missed you_. He simply nodded with a slight smile but didn’t meet any of their eyes. His head swam with the activity of the day already. He was off heroin but he was on mind numbing meds to dull his anger and self-loathing, depression and misery, but also happiness and joy.

The meal was quiet for the most part and after everyone had eaten, Roxas still hadn't uttered a word. He picked at his food, eyes watery and sad not looking up from his plate while they chatted. He listened to the voices but he didn’t hear the words.

"Aren't you hungry Rox?" Vanitas asked.

Hearing his name, he stilled himself as if he had to be still to focus and shook his head, staring at his plate. Sora reached over under the table and squeezed Roxas' hand. Roxas looked up and smiled at him weakly, then leaned in to whisper. "I don't wanna be here anymore."

Sora’s heart broke as he turned to hug him and whispered back desperately, "Don't leave me Roxas."

Roxas clamped his eyes closed and a tear slid down his cheek. "I love you Sora…I-I’m so sorry."

"I love you too, Roxy." Sora whispered, squeezing his hand. “Please eat something…for me?”

He ate a few bites but he never let go of Sora's hand. Before drugs, before Riku he had Sora and Sora was all he needed. Now he was clean and Riku was dead but he still had Sora…didn’t he? _Not really_ …Sora had Olette and the baby now, he thought helplessly, hopelessly.

  


Roxas seemed more relaxed when they got into the car but protested going to Strife House. “I don’t wanna go there. I just wanna go…can you just take me back?”

“I’ll be right there with you Roxy” Sora assured him. Roxas glanced at Olette and she smiled at him sadly. She felt sorry for him and he could see the pity in her eyes but she was dealing with her own grief. The difference was that she felt Riku was with Luna and that gave her some comfort and Roxas couldn’t feel anything but guilt and misery.

Upon entering the house Sora felt Roxas’ grip on his hand tighten and his breaths were coming shorter and faster. Cloud stood behind him with his hands on his shoulders and Sora leaned his head against Roxas’ and whispered “It’s ok.”

Once inside, he looked around and a familiar scowl flickered across his face then he turned to Sora to whisper “Gonna be sick…” and bolted for the bathroom.

The silence in the room was deafening so Vanitas announced that he needed a drink and was joined by Ventus. Sora sat on the sofa with Cloud and they chatted about graduation while Olette was quietly straightening things around the house eventually wandering into the kitchen.

Vanitas and Ventus came back to lie on the pillows on the floor. When Roxas emerged from the bathroom to take his place by Sora they tried to draw him out by asking questions about his time in Atlantica but he replied with as few words as possible. All he could think of was how he could sneak away and get a hit or ten and make it all go away.

He looked dazed as the conversation in the room picked up without him then he surprised everyone by crawling onto Sora’s lap to sit while he stroked his hair and whispered to him. “Everything’s gonna be ok Roxy. You can stay with me and Olette and the baby. We’ll make you change diapers and everything.”

Roxas didn’t say anything and he wondered to himself if everyone would be pissed if he just went to sleep… _probably_. “Wanna build a blanket fort?” he whispered to Sora.

Sora kissed his cheek then stood and announced, "Me and Rox are going to build a blanket fort."

Everyone smiled and waved them off hoping that some time alone with Sora would bring Roxas around a little. Cloud was worried that Roxas would never come out of it. He feared the worst when Roxas wasn’t under constant supervision, because his last suicide attempt had nearly been successful. Judging by what he had seen so far, he wasn’t any better than when he went in, except now he couldn’t blame the drugs for his son wanting to die.

  


When the fort was built they crawled inside. Sora lay down and Roxas snuggled next to him with his face pressed to his neck. Before Sora could speak Roxas whispered, "I miss him so much."

Sora could hear the misery in his voice as his lips moved against his skin and his warm breath tickled. Sora thought of the brief time that Riku had been with him and whispered back, "So do I."

Roxas began stroking his chest and stomach so Sora hugged him tighter. "Sor, if that night never happened, would you still be with him?" Roxas asked as he nuzzled.

"I donno, prolly not...cause he was in love with you before he even met me." 

Roxas began to cry. He knew Riku loved him and he had disregarded it so easily. If he had been faithful or more attentive…if he had travelled with him then maybe…or maybe he should never have been with him at all. Maybe he really was just a part of Sora after all, and should have been satisfied with that.

Sora rolled to face him. “You gotta let it go, Roxy. He’s gone and no amount of drugs and crying is gonna bring him back.”

Roxas didn’t miss the bitterness in his brother’s voice and it made him feel useless. He didn’t see how it wouldn’t benefit everyone if he just died. What would be lost? He was just a burden to his dad and his brothers and now he was also a grim reminder of Riku.

“I wish it was me instead…” Roxas mumbled.

“Don’t say that. You’re mine!” Sora snarled and squeezed him a little too tightly and buried his face in his hair.

Roxas was desperate for something- anything familiar. Pulling at Sora’s shirt, he hissed. "Take it off...I wanna be..."

Sora pulled his shirt off and tossed it while Roxas did the same. He pressed him to the floor and kissed him. "You're beautiful Rox, and you didn't do anything wrong."

"But I did, Sor. I cheated." Roxas started to cry again softly.

Sora held him and whispered sweet things until he stopped crying and continued to pet his hair and kiss his face. Roxas traced the lines of his muscles- back, arms, chest, abs, repeat. The repetitive touches seemed to soothe him as much as it did Sora. After a while a smile began to spread across his face. “Will I always be yours, Sor?”

“Yes” Sora looked down and when he saw the smile on his brother’s face, he grinned. He had seen Roxas so miserable that a smile, however small, was a joy to behold.

“You wanna go back downstairs with the others now?” Sora coaxed.

Roxas looked nervous and then Sora saw a glint of mischief in his eyes. “Kiss me and I’ll go back.”

Sora giggled and pulled his brother into a chaste kiss that quickly became passionate. “You been fuckin anybody in rehab?” Sora hissed as he held Roxas against him.

“N-no Sor.” Roxas felt like he was sliding back into the same groove as when he had lived at Strife House. He only wanted to please Sora and as tedious as it sometimes was, it was all he knew until Riku…and now…

“Good…cause you’re mine, aren’t you?” Sora growled as he bit the blonde’s neck.

"Yeah..." Roxas breathed. Sora had never asked before, he had simply taken what he wanted, knowing that Roxas would freely give it.

He scooted out of the fort and locked the door, grabbed some lube, and crawled back in, jumping Roxas with no warning. _That’s more like the old Sora_ , Roxas thought as turned letting Sora kiss and nip at his neck.

He lay passively at first but then Sora rolled him onto his stomach and he thought of how this felt so normal to him, and wondered if that was a good thing- then grunted as he felt Sora pushing into him. Gripping his hips he pushed harder as Roxas tried to be quiet.

Sora thought of Riku and how devastated he was when he left him for Roxas. He thought of the last time they had sex, in this room, against that wall… _Why didn’t Riku just tell me he was in love with Roxas that night? Why didn’t Roxas tell me before he slept with Riku the first time?_ _Why didn’t I try harder to hang onto him instead of just letting Roxas have him?_ Sora let the tears slide silently down his cheeks and let the guilt and bitterness eat at his insides while he abused his brother’s drug numbed body.

Roxas remembered the last time he was with Riku and how he felt so loved every time he touched him. Riku had deserved a better boyfriend than he could have been. He was too selfish for someone like Riku and part of him would always belong to Sora. _Riku should have been with Sora all along_. He wept silently with his face on the floor and thought that this was exactly what he deserved.

When Sora finished, he lay down beside Roxas and tried to hold him. When he saw that he had been crying he kissed all his tears before he opened his mouth to apologize but Roxas turned his face away _. It’s not the same and it will never be the same…and I’m not going to do this anymore._ In his mind he could picture Sora and Olette and their baby as a happy family and he knew there would be no place for him. "I love you Sor…I’m sorry."

  


Downstairs everyone was chatting about the graduation preparations and Roxas' care. Cloud told them about his meds and recovery plan. He had already arranged for therapy when he took Roxas back to Costa but he still had another month at Atlantica.

Upstairs Roxas left Sora inside the blanket fort and locked himself in the bathroom to shower alone.

That night Sora and Olette had a fight and Roxas had a pretty good idea what it was about…and he didn’t care. There wasn’t a whole lot he cared about anymore. He opted to sleep on the sofa and when he woke, Vanitas was sitting in a chair watching him sleep. He looked like he hadn’t slept …and he didn’t look happy at all.

“I’m sorry Vani.” Roxas mumbled as soon as he opened his eyes.

Vanitas’ expression changed and he smiled and whispered, “Don’t apologize for somethin you didn’t do Rox.”

“But you said…” Roxas began as he sat up on his makeshift bed.

“I know what I said and it was wrong…I was mad. I love you, Rox.” Vanitas took a breath and sighed. “I know what happened with you and Sor yesterday and I want ya to know that I think you’re doin the right thing by putting some distance between the two of you.”  

“Because I’m bad for him?” Roxas asked searching for a cigarette.

“No…because you need a life of your own.” Vanitas said lighting a smoke and passing it to him.

Roxas nodded and mumbled, “God I wish I had a hit.”

Vanitas snorted, “I bet the fuck you do. I will kick your ass for that, baby. I will let almost anything slide except for that. You aren’t a junkie Rox…you’re clean, stay that way.”

Roxas grinned through the cloud of smoke and chuckled, “You’ll kick _my_ ass?”

Vanitas laughed and nodded. “Sure will.” They sat smiling at one another and Roxas felt a tiny bit of hope.

  


Later that day everyone was ready for graduation. Axel was nervous but not like he was when he presented his dissertation. His study was reviewed but they had contacted him only days before the ceremony to tell him he would be receiving his PhD. Vanitas was getting drunk. "I'm nervous dammit."

"Language... Fuck it, gimme a shot too." Cloud said. Xion laughed at them and had a shot as well. Ventus and Demyx came in and they were already tipsy. They were giggling and everyone's mood lightened considerably.

"It's time guys." Xion announced.

  


They managed take their places without incident and Cloud and Demyx sat with Roxas, who watched with his eyes but his mind wandered from memory to memory. Everywhere he looked he was reminded of Riku.

When it was announced that Marluxia would be the valedictorian, Roxas began to smile. _Riku was always ragging on that guy for his speech impediment_. He giggled and Cloud shushed him.

Marluxia began...

"Befowe we pwoceed wif the cewemony, I would wike to take a few minutes to wemembew Wiku Vawentine. He was a wondewful pewson and bewoved cwassmate. He was kind and genewous and, not a wot of you may know this but awso a humanitawian. He stwived to do his best in evewything he did. He vowuteewed to hewp the homewess when he fiwst came to Twiwight. He donated a substanciaw amount to fund a wehabwitation cwinic hewe in Twiwight Town fow the undewpwivewaged. He wiw be gweatwy missed. Wet us have a moment of siwence for Wiku.

By the time the silence was over most of the audience and graduates were in tears, either from sadness or from listening to Marluxia's speech. The rest of his address was just as bad and Cloud though he would puke from trying to hold in his laughter before he got out of there. A guest speaker stood in for Dean Xemnas who had left for bereavement and had not yet returned. When the ceremony was over and all the degrees handed out they all breathed a sigh of relief.

  


They said goodbye to Demyx and Ventus who were staying in Twilight Town, at least until Demyx graduated the following spring, said goodbye to Axel who was going home to Midgar, and said goodbye to TU and the Strife House.

The box of leftover mermaids was packed away for the next renters with a note about the tradition. The speculum was left in the silverware drawer and a soiled slip and muddy galoshes were left on the deck.

On the fridge was a note that read:

Welcome to Strife House. If you're going to live here you must abide these things:

  1. Your brothers are not always your blood.
  2. Your life is worth living.
  3. If you lose your purpose, find a new one.
  4. Giving up is not an option.



Enjoy your year.

Vanitas, Ventus, Sora, Roxas

        The Strife


	2. CLEAN

CLEAN

  


Roxas was staring, watching the scenery fly by as Cloud drove him home from Atlantica Place. Costa was home and home was good… _right?_

“I need to stop and pick up your prescriptions, do you wanna grab a snack or something Rox…Rox?” Cloud was used to Roxas being quiet, but his doctor had said that quiet wasn’t always a good thing. He had him talking earlier in the trip but the closer they got to home, the quieter he became. Now completely zoned out, Cloud was trying to reel him back in. “Roxas, are you hungry?”

“Nnngh…” Roxas slurped the saliva that was barely contained inside his bottom lip and turned to Cloud. “Sorry Dad…what?”

“I asked if you’re hungry.”

“No.”

Cloud sighed but didn’t argue it. Pulling into the pharmacy lot, he left the car running and hopped out saying he’d be right back. Roxas thought of how if Sora was there he would say that those were famous last words in horror movies…Sora was funny. A slight smile spread across his face but then faded as he thought about being with Sora again…getting high, getting fucked, getting owned. But at least he had somewhere to belong…he belonged to Sora.

Eyes burning from staring, Roxas got out of the car to stretch his legs. The smell of asphalt baking in the sun and salt in the air made his head swim with nostalgia. He wanted to skate, he wanted to surf, he wanted to hit and lie on the sand by a bonfire…but he was clean…he should stay clean.

Thinking about how happy his veins and organs must be at this point in his recovery, his senses began to zero in on more offensive smells and sounds of the beach town. The traffic noise and exhaust, the garbage bin behind the restaurant next door, the crying baby being carried from the coin operated ride-on dolphin outside the pharmacy…he still wanted a hit.

  


Roxas shed his tee like dead skin and immediately felt the sun sinking into his skin and hair. He was a human sponge soaking up Costa, and he let his mind wander back…back to Destiny, back to another beach town, back to Riku- how his eyes twinkled when he was tweaking, the gray of his hair when it was wet, the taste of salt on his skin… “I love you baby...”

The sun beat down on the blonde but he didn’t feel it, he felt the sun of Destiny Island and smelled the sweet scent of tropical flowers intermingled with tang of cooking heroin.

Cloud stopped right outside of the automatic door laden with ads that boasted percents off of your favorite brand of _cosmetic, hair color, sunscreen, condoms, enemas, snacks, laxatives, pain relief medication, and Costa del Sol tee shirts for $3!_ Roxas was leaning against the car, bare-chested, shirt in his hand with his face turned up toward the sun. The sight of his son so seemingly serene made him smile. “Hey Rox, you ready?” he asked as softly as he could as not to startle his son.

The smoke lifted from his mind and he cracked an eyelid to see his dad standing there expectantly…Roxas hated the hopeful look Cloud got on his face whenever he completed a program, rehab, or whatever penance he was given by whatever doctor for whatever offense. He didn’t understand how Cloud still had the energy to be hopeful anymore…if he had a kid like himself, he would just kill himself and be done with it…some little fuck up who just keeps fucking up because it’s all he’s good at. “Yeah Dad, I’m ready.”

Pulling into the driveway at the beach house where he grew up, Roxas began to fall into that comfortable zone where Dad took care of everything and Sora was…oh yeah…Sora didn’t live here anymore. He had a home of his own, and a wife…and a baby. Sora wasn’t here. Sora was with his own family that didn’t include Roxas…Riku was gone, Sora was gone, Ventus was in twilight Town with Demyx, and Vanitas was…was…where was Vanitas?

“Rox, calm down baby. It’s ok.” Cloud held his son and hushed him, trying to quell the anxiety attack he was clearly in the grips of.

“Where’s, where’s Ssss…where’s Vani?” Roxas sputtered with tears and snot on his cheeks.

“They’re here baby…they’re here.” Cloud wanted to cry so badly, but his crying would have to wait. He had to be strong for Roxas right now and right now they weren’t even out of the car yet and he was already having a meltdown.

Just when he was about to try and wiggle his cell out and call Sora to come outside, the door opened and Sora stepped out peering toward the car. Vanitas was behind him looking nervously their way and chewing on those damned rings. “Look Rox…there they are. They were waiting for you.”

Roxas raised his eyes and as soon as he saw them he slumped onto Cloud and cried. He hated his fucking life. He would never amount to half the person that any of his brothers was.

Sora saw him crying and ran to the car. Before he could get both feet out, his brother was dragging him out and holding him like he always did. Roxas quieted and there they stood, cheek to cheek, whispering to one another as the rest of the world fell away.

Cloud watched them only minutely relieved as Vanitas joined him. "Well the more things change..."

Cloud grunted his assent and mumbled. "Get his bag will ya? I need to get his meds sorted and make sure he sticks to his schedule."

Vanitas nodded and did as he was asked, glancing over at his siblings who seemed oblivious to his presence. Walking past them with the duffel, he staggered as Sora reached out and grabbed his sleeve, tugging him into the embrace. He became a part of their universe then and heard the whispers of love and need and life... “I love you guys.” Roxas hissed holding them both close. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize Roxy.” Sora said and Vanitas grunted, then added, “We love you Rox…we wouldn’t be us without you.”

Roxas sighed and rested his hands on their waists. “Time to get back to rl guys.” He sniffed and smiled. “I want a bonfire of epic proportions tonight…with food and bitches and some decent fuckin smoke.”

“Rox…” Vanitas began.

“I just wanna get mellow…I’m not trying to get stoned.” Roxas said as his veins screamed and his mouth watered for a hit.

“I’ll handle the food and the bitches…but no smoke. Seriously, you have all those meds to keep you mellow.” Vanitas said folding his arms across his chest.

“Ok…ok…” Roxas smiled. “Can I have a drink though?”

“Sure! We have soda, tea, or water.” Vanitas grinned evilly.

“Water it is!” Roxas cackled hugging him again as Sora watched smiling serenely.

  


The bonfire was epic and Roxas was acting like his mischievous old self again. The closer it got to midnight, the sleepier he got from his meds. Milling around on the beach, he spied a girl who he knew was always holding. She saw him approaching and began to smile. “Roxaaas…you look so tired…need a bump?”

“Yes.” He hissed as his eyes lit up. “But I can’t let Vani see…he’ll kill me for real.”

“Ok, well…let’s take a walk.” She winked. ‘Let’s take a walk’ on the beach at night meant ‘let’s get away from people and find a dark place to fuck’ so Roxas took her hand and they strolled away.

“Thanks baby.” Roxas said as he wiped his nose, feeling the blow like ice water being poured over him. The girl smiled and dropped her sarong where they stood in the shadows under the pier in the shadows. A voice nearby whistled and someone said something about a ‘free show’. Roxas called over his shoulder, “Shut up or fuck off…not tryin to go back to jail.”

Silence was his queue to carry on, so he did. The chick who gave him his bump was a little dark-haired, olive-skinned surfer who had been to some of their parties but he couldn’t remember her name if he tried. She knew his though and moaned it into his ear as he fucked her.

Burning off the initial jitters by pounding the little surfer girl into the sand, Roxas calmed down and enjoyed the rush. She wanted to go back to the party, she wanted to have a threesome with one of his brothers (she didn’t care which one), she wanted to do some more blow and smoke a bowl. All of these things sounded good to Roxas so he escorted her back to the fire and Sora. “Hey Sor…you wanna go somewhere? Mya (she had told him her name when he admitted that he couldn’t remember- citing drugs as his excuse) wants to hang with both of us.”

Sora smiled and looked her over. “I’m married, Roxas.”

Roxas balked and pouted as Mya looked on, and smiled when Sora stepped against his brother taking his face in his hands and whispered against his lips. “Don’t be sad Roxy.”

“Just this once, Sor.” Roxas said as his heart pumped and his brain crackled. He wanted to stay in this exact state of semi-fucked-up-ness forever. His brain was wired enough not to linger too long anywhere that might make him remember things he didn’t want to think about.

“Ok…come on, but I’m not gonna fuck her.” Sora said and kissed his lips softly.

“S’ok…I don’t want you to.” Roxas whispered. Turning to their guest, he reached for her hand and they made their way up to the house and to his room.

  


The next morning, Roxas woke up alone to Cloud handing him pills and water, telling him he could go back to sleep if he wanted. Apparently he was busy with Sora because he and Olette had a fight after which he showed up on their doorstep with baby Ariel. “Is he ok?”

“Yeah he’s fine baby. Don’t worry. She was probably just pissed because he spent the night here at the house.” Cloud said as he stood from the bedside. “He left early this morning but was back not long after with the baby. As soon as she takes a nap, I’m sure he’ll be up to see you.”

“Ok Dad…tell him he can wake me up ok?”

“Alright.”

Roxas fell back asleep and when he woke up it was near noon. His room was filled with the ocean breeze as he lay in bed wondering why Sora didn’t come up…or if he had and just didn’t wake him. Crawling out of bed, he went through his bathroom routine and then descended the stairs into the quiet that was home. “Dad?”

Cloud came out of his room with Xion in tow and they greeted him with hugs.

“Where’s Sora..?”

“He went home, Rox. He said to tell you he would see you later and he loves you.” Cloud said as Xion squeezed his hand.

“Where’s Vani?” Roxas asked now looking at the floor.

“He’s in his room. He said you can come in if you want…he’s just fuckin off online…that’s a quote.” Xion giggled.

Nodding, Roxas bounced up the stairs to invade his brother’s space. As he topped the stairs, he stopped as a memory hit him like a steam roller.

_“…yeah this is where I grew up…not as huge as where you grew up though…you like it here? Great we can come here as much as you like…always summer…”_

_Riku loved it here…he loved Dad…he loved …me…_

Shaking it off, he stepped inside Vanitas’ open doorway. “Whatcha dooooin?”

Vanitas looked up from his computer screen smiling. “Well hello Isabella! I’m just checkin my email and watchin porn.”

Roxas laughed and took a seat on the bed then fell back to stare at the ceiling _…Vani wait up!...Vani hair is black, it’s my favorite…I’m sorry Vani, don’t tell Dad…I didn’t mean to hurt him…I do love him!_ The memories weaved in and out of his mind leaving holes that he was afraid to fall into- Vanitas was always faster, stronger- Vanitas was the handsomest of the quads and his hair was his favorite color- Vanitas always called him out when he fucked up- Vanitas always saw clearly- Vanitas knew that he wasn’t good enough for Riku…

“Hey Rox…you still with me?” Vanitas giggled at the vacant stare on his troubled brother’s face.

“Yeah, sorry…just thinkin.”

“Well stop thinkin and listen for a minute.” Vanitas closed his laptop. “I’m moving in with Axel in Midgar.”

“Does Dad know?”

“Yes.”

“OK…”

“OK? Is that all you have to say?”

“Good luck with the good doctor, I’ll dance at your wedding.”

“That’s sarcasm Rox…I am fluent.”

“I don’t know what you wanna hear Vani.”

“I wanna hear how you feel.”

“You ever drop a bottle on the patio and then step on the shards barefoot with sand on your feet?”

“Holy fuck…no but what’s that got to do with..?”

“That’s how I feel.” Roxas stood and left the room without looking back. Vanitas stared after him with concern but didn’t follow. His concern tended to turn to anger (with Roxas anyways) and that wouldn’t end well.

Back in his room, Roxas fished around for Mya’s number and called her to come over.

  


Vanitas moved out the following week and Sora’s visits had been few. Roxas busied himself with junk food, fucking Mya for her blow, taking his pills, and jerking off. There was little he was interested in outside of those things. Weeks passed and Cloud finally had enough of his couch potato lifestyle.

“Let’s go surf…get changed.”

“But Dad…it’s almost time for the Young at the Restless!”

“You’re turning into my mom, now go and do as I say, boy!” Cloud laughed at the dramatic drag of Roxas’ feet as he climbed the stairs. Once he reached the top, he galloped to his room and changed hurriedly, then slid down the railing and hopped off.

“Ready old man!”

“Yeah we’ll see who’s the old man when we get out there…Mrs. Couch Potatohead.” Cloud crowed and ran past Roxas to race him to the water.

Surfing was more fun than Roxas thought it would be and he felt more peaceful afterward. Inside they ate Xion’s dinner and sat down to watch a movie together. Roxas took his meds and whined about it as usual, then dozed peacefully catching only bits and pieces of the horror classic.

The ringing of Cloud’s phone woke him and he heard his dad talking in whispered tones about _work…he’s leaving…Midgar…a few days_. Dozing back off unconcerned, Roxas slept the night through on the chaise and woke with the sun, covered in the afghan that had been on the sofa.

Looking around the room, he saw Xion sitting by the doors, staring at the ocean with her steaming cup of coffee. “Mornin.” He mumbled.

“Mornin sunshine…Daddy is gone to Midgar. He said to make sure you take your meds on schedule.” She was wearing one of Cloud’s dress shirts, half buttoned, and not much else as she walked over to where he still lay, curled in a ball. Roxas had seen her naked more times than he could count so he thought nothing of it.

“Ok…I’ll take my happy pills.” He mumbled not stirring.

Xion stared down at him for a moment and then shoved his legs over and lay down with him. “He loves you boys so much…you know he really wants you to be ok…we all do.”

“I’m not having this conversation with you.” Roxas grumbled pulling the afghan over his head.

“You should be having this conversation with a shrink…” Xion laughed and tugged at the cover.

“Staaaaaap!” Roxas moaned and she giggled.

“Xiiiii. Staaaaaap!” He whined louder.

“No!” She said as she reached under the blanket to tickle him.

“Aaaaaaaaaah!” he screamed and she laughed but didn’t relent. He wiggled until he nearly fell off onto the floor and then hopped up and ran to the stairs. She jumped up and followed and eventually the chase ended in Sora’s old room.

 

The two crashed into Sora's bed laughing. Once they had receded to chuckles, Roxas looked her over. "Put some clothes on."

She laughed and hit him with a pillow. "Shut up!"

"I'm serious! Don't you feel like you're at work when you walk around naked?" Roxas giggled and stuffed the pillow under his head.

"No I do not! Besides I'm not naked...I'm wearing a shirt." Xion smoothed the white fabric down so that it covered her and looked neat.

"But that's not dressed. I..." Roxas waved his hands to indicate his entire body. "Am dressed."

"Sweats and a tee isn't dressed either...that's pajamas." She popped the elastic waistband of his sweats that had been cut off at the knees.

"Ok, but my ass is covered." Roxas huffed smiling.

Xion rolled onto her stomach laughing and tugged the shirt down. "So is mine!"

Roxas laughed and snatched the shirt up nearly to her shoulders. She squawked and rolled back over. "Stop that!"

"You started it." Roxas said playfully and quirked a brow.

"Come on let's get something to eat." Xion said as she hopped to her feet and slapped Roxas’ abs making him grunt.

"M not hungry." He grumbled crawling off the bed.

"You have to eat, Roxas…Daddy said..." Xion started toward the door.

 

"Do you call him Daddy when he fucks you?" Roxas asked off-handedly as he followed her out appreciating the sway of her hips.

"No...He said it's weird. He likes it but not when we're fucking." She said casually and then turned to look at him. "Does he know I fucked you at TU?"

Roxas thought for a moment, "Nnn…I don't think so...and it was just once."

"Yeah...just once. So good, though." She smiled trailing a finger down his chest.

"Careful Xi, your stripper is showing." Roxas giggled causing her to scowl at him and poke him in the chest.

"Shut up I was trying to give you a compliment." She laughed as they descended the stairs and entered the kitchen.

"Don't want a compliment…you wanna give me something, give me a free lap dance." Roxas snorted.

"Ok after breakfast."

"For real?"

"For real."

They ate in the kitchen, staring at one another silently. Roxas wondered how much trouble he would be in (if any) if Cloud found out she danced for him.

She finished her food and put her dishes away. "I'll go change and be right back."

"No don't. Change I mean... Dance in that...and not here...in my room." Roxas said slyly.

"Ok I'll dance in this but not in your room."

"Why?"

"Because it's your bedroom."

"Why does that matter?"

"It matters to me."

"Ok so where?"

"Den?"

"Ok."

 

Moving to the den when he heard the music start, he plopped onto the sofa and folded his hands on his lap. Acting disinterested, he watched her dance in his dad's shirt. She smiled and opened a few buttons so that he could see her breasts when she moved.

Dancing closer to him, she opened one button and smirked at him. He smirked back, then moved his hands off his lap. Her eyes fell to his erection and he thought he saw her blush. "Rules?" He asked.

"No touching." Xion smiled.

"You or myself?" Roxas smirked.

Xion looked stunned but kept her routine going. "Me."

Roxas licked his lips and slid a hand into his sweats. Xion tried not to look as she danced closer to him again. He leaned back and she averted her eyes only to look back to find that he wasn’t trying to hide what he was doing at all…but then shyness was never Roxas’ thing.

Opening the shirt except for two buttons near the bottom it began to fall off as she danced. Now watching Roxas’ slow steady strokes, she was lost in the atmosphere. It was time to get close and she was apprehensive but she danced over in front of him and turned her back, bending at the waist. Arching as she stood her eyes caught a glimpse of the look of utter lust on his face.

Roxas stared at her as she turned and when she bent over, he ground his teeth and mumbled, "Nope" and leaned back on the sofa, putting a little distance between them. As he did he noticed the glistening on her inner thighs and squeezed his eyes shut. She was as into it as he was...so he started mentally chanting _'I'm not gonna fuck my dad's girl, I'm not gonna fuck my dad's girl, I'm not…’_

He opened his eyes as she turned and opened the last two buttons and then straddled his thighs. He felt her hands on his shoulders, he saw her naked body, but all he heard was _'I'm not gonna fuck my dad's girl, I'm not gonna fuck...'_

"Roxas" she whined, "Don't you want me?"

"Yep" was all he could squeak out.

She smiled, quite amused and then ground against the hand that still had a death grip on his cock, and moaned. That was it...the hands were going to touch...somewhere in the back of his mind a little demon was reminding him that he wasn't in a club and no bouncers were going to come and throw him into the street.

"Xi....stop now." Roxas eked out and stopped touching himself immediately and used his hands to try and literally push himself through the sofa to get away from her.

"Why?" She breathed and reached for his hands, tugging them toward her body.

"Mmm not..." Roxas murmured, nearly letting his mantra slip out loud.

"Not gonna fuck Daddy's girl?" Xion pried his hands loose and placed them on her waist.

"Yeah, no." Roxas removed his hands and stuffed them under his thighs, making her giggle.

"Like father like son I guess…all that honor must be a burden." She said as she stood and walked over to silence the music. Roxas puffed out a sigh of relief and relaxed somewhat but then she turned and came back, dropping to her knees and going straight for his dick.

"No...I don't." he began when she touched him and then stopped abruptly when he realized she was going to blow him. Leaning his head back, he closed his eyes and smiled. If there was one thing that could make Roxas smile…well besides heroin, it was a blowjob.

  


That night he locked his door when he went to bed and the next morning he hit the beach before she woke up. Another day passed before she managed to corner him in the kitchen. “What is your problem?”

“I don’t have a problem.”

“You’re acting like a bitch Roxas. This isn’t high school. We’re both adults here you know.” Xion glared at him, hoping to get a reaction of some kind. He had been avoiding her so successfully, she had no idea if he was on schedule with his meds or if he was even taking them.

“What do you want me to say, Xion?” Roxas snapped feeling like a caged animal. “You want me to admit that I wanted to fuck you? I did! You want me to say I fucking loved the head? I did! Or do you want me to say that I would still fuck you, right here on the goddamn counter just because I need to put my dick somewhere in order to feel like I have a purpose? Cause I would! Right fucking now!”

She opened her mouth and then closed it and Roxas snapped again. “Just shut the fuck up!”

She watched warily as he slid the bar stool out and turned toward her, eyes full of rage. She waited, holding her breath to see what his next move would be.

Roxas hadn’t been fucking Mya for blow for a couple days, Roxas hadn’t taken any of his meds for a couple days, and Roxas had mentally left the building. Stomping over to Xion, he stopped when the tip of his nose touched hers. “You want me to fuck you?”

She was afraid to say either way because he was obviously off his meds. A slight dip of her chin was all it took to set him off and he grabbed her swimsuit bottom, stripping it to her knees and from there it fell to the floor. Roxas smirked at the surprised gasp that slipped from her lips as he grabbed her roughly and turned her to face away from him.

She could have left at that moment, he wasn’t holding her. She could have gone to her room and closed the door while he cooled off but she didn’t. Instead she reached back to grope him. He mumbled “Fuckin slut…” then snickered as he lifted her off the floor by her waist.

She could feel him sliding against her, hard and wet, but purposefully not entering her. “Do it Roxas.”

“I said, shut up.” He whispered by her ear and then stepped away. He pulled up his shorts and walked into the den where he stopped. Xion had followed and watched him struggle with his emotions.

“I’m sorry.” She said, holding her swimsuit in her hands.

“No you’re not.”

“Yes…I really am.”

“Whatever…just stay the fuck away from me.” Roxas growled and walked past her to the stairs.

“Are you going to tell Cloud?” She called out and he stopped mid stride.

“Sure…welcome home Dad, Xion tried to fuck me while you were away…no I’m not going to tell him.” Roxas stared at her in disbelief. “I’m sure he knows what a whore you are already.”

She watched him continue up the stairs and jumped when the door slammed.

  


Later he came back down and went out without speaking. “Roxas where are you going?”

“I’m going to do what I fuckin do, Xi.” Roxas barked and stalked out leaving the door open. She watched him get into his car and yelled, “What am I supposed to tell Cloud?”

“I don’t care…make something up. That shouldn’t be too hard for you.” He said as he rolled down the driveway and then sped off toward town in the afternoon sun.

Costa was a beach town and tourists were everywhere, so drugs and parties were readily available at every hotel. Finding Mya wasn’t hard. Finding drugs wasn’t hard and soon he was sitting on a bathroom floor nodding with a used syringe between his fingers. “Mmmya!” He tried to yell but it came out breathy and too quiet. Smiling at the sound he made, he decided that he would just ride it out where he was and to hell with everyone.

  
  


Cloud returned home days later to a cheerful Roxas who was acting more like his old self than he had since Riku died. He enjoyed surfing and had started nagging Cloud to come out with him for dinner and guy time, which he did and thoroughly enjoyed. Life it seemed was getting back on track until the night Roxas didn’t come home. Cloud searched the usual places and then turned toward downtown. By the time he found his car, it was nearly four a.m.

Walking into the hotel room, Cloud could smell the smoke and alcohol. Hoping that Roxas was just too drunk to drive, he looked around at the other party-goers and decided that this was probably not going to end well. As he milled through the guests a girl caught him by the arm. “Hey Roxas…” she slurred as her eyes would barely stay focused on his face. “Do you remember where I left my purse, I lost my gear.”

Cloud looked at her sadly. “No…sorry.”

“Did you bring yours? Lemme use yours.”

“No and no.”

“Come on! I gave you the last hit I had the other day and this is how you repay me…fuckin bastard.” She stumbled away leaving Cloud with reality. His stomach churned as he searched the rooms for his son and when he found him, he had to turn away. Roxas was on his knees in only jeans, blowing some punk with silver hair. He knew the reason his son would have hooked up with that particular guy, but how had he fallen so far so fast.

Stepping around the corner, Cloud waited for a few minutes…trying not to vomit…until the deed was done. As soon as he could he went in, scooped up a confused Roxas and carried him out. The ride home was quiet and he pulled over twice, once for Roxas to vomit and once for the both of them. At home, Roxas sat in the tub while Cloud made calls and packed him a bag…he was going to rehab…again.

  


Once he was delivered to the care of the facility, only then did he speak to his father. “Sorry Dad.”

“It’ll be ok Rox. It will. I can’t see you for the first month ok…it’s the rules. I love you.” The words sounded like someone else was speaking them as Cloud held Roxas in a goodbye hug.

“I love you Dad.” Roxas murmured and the nurse winked at Cloud as she pulled Roxas away.

Suiting up in his in-patient, all day pajamas, Roxas looked around the room and waited. There would be a talk, some meds, food, sleep, meds, talk, food…he knew the drill and he was just waiting for it to start…it was like being on a ferris wheel while you waited for other passengers to load… _slow…repetitive and slow_.

Staring blankly he went through the motions and offered up his veins for inspection, blood-taking, first aid…he offered up his thoughts and feelings that didn’t matter to a single fucking soul at this establishment…he offered up his lunch and dinner when his meds weren’t adjusted…and he offered up his soul for just one hit that never came.


	3. ANNIVERSARY

ANNIVERSARY

  


Reno sat in the shadow of the white mausoleum with a bottle of whiskey as he tried to ignore the stifling smell of wisteria wafting through the humid air. He couldn’t remember a spring ever being this warm. He hadn't tried to keep in touch with any of the Strife because seeing Cloud at work was enough...too much sometimes. He didn't begrudge the blonde his happiness; he just wanted a tiny bit for himself. Tossing tiny white pebbles at shadows, he pondered the previous year.

Cloud and Xion were happy...he knew because he had seen them together. Axel had only lasted about 6 months trying to have a long distance relationship with Vanitas before he had convinced him to move to Midgar. They got an apartment near his in the slums even though they could afford a nice place up top. The slums was more than just an address, it was a part of who you were if you grew up there…and in Vani’s case, even if you didn’t. Some people just fit.

Sora and Olette had welcomed their baby girl Ariel into the world happily married and living in Costa. Cloud had photos on his desk and she was cute - a little ginger _\- that’s poetic justice_ Reno thought, and smiled.

Ventus and Demyx had gotten married just weeks ago and were living in Twilight Town where Demyx was a music teacher at the high school and Ventus was a science teacher. They invited him to the wedding, a big surprise, so he RSVP'd and went sans date. He stayed as long as was polite, then left before he got too drunk and ended up kissing the father of the bride…and Ven was a beautiful bride.

Roxas, well that was another train wreck altogether. Cloud had told him that he finished his stint at Atlantica and went home to Costa but was back in a facility there for substance abuse. Apparently the party atmosphere of the beach town in summer was too much temptation, and Roxas had fallen off the wagon getting hit by all four wheels. He was back on junk.

 

So what was Reno doing back at TU? Well it had been a year and he was doing his penance...kind of. Standing and stretching he sat the whiskey on the step of the mausoleum and picked up the cardboard box he had been carrying since he left the airport. Taking one last look inside, he told himself he was doing the right thing and walked to Dean Xemnas' office, knocked and waited.

Not getting an answer, he let himself inside and placed the box on his desk. Looking around he saw no sign that the man had a family at all. Reno shook his head and turned to go. Closing the door behind himself, he noticed the secretary was back at her desk.

"Can I help you?" She asked, looking at Reno over her glasses.

"Was looking for the Dean but I see he's out." Reno said politely as he stepped over to her.

"He is out indefinitely… his wife passed away a few days ago." She said, sounding very cold.

"Oh...I'm sorry…it wasn't important. I can see him another time." Reno thought of the box he had left and almost decided to go back and get it. Nope. If Mansex was upset by what was inside then he deserved to be, and Reno was trying to bury his own demons.

Leaving campus he couldn't resist another stop by the cemetery where Riku used to skate, study, and sometimes sleep. Sitting in his favorite spot, he spoke quietly to him as if he was there. "Well princess, I made it a year and I gotta tell ya it’s been no picnic. I know you know, cause sometimes I feel like you’re with me yo... I miss you but it's time for me to move on...I love ya."

Leaving the cemetery behind for the last time, Reno strolled up the street and looked out at Strife House as he passed. There were a few guys hanging around outside and one waved as he walked by. Reno waved and kept moving but did notice a brass placard had been placed on the front of the house by the university that read simply STRIFE HOUSE. Smirking he continued on his way.

  


The airport was moderately busy as he sat waiting for his flight and his mind wandered back to happier times. Ghosts of Riku flitted through his mind - _Sitting by him looking nervous as they prepared to leave for his first photo shoot, joking about women and men and how easy they were to read, that hollow stare as if he was waiting to die, the smile...the amazing smile with a glimmer of hope when he showed up just in time to keep him from going to Destiny alone_.

Reno sighed as he waited and stared at the people milling about. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a flash of silver hair just as they called his flight to board. His heart jumped in his chest but he took a deep breath and headed for his gate, ignoring the silver haired specter and wondering if that’s how Axel felt when he saw his bunnies. As he neared the gate, a familiar face passed by in the opposite direction. Although nearly hidden by a hoodie and sunglasses with his head bowed, the Turk clearly recognized Roxas Strife.

 

Now he had a choice to make: board his flight like he never saw him or follow him. _Fuck!_ Reno thought as he made a wide loop and ventured casually in the direction the blonde had taken. Grumbling about missing his flight, he checked his phone to see 3 missed calls from Cloud. "Fuck!" This time he spoke aloud.

Message 1: Reno I need you to call me if you’re not busy. Thanks.

Message 2: Reno I know my timing sucks but it’s important. Thanks.

Message 3: Reno...I'm sorry for being a dick and asking for your help today of all days...but Roxas has left rehab and he's not answering his phone...he’ll probably end up in Twilight Town or Goddess forbid on Destiny, so if you happen to be near one of those places… keep an eye out...and again I’m sorry... End of messages.

As he listened, Reno had picked up the pace so as not to lose sight of Roxas. Reaching out a lanky arm he grabbed a handful of hoodie, spinning him around and putting his phone away. "Roxaaas! Long time, no see. Let's talk a minute yo."

Of course Roxas was shocked to see the redhead and was staring open mouthed at the Turk who was still holding his hoodie. "I-I-I..." He stammered as Reno hauled him toward the airport bar.

"Shut up. I need a drink yo..." He grumbled.

Roxas allowed himself to be dragged and deposited on a bar stool where he sat quietly with his head down while Reno ordered drinks and sent Cloud a text.

Reno: got him in TT-will text u later

Reno didn't speak as he lit a cigarette and downed a double shot of whiskey then ordered another. Roxas lifted a finger to the bartender and ordered himself 3 shots of tequila, knocking them back one after another as the bartender looked on. Reno watched him then took a deep breath. "Why are you here, Blondie?"

"Why are _you_ here, Red?" Roxas retorted and Reno immediately wanted to choke him until he was dead.

"Your dad's worried yo." Reno said between clenched teeth after drinking his double and ordered a beer.

"Yeah well..." Roxas said the epitome of bitterness.

"So why did you come here? You runnin away yo? Little blondie runnin away from Daddy’s care…but not his money I see." Reno persisted.

"There's something I wanna do, this is where I wanna do it and I don't need a Turk bodyguard to do it either...no offense..."

"Well your dad wants -" Reno began.

"Fuck my dad OK?!" Roxas snapped.

"Not lately yo..." Reno mumbled and they both began to snicker, then chuckle, then laugh out loud.

  


Reno tugged the hood off to get a better look at the blonde’s face. He looked wan, eyes sunken and shadowed from lack of sleep, lips pale from lack of proper nutrition, silky blonde hair mussed from the hood- a tragic mess.

“I wanna go back." Roxas stated bluntly. "I wanna finish college...here...I'm ready."

Reno watched him speak then nodded. "Shouldn't you have finished your little stint at rehab first yo?"

Roxas turned his head to look into green eyes. "That place is a joke and honestly, Dad is gonna stick me into in-patient every time I stumble and I can't...I just..." Roxas turned back to face the wall of liquor bottles behind the bar. "I need to do this...on my own."

"I can respect that, yo." Reno drank his beer then paid both their tabs. "So what are your plans? Show up here, do your paper work, fly back to rehab or home or what?"

"I'm spending a couple nights at the House... then going to stay with Ventus for a while... I haven't asked him yet tho... and I know he just got married but... don't wanna go back to Costa right now." Roxas said lighting a cigarette.

"So... Why don't ya come to Midgar and stay with Vani?" Reno offered, knowing that Vanitas and Axel wouldn't turn him away... _turn him out maybe_...

"I donno how much you picked up on as far as our family dynamic, but Vanitas is not my biggest fan... and I don't think your brother would want his ex hanging around..." Roxas snorted.

Reno chuckled. “You have a point, yo."

"I do." Roxas smiled. "Look I need to get going. I have an appointment with the registrar and after that with a bong and a keg."

"Is that a smart thing to do, yo?" Reno scolded. He still blamed Roxas for contributing to Riku’s misery but that didn’t change the fact that he was still the spitting image of his dad… if his dad had been a junkie. _He looks like Cloud would have looked if he were from the slums_ Reno thought.

"It's what I fuckin know, Red... It's what I do." Roxas said sliding off the stool and heading for the door. Before he left, he turned back and said "When you report to Daddy, tell him I'm enrolling in school here and I'm not going back to rehab... and I'm sorry."

Intrigued with the blonde’s new attitude and resolve, Reno walked to his side and ushered him out as he spoke. "I'll tell him about school, but I won't apologize for you yo... do that yourself. He loves you, Roxas... don't take that shit for granted."

"Noted." Roxas mumbled and slowed his pace as he watched his feet, then after a short silence asked, "Did you love him, Reno?"

Reno glanced at Roxas as they walked and sensed that they weren't talking about Cloud anymore. "Whadda you care yo... he's gone... it doesn't matter."

"Did you fuck him?" Roxas snapped as they exited into the early afternoon sun.

Reno chuckled bitterly. "You know what, I didn't. While you were fuckin this chick or that chick trying to get over him or whatever your reason was... he just wanted to be loved... by you."

Roxas dropped his head and mumbled something Reno couldn't understand.

"What was that yo?"

"I said you’re a dick." Roxas grumbled and hailed a cab.

"Maybe so, but it's the truth...and you wanna hear some more truth? Even though he was a junkie and managed to kill himself, I still think you are the more fucked up between the two of you."

Roxas laughed as he opened the door of the cab, “Finally something we agree on!"

Reno watched the can drive away and text cloud.

Reno: He's enrolling n school here, said no more rehab - what u want me to do bossman?

Cloud: How did he seem?

Reno: bitter, but determined to do this on his own

Cloud: leave him then - he's a man now- needs to live his own life.

Reno stared at the phone a little surprised but he had to accept what Cloud was saying. Walking back inside the airport, he got another flight back to Midgar but the Turk in him couldn’t stop thinking about the young blonde and wondering if he was making the same mistake twice by letting him go.

  


In Costa, Xion lay Cloud’s phone down and waited for him to get out of the shower. She knew this talk had been a long time coming. She had talked to Roxas and knew that he was feeling suffocated by his dad. Cloud wanted what was best for all his boys but he had developed this super-mother-chocobo attitude since the disaster at TU. Ven and Vani had moved away. Sora was still in town but had a family of his own and poor Rox bore the brunt of it, day in and day out.

Cloud emerged and picked up his phone to see if Reno had messaged him back. Looking at the conversation between Reno and ‘him’ he looked up at Xion and cocked an eyebrow.

“Are you mad, Daddy?” Xion asked as she looked up at him with huge innocent eyes.

“Why baby? Why do you think I should just let Rox wreck himself?” Cloud asked trying not to sound upset.

“He may not wreck himself…but we’ll never know unless you give him a chance.” Xion said as she tugged Cloud closer to the sofa where she sat by pulling at his towel. “I know you’re scared because of the drugs, but you can’t keep him locked up forever. You have to let him try…and if he fails you can be there to pick up the pieces, but he just might surprise you.”

He smiled down at her. “You know I should get dressed…we have a hard time with verbal communication when one or both of us is naked.”

She laughed and whipped his towel off completely. “We can verbally communicate later.”

Cloud picked her up and tossed her over his shoulder, leaving the towel on the sofa. “Ok…you’re the boss.”

She giggled hanging upside down and slapped his ass. “You know I’m right…say it!”

Cloud laughed as he entered the bedroom and kicked the door closed.

  


Demyx chewed his lip as he watched his new husband work on his lesson plan. _He’s so beautiful_ Demyx thought… _how did I get so lucky?_ Unbeknownst to him, Ventus had glanced up and caught him watching earlier and was thinking the same thing. Watching the gold band glint on his hand briefly, Demyx broke the silence. “What do you wanna do for spring break baby?”

Ventus looked up and smiled. “I haven’t given it much thought. Do you have something in mind? We can always go to Costa if you want.”

“I thought it would be nice to visit Midgar. I’ve had my fill of beaches during school breaks… not really what I’m about anymore, you know.”

“I totally get it. I’m done with the teen-scene myself. Midgar sounds great, actually. We can do some shopping and see a play or something that we can’t do around here.” Ventus said looking back to his laptop. “Hey maybe we can go clubbing with Axel and Vani too.”

Demyx chuckled. “I actually miss Red Death, don’t you?”

“Yeah…he was like family and then all of a sudden, he was g… do you know what day it is?” Demyx looked at Ventus waiting for his attention.

Ventus looked up thoughtfully sad and nodded. “I had forgotten which day it happened exactly, but the news this morning…gah. They just re-opened a lot of wounds… I hope Roxas wasn’t watching.”

“Or Reno.” Demyx agreed. “You know I think he was more than a bodyguard to Riku near the end.”

“Why do you say?” Ventus closed his laptop and went to sit with Demyx, taking his hand.

“Because I know that look he had on his face when he watched Riku… he really cared for him.” Demyx offered.

“Why don’t you give him a call, Dem. I know you guys were close and he’s gotta be hurting today.” Ventus said patting his hand. “I’m going to start dinner, take your time ok, and tell him hello for me.”

“You’re the best husband ever. I love you so much.” Demyx kissed him as he rose to get his phone while Ventus headed for their kitchen to give him privacy.

  


In Midgar Reno was strolling through the crowded streets headed for the train to take him home to the slums when his phone rang. Surprised to see Demyx’ name, he answered happily. “Hi dollface! How’s married life treatin ya?”

Demyx laughed, “Hi yourself, and great actually. How are you?”

“You know…same.” Reno said with a hint of sadness that he tried to disguise.

“Red…this is Dem…how are you doin _really_?”

Reno took a deep breath and flopped onto a bench near the train platform. “Honestly, I hurt and I miss him so bad…I wish every day that I could just go back long enough to tell him…but I can’t…I’ll never…and it’s not any easier today than it was a year ago. But I have to move past it, Dem. I have to try.”

“I’m so sorry, Reno.” Demyx said as he wiped away tears shed for his friend and savior.

“Thanks baby. That means a lot…and I’ll get there yo. It’s just hard. It helps seeing that everyone else pretty much has their lives together…and Roxas is trying.”

“You’ve talked to Roxas?” Demyx couldn’t wait to tell Ventus.

“Yeah…he bailed out of rehab and went back to TU. He’s enrolling for summer semester and he’s going straight through from what I understand. He said he wants to do it on his own, yo and I think Cloud’s gonna let him.” Reno said watching his train come and go.

“It’s about time. Roxas is stronger than anyone gives him credit for…except maybe Vanitas. Ven told me that Vani has never cut him any slack.” Demyx said as he ventured toward the kitchen. “You take care Reno and call me…I miss your face.”

“I miss you too Dem…and I’m glad you’re happy yo…you deserve it.” Reno said wiping his eyes.

“You deserve it too…” Demyx said quietly.

“I’ll get there…but right now I need ta go yo. I love ya.”

“Love you too.” Demyx said as he hugged Ventus.

 


	4. FLIP SIDE

FLIP SIDE

  


Cloud woke from his post coital nap to music coming from the den. Rubbing his face he dragged the sheet up around his waist and walked out rubbing his eyes to see Xion and Namine dancing and giggling. He had forgotten that Xion’s friend was coming for a visit. She was wearing one of his shirts and Namine was dressed in shorts and a string top as they danced around his living room.

He watched the girls have fun briefly then turned to go get dressed. As soon as his back was turned he heard a shrill scream "Oh! My! GOOOOODDDDD!"

Arms wrapped around him as the volume of the music turned down and he heard Xion laughing. "I do NOT remember him being this HOT, Xion!" Namine squealed as she hugged Cloud tighter. 

Xion giggled, "That's because when you saw him you only had eyes for Vanitas."

Cloud felt Namine’s hands drop down to his, so he tightened his grip on the sheet. Knowing how mischievous _his_ girl was, he figured her friend was no better. "How've you been, Namine?" Cloud asked turning to face her.

She released his hands and smiled, "I've been well. I have missed my darling Xion though."

"I'm glad you could come. Honestly though, I had forgotten about your visit." Cloud said adjusting his sheet.

Namine laughed, "That's ok. We barely met before and I thought you were Roxas and Oh! The drama!"

Cloud chuckled "Not a whole lot has changed in that respect."

Xion approached them and put her arms around Namine as she whispered into her ear. Cloud's enhanced hearing enabled him to hear what his beloved had proposed to her blonde friend and it made him blush.

"Oh that’s adorable…he’s blushing already." Namine purred as she and Xion both wrapped arms around Cloud and began pushing him gently toward the bedroom.

Once behind closed doors the girls urged him onto the bed on his knees where they both joined him, casually dropping their clothes as they advanced, and Xion began trying to coax him out of his sheet.

 "But Xi...I don't...but you..." His words were broken by kisses from his pixie and rebutted by giggles from her friend.

The four busy hands soon divested him of his stylized bed linen. Cheeks pink, Cloud was caught between the two lovely ladies. Xion kissed him and teased him, while behind him Namine ran her hands from his shoulders to the backs of his thighs, neglecting nothing. Xion stroked him gently, pushing him down onto the bed where Namine immediately straddled him - Xion behind her, between his legs, still teasing.

"We need to know one another better, yes?" Namine asked looking down into mako blues that seemed to spark in the dim light of the bedroom.

"Yes" Cloud hissed as Xion spread his legs wide. Namine leaned forward and kissed him, then squeaked and he could feel Xion’s hands on him, stroking gently as she buried her face into Namine.

All apprehension falling away Cloud plundered the blonde’s mouth while he fondled her breasts before grabbing her hips to pull her down against him roughly. Xion giggled and whispered to Namine "I love to see him like this… sooo beautiful... "

He could hear them speaking softly, see them kissing one other, and feel their hands and their mouths on his body as he gave in completely. Namine wanted him first and Cloud thought he heard whispered permission from Xion, who was sitting on his chest at the time facing her friend.

Cloud had given up hope of control but he couldn't be completely submissive. Grabbing Xion’s thighs, he pulled her back onto his face. He heard her moans while he pleasured her then felt the slow, warm descent of Namine onto him and he growled, bucking his hips impatiently. When he was completely inside her and could hear her moaning along with Xion he felt a stab of ice in his heart because he knew that this would change everything.

  


Later that evening on the beach Sora was walking with Ariel looking for shells when he saw Cloud. He was on a blanket, under an umbrella, wearing shorts and sunglasses, lying spread eagle on his back snoring.

"Dad?" Sora said.

"Mmm?" Cloud hummed.

"You OK?"

"Yep...Jus tired." Cloud said as articulately as he could.

"So is that Namine out there in the surf with Xion?" Sora asked briefly watching them.

"Yep." Cloud mumbled, still not moving so much as a finger.

"Is she staying a while?"

"God I hope so..." Cloud said and began snoring again. Sora raised an eyebrow and chuckled as he strolled away.

  
  


In Midgar, Reno arrived home to an empty apartment so he didn't linger. He changed his clothes and went to his favorite bar. While there he drank a fifth of gin, snorted some coke, and popped an Ambien on the way home. _I don't have a problem_ he thought, _I just have a dangerous_ _hobby…and who had said that? Oh yeah…and where is he now? Food for thought, Red_ , he told himself as he felt the Ambien start to kick in.

Unlocking his door a familiar face in a black hooded coat appeared at the end of the hallway. "Well...fancy meetin you here." Reno slurred, opening his door and stepping aside to allow his guest entry. "Come ta chew me out, yo? Cause if ya did, then I gotta say you really don't have a leg ta stand on."

His guest only shook his head sadly. Watching as the intruder sat on his sofa, not speaking, only glaring at him, Reno barked. "You're not really here…how many nights do I have ta do this? I love you! Why can't you be happy? Why aren't you with Luna instead of followin me around yo? I gave back the stuff that I took from ya house...I gave it to Xemnas...what do ya want from me, Riku? I need ta move on...I need ta stop talking ta ghosts... I need..."

Exhausted, Reno began to cry as he slid down the wall of his den. His heart pounded in his chest and he felt week and dizzy. _Fuckin Ambien_ , he thought and then Riku was by his side, brushing a hand across his cheek, he whispered "Wake up, Reno..."

_What the fuck is he talking about_ , Reno thought... _I'm not asleep_. Just then a surge of air hit his lungs that he hadn't even realized were empty and still. Then everything was dark and quiet once again…and Riku was gone.

  


Opening his eyes to see the inside of a hospital room, Reno panicked, flailing and trying to crawl out of bed and away from the machines that were the beeping proof of his life.

Axel appeared at his side. "Hey Reno, its ok...I'm here."

He sounded so vulnerable that Reno immediately felt guilty for upsetting him and reached up to hold his hand. Axel smiled and leaned down to kiss him. "Don't look at me like that now...I'm fine. It's yourself you should be worried about."

Reno looked down at himself then smiled as he croaked "I'm good yo."

Axel laughed as he sat down by the bed. "So what do you remember?"

"Not much, yo...who found me?"

Axel dropped his head and mumbled, "I did..." Knowing the guilt would eat Reno alive, he really didn't want to linger on that part so he quickly added, "But you were talking to someone else...someone I couldn't see...do you remember?"

"Riku...he was there and wouldn't speak or couldn't speak, and I was mad and sad and… I didn't want him to leave me, but I told him he needed to... I'm so fucked up." Reno moaned. "The next thing I knew, he was wakin me up and I was here."

Axel sighed "You have to let go of the guilt, Reno. You’re punishing yourself for something that was beyond your control...look at me." Axel lifted Reno’s chin so that he had to meet his gaze. "Repeat after me… I could not save Riku and it’s not my fault."

Reno turned his had away and grumbled but Axel turned his face back to his own. "Say it"

"What's the point yo?" he barked.

"Say it and you'll see what the point is...say it as many times as you need to, until you get the point." Axel barked back.

Reno stared into his twin’s eyes..."I couldn't save... save" he looked away.

"Take your time. I'm not goin anywhere." Axel wasn’t backing off. He was normally the basket case but when it came to protecting Reno, he was solid.

Reno took a deep breath and sighed. He raised his hand to cover Axel's that lay lovingly on his cheek. "I couldn't save Riku..." Tears began to slip down his cheeks and his brows pulled together. "But it's... "

"Not but... _and_ it's not my fault." Axel corrected.

"What’s the difference yo?" Reno sniffed.

"The difference," Axel smiled and kissed his brother’s tears. "The difference is that the word 'but' implies a negative and defensive statement whereas the word 'and ' is positive and inclusive... _and_ cause I said so."

Reno chuckled and nodded. "Sorry I asked yo."

Leaning forward to rest his forehead against Axel’s he took a deep breath then whispered the words as he cried. Axel cried with him and listened as he repeated the words that would lift the guilt from his soul.

  
  


Roxas woke up on the sofa at Strife House a little after noon. He had seen the registrar and then gone there to party. As soon as he told them who he was, he became the guest of honor.

He drank and smoked but passed on the harder stuff, passed on the drinking games, but didn't pass on any offers of sex.

He remembered coming down to the sofa near sunrise because he was suffocating trying to share a small bed with two girls. Looking around the den then down at himself he started to piece together the rest of his morning.

Some guy had joined him on the sofa, blew him, and then fell asleep. Raising his head he could see that the guy was still there, curled at his feet. Cute, he thought.

Roxas sat up rubbing his eyes and felt the pull of dried come on his skin. Looking down at his stomach he made a face then looked at the sleeping student and grumbled. "You could've swallowed..."

Collecting his shirt, he left without waking anyone and called Ventus. "Hey Rox...been expecting to hear from you."

Roxas rubbed his face as he walked toward town. "Who told you, Reno or Dad?"

"Reno told Dem...when he called to check on him yesterday..." As soon as the words left Ventus’ mouth he realized his error. Demyx had called to check on Reno but he had failed to call and check on Roxas. Feeling guilt creep in, he knew that he wasn’t the only one who didn’t call.

Checking his phone Roxas realized too that none of his brothers had called him. He had missed calls and voice mails from Cloud but none of his brothers had even bothered…not even Sora. Roxas’ stomach churned as he thought of Sora with Olette and their baby, not even thinking of him at all. He felt panic rising in him and dug through his pockets for his meds. Swallowing the pills dry as he entered a café, he took a seat. "So is it cool if I stay with you and Dem for a few days... "

"Of course it's fine Rox. I love you and I miss you. Do you need us to pick you up?" Ventus offered.

"No thanks... m gonna eat and then I'll get a cab later. I need to buy some clothes...I kinda left everything."

"OK just give me a call if you change your mind. I love you, Rox."

"I love you too, Ven." Roxas ended the call and ordered his food.

  


After picking over his meal he called Cloud to say he was sorry. "I'm gonna stay with Ven for a few days then I guess I'll be home after that. I enrolled for summer classes here and they start in June so..."

Cloud took a deep breath, "Rox do you know how much I love you?"

Tears came to Roxas’ eyes as he smoked outside the café and Cloud continued. "I am so proud of you. You got yourself together when I didn't know what to do to help you...I'm proud of you baby."

"You donno how much that means to me Dad. I love you...you're the best."

  


At Twilight University Dean Xemnas looked at the box on his desk warily. The description of his visitor according to his secretary could have been one of two people. It was either Dr. Sinclair or his Turk brother...he was sure he would know as soon as he opened the mysterious box.

Taking a letter opener he carefully undid the tape and snatched open the lids. Inside were photos of Riku and his class ring- some of the items that had been stolen from the estate shortly after his son’s passing.

Taking the photos out one at a time, Xemnas stared at the smiling face. He sat down and laid the pictures on his desk, then took the class ring and held it. Closing his eyes as tears poured down his cheeks, he remembered the last time he heard Riku's voice. He had left him a voice mail the week before he died; and after he died Xemnas had listened to it every day for months.

"Hey Dad...I just wanted to say I'm sorry for bein such a fuck up...and I wish... I wish I coulda been more like you...you always had it together...despite me and my problems. *Sigh* I know this isn't a formal apology and all so I won't drag it out. Just know that I'm sorry and all the things you said about me were true after all. I'll make it right...I love you Dad."

Xemnas cried with his head on his desk until he was sick of the sound of his own whimpering. Standing, he looked into the box to take out the other papers that had been taken and saw a note in the bottom addressed to him.

_Dean Xemnas, I took these things from your estate and now I'm returning them to you. A year has passed and I am a different person. I hope you are as well._

_Reno_

  
  


Vanitas stared at Reno and Reno stared back. Axel was busy making dinner and the two sat across from one another in the den. Vanitas’ eyes flashed as they flickered up and down Reno's form. Reno watched his eyes and thought, _don't you do it...I can see what ya thinking motherfucker...don't._

Vanitas sat like a cat about to pounce. At first glance he looked relaxed but if you looked for more than a second you could see that his muscles were tight and he was still...too still. Reno felt if he moved the tiniest bit it would set the dragon off.

Reno blinked slowly to appear calm, which he was _so_ not.

Vanitas blinked quickly twice like he only did it out of necessity then licked his lips.

Reno stared and waited.

Vanitas began chewing his lip, tugging at the silver hoops with bright white teeth and looking absolutely feral.

Reno broke the stare to take in the rest of his brother's boyfriend.

Messy black hair, silver rings everywhere, T-shirt - too tight... Jeans with a missing button - too low...bare feet crossed at the ankle...back to the eyes. Reno licked his lips preparing to speak but as his lips parted he noticed Vanitas fingers grip the sofa then suddenly he was on his lap, nose to nose with the redhead. "Miss me Vani?" Reno said nervously as he stared into the dark blues.

Vanitas’ eyes searched Reno's face then hands cupped his cheeks and he kissed him softly. "Yes."

Satisfied that feelings had been communicated and all was well, Reno kissed Vanitas and hugged him close. "I'm sorry if I scared you and the Runt...I’d never do something like that on purpose yo."

"I forgive you..." Vanitas mouthed against his neck as he tugged at his hair gently. Reno smiled and thought that forgiveness was a good thing as Vanitas pulled his shirt off.

  
  


Sora and Olette were chatting over dinner. "So did you know that Namine is staying with Dad and Xion for a while?" Sora asked, clearly fishing.

"Um, yeah. Xion told me she was coming for a visit." Olette said keeping her eyes on her plate. Sora watched her curiously.

"So do you think they're all going to get along or...?” Sora fished.

"I think they’ll get along as long as they're all sleeping together." Olette stated flatly. "But Xion will probably get jealous and that’ll ruin the friendship...I wonder who Cloud will choose."

Sora stared and his right eye ticked. "Wh-wh...well...uh...he loves Xion...doesn't he?"

"Your Dad is a complex guy, Sora." Olette began. "He loved a man and was wholly devoted. He cared for your mom a great deal, but he was unfaithful. He loved Reno and had an exclusive relationship with him for a couple years...until Xion came along. It's been a year or so...I'm just saying he's pretty unpredictable."

"You said complex...that's not the same as unpredictable." Sora said as he chewed.

"Complex, because statistically his committed relationships are with men. I'm just saying..." Olette smiled.

Sora stared and Ariel said, "I jus sayn."

He grinned crookedly at her and they finished their meal.

  


Roxas was sleeping peacefully as Demyx and Ventus got ready for work. They chatted over bagels and coffee then left and he awoke to the sound of the door closing. Drinking his coffee, he realized that silence could be a form of torture and he turned on the television for noise before he went to shower.

_"...anniversary of his death recently, his adoptive mother's suicide was a shock to the family members left behind, who were still in mourning for the young model..."_

Roxas glared at the tv and stepped away, still looking at the picture of Riku behind the news anchor. Sitting down he watched the short recap of Riku's death and his troubled life. There was a video clip of Xemnas looking distraught that was dated only days ago and according to the news, it had been ‘ _live from Destiny Island where his wife was being laid to rest’_. Roxas was stunned and sad… _look at Mansex and how miserable he is…wow..._

Deciding he should be the bigger person and offer condolences, he got a shower and left to head back to campus. Passing Strife House all was quiet as it was still early. He chuckled as he thought of Ventus in the slip and galoshes back then, and how he was Mister-Suit-and-Tie-Teacher now.

His smile faded as he got closer to the Dean's office. _What if he throws me out? What if he blames me for Riku's death like Vanitas and Sora did?_ Taking a deep breath, he entered and asked the secretary if the old man was busy.

"Dr. Xemnas, Mr. Strife to see you." She crowed into the receiver. Roxas heard Xemnas say "Strife - which...Oh never mind...send him in."

 


	5. THE GIFT

THE GIFT

  


Roxas smiled and the secretary nodded for him to go ahead. As soon as he was inside the Dean’s office he saw that not much had changed. The photo of Riku was gone from the desk as well as the one of his wife. "Mr. Strife...to what do I owe the honor?"

"Hi Dean Xemnas, I won't take a lot of your time, I just wanted to offer my condolences in person. I met your wife when she visited him here and she seemed like a great lady." Roxas said honestly as he looked the tired man in the eyes.

Xemnas smiled a little and nodded "Thank you, Roxas. I’m surprised and humbled that you have come here to say that after all that has transpired between us." Xemnas sat casually behind his desk. "Please have a seat...I have no appointments this morning and I'd very much like to hear how you've faired over the past year."

Roxas sat and folded his hands "Honestly sir, I spent most of it in rehab."

Xemnas nodded looking briefly at Roxas’ tattered jeans and shoes that had seen better days. His mind wandered back to his wife and son as he spoke. "My wife was still in rehab when she passed. She was a week short of release...apparently it had taken her that long to hide enough pills for an overdose..." Xemnas stared at the closed laptop on his desk.

 

Roxas felt sorry for him in that moment. The look on his face reminded him of Riku’s... _misery._

"I'm sorry sir. I know it doesn't change anything and sorry is just a word, but still..." Roxas said quietly.

Xemnas nodded and Roxas saw tears in his eyes. "Thank you, young man. You know...ah never mind. Would you like a drink?"

"Um, sure but only if it's an unopened bottle. I have it on good authority that your opened bottles may have been contaminated a while ago." Roxas smiled.

"Ah...my wayward son strikes again!” Xemnas chuckled. "I could have done better by him you know."

Roxas watched as Xemnas opened a fresh bottle of Grey Goose and sat a couple glasses on the desk. 10:00 a.m. vodka wasn’t exactly a novelty for Roxas but if they were going to talk about Riku then he was willing to go there again.

Xemnas poured them both a double and sat. Roxas sipped on the icy liquor and thought of being with Riku on Destiny.

"He loved this stuff you know." Xemnas said as he took a drink then looked at his glass. "It was always the first thing to go missing from the liquor cabinet at home."

Roxas smiled and gulped down half of his. Xemnas smiled and raised his glass then did the same. "Tell me, what are your plans now?"

"I've enrolled here for summer semester and I've switched majors." Roxas said, staring at his glass waiting for a reaction.

One silver brow went up slightly as Xemnas nodded approval. "That's good. That sounds positive...you have a plan and you're moving forward. What is your major now?"

Roxas was stunned momentarily then said, "Psychology, sir."

Xemnas nodded, "I always hoped that he would benefit from all the study...you know...maybe he would see his behavior as an illness and accept help." Xemnas shook his head. "All the forced help we gave him wasn’t worth the time and tears it took to get him to stay, but if he had wanted help…well.” Xemnas studied his glass as Roxas studied him, wondering if he was avoiding looking at him directly. “You know I believe wholeheartedly that I could have prevented his death but I was just too stubborn, too proud...too afraid."

Roxas listened to the old man confess his guilt as he watched him refill their glasses, and thought... _he hasn’t said his name...he can't even say his name._

 

Xemnas reached into his desk drawer and took out some photos which he looked at briefly then laid in front of Roxas. "These were recently returned to me...they had been stolen from the estate shortly after his death...by your red-haired Turk friend." Xemnas snipped in a very accusatory tone.

Roxas picked up the photos reverently and looked at the smiling face. _That's why he was here_ _that day...he was returning these..._ "I ran into him recently...he…didn't look well.” Roxas said as he drank.

"I'm sure...I think he may have been in love with him." Xemnas pondered.

"Maybe..." Roxas said with a slight sneer.

"I take it you and he don't get along?"

"We commiserate...but I know he blames me...so do two of my brothers...hell maybe all three." Roxas shrugged because he had blamed himself and therefore expected others too as well.

"That's ridiculous. If anyone caused his death it was me. I had years to mend our relationship and chose not to...over and over. His death was clearly my fault alone. There is nothing I can do now except try and further the good things he did...the rehab and shelter, the scholarship fund, the fund for the orphanage...so much...he did so much good despite..." Xemnas dropped his head- a thing that Roxas distinctly recalled Riku saying that he forbade.

Roxas saw the long, manicured fingers grip the empty glass, and looked away out of respect. Riku had finally broken Xemnas.

After a minute of silence, Roxas stood quietly to leave, not knowing what he could do to comfort the grieving man in front of him. Xemnas raised a hand as if to stop him as he wiped his eyes with the other. "Please...just a moment...if you don't mind. There is something I would like to ask you."

Roxas nodded and returned to his seat, pouring them both another drink and downing his immediately like it was water. Xemnas got himself together and knocked his back like a seasoned pro. The blonde smiled genuinely and thought it was nice to finally see a little of the human side of the man.

Xemnas cleared his throat and stood, and immediately Roxas noticed that along with his expensive jacket, oxford, and tie, the Dean was wearing jeans. "Walk with me, Roxas."

Roxas nodded as he stood and walked with the Dean, however wobbly at first, and waited for the man to speak again.

  


Outside the day was warm and the budding trees all smelled like sinus hell as they walked around the building onto the grass. Roxas wondered where they were going and if the niceties had all been an act. The paranoid addict in him was thinking- _he’s taking me out here behind the buildings to kill me_ , while the rational part of Roxas thought they were walking toward the quarry. He felt panic begin to rise at the thought of being there again.

Turning their feet toward a familiar old oak tree, Roxas breath caught in his throat. He could almost see Riku sitting there on his board with his elbows on his knees.

Xemnas must have noticed his reaction because he stopped near it and looked at the blonde. "Are you alright?"

Roxas nodded trying to breathe normally and not embarrass himself by fainting like a flower or puking in this place of reverence. Xemnas put a hand on his elbow making him look up, his face drawn with emotion. "We can stop here if you like...we should as a matter of fact...this is as good a place as any."

Walking around to the opposite side of the huge old oak, Roxas saw that a commemorative bench had been placed there, made of back and gray granite and engraved - In Loving Memory Riku Valentine. Looking at the bench sadly, he noticed there were a few flowers lying by it and some half-burned candles.

Xemnas sat down almost plopping but careful not to disturb the offerings left by visitors to the tree, then patted the space beside him. Roxas sat unceremoniously and let go of all the preconceived ideas he had of Xemnas. _This is the tree where shit got real...whether Xemnas knew it or not._

  


"He liked to sit here...I saw him here many times and I thought this would be a good place to commemorate him…also it was beyond my power to place a bench in the cemetery for him...since he wasn't...there was no...I couldn't do that." Xemnas mumbled and then sighed.

Roxas nodded and added, "He did sit here a lot...when he was trying to work things out in his head, yanno. I sat here with him more than once..." With that Roxas shook his head as if to shake off the past and Xemnas looked at him sympathetically.

"Do you have anywhere to be, Strife? There is...a lot I would like to share with you." Xemnas said honestly.

"No sir... I actually have…nowhere..." Roxas stopped abruptly to keep his composure as he realized that he truly had nowhere to be, then added "I have time, Sir."

"Good...good. There is something that I have given much thought to in recent months while handling his charities and foundations, and now that my wife is gone…well…it seems to me that I had the right idea.” Xemnas looked at the blonde and continued. “Tell me Roxas, do you have fond memories of your time on Destiny...with him?" Xemnas stared at his clasped hands. Then as if he had an itch he couldn't scratch, he reached up and loosened his ever present, ever perfect ponytail and scratched his head absently.

Roxas smiled as he watched him from the corner of his eye and wondered how much the old man had to drink before he arrived. "I do...we were happy then...it was easier when we were away from… here..." Roxas thought of Sora then pushed it aside to continue. "I made some friends there and he...he was...he loved..."

The dam broke suddenly and violently, and Roxas covered his face as he sobbed. Seconds passed and he felt a comforting hand on his back. When he got himself in check, he saw that the man had shed tears of his own.

Long silver tresses draped around his shoulders made him look years younger and far more vulnerable, but his frightening yellow-orange eyes were made horrifying by the bloodshot sclera. Xemnas pursed his lips then turned his head away from the blonde and spat on the grass. Roxas knew exactly what he was feeling as he could taste his own vodka seared bile at the back of his throat.

Taking a deep shaking breath, Xemnas began again. "I put the estate on the market soon after...I believe it was my way of trying to shut out the bad memories and the pain...but when I had to go back because it had been robbed, I realized that selling the place wouldn't solve that and in doing so I would be losing the few happy memories we shared as a family. So I took the listing down and the house has sat vacant since. I have no intention of ever living there again...but I would like to be able to come and visit from time to time."

"I get it...like a vacation spot...that's cool I guess." Roxas sniffed once again securing his composure. "Care if I smoke?"

Xemnas mumbled, "By all means, smoke. My doctor recommended something for me to smoke that helps with my insomnia and occasional nausea...I refused to take those mind numbing sedatives."

Roxas laughed a little bitterly as he lit up and took a long pull on his cigarette. "I see! Well I could probably hook you up if you needed a refill on that."

Xemnas chuckled and nodded, "I imagine you could, at that."

Roxas glanced at Xemnas then back at his smoke "You know he would have totally viewed this as a personal accomplishment." Roxas said smirking as he felt out boundaries with the broken man.

"You and I talking, or me smoking marijuana?" Xemnas asked with the hint of a smile.

Roxas looked up to meet his gaze fully and grinned. "Both"

Xemnas laughed out loud and Roxas giggled as the two found their common ground.

 

Taking a deep breath then letting it out in a whoosh Xemnas started quietly but with resolve, "Roxas...I hope that can speak candidly..."

Roxas nodded as he thought; _here it comes...the reason for the walk and talk...god I need a hit…_

"I know that your relationship with him damaged your relationships with your brothers and I...well have wondered since he...I've wondered what your plans are and how you've been getting by.” Having already vaguely answered those questions, Roxas waited and tried to remain calm as Xemnas seemed to be choosing his words very carefully.

“Your father is a good man and would never abandon you...and I know too that your brothers have all moved ahead in their relationships and careers, but I wondered what had become of you... if you managed to pick up the pieces and move ahead." Xemnas sighed. “Now that you are here and I can see that you have survived him in a single piece…I don’t know how to say…”

Roxas watched him struggle as emotions played across his face. A few tears slid off his lashes but there was no sobbing. _The tears are more of an overflow, a wringing out of all that he has left_ , Roxas thought.

Xemnas continued. "My son managed to feel alone while surrounded by people...I’ve wondered often if you were the same...if that's what he found in you...someone who could identify with him on a level that needed no words."

Roxas stared at the man who was speaking and wondered where the fuck he had been when Riku was alive. Xemnas watched Roxas’ expression then dropped his head. "I know it’s too little too late, but still..."

Roxas didn’t want to agree and he refused to kick a man who was so obviously already down, so he decided to address the Dean’s assessment of his relationship with Riku. "I guess that's about as close as anyone has ever come to describing it...I believe that _he thought_ he loved me...but I believe it was more of a kindred spirit connection and, yes...I absolutely identified. Ya see, even though I’m one of a set of identical quads, I’ve spent my life until _very recently_ , identifying as a part of my brother Sora... _literally_ as _a part of his existence_. He was...Riku was…the first thing I ever had that was mine alone."

 

Xemnas watched Roxas’ hands tremble slightly as he spoke. "Did you know that I insisted we keep our relationship secret for over a year? Looking back now I think it was because I was afraid I would have to share him with Sora. Of course I didn't realize that then...and he thought I was ashamed of us...of him."

Xemnas nodded and sighed and thought of the many times he had told Riku how ashamed he was of his behavior and his heart shrank in his chest. "So what you are saying essentially is the person who allowed you to be your true self, literally...is now gone."

"Right." Roxas’ voice was choked and the syllable snapped like a dead twig in the silent morning as he lit another smoke.

"I want you to have the estate, Roxas." Xemnas blurted.

"Tha fuck?!" Roxas squeaked turning to look at Xemnas like he had taken leave of his senses.

Xemnas raised his hands as if to ask Roxas to remain calm. "I have given this a lot of thought, so don’t assume I am doing this out of pity, or grief…or insanity for that matter. I know you're not done with school but you _are_ getting there and I think it's important that you have somewhere to go that's your own...not your father's... not your brothers'… but yours alone."

 

By this time Roxas had tears streaming freely down his cheeks again. His heart pounded and his chest was tight. Not able to weep aloud he just sat and stared at the man who was deadly serious. _Why_ , Roxas wondered. _Why me, why now? Why couldn’t he just hate me like everyone else…at least I would know how to deal with that_. "What...what am I supposed to do with that? Where do I put that in my head?!” Roxas’ voice quivered as he spoke and he hated himself for even breathing. “I don't deserve..."

"You DO deserve...you _Do_." Xemnas stated firmly, his own voice cracking. "You deserve a place of your own where you can be yourself everyday...just as he did...That was my reason for giving him the topmost suite at the estate and I didn’t invade his space. I could never give him what he needed…I didn’t know how. I should have at least tried, but I didn't see it in time to save him.” Xemnas sniffed in a very unrefined fashion and added, “I will not see you follow him."

Roxas stared at the broken man and was speechless. Xemnas leaned forward, head in his hands, silver hair in (mild) disarray, and let his tears fall onto the grass. After a moment of Roxas’ incoherent mumbling about _timing and space and family and I can’t, I don’t_ …Xemnas cleared his throat and sat up straight again, looking at the pitiful boy beside him.

"I realize you don't have the means to maintain an estate right now, but all the regular maintenance continues anyway and that is of no consequence to me...also I would like for you to have his trust to use at your discretion..."

"Are you serious right now?" Roxas could **not** stop crying.

"Absolutely." Xemnas said as he put a reassuring hand on Roxas’ back. "I’m glad that you came by to see me today, Roxas.” The man sighed. “I needed to reach out to you about this but I had no idea how I was going to approach you without seeming like a...an...um ..."

"A creeper?" Roxas supplied through his tears.

Xemnas chuckled and patted his back. "A creeper, yes."

 

Giving Roxas his silk handkerchief, he stood. Roxas looked up thinking that he looked even taller now than when they had walked over. It was like his burden had been dragging him down and now was somewhat lifted even though his face still told of the misery he felt in his heart.

“So we are in agreement then?” Xemnas smiled down at Roxas kindly.

“I-I guess…you can give me your multi-million dollar estate if you want.” Roxas stared at the man briefly then added, “I’ll try not to wreck it Sir.”

Xemnas chuckled. “I believe it would have already been wrecked, if wrecking it were possible…the summer break of his junior year…egad!”

Roxas clearly remembered that summer and that Riku had a party while Xemnas was away. He had come to visit him in Costa… “Was it bad?”

“When I arrived home, he was gone and the house was a mess. He had frightened the housekeeper away, you see. There were condoms in the pool downstairs, Roxas…it was bad. I never went to his suite to check…because that was his space…anyway, three days after my arrival a young man wandered through the house and out onto the beach. I’ve no idea who he was.” Xemnas smiled fondly though at the time he had been irate.

Roxas laughed and stood with him and they began to make their way back toward the building that housed Xemnas’ office. “We spoke that summer…during that party. He mentioned more than once that you were mad about something he had done…to your desk I think, but he never told me what he did.”

Xemnas shook his head as they entered the building. “He was so angry…he had come into my office while I was out and…defiled my desk.”

“Come on Sir, what kind of defilement? I want deets.” Roxas grinned.

“He plundered the liquor, as usual, but he also ate an entire box of imported chocolates and then vomited it back into the drawer where I keep my dailies…so I would be sure to find it immediately upon my return.” Xemnas sounded exhausted. “That would probably have been the opportune time for him to defile my liquors as well, if your hearsay is to be believed.”

Roxas nodded as they re-entered the office. “I guess I should be going…I’ve taken too much of your time already. I really don’t know what to say Sir, aside from thank you…and thank you just seems so inadequate.”

Xemnas smiled. “And by saying so, you make it perfectly adequate. You’re welcome.”

  


Sora sat staring at the phone debating on whether or not to call his dad to ask about Roxas. Tapping a few more times on his knee, making sure to tap an even number of times he picked up his phone and called.

"Dad...have you heard from Roxas?" he tried to keep the anxiety out of his voice and may have pulled it off with anyone except his father.

"He's fine Sora... He's going back to school. Are you ok?" Cloud asked hearing the hint of panic in his son's voice.

"Yeah sure." Sora said as he bit his nails and bounced his knees. He was not ok.

As soon as he hung up the phone with Cloud, he text Roxas.

Roxas looked at his phone briefly, then put it away for later. That was the second time in a day that he had put Sora out of his mind. He was getting better.


	6. NUNKY

NUNKY

  


Xemnas picked at his perfect manicure then looked at the blonde’s puffy blue eyes as he was preparing to leave. "Are you done with the registrar?"

"Yes sir." Roxas was looking at the scary eyes thinking how they reminded him of a tiger or some other kind of man-eating cat.

"Since you are willing to accept my gift, I would like to go about removing the remainder of my personal things from the estate...if you do not have any plans you could come along and oversee...so to speak. If there are things that you want removed, I could have them stored...also it would be a great comfort...to have someone there...with me."

Roxas was awed at the courage a statement like that had to take for a man like Xemnas. He had truly been broken and was currently under re-construction. _This is a good thing_ , Roxas thought. "Um... Are you sure?"

"It is your new home...it should be the way you want it." Xemnas said quietly.

"Ok...I don't know what to say to my brothers right now though...I don't wanna get into this discussion with them just yet…especially with Sora." Roxas sighed.

"I'm sure you could make the excuse that you are going to visit young Hayner...or that boy with the atrocious hair...the Villiers boy." Xemnas said as he eyed Roxas with a slight smirk. "Not that I am encouraging dishonesty on your part...I am simply encouraging you to take _your_ time and not allow others to dictate how and when you share your feelings."

Roxas nodded and took out his phone, wondering how much therapy Xemnas had sat through. His texts from Sora had gone from 1 to 6 in just a few minutes. His stomach turned into an acid factory but he took a deep breath and decided to text Ventus before even reading them.

Roxas: I'm going to hang with Hayner and Snow fr a while. Don't worry

Ventus: ru sure you’ll be ok there?

Roxas: Yeah m good

Ventus: ok Ily- let Dad know 

Roxas: will do. Ily2

 

Checking his messages from Sora he felt chills rise on his arms.

Sora: S’up?

Sora: Dad said ur going back to school. TU?

Sora: I wish u would text me Roxy

Sora: I miss u

Sora: Why won't u text me?? ru with someone??

Sora: I love you Roxy. Don’t forget where u belong

Roxas decided to send a text to both Sora and Cloud. He had to stop separating Sora from the rest of the family.

Roxas: going to spend some time with Hayner and Snow- be back at school in June- Love.

  


In Costa, Sora stared at his phone in disbelief then started to pace and mumble. Watching from the kitchen, Olette called Cloud.

“What’s going on with Sora? He’s not acting right and he’s mumbling about Roxas. Has something happened?” She whispered.

“Yes, something has happened, but it’s not bad. Roxas is going to visit friends instead of coming home before his classes start. Sora isn’t happy I’m sure, because he immediately text me to ask if I was going to _‘allow_ ’ Roxas to do that. If he becomes more agitated call me back. If I show up now, he’ll get defensive. Keep me posted, Olette.”

“I will, and thanks. By the way…where is Roxas going?” Olette asked out of curiosity.

“Back to Destiny.” Cloud stated.

“Oh…ok then. Thanks, Cloud.” Olette ended the call with a heavy heart. Destiny had been home for so long but some of the memories there were just too much to bear while trying to start a new life. She had no intention of ever living there again. Watching Sora pace, she called out from the kitchen, “I’m taking Ariel for ice cream, you wanna come?”

“Yeah…yeah. I’ll come…need to get outta here a bit anyway.” Sora smiled and she was relieved.

  
  


The two barely spoke on the flight to Destiny and the ride to the estate was quiet as well. Once there, Xemnas seemed apprehensive. Standing in front of the mansion, Roxas remembered being there before in the same spot on the driveway, with someone else who wasn’t sure he could handle going inside. Roxas eyed Xemnas for a moment, then took his hand and nodded. "Come on...we can do this."

Xemnas looked down at their clasped hands shocked but then nodded as they walked inside. Roxas looked around at the huge entryway and smelled the fresh flowers. _Denzel_ , he thought. “Mr. Xemnas Sir…”

“We should settle on something…Mr. Xemnas is too formal. _Sir_ I am used to, but still too formal. I despise being called by my first name because well, never mind. So just Xemnas would be fine with me unless there is something else you would feel more comfortable addressing me as. I am open to suggestions.” Xemnas stood with his hands clasped in front of him looking at Roxas’ slightly open mouth.

“Nunky?” Roxas said without cracking a smile.

Xemnas stared, blinked and then nodded, “Very well. Nunky it is.” He turned to walk toward the glass doors that opened to the beach and Roxas was grinning like a fiend. Sensing his amusement, Xemnas spoke over his shoulder. “I am aware of the meaning of the slang term and I am honored.”

Roxas shook his head and smiled. When he woke up this morning, he didn’t really give a shit whether he lived or died, and now here was a man who had been planning his life for him for months, and he didn’t even know it…he barely knew _him_. It was surreal.

  
  


Reno fumbled around the office at work and Rude kept pestering him about going out. He was tired all the time and had considered seeing a doctor, but then never went. Tseng entered his office unceremoniously and slapped a folder onto his desk. “Work is good for the soul.” Then he walked out again.

Reno picked up the folder, scanned the information and collected his gun, leaving the office for the day. On the street he grumbled to himself about the gloomy weather as he walked toward his favorite coffee shop. Inside he went to his favorite spot and sat grumbling about the chill in the air and _wasn’t it_ _supposed to be spring right now_.

The waitress approached him warily. “Having a bad day, Reno?”

He looked up and saw the concern in her eyes so he smiled, “It just got better yo. Gimme the usual.”

She smiled back and nodded before scurrying away to get his strawberry cream cheese Danish and black coffee. He purchased a paper and started to flip through it while he waited. _Bad guys,_ _bad guys, bad news and more bad news. Ahh…what is this?_ He found an article on page five about _Dean Mansex’s wife committed suicide in the bughouse_ …rehab center. _Poor fucker_ , he thought then his mind went to Roxas. Reno took out his phone and thought of texting the blonde, but then his thoughts went to Cloud so he put the phone away. _If they need me they’ll call_. _I_ _need a life_.

The waitress returned with his breakfast so he put the paper aside. After his munching and slurping caused the couple to his immediate right to move tables, he smiled at them and picked the paper back up. There was an article about _the nutter Strife and his research in Costa…blah_ _blah. Here ohh_ … _here’s a picture of Demyx and his honors musicians doing a charity benefit for the homeless._ He was sure Rufus would see this and he hoped it made him feel like shit. Demyx had escaped and was leading a full happy life. Demyx Strife… _nice._

 

Hearing a clamor as the door opened to the coffee shop, Reno looked up agitated that someone had disturbed his peace and tranquility. Standing there in the doorway was a student who had dropped some books…looked like college…looked like … _ack! Silver hair-look away_! Sliding back behind his paper, he tried to read but his eyes kept creeping to the edge of the paper where the silver haired demon was now ordering … _did he say cream cheese bagel? Strawberry? And a_ _black coffee? What was that accent? Doesn’t matter_ Reno thought and cleared his throat trying to focus on the article.

Hearing the new customer take the recently vacated table to his right, he peered around the edge of the paper. _Noooooo!!!_ Reno’s eyes flicked quickly and efficiently over the face behind the hair: young, almost feminine _except for that mouth_. Reno hissed to himself and repeated in his head, _no more college boys, no more college boys…_

Popping his newspaper, he cleared his throat again and decided that he should probably just leave anyway… _what was that Baba used to say about putting temptation behind you?_ _Silver-haired demon is a noisy eater_ , he noted and peeked around his paper once more to see what the demon was doing. _Jesus wept_ …bright green eyes immediately caught him peeping.

Blinking slowly as he chewed, the demon stared him down like he knew he had the upper hand. Reno was determined not to look away first so he stared back, keeping his face mostly hidden behind the paper. The demon lifted its coffee and took a loud slurp as if to mock the redhead for staring. Reno eased the paper down a fraction as if a challenge had been issued and he began to feel the burn of drying eyes.

The demon stared on intently, its face betraying no emotion. Taking another bite of its Danish and chewing, it held Reno’s gaze, even though he _so_ wanted to watch the mouth. _I bet it has fangs,_ he thought… _like Valentine…he has a demon…prolly the same._

Just then the waitress stepped between them to refill coffee. “Ya need anything sweetie?”

The demon spoke softly, declining and thanking her. She turned to Reno, “How about you Reno?”

“More coffee would be nice, babe. Thanks.” Reno smiled at her sweetly as she poured his coffee, then she winked at him and went away.

 

Staring contest over, he put his paper down and began to eat his not-warm-enough Danish. He noticed out of his peripheral view that the demon had glanced at him once…now twice as if he wanted to speak but didn’t. Reno chewed away and ignored the beast until it reached a pale hand in his general direction… but then dropped it. The demon stood and collected his books before looking once more at the redhead.

Giving in and cursing himself for it, Reno met the green gaze and the demon did the one thing Reno hoped it wouldn’t do…it smiled. He couldn’t return the smile sincerely because he was mortified at what was going on inside him. This had to be karma…this was a curse. He had to be feeling this because of some residual feelings for SephiKu. This was nothing…this was something, but it wasn’t a _something_ that he was going to pursue. _Fuck. My. Life_ …he thought as he offered the tiniest smile that probably looked more like a sneer, and didn’t reach his eyes.

Having his response, the demon turned away and left the café and Reno decided that he would have to find another favorite place to breakfast. Grumbling again but this time about silver-haired demons, Reno finished his coffee and went about his work.

  
  


Roxas sighed and walked around the mansion while Xemnas picked through a stack of mail. “Nunky, come look at this…” Roxas called out, trying out the new nickname he had bestowed on the man formerly known as Dean Mansex.

Xemnas carried a few of the envelopes and followed Roxas’ voice into the solarium. He looked around then said, “Where are you?”

Roxas stepped out from behind the banana trees. “Sorry, I wasn’t trying to hide. Did you know about Riku’s garden?”

Xemnas looked intrigued and stepped to his side. “No…he had a garden?”

“Sort of…” Roxas showed Xemnas the small grove of marijuana. He watched as the Dean’s face split into a grin and then he laughed out loud. “How long, I wonder! And how did he…ahhh of course, Denzel had to be aware. Amazing.”

Roxas smiled feeling genuinely happy to see Xemnas laughing. “There’s a dry box over there by the cacti.”

Xemnas laughed again. “Well…we should commemorate this moment.”

It was Roxas’ turn to laugh as he made his way over to the cacti and uncovered the dry box, and produced some smokable bud. They sat in the soft cushioned rattan in the solarium and got baked.

Staring at the colorful flowers and fruit trees, Xemnas began to reminisce. “When he was small, he loved to pick the fruit…those were his favorites.” He said pointing to the yellow star-shaped paopu.

“He would hide in here sometimes as well. We had bells on his shoes you know…because he liked to hide…everywhere. There were occasions when we had to enlist the help of the entire staff to find him…the little shit.”

This statement set Roxas off giggling. His giggles made Xemnas giggle and they dissolved into silliness for the better part of an hour. Finally Xemnas croaked, “I need to get up or I will never be finished. Come Roxas.”

 

Roxas smiled crookedly and followed the man back to the business at hand. As they emerged from the solarium he caught a glimpse of Marlene. Squinting his already slitted eyes at her, he remembered how she had treated them and it pissed him off just a tiny bit more. “Nunky, do I have to keep her…Marlene?”

“Who is Marlene? The maid?” Xemnas asked, honestly not recalling the names of some of the staff.

“Yeah…she was a bitch to Riku when we were here and I just don’t wanna be reminded, yanno.”

Xemnas nodded once with bloodshot eyes then stepped into the foyer and said “Marlene. Come here, please.”

She scurried over from where she had been straightening things that didn’t need straightening so that she could eavesdrop. As soon as she saw Roxas, she recognized him and dropped her eyes. “What can I do for you Sir?”

“Nothing. You’re fired.” Xemnas said and then turned to Roxas. “Shall we? There are some things in my office that I wish to leave and if you don’t want them, I can easily store them or send them to auction.”

They strolled away leaving Marlene stunned.

“An auction might be a good idea when I’m done here.” Xemnas pondered as they began their ascent.

  


Inside the office, Xemnas immediately went to the desk and called the service Marlene worked for. “Hello, this is Xemnas…yes. I need a new housekeeper. I’ve fired her. Yes….” Looking at Roxas, he raised his silver brows and hissed “Why did I fire her?”

Roxas giggled at the obviously still toasted Dean. “Because she’s a bitch, Nunky.”

Xemnas snorted and spoke into the phone. “Her behavior was unprofessional and she may have contributed to my late son’s unhappiness. I have no desire to ever see her again…she is a bitch.”

Roxas cackled and Xemnas grinned. Covering the phone with his hand he looked at Roxas seriously. “What kind of housekeeper do you want, Roxas?”

“I get to pick? Score! I want a dude. I can’t deal with females.” Roxas chirped and Xemnas nodded uncovering the phone.

“Don’t send her. I would like a male housekeeper or steward…he can enlist a service…preferably one who is…” He glanced at Roxas “Young enough to be a here for more than a year or two. Stability is important and having a housekeeper drop dead of old age is not…very good…yes candidates and so on…today would be nice. Thank you.”

Roxas was grinning. “Are you trying to set me up with a hot housekeeper?”

Xemnas smiled. “Don’t make it sound like a scandal Roxas…let me tell you about the cook we had years ago…”

They chatted about Xemnas’ affair with the cook as well as his affair with Riku’s beloved Lulu.

“He was crushed when Lulu left him but he had become so dependent on her…she allowed him too much time with Olette and we know how that turned out. She spoiled him.” Xemnas said.

_That sounded more like the old_ _man_ Roxas thought, so he said, “He loved her and he felt that she loved him too.”

Xemnas nodded. “I’m sure that was just one of a million mistakes I made with him…”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”

“No. I want you to speak your mind. This is your home now…I am merely an interloper.” Xemnas said as he picked up the phone again to call the movers.

  


The sun was setting on Destiny Island and men were still carrying boxes out of the estate. Roxas had opted to keep most of the items that Xemnas didn’t want to take or store, simply to keep the place from looking so empty. It was beautiful as it was so he didn’t mind and also he took comfort in having it look the way he remembered it.

Dinner was delivered and three male candidates showed up from the service to be interviewed by Roxas and Xemnas (who had decided that they needed to be further medicated before taking on this task). Smiling like side-show clowns, they sat in the formal dining room with folders of information on each candidate.

The first was an immediate _no_. He was older than Xemnas so they excused him politely. The second was slightly younger than Xemnas and in Roxas’ opinion, kind of hot. Xemnas looked over his file and asked a few mundane questions before deferring to Roxas.

“Your file says that you aren’t married but I see you wear a wedding band…” Roxas said and Xemnas gave him a nod for being observant.

“I am widowed.” The man said curtly.

Roxas looked at Xemnas and whispered “He didn’t call me sir…I don’t like him.”

Xemnas nodded in agreement and thanked the man before excusing him as well. “Time for bachelor number three, Roxas.” Xemnas giggled. “But if you don’t like him either we can call another service tomorrow. It is of no consequence to me and you need to be happy with the help.”

“The help.” Roxas chuckled and then they both began to giggle.

The last candidate entered and bowed his head to the both of them. He had his long black hair pulled back into a neat ponytail and he seemed very humble. “Good afternoon gentlemen, my name is Laguna and I was sent by the agency to be considered for a position as steward.”

 

Why did that name click with Xemnas? _That name…Laguna_ …. “Mr. Loire…I must say I’m surprised to see you here.”

The man looked up at the same time Roxas turned to look at Xemnas. “You know him?”

“Yes…he was a …friend of his from Radiant Garden.” Xemnas whispered.

“Sir, begging your pardon, but have we met?” Laguna asked.

“Yes, but only briefly and it has been some years ago now…you were a friend of my son.” Xemnas said and Roxas realized two things. One, Laguna was looking at him as though he were the son in question, and two, that Xemnas had backed himself into a corner where he was going to be forced to say _the name_.

Underneath the table Roxas squeezed Xemnas’ hand then returned his hands to their visible position. Laguna was steadily trying to figure where he knew Roxas from but was coming up with nothing. “I’m sorry Sir, I don’t recall having met…”

“Not him.” Xemnas said sighing. “This is Roxas Strife, he will be taking over the estate. This is his home now and I am merely helping him replace the servants that he found unsatisfactory. You are from Radiant Garden, are you not?”

“Yes sir I am and I live there still.” Laguna said.

“You and I met briefly once a few years ago in a hospital waiting area…your boyfriend…my son, had overdosed and was being treated there.” _Xemnas pulled it off without saying the name_ Roxas thought, _and he said boyfriend_ …this guy had been Riku’s boyfriend too.

Laguna’s hand went to his mouth and the look on his face said he had no idea coming here what he was getting into. A string of emotions played across his face as he spoke. “I’m so sorry sir. I didn’t realize, sir. I will let myself out. Thank you for your time.”

“Wait!” Roxas piped up. “You don’t have to go.”

Xemnas sat quietly allowing Roxas to make his own decision. He was sure the boy would at least want to keep Laguna on long enough to find out what he could about his relationship with his son.

Laguna gave a quick bow of his head. “Thank you Mr. Strife…Mr. Xemnas.”

“What happened to your career? He was living with you at your apartment…what misfortune befell you that you are now a house steward?” Xemnas asked looking over his file.

Laguna still looked a bit distraught. “I was a chef and when our establishment closed I took a job as a house chef and steward, and found the work quite lucrative and satisfying. My last employer became ill and was moved from his estate, so I became available just two weeks ago.”

Roxas watched him and wondered many things about his relationship with Riku but this wasn’t the time or the place. “Can you start right away?”

Laguna smiled at Roxas and nodded “Of course sir. Do you require my presence tonight or shall I arrive early tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow will be fine.” Roxas said quietly. Xemnas nodded in agreement and excused himself to call the service informing them of their choice.

  


As soon as he was out of the room, Laguna bowed curtly again to Roxas and bit his lip before speaking. “I recognize you now from the press Mr. Strife, and I offer my deepest sympathy for your loss.”

“Thank you…and I should say the same to you.” Roxas said quietly. “I didn’t know…about you and him…I mean…he never said.” _That was just one more thing I never bothered to ask about_ , Roxas thought as he stood to approach Laguna.

He watched him approach and smiled weakly. “Maybe I wasn’t worth his mention, Sir.”

“He was a force of nature.” Roxas said as he saw tears glisten in the deep blue eyes in front of him.

“Yes…he was.” Laguna agreed.


	7. BLAME

BLAME

  


Olette called Cloud and then hung up. Darting into the bathroom she text him.

Olette: come help Sora

Cloud saw the massage and panicked. Instead of navigating the streets on his bike, he ran down the beach to Sora and Olette’s house to find her and Ariel sitting on the porch. “Hi Poppa!”

Cloud picked her up and hugged her. “Hi precious. What ya been doin?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “Nothin”

He looked them both over briefly for marks or bruises and then text Xion.

Cloud: Come to Sora’s plz

Xion: what’s wrong?

Cloud: hurry will explain later

Olette was looking at him desperately but obviously didn’t want to say anything in front of her daughter.

“Hey guess what?” Cloud asked Ariel. “Nana is coming over. You wanna wait for her here with Mommy?”

Ariel smiled. “Yes. Poppa, did you know Daddy has a bunch of food out? I think he’s making a special dinner.”

Cloud smiled back and squinted, “Maybe he is. I’ll see if he’ll let me help, ok.”

She hugged his neck and kissed his cheek. “I love you Poppa. You fix everything”

Cloud almost laughed. “I love you too Ari.”

 

He sat on the edge of the porch with Ariel on his lap for a few minutes and then handed her off to Olette and winked before he walked inside the house. Xion drove up as soon as Cloud crossed the threshold.

“Hey there! How’s my little mermaid?” Xion said as cheerfully as she could.

“Hey Nana!” Ariel squeaked. “I was sitting with Mommy while Poppa helps Daddy make his special dinner. Aren’t boys silly?”

“Yes they are. Wanna go check the tide pools?” Xion held out her hand as Ariel shrieked with joy. She dragged Olette and Xion off to the beach and as soon as she was occupied with the tide pools Olette whispered. “Sora has stopped taking his meds. He has taken out all of the food in the house and is building Destiny Island in my kitchen.”

Xion winced. “I’m sorry sweetie. It happened before in college. Cloud will get him to the hospital and it’ll all work out.”

“Will it? Has he ever been violent? He seemed so agitated.” Olette asked.

“Not to anyone other than Roxas from what I understand.” Xion spoke before she thought and when she looked up she was confronted by the only question there was to ask.

“Why Roxas?” Olette asked, puzzled.

“Who knows?” Xion didn’t want to be the one to tell Olette that her husband used to sleep with his brother. She wanted to stay out of it. Sora would probably end up in therapy and it would all come out then anyways.

  


Inside Cloud approached Sora while he was building. “Sora…what ya doin?”

“Check this out Dad! It’s Destiny Island and this is gonna be Radiant Garden over here…” Sora had made the island from food and all the empty packages were on the floor. There were vegetable plants and trees, graham cracker houses with mini marshmallow people, and the sand was sugar.

“Sora, did you miss your meds, baby?” Cloud asked as calmly as possible.

Sora’s head snapped up and his eyes looked wild. “What’s the big fuckin deal about my meds?”

“You need them.” Cloud said, folding his arms in front of his chest.

“Whatever. I’m gonna finish this and…where the fuck is Roxas?” Sora growled.

“He’s staying with friends until his classes start…why?”

“We’re done with college…why is he taking classes?” Sora asked setting back to his work.

“ _You_ finished college…Roxas didn’t.” Cloud said as he text Rufus.

  


Cloud: hate to bother you but I have a situation

Rufus: What can I do for my favorite SOLDIER boy?

Cloud: need a place for Sora in the hospital asap

Rufus: done- need help bringing him in?

Cloud: pfft

  


“Come on Sor. It’s time to go.” Cloud said taking his upper arm and pulling him gently away from his work.

“I’ll go when Roxas gets here.” Sora said snatching his arm back.

“Roxas isn’t coming!” Cloud snapped and tugged at his arm a little harder. “Don’t make me carry you.”

Sora jerked away but before he could run Cloud had him over his shoulder. Sora kicked and screamed until Cloud slapped him across the ass and hissed, “Shut the fuck up before you scare your daughter and your wife to death.”

Sora stilled and mouthed the words ‘ _wife and daughter, daughter and wife’_. Apparently Sora made a round trip by current reality, and he began to cry. Cloud stood him on the floor and hugged him as he whispered, “It’s gonna be ok.”

He called Xion on the way to the hospital and filled her in. She relayed everything to Olette who was still in shock. Junkies she was used to, but this was a new kind of crazy…the literal kind. She had seen Sora act oddly before but nothing like this and it frightened her for her daughter. She had many questions for Cloud once this settled down.

Watching Ariel play she wondered if she had made a mistake by marrying Sora. She had been pregnant and emotional and then Riku…maybe she didn’t do it for the right reasons. She loved Sora without question, but not more than her daughter. One day at a time, she told herself…and day one is when he gets out of the hospital.

  


Twenty minutes later the hospital emergency doors shooshed open and Reno strolled through.

“What ya need blondie?” Reno smirked.

“I thought Rufus filled you in?” Cloud said more than a little stressed out.

“He did yo. I just thought I’d throw that out there in case ya needed a little extra.” Reno waggled his eyebrows.

Cloud sighed and glared at the redhead. “Now is _so_ not the time, Reno.”

“Rufus said you want me to find Roxas and keep an eye on him until Sora is back on his meds… and to be very discreet.” Reno started toward the grumpy old nurse undaunted and Cloud followed.

“Hello gorgeous, we need to check on Sora Strife.” Reno schmoozed and the nurse took one long look at his uniform and led them back through the double doors to the patient. Upon entering the room where Sora was, Cloud was relieved that he wasn’t surrounded by doctors and nurses and seemed to be resting peacefully. Reno however tensed visibly when he saw him and Cloud thought he heard a growl.

“So yer kid went off his rocker and what…why’s he after Roxas?” Reno hissed.

Cloud turned and glared at him again. “He and Rox have always been very close and when he has an episode he wants his brother.”

“Yeah I witnessed their closeness once yo.” Reno smirked.

Cloud growled at him, baring his teeth.

Reno winked at him smiling. “So sexy.”

“Fuck you Reno.”

“Haven’t heard that in a while yo.” Reno took the seat next to the bed.

“Do you _need_ to be here right now?” Cloud hissed.

“Yes, yes I do. Until I get the info I need…” Reno said casually as he looked at Sora’s hand with the IV line taped to it. Cloud sighed and sat on the physician’s stool to wait for him to wake up and pray that Reno was done talking.

  


After about a half hour a nurse came in to check his vitals. She went about her work quietly and Reno watched her ass contentedly. Cloud rolled his eyes making the redhead snicker. “So what’s goin on with him?” Reno asked the nurse.

She smiled and said quietly, “He needs to rest. Mr. ShinRa asked that he stay the night for safety and comfort, then tomorrow he’ll be moved to another, more appropriate setting.”

“Of course he did…gotta love Mr. ShinRa, right?” Reno smirked again.

“If that’s all, I’ll be going.” The nurse said politely.

“You could give me your number yo.” Reno flirted.

“I’m married, sir.” The nurse blushed.

“Well you can gimme your hubby’s number…maybe he’ll be feeling a little generous.”

The nurse giggled and left shaking her head. Cloud looked at him like he had grown another head. “Are you serious right now? Were you really just flirting beside my unconscious son?”

“How long has it been, Cloud? You seem to have forgotten the depths of my affliction yo.” Reno chuckled making Cloud even angrier. “Besides, Sora wouldn’t give a shit if I fucked her right here. Sora wouldn’t care at all…but would you?”

Cloud’s right eye flicked, then blinked twice before he left the room. Outside he lit a cigarette and called Rufus. “I’m gonna kill him.”

“Aah! I see Reno made it.” Rufus crowed.

“He’s working my nerves, Rufus. Did you have to send him?”

“I sent him because he’s the best bodyguard we have.” Rufus said calmly.

“Oh! He’s so good that the last body he guarded was never recovered from the ocean?” Cloud snapped.

Rufus sighed and Cloud ended the call and turned to go back inside but ran right into Reno. The redhead glared, obviously having heard every word. “He’s awake…asshole.”

Cloud opened his mouth to apologize but Reno turned his back and walked away mumbling, “Fuck you, Mr. perfect SOLDIER boy…fuckin asshole…didn’t deserve the dick I gave ya…wish I could get a refund or some shit…such an asshole…wish I could take it back…wish I could take a lotta shit back…but you just gotta ruuuuub it in….don’t ya…asshole.”

“Shut up Reno! If you can’t do anything but say asshole over and over then just stop talking!” Cloud spat from behind him when they reached the doors.

Reno stopped suddenly but didn’t turn around. Looking over his shoulder with a smirk, he said, “Sorry for bein repetitive yo, but it’s the only thing I still like about ya at this point…my mantra if you will…I could recite poetry about your asshole yo…wanna hear it?”

“No.” Cloud growled as he walked past him into the hospital to see Sora, who was already on his phone talking to Roxas.

  


Roxas and Xemnas were quietly filling boxes to be loaded by the movers. Eventually Xemnas paused. “You know…if you want to go to his suite, you don’t have to do all this.”

Roxas didn’t even raise his eyes from his work. “Thanks, but I don’t think I’m ready yet.”

Xemnas nodded. “When you are, I will go with you if you like.”

Roxas was surprised yet again. “Thanks Nunky.”

By midnight the two were exhausted and hungry. Xemnas called for food to be delivered and Roxas found something to drink. They ate in the kitchen and chatted about the house and grounds. “I’m having all my clothes shipped to Twilight Town to my apartment there. I will leave all of his things for you to dispose of as you see fit, or keep…the choice is yours.”

“I honestly was hoping that he would have some laundry yanno. As creepy as it sounds I really miss the way he smelled.” Roxas said honestly as he chewed and Xemnas chuckled. As if on cue, Roxas’ phone began to vibrate. Taking it out slowly and wondering who the hell would be calling him at this hour on a week night, he almost choked when he looked at the screen. _Sora_.

Roxas excused himself to take the call but didn’t move from the spot where he sat.

“Roxy? Why aren’t you in your room?” Sora’s voice croaked through the phone.

“Sora…I’m staying with friends. Are you ok?”

“What friends? Where are you? Why aren’t you here with me?” Sora whined.

“Sor… where’s Olette, and Ariel?” Roxas asked nervously.

“I don’t…I don’t know…Roxas?” Sora sounded like he was about to panic.

After a few rustling sounds Sora began saying “No no no no no!”

“Sora where are you?” Roxas demanded.

“I don’t knoooow!” He squalled.

“Sora I want you to hang up and call Dad, ok.” Roxas said and Xemnas was almost holding his breath as he watched the drama unfold. He wondered what Roxas’ life had been like before meeting his son. That was his brother on the phone and he knew that it was the brother who was reputed to be crazy…he wondered if he really was. He knew that his son had been involved with that one too for a short time. Maybe he would find out one day how deeply _he_ had affected the Strife family.

“Dad’s here now. I love you, Roxy.”

 “I love you too Sor.”

“You and me forever, right Rox?”

“Yeah...” Roxas ended the call and looked at Xemnas. “I think I’m ready to go up there now.”

Xemnas nodded and immediately abandoned his food, stopping in the den to grab a joint and a lighter. “We may need this.”

  


Stepping through the doors, the room felt suffocating to the both of them. They looked at one another and went to the windows and doors to begin raising blinds and opening windows. The sheers lifted and Roxas smiled. Xemnas stared in wonder and it was a testament to how long it had been since he had been inside this part of his home. Roxas walked over the unmade bed and turned back to see Xemnas looking around the sitting room.

He wasted no time crawling into the bed fully clothed and shoving his head underneath the pillows sniffing deeply. Faintly he could still smell Riku’s cologne and something else…cinnamon. Reno, he thought and scowled…bastard had to have the last word. Lying quiet and still he listened to the rain fall on the balcony and closed his eyes.

  


When he opened his eyes it was morning. Roxas sat straight up in the white fluffy bed and looked around for Xemnas. He was alone in the bedroom but the door was closed to the sitting room and it had been open when he fell asleep. He rose and stretched as the sun shining through the sheers made him smile. Stepping out of the bedroom quietly, he found Xemnas asleep on the sofa. His silver hair was a wreck and Roxas didn’t see how he and Riku weren’t related by blood. He walked past his sleeping benefactor to go into the small kitchen and make coffee.

Checking his phone, he found he had a voice mail from Cloud so he listened as his dad detailed what had happened with Sora. He was off his meds and wanting Roxas…typical. There was no mention of a bodyguard.

  
  


Cloud left Sora in the doctors’ care and went home for the night. Xion, Namine, Olette and Ariel were all asleep in his bed so he slept on the sofa. At about 4 a.m. his phone woke him. “Dad?” Sora groaned.

“Hey baby…how ya feelin?”

“I’m cold…where’s Roxy?”

“Are you in bed, Sor?” Cloud asked a little concerned.

“Noooo. I can’t sleep in that bed without Roxas.” Sora said quietly.

“That’s a new bed. You can sleep in it.” Cloud had had years of experience with Sora’s psychosis and knew that there were certain things he could say, whether true or not, that would calm Sora down.

“New bed?” Sora asked and Cloud could detect a hint of a slur.

“Yep…brand new.” Cloud said as he closed his eyes.

Sora looked around the room and thought that Cloud must be mistaken but he wasn’t going to correct his father. “Ok Dad…I love you. Tell Roxas to hurry up and come to me.”

“Ok baby. Call me in the morning when you wake up.” Cloud said as he yawned.

“Ok…night.”

  


Reno arrived on Destiny Island and it was raining. “Great” he grumbled as he began to pray quietly. The predawn dark was like ink and he knew there was no way to find out whether or not Roxas was at Hayner’s without going inside. Getting to work, he slipped in through the beachfront and searched the house. Roxas wasn’t there and as far as he could tell, neither was Hayner.

Moving on to Snow’s parent’s home, he knew instantly that he wasn’t there either. The house was for sale. What the fuck had he missed in a year’s time? Walking down the beach in the light rain, Reno thought about where to start. Looking up toward the dark sky and getting his eyes full of rain he hissed. “This is such a crock of shit…what are they afraid of…that Sora might fuck Roxas to death? I think that ship has sailed…”

As he stopped to turn to the ocean and prepared to scream, he noticed light at the Xemnas estate. “Oh nooooo.” Reno made for the shadows and went to work.

  


In Midgar Axel and Vanitas were planning a weekend when Vanitas’ phone rang. It was Cloud explaining all the drama. He listened intently and then asked the million dollar question. “Where’s Roxas?”

“He went to stay with friends…I think that’s what set Sora off to tell you the truth.” Cloud admitted.

“Sooo Roxas has a life and Sora can’t cope?” Vanitas said as Axel peeled his shirt up and licked across his chest. “Ahh it seems like we went through this before…with Riku.”

“Yeah, it seems so. Anyhow Sora’s in the hospital getting regulated and Roxas is on Destiny.”

“Destiny?! Is it smart for him to be there right now…or ever?” Vanitas asked and his tone made Axel curious so he stopped playing to listen.

“I don’t know but he has said that he wanted to deal with things on his own and I’m gonna let him.” Cloud said matter-of-factly.

“Ok Dad…I love you and if ya need us for anything, just call.”

“Thanks Vani. I love you too.”

“Bye Daddy!” Axel squawked into the phone making Vanitas giggle and making Cloud groan.

  


Reno watched as Roxas crawled into a familiar bed and fell asleep. There were too many unanswered questions but from what he could tell, the two people who hurt Riku the most were there together and if they were together-together, then well…they deserved each other. The redhead snorted and sat down in a dark corner of the balcony until Xemnas fell asleep on Riku’s sofa, then he slipped inside.

There were packing boxes everywhere and filled with Xemnas’ things. Why would Roxas be here? It made no sense. On the table in the formal dining room was paperwork and upon closer inspection proved to be a contract for a … _house steward…Laguna Loire…blah blah…Roxas Strife. Roxas Strife is listed as the employer_? Xemnas was giving this place to Roxas? That’s the only thing that made sense…but didn’t make any sense at the same time.

The good thing about being in a huge estate like this was there were plenty of good hiding places so Reno could watch Roxas from inside the house. Now he had to decide if he should tell Cloud… _nope_. He was working and he would treat this like any other job. Cloud obviously blamed him for Riku’s death therefore he didn’t owe him a goddamn thing. Let him find out after he made his report to Tseng. Fuck it.


	8. DOCTOR'S ORDERS

DOCTOR’S ORDERS

  


The morning brought Laguna back to the Xemnas Estate…which was becoming the Strife Estate… which was formerly the home of his Riku. The first day would be the hardest, he kept telling himself. Entering and going straight to his work, he made notes and lists and found all of the contact information for the other workers he would be organizing and directing: gardeners, pool staff, housekeeping….housekeeping, he would find a service…there was no cook. _How many will be living here?_ If it was just Mr. Strife, he could easily cook for him. He seemed like a sweetheart and Laguna thought, _he belonged to Riku once as well_.

Roxas and Xemnas were having their coffee and chatting about where to begin as Laguna appeared paper in hand surprising both of them. “Good morning Sirs. Would you like me to prepare a light breakfast?”

Roxas looked at Xemnas who hadn’t managed to do a damn thing with his hair yet and smiled. “That would be nice Laguna, thanks.” Roxas said quietly.

“Very good Sir.” Laguna left them and Roxas giggled.

“What is funny?” Xemnas asked with one eyebrow lost under his disheveled mane.

“Your hair.” Roxas said flatly then nodded slowly. Xemnas touched his hair and roared with laughter.

“I’m sure I look tragic…but you know I have not slept so well in years.”

“I slept pretty well too, Nunk. I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you for any of this.” Roxas said to his coffee.

“I don’t want to be repaid for any of this…I want you to have a fulfilling life. I want you to help other people like my son…or your brother.” Xemnas said immediately feeling like he had overstepped.

“My brother is…my brother has always been…I don’t know. That’s one of the biggest reasons I changed my major. He has serious problems…and I wanna understand. I want to be able to deal with him like a normal brother would…well, not really normal I don’t think. For years the only thing I could do to pacify him was…you know what? I’m not going there before lunch time, and after lunch I’m not goin there until I’m drunk.” Roxas chuckled.

“So that is our plan for this afternoon? We shall finish this and then get drunk and share secrets.” Xemnas said flatly as if it were being chiseled in stone as the words came out.

Roxas was staring. That was a scary proposition but it might end up being productive. “Sure, yeah…that’s our plan for today, Nunky.”

Xemnas nodded as Laguna reappeared and said, “Breakfast is served.”

  


Reno milled around in the theater underneath the mansion. He had put enough bugs in the house the night before that he could tell which room they were in as well as hear most of what they were saying. _So Roxy and Mansex are gonna play truth or dare after dinner. And the servant…he shouldn’t be a problem._ He checked his research quickly on his phone just be sure that the new servant was the same Laguna that Riku had a brief affair with when he was at Radiant.

_Doing a short background check on Mr. Loire wouldn’t be a bad idea either_ , Reno thought as he listened to the goings on inside the estate. He heard Roxas’ insane cackle and it made his skin crawl. _How dare he be happy_ …he may be sorry and he may be getting on with his life, but Reno didn’t want to be a part of it. Sitting on a lounge by the pool in the dark, Reno began to ponder his own life and question why he was really so angry with Roxas Strife? Coming to a few conclusions that pissed him off even more he stopped looking inward and text his brother.

Reno: S’up Runt. U got a min?

Axel: Always. What ya got?

Reno: Imma run somethin by an I want ur op

Axel: K

Reno: Goddammit Runt  -_-

Axel: sorry… u were sayin?

Reno: Whenever I think about Roxas Strife I get pissed. Is it cause I blame him for Riku, or cause he’s movin on with his life, or cause I’m havin a hard time movin on with mine?

Axel: Yes

Reno: all of it??

Axel: Yes- u should handle that shit…it’ll eat u alive

Reno: thanks Runt. Ily

Axel: Ily2- U workin?

Reno: yeah

Axel: K……XD

Reno weighed his options and then weighed the repercussions of each option as he sat in the dark, and then he prayed.

  


Xemnas was done extracting his life from the newly named Strife Estate. Roxas had been a big help with the moving as well as moral support and occasional comic relief. He showed Xemnas the Surfgate video over lunch and the man laughed, but then he cried.

Roxas was mortified and apologized profusely to which Xemnas explained. “When he was small…just a baby, maybe 4 years old…he loved sleeping with his mother when I was away, and he did so frequently. She allowed this and treated him to breakfast in bed and sweets. He loved her gowns…he would sit and hold the hem of her gown while they read books in her rooms. One day when he was 13 or so, I had lost him inside the house. This also happened frequently but he would no longer abide bells on his shoes, so I had to search for him. I found him inside her dressing room wearing one of the gowns and holding more of them on his lap…just sitting there alone.”

Xemnas wiped his eyes and cleared his throat. “I reacted badly and I believe that was the first time I had ever slapped him across his face. I cried like a child after, but I didn’t understand him…I never understood him.”

“He was a hard person to understand…so am I, I guess.” Roxas offered.

“I think he was missing his mother…she was away at the time…and that was his way of being close to her. I wish I had thought of it then, but I was angry at him for hiding…I made so many…”

“Stoppit Nunky.” Roxas put his phone away and draped an arm across Xemnas’ shoulder. “You have to stop doin that…as shitty as it is, you can’t go back and change any of it. But you can start over.”

“I’m an old man Roxas…and I’m tired. I’m exhausted from my life and I would be fine with it if I could just go and join them.” Xemnas lamented.

Roxas stared and his heart shrank. He suddenly realized how quickly he had latched onto Xemnas once he showed him the smallest scrap of kindness and it scared the shit out of him. _Now Xemnas will go away too_ , he thought. He would once again be left with no one…except Sora. Fumbling with the phone in his pocket, he thought of calling him. _No_ …he told himself, _that’s the old Roxas’ way of thinking_.

“Don’t say that…please.” Roxas whispered and then walked away.

He needed air, he needed out, he needed to surf. Xemnas watched him go and assumed that he needed to be alone so he didn’t call him back. Finishing his lunch alone, he walked out to the beach and sat on the white sand. The private beach by the estate was deserted but for one lone surfer…in a sleeping gown?

  


Later in the evening Roxas appeared for dinner. He had seen Xemnas on the beach and waved to him. He had watched Roxas surf for the better part of an hour before returning to the house. This would be their last dinner together until Xemnas came back to visit and he informed Roxas he would be leaving the following morning. When they sat down to eat, Roxas smiled. “Was I hot out there or what?”

Xemnas laughed and said, “Indeed. I haven’t forgotten our plans for after dinner drinks and secret trading. I have some questions I am hoping you might be able to answer.”

“I’ll help if I can.” Roxas said. “You’re on and on about my happiness, but you deserve that too.”

Xemnas poured some wine into a glass, downed it and said, “Pfft.”

Roxas cackled and then they proceeded with their meal. As soon as they were done they migrated to the topmost suite of the house. If they were going to be sharing secrets about him, they were going to do it honestly, and in his space.

  


Xemnas sat on the sofa and Roxas sat on the white rug as he contented himself by rolling joints on the coffee table. Xemnas smiled and produced a small pipe from his pocket. Roxas giggled, “Like yer gear, Nunky.”

“It’s for my medication, Roxas…it is no laughing matter.” Xemnas said making Roxas look up to see the mischief glittering in his eyes.

Leaning his back against the chair that faced Xemnas in his spot on the sofa, Roxas lit up and opened his bottle of vodka. Xemnas nodded and did the same saying, “Ok…you first. Since I shared the sleeping gown story, it’s your turn.”

“Let’s see…I know a good place to start.” Roxas took out his phone and opened his gallery to see all the pics of Riku. The first was a pic he had taken before the whole Sora thing when they were sneaking around. It was a pic of Riku sleeping in his dorm at TU. Turning his phone around to show Xemnas, he said quietly “I used to hang out after he fell asleep sometimes just to see that peaceful look on his face. Look how relaxed he was.”

Xemnas smiled and nodded, “He was a beautiful boy. They say you can tell a lot about a man by the photos he keeps on his phone.”

“Is that a challenge?” Roxas grinned.

“Sure why not…” Xemnas chuckled. “I fear that there will be far more surprises in store for me than for you.”

“Just don’t hold any of that shit against me!” Roxas laughed. “And I apologize up front for the nudity.” Xemnas squawked as he took traded phones with the blonde.

 

Roxas scrolled through Xemnas’ photos: his wife, Riku, the ocean from various beaches, a few birds, then one that made Roxas hiss. Looking up at Xemnas’ shocked expression staring at his phone, Roxas giggled and cleared his throat. “Ahem…were you stalking me?”

Xemnas looked up and his cheeks were flushed. “What…I’m sorry what did you say?”

Roxas laughed. “You have a pic of me sitting outside the caf.”

“Yes! The sun was quite beautiful on your hair.” Xemnas said seriously.

Roxas looked at him skeptically. “You serious right now?”

Xemnas howled with laughter. “No…actually I had text him one evening and said ‘are you busy?’ He text back the letter Y. Of course I was perturbed so I text him back and demanded ‘what are you doing?’ He sent me that photo of you.”

By this time Roxas was laughing as well so Xemnas carried on. “You have more nudity on here than National Geographic…”

Roxas was holding his sides laughing. Xemnas continued to scroll and said, “Oh dear God!” He turned the phone to the side and finally turned it around and asked, “What is this?”

Roxas looked at it and continued to smile, “That was Riku’s ass, but we were stoned and he was too close and it was all blurry…we laughed so hard at that…the next few pics were taken that same night.”

Xemnas looked contentedly at the photos and mumbled about how happy he looked. “May I have some of these?”

“All you want.” Roxas nodded. “May I?”

“Of course.” Xemnas said and then he turned the phone to Roxas. “Is this you or your father?”

Roxas giggled, “That was Halloween one year…it was me. Dad was there though. He almost had a meltdown when he saw Riku dressed as Sephiroth.”

Xemnas’ head snapped up and his eyes were huge. “He didn’t!”

“He so did.” Roxas giggled.

“Ah, I see. He really looked a lot like him.”

“Dad called him SephiKu.” Roxas mumbled but he left out the part that Riku had called Cloud Dad.

Many photos and laughs later they were lying on the floor on their backs smoked out and sleepy. “I noticed you had many more photos of Sora than your other brothers. You never finished telling me about that earlier.”

Roxas sighed. “Sora and I had an unusual relationship…and I’m beginning to see the damage now that I’m an adult.”

“Was it a co-dependent type of thing…he has serious problems, you said…did he always rely on you for many things?” Xemnas asked as he tried to figure out how to drink his vodka without sitting up.

“You ready for this Nunky?” Roxas asked, giving him one more chance to say he didn’t want to hear it.

“Yes. I want to understand you…I feel that has been lacking in your life…someone who wanted to understand you.” Xemnas said, giving up and propping on an elbow to drink from the bottle.

“Sora was everything to me for so long that I don’t even remember when it started. I remember first times for things we did together but I don’t remember ever doing anything without him until…well, until drugs. I loved heroin…and I loved Sora… and then there was Riku.” Roxas spilled every ugly sordid detail to Xemnas as they lay there on Riku’s floor.

  


In the solarium where he had migrated to after snagging some dinner from the kitchen, Reno listened as well. He thought of his own relationship with Axel and kept telling himself it was different because they were from the slums. He listened to Roxas cry from humiliation when he told Xemnas that he had his first sexual experience with his brother and slept with him exclusively for years. He told about Sora’s abuse, mental as well as physical when he suspected Roxas was seeing someone, and how he would take his frustration out on Roxas if he felt lonely.

“Every time he has an episode he wants me there for comfort…and it usually ends up being sex.” Roxas said. Xemnas was in turmoil. _How did this child survive such a life?_ _Maybe… possibly… the only reason he survived is because he felt he had to…for Sora_.

“I’m so sorry that you had to grow up that way.” Xemnas said and Roxas hacked through the smoke as he cried. “Is this like… the grossest thing you ever heard?”

“It is your story… it is shocking but I wouldn’t say gross.” Xemnas said. “Your relationship with Sora may be the only thing that saved you from doing the same thing _he_ did. If no other good came from it, there is that. And now you are aware that you don’t need that relationship anymore…so you may move ahead.”

“What about Sora?” Roxas whimpered.

“He is the same age as you Roxas, he has a wife and child, and he has the same opportunities that you have to get on with his life.”

“No he doesn’t because he’s…” Roxas began but was stopped by Xemnas.

“Yes he does. Whatever his affliction, you are equally damaged from years of abuse. You are definitely the stronger between the two of you, but he can get past this. He needs to accept you as a separate person.”

Roxas said nothing. Nunky was right and he felt empowered. Smiling, he rolled over to look at Xemnas. “Let’s smoke a bowl and I swear I’ll shut up and go to bed.”

Xemnas grinned. “Whether or not you shut up is not my concern, but I am so hungry right now.”

Roxas cackled and they went down to raid the kitchen.

  


After their munchies had been satisfied Xemnas went off to his rooms giggling and left Roxas on the floor. Rolling over and crawling up onto the sofa, Roxas debated just sleeping there but decided he needed water, lots of water and then Riku's bed. No matter what changed, it would always be Riku's bed.

  


Reno sat on the sand by the cacti picking out the choicest bud from the dry box and listening to the settling down of the house. Laguna was long gone, Xemnas was going to bed and Roxas was still rattling around up there. He thought maybe he should just go to sleep but then he reminded himself that he was important and he needed to handle some shit with the Strife boy...so he waited.

  


Roxas drank his water and went to shower. There were unopened bottles of shampoo and conditioners and lotions and soaps and, joy of joys, a bottle of his favorite cologne. Taking a leisurely shower he toweled off and got into bed naked. Tossing and turning briefly his mind kept going back to the last time he had been in this particular bed naked. Should he do that in this bed, he wondered then thought of Riku being there with him and he decided it would be a shame not to.

  


In the solarium still biding his time Reno listened and then groaned. _Really blondie? You have to pick tonight to jerk off to your boyfriend's memory yo_. Reno held his crucifix and said his rosary to drown out most of it. By the time it was over, he didn't know what was worse, listening to Roxas get off while he thought about Riku our listening to Roxas cry and say he was sorry after. Now he needed to puke.

Trying to clear his head and keep down his pilfered dinner, he stood and stretched before heading upstairs to do some much needed purging...for his own good. Axel said he needed to handle that shit, and he was the doctor so...


	9. RENO HANDLING HIS SHIT

RENO HANDLING HIS SHIT

  


Upstairs Roxas cried softly. "I'm so sorry Riku...I miss you so much." Nearly crying himself to sleep, he got a slimy wake-up call when he reached to scratch his nose and his hand was sticky with tears and come and snot. "Uuuuugh" he moaned as he staggered to the bathroom.

Walking back to bed in the dark, he crawled under the covers and breathed deeply. He reveled in the smell of Riku until his senses were assaulted by the smell of cinnamon and.... _chocolate?_ _That’s Axel's smell!_

Roxas panicked and scooted backward all the way to the side of the bed he had just crawled across and grabbed for the lamp, almost knocking it over. The dim light made the white of the room iridescent as Roxas looked around and sniffed, sitting on the edge of the bed.

Seeing nothing amiss he crawled back underneath the fluffy white duvet and sniffed a few more times as he lay down. He had eaten some chocolate during his plunder of the kitchen so he assumed that’s where the smell was coming from.

The Reno-cinnamon smell was there because the redhead had admittedly broken into the estate and taken some of Riku’s things…and apparently laid in the bed long enough to leave his scent. Roxas grumbled and scooted lower into bed. Pulling the white fluff up to his nose, he smelled only Riku as he closed his eyes. Wiggling down deeper into the soft bed he pulled the duvet completely over his head smiling.

"Hello sweetheart." Reno said quietly.

Roxas' eyes flew open wide and he screamed right in redhead’s face. Reno started laughing as Roxas screamed and flailed wildly, trying but failing to free himself from the fluffy covers. The Turk sprang up onto his knees and grabbed him by the upper arms, deftly pinning him down, the duvet settling into a white tent over them both.

 

Roxas stopped screaming but started babbling in full on panic mode. His feet were trying to run even though he was flat on his back and Reno found it terribly amusing. He could _not_ stop laughing.

Feeling Roxas’ knees coming to close to his nuts, he straddled the naked blonde whose babbles had turned to hoarse squeaks and tears.

"Calm down...ya wanna wake your sugar daddy?" Reno smirked watching Roxas' eyes begin to focus.

"What...the fuck...Reno!?" Roxas croaked out, still wiggling and twitching.

"I needed to see ya. There's some shit I need to do to fix _me_ , see... and I kinda need you to do it yo." Reno said staring down at the blonde who still looked like a dry docked goldfish.

"See I been doin a lotta thinkin yo. I have this problem...every time I see you, hear ya name, see ya dad, hear his voice, hear him say ya name…” as Reno spoke, his head went from side to side as if he was ticking off a boring list. “… see ya name in the paper, see ya brothers, hear ya brothers' names, see a blonde with blue eyes, see a junkie with an angel's face...I get really… _really_ pissed off. My doctor has pointed out to me that this isn't healthy for me yo, and I trust my doctor. He says I have issues and I need ta handle that shit. This is me handling my shit so...let's begin shall we?"

Roxas nodded, eyes still wide and still near hyperventilation.

"I need ta ask you some very important questions yo. These are things I need ta know for my peace of mind so please answer truthfully. If you lie, I will know- it's part of my skill set. Do you understand?"

Roxas nodded still frozen in place under the Turk, under the duvet. Reno stared at him quietly for a few seconds and noted that the tears had stopped, breathing was not returning to normal, body was rigid, and pupils were huge. _Good_ he thought, _he's scared to death_.

Roxas' mind was slowing to a sprint as he looked up at the redhead. He looked like a madman sitting on top of him in his uniform with his hair wild from being under the covers. The lamp light that filtered through was dim but bright enough that he could see the _crazy_ in his eyes. _Fuck_ _my life, I'm gonna die_ Roxas thought, _just as I was getting my shit together_.

"First thing I wanna know is, did ya love him?"

"Yes" Roxas answered honestly and without hesitation. Reno nodded in acceptance.

"Next question, why did you let him leave that night yo?"

Roxas saw pain flash across Reno's face, followed closely by murderous intent. He decided that if he was going to die, he would die with the truth on his lips.

"I let him go cause I’d gotten wasted and cheated on him with a chick, the nurse from rehab, and I knew that he knew...I could see it In his eyes and I didn't deserve him. I _never_ deserved him."

Reno noted that the tears had returned and that pissed him off. “We agree on that.”

Releasing one of Roxas' arms he grabbed his throat and began to squeeze. His expression never changed as he quietly watched the blonde's face transition from pale to red to a funny purple, to a sickly blue. His eyes went from buggy to half-lidded to rolled back into his skull. Reno released his throat and watched as the color began to come back.

Roxas' free hand had been digging at his wrist but it had stopped when the eyes rolled back. Checking his wrist, he saw nasty little scratches and pouted as he waited for Roxas to come around.

Sitting up straight, stretching and pushing the duvet off him, Reno had released both Roxas' arms but still sat atop his body. Watching him regain consciousness was a thing of beauty to Reno. “I love this part…” he whispered to the unconscious boy under him. The first thing Roxas did was flutter his eyes closed then reach for his throat. Aww Reno thought, poor baby.

His eyelids fluttered again and his face scrunched up in pain. Reno frowned as he watched, thinking of Riku and how he used to scrunch his face... _he had the cutest nose_ … Roxas' eyes opened and focused then he went still as he realized what had transpired.

Roxas woke in a shrieking panic, so Reno choked him out again.

Reno was still frowning down at him when he felt Roxas relax under him, accepting his fate. He didn't struggle or scream, he merely stared up at his captor with his bloodshot blues and one tiny subconjunctival hemorrhage, dropping his hands to the mattress with a silent flop.

"You ready, yo?" Reno asked scowling at the beautiful broken boy. Roxas nodded. He didn't look afraid and he didn't cry, he merely waited to die.

  
  


Axel sat tapping away at his computer, updating the file for one of his patients. Vanitas was off to Costa to help Cloud hold down the fort and to visit Sora, and Reno was working, so the apartment was quiet. He wondered how his twin was doing and if he was dealing with his grief well while he tried to work. Sighing he closed the file and decided to go out for dinner instead of cooking for one.

He grabbed the blazer he had worn to the office and glanced at his discarded tie, deciding he may need it if he went to one of the nicer restaurants in Midgar, he put it back on and knotted it as he stepped into his shoes. Black Vans were _very versatile_... _and comfortable_ , he thought.

Wandering around atop the plate, he chose Italian for dinner. His tie wasn't required but since he had it on he wasn't bothering to take it off. The place was nice, he had been there a couple times before but not very recently...the spaghetti wasn't Reno's but it was good. He was seated by a polite hostess and checked his voice mail while he waited.

Message1 was from Vanitas- "I miss you already Red. Things here are sane…but not. Dad said he called your brother to guard Roxas until Sora is better...is that a good...thing? I don't think he's the best choice because he's still so...pissed at Roxas. Kinda like the fox guarding the henhouse...anyway...I love you baby. I'll be home soon.”

Axel was thinking _oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit_ as he listened.

Message 2- "Namine is staying with dad and Xion...just thought I’d let you know. Miss you."

Message 3- "Dr. Sinclair...I don't like these pills...they make me sleepy and I can't...Dr. Sinclair I don't...(yawn) Dr....zzzz"

Message 4- "Hey Runt...just wanted ta let ya know that I thought about what ya said and I'm takin care of it yo. Love ya."

Axel had come full circle in his head- _oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit_

The waiter appeared by his table and Axel looked up then stopped _oh shitting_ in his head only to let one slip aloud. "Oh shit...sorry." He smiled at his server. "You're new?"

"Yes, kind of. I've worked here for a couple months. My name is Yazoo and I'll be your server. Would you like a wine list?" Axel had guessed the server was male by how he dressed but he could have just add easily been a girl. He was pretty. Not pretty like a Roxas or even a Riku, but pretty like a Xion...feminine pretty.

Axel puzzled over the strange accent the waiter had. "I'll just have water please...and the house spaghetti with a green salad...I'm sorry I can't place your accent..."

The waiter smiled, transforming his face from polite grace to beautiful. "I try very hard to speak clearly...I am deaf."

Axel grinned. "That's it...I knew I had heard that accent before." He proceeded to sign _“My signing is a little rusty but I think I can hold my own, my name is Axel.”_

Yazoo beamed and unclasped his hands from behind his back. _“Nice to meet you Axel. Did I see you in the coffee shop by the park the other day?”_

_“That must have been my twin brother Reno. That’s his favorite.”_ Axel smiled kindly and pointed to the tattoos on his face and said _“Different.”_

_“Oh I see now, yes his were red…very cool. It was nice talking to you but I should get your order in. It won’t be long. Would you like something while you wait? Besides the bread?”_

_“No thank you.”_ Axel winked and Yazoo left him.

Taking a deep breath, he called Reno praying to his grandma’s fake god that he would answer.

  


Reno watched Roxas briefly and then began again. Still sitting on him, he now had his hands comfortably resting on his thighs. There was no reason to hold the blonde down since he had so obviously given up. “I’m havin a little trouble understandin how you can cheat on someone you love yo. He should’ve been first and foremost in your mind no matter how wasted you were.”

Roxas stared up at him with dead eyes (containing one small subconjunctival hemorrhage) and made no sound or move to defend himself or his actions so Reno continued.

“He loved you. I had ta listen to him talk about you…about missin you…about lovin you…about fuckin you…and all the time I just wanted ta scream that you weren’t good enough for him and he was too blind to see it yo.” Reno paused. “But I couldn’t say that…cause it would’ve hurt his feelins.”

Reno sat and stared at the face that was so still it could have been a corpse already…except for the color. The smooth skin and slightly pink cheeks that clashed horribly with the ugly bruises forming on the throat pissed him off. “Tell me…tell me about you and Sora. How does that tie into the whole mess?” Reno snapped angrily. He didn’t want to hear it but he needed to know…for his own good.

“Sora…” Roxas croaked then swallowed, wincing at the pain. “Sora was my first lover…my first everything…and we shared everything…and everyone. I didn’t wanna share Riku with him.”

Reno stared as his mind curved around to his relationship with Axel. They weren’t each other’s first…but they used to sleep together…and they shared people…still. He still slept with Axel and Vanitas sometimes. Was Roxas trying to make an excuse? That pissed Reno off. Placing his hand back on Roxas’ throat he spoke. “I don’t see how one thing connects to the other yo. Make me understand in as few words as possible.”

Roxas spoke quietly and as he spoke Reno saw the color in his cheeks darken. “I never separated myself from Sora until Riku…I never wanted anyone else but Sora because I thought…I felt I belonged to him… in a very literal sense.”

Reno’s mind went back to a time when he had said to Axel, “Cause we tha same person, just split in half.” Axel had asked him about mass and why they were permitted to do mass together, side by side…snapping back to reality, he squeezed Roxas’ throat enough to stop him from saying anything more and whispered “Shut up a second yo.”

Roxas closed his mouth and waited while the clearly insane Turk still perched on his junk. Roxas needed to pee.

 

Reno’s eyes flitted around the room as his memories flitted through his mind. Grinding his teeth, he squeezed harder making Roxas gasp and grab for his wrist again, this time with both hands. The touches of sweaty hands on his scratches got Reno’s attention and not in a good way. He released Roxas’ throat immediately and reached behind his back to get his gun. Pressing the business end under Roxas’ chin he said, “Stop that.”

Roxas gasped for breath and rested his hands slowly by Reno’s knees on the bed. The redhead looked at him blankly and then said, “This is better…no.” Then he put his gun away and replaced his hand on Roxas’ throat. “Thiiis.”

Roxas’ body went rigid again. Reno stroked his cheek then placed his other hand on his throat sliding long fingers around on the soft skin until he had hands completely around Roxas’ neck. “You’re not makin sense ta me yo…an I don’t think I believe that in 20 years you never had a relationship other than ya brother.” Reno didn’t realize that he had started to cry until a tear spattered on Roxas’ chest.

Roxas watched as tears slid down the Turk’s face as he seemed to be talking to himself.

“He was all ya needed…” Reno said. “Then somebody comes along ta change all that…everything was different…” Reno sniffed as the tears dripped of his nose and chin all the while gently squeezing Roxas’ neck. Roxas still had to pee.

“In 20 years…never had a relationship except…with Axel.” Reno whimpered and squeezed harder but then backed off. “But…Riku…I loved him…I could’ve been…”

Reno stilled as his eyes fell back to the traitorous blues beneath him. “And it’s your fault I can never be with him again.” Leaning his head to the side he restricted Roxas’ airway once again. Once again Roxas struggled briefly before losing consciousness. Releasing his throat Reno watched as he came around. Once he was completely aware, he choked him out again.

After the fourth time, Reno decided he had to finish what he started. It was time to move on and once Roxas was dead he would feel better. When the blues (with more than one subconjunctival hemorrhage now) rolled back for the fifth time, Reno didn’t release the pressure. He waited for the ends as Roxas’ hands jerked briefly.

 

The perfect silence was broken by the buzzing of his cell in his pocket. Fuck! Releasing the lifeless blonde, he took out his phone to check the ID. _Axel…typical_. “Yeah Runt…kinda busy baby. What ya need?”

“Reno, where are you?” Axel asked trying to hide his panic.

“I’m guardin a body yo…why?”

“Roxas’ body?” Axel asked calmly.

Reno stared at the blonde’s chest trying to discern if it was rising at all anymore or not. “Yeah…look I really need ta finish this yo.”

“No you don’t!” Axel blurted.

“But you said handle my shit yo. I’ll feel so much better when this is over. You have _no_ idea.” Reno complained into his phone looking down at Roxas’ limp body under him, and taking a second to move a blonde lock that was touching his eyelash.

“Reno, listen to me ok. Do. Not. Finish. What. You. Are. Doing. Stop right now and do something for me.” Axel was trying to remain calm and looking at his watch to figure the time difference between Destiny and Midgar.

“Ok…it’s ruined now anyway I think…” Reno said because he thought he saw Roxas take a breath…a small one….maybe.

“Can you see Roxas right now?” Axel asked a little more panicked because he recognized the tone of Reno’s voice. He had assisted in enough murders with his twin that he would know that tone. “If you can, take a pic of him and send it ok.”

Reno looked down at Roxas’ lifeless body and said quietly, “I don’t want to, yo.”

“Do it Reno…please…for me.” Axel pleaded hoping that his brother would hear the desperation in his voice.

Reno growled and Axel heard the clicking of fingers on the touchscreen, then the beep of an incoming message. Looking at his phone he opened the media file and gasped. “Reno is he dead!?” he hissed, his eyes darting around the restaurant.

“Not yet yo, thanks to you. Can we get on with this please?” he snapped.

“You can’t kill him, Reno.” Axel said flatly, exasperated with his sibling.

“Why the fuck not yo? He took somethin from me, now Imma take somethin from him.” Reno replied and he was sure this time he saw Roxas take a breath. _Dammit_ , he thought. _Now I gotta start over._

“Riku’s death wasn’t his fault.” Axel said quietly and Reno opened his mouth to argue but Axel cut him off. “You remember what you told me a long time ago, that givin up isn’t an option? Well that’s what killed Riku. Givin up. Riku killed Riku, goddammit. Riku took himself away from you…and Roxas…and all of us. In that moment Reno, Riku didn’t give a fuck about anybody but Riku.” Axel was hissing into the phone as Yazoo brought his food and quietly walked away to give him privacy.

 

Reno stared down at Roxas and thought he looked like he was sleeping… _just not the right_ _color…_ and could he possibly have misdirected his anger? Thinking about Axel’s words, Reno absently reached down to check Roxas’ pulse. “Runt, do you think it’s odd that I haven’t had a real relationship with anyone other than you?”

Axel sighed wondering if Roxas was still alive. “You had a relationship with Cloud.”

“I wasn’t in love with him…doesn’t count, yo.” Reno argued poking around for a pulse on the too pale skin.

“It counts.” Axel said. “There is nothing wro…you and I are not the same Sora and Roxas.”

“How come yo?” Reno slapped Roxas cheek lightly and got no response.

“Because their relationship was abus…is he dead, Reno!?” Axel asked as he stared at his food and thought about hopping a flight to Destiny Island.

“I’m not sure because I can’t focus yo.” Reno said quietly and Axel could hear light tapping in the background.

“Reno…lay the phone down and revive him please.” Axel said calmly looking at his slowly cooling plate of spaghetti.

“Whatever yo. I’ll just call you back. I love ya Runt.”

“Love you too.” Axel said as he began to eat his salad while his mind played out scenarios of what the fallout from this would be, and the percentages of chance that he and Vanitas would come through it with minimal drama.


	10. BEGINNINGS OF ENDINGS

BEGINNINGS OF ENDINGS

  


Axel finished his cold meal and flagged Yazoo down. _“Can you bring me a bottle of wine? After talking to my brother I think I need it.”_

Yazoo smiled and nodded giving him the wine list. Axel pointed to the one he wanted and Yazoo walked away. Axel watched his ass and then mentally scolded himself. He soon returned and poured for the redhead before leaving him to his thoughts. Halfway through the bottle, Axel spied him walking toward the bar at the back of the restaurant in his street clothes, which were… _very nice_. Axel rose and went to the bar and touched his elbow. Yazoo turned and smiled.

_“You’re done working?”_ Axel asked smiling back at him.

_“Yes. I was telling the bartender that he should send someone to see if you needed more wine because I’m going home.”_ Yazoo said as a blush crept up his cheeks.

_“Will you have a glass with me before you go?”_ Axel asked. It had been so long since he had any deaf friends that he was excited at the prospect of being a part of that culture again. _“Unless you need to be somewhere…I mean…it is late and you probably have someone waiting so I won’t keep you…just”_

Yazoo clasped his hands, ceasing his speech and looked at him coyly with one raised brow. Releasing his hands he said, _“I would like to have a glass of wine with you. Thank you.”_

Axel grinned and held his arm open to allow Yazoo to go ahead of him to his table. Sitting down, Axel poured for him and sat quietly for a moment. Yazoo watched him, thinking that there was no way this guy was single…or if he was it was because he was an absolute fiend. He smirked without meaning to and Axel caught it. _“What’s that look for? What are you thinking?”_

_“You asked me to have a drink with you but you aren’t talking. This is a small glass and when it’s empty, I’m gone. Ask me anything and I will tell you. Go.”_

Axel laughed and bit his lip, flexed his fingers making Yazoo chuckle, then began, _“Where are you from? How old are you? Are you a student? How long have you lived in Midgar? Do you have siblings? Have you always been deaf?”_

Yazoo grabbed his hands again laughing quietly. _“Midgar, 21, yes, all my life, no, yes.”_

Axel smiled genuinely. It wasn’t often he met someone who could communicate like he did with Reno and he was impressed. He nodded and said simply, _“Your turn.”_

Chewing his lip he thought for a moment. _“Where are you from? What do you do? Why did you learn to sign? Are you in a relationship?”_

Axel replied, _“The slums, I’m a doctor, I thought it was beautiful language, yes.”_

Yazoo nodded and drank more of his wine. Axel reached over to refill his glass making him giggle but then he pushed his glass toward him allowing it to be filled. _“Tell me about your girlfriend.”_

Axel snickered and then looked at his own glass, refilling it before he began. _“My girlfriend is a guy. His name is Vanitas and he has dark hair and many beautiful tattoos. Are you seeing anyone?”_

_“No…I’m very busy with school and work…and I just don’t…”_ Yazoo paused then added, _“I haven’t dated in a while.”_

_“Was it bad?”_ Axel asked after a moment of stillness, knowing that there had to be a reason someone who looked like him hadn’t dated in a while.

_“It was.”_ Yazoo smiled then gulped down his entire glass of wine. _“Thank you. I should go. Your boyfriend is very lucky and you’re sweet but I shouldn’t be here.”_

_“Why? We just had a drink…I just wanted to talk with you a bit. I didn’t mean to come across as a creeper. I miss my deaf friends from college and…I’m sorry. Thank you for having a drink with me.”_ Axel was embarrassed and felt shunned. He couldn’t have a friend now because he has a boyfriend? _Pfft_ he thought. _Vanitas would love this guy. Wouldn’t he_? How much wine did he have anyways? Looking at the nearly empty bottle he hissed.

Yazoo was getting up and Axel stood as well and wobbled a bit. Yazoo grinned at him and said, _“I hope you didn’t drive here.”_

_“I walked.”_ Axel said and smiled goofily.

_“Would it be ok with your boyfriend if I walked you home?”_ Yazoo asked as he picked up the bill and stuffed it into his pocket. Axel nodded but thought _, probably not-but I don’t wanna get picked up for public intoxication while he and Reno are both out of town_.

The two walked out into the night and Yazoo caught Axel’s arm as he side-stepped toward the curb. They ambled down to the train station and Axel smiled. _“This is me.”_

_“You still live in the slums and you’re a doctor? Why?”_

_“I grew up there. Its home.”_ Axel smiled and sat down to wait for the train.

Yazoo looked at him and shook his head, then sat to wait with him. _“You’re a doctor and your brother is a Turk…does he live in the slums as well?”_

_“Yes, near my place, and he’s single…and stubborn…and a smart ass.”_ Axel gestured wildly to show exasperation making Yazoo laugh.

_“And beautiful…like you.”_ Yazoo said using very tiny gestures. Axel looked at him stunned.

  
  


Vanitas spent the first night in Costa at Cloud’s house but soon after breakfast the next morning he decided that he should have stayed at a hotel. Olette had taken Ariel to Destiny to stay at her folks’ place until Sora came home. She had been an emotional wreck and Vanitas didn’t think she would come back at all.

Coming down for breakfast in his pajamas was mistake number one. He walked into the kitchen scratching his belly and rubbing his eyes only to find Xion and Namine making out. He grunted and turned to leave but Namine’s arm shot out and reeled him in. She kissed him and he immediately began to pull away so she bit his lip hard enough to split it. He groaned and grabbed his junk but pulled away anyhow and ran back upstairs. When he came back down again, fully dressed, he glared at her and snapped, “Tell Dad I’m goin to visit Sora and I’ll call him later.”

“I’m sorry Vani.” Namine said looking absolutely destroyed. He could tell that she had been crying but it sparked little sympathy in his heart.

“It’s no big…just don’t…just don’t, ok.” Vanitas said as he backed toward the door with blood still fresh on his lip.

Namine watched him sadly then turned to Xion. “I shouldn’t have done that…I should go.”

“You didn’t know he was going to react that way… don’t worry about it.” Xion said comforting her friend. “Do you miss him?”

“Yes…and now that I’ve seen him and I know he’s happy… I should be happy for him.” Namine lamented. “But I would give anything for just one more night with him… he’s so beautiful.”

“Maybe he’ll stay another night… we’ll drink or something.” Xion plotted and Namine smiled.

  


Vanitas sat down in the visitation room and waited to see Sora. The place seemed nice enough and everyone had been friendly helpful so far.

He entered the waiting area escorted by a male nurse, wearing pajamas issued by the hospital that looked quite nice, and he was barefoot. His brown hair was in disarray…but it was Sora, so no big change there.

“Hey Sor.” Vanitas stood to go to him but Sora just stared at him blankly and said nothing. As he approached his brother he could see signs that he had been fighting and he began to worry. “I miss ya. How are you feelin?”

Sora looked at Vanitas’ eyes and hair, then all the way down to his feet before returning to his eyes. “Vani…”

_Lithium_ , Vanitas thought and tried to smile. Sora leaned closer to him hoping for a hug, and he felt a ray of hope when he heard him sniff as he got closer. He smiled and put his arms around his brother slowly. Vanitas had seen Sora on Lithium before and he remembered to move a little slower around him. He cuddled him and thought that he smelled like chemicals and soap. Finally Sora returned the hug weakly and whispered, “I wanna go home.”

Vanitas wanted to scream and curse and take Sora out of there but he knew he couldn’t. Heartbroken he said, “Not yet Sora… but soon ok.”

Releasing him he noticed the shimmer of drool in the corner of Sora’s mouth as he stared at him blankly. “I want Roxas.”

“I know baby but Roxas isn’t here today.” Vanitas said, stroking Sora’s arm.

“Where is he? Is he dead? Did… didn’t he die?” Sora slurred.

Vanitas thought, _I hope not_ , but said “He’s not dead…he’s just out of town.”

“He went. He went to where…” Sora looked at the floor and for all means and purposes that was the end of the visit. He didn’t respond or acknowledge anything else that Vanitas said, so after a half hour of watching him whisper to himself and shake his head, Vanitas left him there with the nurse and went to the beach to cry.

He sat with his elbows on his knees, head down, sobbing when a pair of arms wrapped around him from behind, and he sighed. Namine petted his hair and whispered to him that everything would be alright. Sitting behind him on her knees, she rested her head on his shoulder, prepared to sit there as long as he wanted to. Turning his face to her, he nuzzled her hair and whispered. “Thank you.”

  
  


Roxas’ eyes fluttered open and he heard himself moaning and gasping. His hands immediately went to his throat and chest. Reno was still sitting on him and he was wet…he had peed. “Good…good.” Reno said as he got up and then he cursed and started taking off his pants.

Roxas rolled away and the room was spinning. His throat and chest hurt and Reno was taking his pants off… and he had peed the bed. Panicking, again he crawled on his belly til he hit the floor with a thud. Reno walked around in his boxers, shirt, and jacket to where he was lying on the floor by the bed. “Quit runnin. I’m not gonna kill ya.”

Roxas wheezed “I’m spose to believe that?”

“Would it help if I said I’m sorry yo?” Reno asked, trying to help the flailing blonde.

“No!” Roxas croaked.

Reno scooped him up and tossed him onto the dry side of the bed. Scrambling to his knees Roxas sat back and jerked the duvet over him and watched Reno warily. “What’re you gonna do now?”

Reno sat on the edge of the bed and lit a cigarette. “I’m gonna take these sheets and my pants down to the laundry, then I’m gonna leave.”

Roxas started to cry.

“What the fuck now yo? I let ya live. I even beat on ya chest to get the old ticker jump started. Why are ya cryin?” Reno asked as he smoked.

“You killed me.” Roxas cried.

“Yeah there’s that…” Reno mumbled as he contemplated smoking some of the weed he took from downstairs but decided the timing was bad.

“Why didn’t you let me stay dead?” Roxas moaned sounding more miserable than Reno had ever heard him.

“Because ya didn’t deserve to die for somethin ya didn’t do, yo.” Reno said frankly. “I was wrong for blamin you for Riku’s suicide…I was wrong and I’m sorry.”

Roxas dried his tears on the sheet and tried to stand again. Reno jumped up to help him and Roxas shrank away from him, screaming. _Wow_ Reno thought… _PTSD…that’s gonna be a bit of a roadblock for blondie._

“Lemme help, yo. I said I was sorry.” Reno grabbed his arms in exactly the same place he had held him down on the bed. Roxas lost his shit completely at that point and Reno ended up dragging him into the bathroom and putting him under a cold shower. When he was adequately traumatized, Reno handed him a towel and a joint after turning the water off.

His hands were shaking so badly he couldn’t hold the weed so Reno held it for him to hit. Looking into dazed blue eyes realizing the blonde was in shock he said quietly, “I really fucked you up yo.”

  


Minutes dragged by but Roxas finally mellowed out once the redhead left to go down to the laundry. Reno returned to find him in a robe, lying on the sofa, staring at the windows. Sitting on the floor in front of him, he looked into dead eyes. Roxas rolled them toward him as if to ask why again.

“What can I do, Blondie?” Reno asked quietly. “I lost my shit.”

“It’s ok, Red.” Roxas whispered. “I’ll be fine.” He reached out a shaking hand and patted Reno’s hair making him chuckle, then added “I’m sorry I peed on you.”

Reno laughed out loud. “I think me killing you trumps the pee-pee but I accept your apology.”

Roxas winced as he touched his throat and said “I’m so thirsty.”

Reno immediately hopped up and brought him a bottle of water. “I’m sorry, I was supposed to give that to you right away and I forgot when you freaked out again.”

“It’s ok really…and what do you have, a manual for the care of the recently resurrected or somethin?” Roxas snarked in his gravelly voice.

Reno laughed again. “I can’t believe you’re jokin about this yo. You should be pissed at me.”

“Fuck it…there are worse things. I need a hit so bad right now…” Roxas said as he looked around the room.

“You just got handed your life back and you wanna bang some H? Unfuckinbelievable.” Reno said a little disgusted, a lot surprised and absolutely ready to give him his way if that’s what he wanted. “I don’t have any.”

“Ya got some blow?” Roxas asked, deadly serious.

“Yeah but um…your heart just stopped recently yo and…” Reno stalled.

“So it needs a good jolt…gimme, Red.” Roxas rolled over to his back and started to sit up on the sofa while Reno went over to where he had dumped the contents of his pockets and retrieved his vial of coke. He held it out toward Roxas but turned away, and Roxas grabbed his whole hand instead of just the vial, and pulled him down onto the sofa. “Me and you, Red.” He croaked.

Reno looked at his bloody sclera and felt a twinge of guilt as he nodded. Roxas smiled and Reno nodded. “You first, yo.”

“Fuck that, Turkey. Same time.” Roxas tapped out a small line and passed the vial to Reno who tapped out a healthy line for himself, then looked at the blonde train wreck in front of him.

"I feel like we should say some words yo."

Roxas nodded.

Watching the blonde stare at the coke, he knew where his mind was. "To Riku?" Reno said as he nodded toward the line of coke.

"To _surviving_ Riku." Roxas croaked and the narcotic toast was completed.

  


Roxas perked up considerably after that and Reno watched him come back to life. Rolling a joint like he could do it in his sleep he sang a song quietly in his new crackly voice. "...your soul’s a bowl of jokes…every day you remind me…how I’m desperately in need…"

Reno recognized the song and joined in from across the room. “See I got a lotta fiends around and they’re peekin through, nothin new. And they see you…"

Roxas grinned, "They see everything you do…see everything on the inside out…"

Roxas stopped and Reno continued to his surprise. “Oh please gimme a little more, and I’ll push away those baby blues…”

Roxas joined back in. “Cause one of these days this will die…so will me and so will you…”

As they sang the next verse together they thought of Riku and how he used to smile…and somewhere between the death and resurrection of Roxas Strife, they both found hope.

  


When Reno returned with the clean sheets and his pants in place, he found Roxas on the balcony. He stood and looked at Reno briefly but didn't speak, only went back inside to make the bed. As he fluffed the sheets he noticed the smell wafting out- they smelled like Riku. "How did you?"

"I put a few drops of his cologne in there when I did the laundry...cause I thought..." Reno didn't finish because he didn't have to. Roxas smiled.

They walked back out onto the balcony together and sat. "So what's the story with you and Mansex?"

"You ever heard the quote ‘it's only after you've lost everything that you are free to do anything’? Well...he's free." Roxas said as he stared at the ocean. His voice was less gruff now but he still didn't sound like himself.

"That explains everything and nothin yo." Reno laughed.

"He said he didn't want to see me end up like Riku…said I needed a place of my own away from...everybody." Roxas said quietly.

"Sounds legit." Reno said as he surveyed the marks he had left on the boy's neck. "I'm sorry about...you know..."

"Would you stop that? I'm fine." Roxas assured him.

"Have you looked in the mirror yo?" Reno asked wincing.

Roxas stood and started inside. "Come on...you’re goin too...cause you keep lookin at me like I'm Frankenstein...so it must be pretty bad."

"It's not so bad..." Reno lied as he followed smiling.

Inside the bathroom Roxas flipped on the light and stood in front of the mirror and gasped. "Holy shit."

Reno smiled and stepped behind him so he could look into his eyes in their reflection. "I'm..."

"Don't." Roxas said. "We're startin over...right here...right now."

"You can't make that call yo. You can't expect me to forget what I did to you last night." Reno reached up to touch the bruised skin of Roxas neck and throat. Roxas stood very still and allowed the Turk to trace the marks. He watched his face run a gamut of emotions then he reached up to cover his hand with his own.

“Ya beautiful eyes...” Reno started.

"Will heal." Roxas provided.

"What can I do...to make it ok?" Reno asked, mesmerized as he steadily traced the finger print bruises. Roxas pulled his hand to his lips and kissed it, then kissed his wrist as he turned to face him and lightly kiss his lips. Reno smiled then kissed his eyes, his nose, and cheeks before nuzzling his hair.

Roxas leaned his head back slightly to encourage Reno to kiss the bruises on his throat. Kissing each one lightly, Reno felt him thread his fingers with his where he had been touching the damaged skin and tugged their hands toward his shoulder. In his reverence, he didn't hesitate to push the white robe off the blonde’s shoulder, his lips following the path.

As he kissed he felt warm fingers tracing his jugular before sliding into his hair urging him to continue. Reno mentally warred with himself and it was short and violent. He would give Roxas anything he wanted with the exception of death.

As if he knew what he was thinking, Roxas squeezed his hand where their fingers were linked. The free hand left his red hair and slipped down to his shirt buttons. _Nope_ \- Reno thought but then he remembered, and allowed it. Roxas opened the shirt buttons kissing as he went. When he reached the fourth button Reno stopped his own exploration to give Roxas his way. Tugging his hand toward the bedroom, Roxas smiled and dropped his head. "I must be crazy..."

Reno smiled as he followed "Clearly and indisputably."

When they reached the bed Roxas turned to face Reno and said "I want this but I'm scared."

Seeing him confess his fear as he looked up at him with bloody eyes wide, Reno released the hands he held and held his face to kiss him tenderly. "I'll never hurt you again" he whispered "and I'll kill anyone who does."

A tear escaped Roxas’ closed eyes as he pulled Reno close to be kissed again, deeper and more passionately. He felt the robe slipping away as the redhead kissed him and pressed their bodies together. Reno's shirt slipped down off his shoulders and Roxas left it there to quickly undo the belt and pants. He heard the redhead suck in a breath as his fingertips brushed across his skin and he smiled into the kiss.

In bed, Roxas was amazed at what a gentle lover Reno was. He was patient and kind, and took time to caress and kiss places that made Roxas giggle and moan. Who knew that that little place in the bend of his knee was so sensitive or that spot high on the back of his thigh? Reno knew those things and more.

By the time the sun shone through the open windows Roxas’ nightmare had become a sweet dream and he held his captor close as they whispered to each other. Kissing the tattoos on Reno's face as he related the story of how he got them, Roxas smiled. He felt like he was beginning to have a normal life… no more hiding and lying… no more fear of Sora. No more fear of anyone ever again.


	11. CONFESSIONS

CONFESSIONS

  


Yazoo waited until he felt the vibration of the approaching train, then touched Axel’s arm. _“May I kiss you?”_

Axel didn’t answer but he didn’t move away so Yazoo leaned in and kissed him gently on the corner of his mouth, then sat back and smiled. The redhead put his fingertips to the spot that still tingled from the light touch, staring at the beauty beside him for a moment before he leaned toward him and kissed him fully on the lips. The kiss was soft and sweet and as he started to pull away he felt a hand on his cheek.

Axel heard the rumble of the train and knew he should go home…but he didn’t want to. He liked this soft, sweet, gentle touch. He had never had anything like that with Vanitas and he didn’t realize how much he missed it. Deepening the kiss he heard a soft whine as the train pulled up and stopped, people walking past like they weren’t there.

Yazoo pulled away and stared at him, green eyes almost glowing. _“I’m sorry…that was wrong.”_

Axel grabbed his hands then said, “Stay with me tonight.” Yazoo watched the words formed by his lips then pulled his hands away.

_“You’re with someone…you have someone…I can’t. I won’t do that to him, whoever he is. Look at you…so smart and beautiful…he would be devastated. I would be devastated.”_

Axel dropped his head and smiled slightly then said, _“You’re right…and I’m wrong for even asking. Thank you for…all of it. Especially the reality check. I’ll see you…again I guess.”_

With that he stood and walked toward the train. Turning back to look out of the windows, he saw Yazoo standing by the streetlight watching him. He waved and smiled as the train pulled away and Axel spent the trip home thinking about what he needed to do and say when Vanitas came home.

  


On the beach Namine stood and kissed Vanitas’ hair, then turned to go. “I’m going to make you something to eat Vanitas. You should eat.”

He chuckled and shook his head. “Ok, mom.”

She walked away laughing. He realized two things sitting there on that beach: One, that he had missed the comfort of a woman’s arms, and two that he really didn’t want to go back to Midgar just yet…or tomorrow or the next day.

  


Reno and Roxas woke up to the clatter of Reno's phone hitting the floor. It had vibrated itself off the bedside table. Reaching to get it before he could focus properly he heard Roxas cough and groan. "Sorry baby" he mumbled while he checked his messages.

Axel: well???

Axel: is he dead??

Axel: I'm gonna to go out on a limb here and assume no

Axel: well u plz call me or text or something

Axel: I ran into someone at dinner and I think I need to reevaluate my relationship with Vani

Axel: is a kiss cheating?

Reno rolled back over and snuggled Roxas whispering, "Make it stooooop."

Roxas giggled. "Axel?"

"Yeah and he always has the tough questions when it's too early or I'm too drunk yo." Reno mumbled into Roxas hair.

"I have a tough question." Roxas spoke against Reno's chest while tracing a nipple with his finger.

Reno shuddered. "Shoot."

"This is serious and you may wanna give it some thought before you answer...and whatever you decide will be fine with me, I promise. I won't give you any shit, ok."

Reno sighed and mentally prepared. He had literally killed Roxas the night before so anything he asked Reno would do his level best to answer or provide. Roxas gave him a few seconds to prepare then took a deep breath. "I wanna know...what you want for breakfast."

"What!?" Reno squawked and then laughed "You had me scared yo! I was ready for anything."

Roxas cackled and hugged him tighter. "I would say I'm sorry but it'd be a lie."

Reno kissed him hard leaving him breathless. "Don't ever lie to me" he said looking at the mouth he wanted to devour. "Tell me the truth no matter how shitty it is...but don't lie. I'll know if you do and it'll hurt a thousand times worse...so don't ok."

"Ok...but I expect the same from you." Roxas said a little nervously. He wasn't confident enough to ask anything of Reno and he could hear it in his voice.

"I won't. I don't expect you to believe that though so if you wanna ask me something you think I might lie about, go ahead yo. My soul is bare."

Roxas looked into his eyes thoughtfully and asked, "Last night...at any time...did you think about Dad?"

 

Reno closed his eyes thinking that he should have seen this coming as the two looked so much alike. Time to fess up. "When I saw you screaming I thought of him and his nightmares. When I was doing chest compressions, I thought of him killing me. He didn't cross my mind after that until now yo cause you're not him...when ya opened those eyes the first time and I saw fear, when I saw you give up- ready to die, when you smiled at me after what I did, that's all Roxas baby."

Roxas was smiling as he listened.

"You have a heart so big that people can fall into it, yo...and you're the kind of person that's ok with that."

Roxas looked at him thoughtfully. "I never thought of myself that way. People don't fall into my heart. I never thought I even had one till I met him."

As soon as he said it he regretted but then Reno smiled and nodded, "Me too."

Roxas wrapped around him and sobbed. Reno held him and whispered, "You're beautiful Roxas...and you have no idea, and that makes you even more beautiful. Ya make me feel happy and sad and peaceful and scared all at the same time...every time ya look in my eyes I feel like I'm naked and like I should just hand ya my heart and say here, you can have this yo...even if ya just wanna step on it...and I didn't know I could feel that way until him."

Roxas stopped crying while Reno talked and whispered back, "Why do I make you scared?"

Reno chuckled, "Cause you're little yo, and reckless and you like dope...a lot."

Roxas laughed. "I'm not a kid!"

"I know and I got a feeling you ain't been one for a long time yo." Reno said pulling Roxas on top of him.

The blonde sat up and looked down at his new lover and thought briefly before he asked the next question. "Is this a thing- you and me?"

Reno laughed and reached up to touch his bruised throat. "I want it to be but I got no right to ask it or expect it after what I did to ya…and I got no clue what you want yo. You're hard to read. He said that about you too yanno."

"What you mean?" Roxas took his hand and kissed it, then sucked a couple fingers into his mouth.

Reno hissed and reached for his thigh to push him back onto his hardening cock. Roxas wiggle, smiling and mumbled "Answer the question."

Reno chuckled. "You're hard to read. It's hard to tell what you're thinking yo...like this morning, like last night, like when you do shit like take off with your Dean."

Roxas laughed spitting out the fingers. "Come on let's go down and see if he's still here."

Roxas hopped off Reno and trotted across the room naked. Reno watched him smiling and said "Like when you hop outta bed to go see who's here."

Roxas turned around laughing to yell back to Reno but he was right there in his face, kissing him. This time Roxas didn't panic, instead he grabbed the redhead’s shoulder and hopped up into his arms wrapping his legs around him. Reno growled and stumbled to the nearest wall where he pressed Roxas against it. "Fuck me...right here." Roxas hissed.

  
  


Axel was waiting for Reno to text back while he watched a movie and fielded calls from his office. He had his secretary forward all his calls if he didn't have early appointments so he had stopped looking at the ID and just answered, "Dr. Sinclair."

This time the voice was familiar but not his secretary. "Hey baby."

"Hey Vani. How's Sora?" Axel asked still half watching the movie.

"He's on lithium, I think. Looked like he'd been fighting...supervised visit so probably...he's gonna be there a while. Olette went back to Destiny."

Axel hummed into the phone then said, "You're probably right about all of that. I thought I might come and see him just to...you know...see if maybe some fresh eyes could offer a little something different...I donno."

"Axel...I messed up."

Axel sat up abandoning the movie. "What's that mean?"

"I...I slept with Namine...I'm...you know I'm not gonna say that, cause it's bullshit. I'm sorry that I did it behind your back. I should have ended it with you first. I'm sorry for that."

Axel was quiet. The doctor in him appreciated the honesty but the lover in him was devastated. He thought about kissing Yazoo and how he had planned to talk to his boyfriend. He thought about how crummy he felt for a kiss while Vanitas was getting laid. He was hurt and he was mad but he was realistic.

He heard Vanitas calling his name over the phone and said nothing. "Axel say something. Tell me I’m a piece of shit or something...anything."

He stared at the phone and then whispered "k" before he hung up, picked up his trusty M9 and went for a walk.

  


In Costa Vanitas was frantic. He needed to tell Reno but who wanted to tell a fuckin Turk they just broke his brother's heart... _his only brother...his only family_. Stalking back inside he knew there was only one thing to do...go back to Midgar and deal with it personally. He owed Axel that much.

Back inside he woke Namine. "I'm going to Midgar to deal with Axel and get my shit. I'll be back later tonight or in the morning. I want you here, right here in my bed."

Sitting up, she threw her arms around him. "Oh Vani!" He kissed her and headed out.

  


In the slums, 2 dead bodies, a cup of coffee, a glass of milk, and one dozen chocolate cookies later, Axel felt a little better. Back in the apartment he sat down to answer emails when his phone rang. "Dr Sinclair..."

"Hey Runt, sorry I'm just now getting back yo...was busy."

"Hey Reno. One is Roxas dead? Two are you ok? Three I kissed a guy last night. Four Vanitas just dumped me via phone. Five I think he's back with Namine."

Reno watched Roxas patter around the kitchen putting different foods on the island in front of him and he spoke calmly. "One no. Two yes. Three what were you thinking? Four do you want me to kill him? Five do you want me to kill her?”

Axel smiled and wiped a tear of his cheek. "Three- he was pretty and I was drunk. Four no. Five no."

Reno grabbed Roxas and pulled him close kissing his cheek. "Talk to Axel for a sec."

Roxas grinned and grabbed the phone, having no clue that anything was amiss. "Hey Axel!"

"Roxaaaas! Good to hear you breathing." Axel chuckled sadly.

Roxas laughed out loud. "Guess what?"

"What?" Axel sniffed.

"What's wrong?" Roxas asked but looked at Reno as if to ask did he know his brother was upset. The look on his face said he did then he turned back to his cooking.

"I'm uh...me and Vani broke up...him and Namine." Axel squeaked.

Roxas held the phone with his mouth hanging open. "I'm so sorry...but how I mean...how?"

Axel related what few details he knew and Roxas kept apologizing. "Stop sayin that, Rox. It's not your fault. What were you gonna tell me before?"

"Um...I don't think it's appropriate." Roxas mumbled.

Axel laughed. "Spill."

Roxas watched Reno cook. "I was gonna say...your brother is making an honest man out of me..."

Axel laughed "Are you serious right now!? Put me on speaker."

"What the fuck, Reno!?" Axel laughed. "You were ready to kill him last night! As your doctor I really have to advise against this." Axel was still laughing. Reno chuckled when he turned around to put the French toast on plates for them and saw the big goofy grin on Roxas’ face.

"You guys are the two most volatile motherfuckers I ever met, myself excluded of course, so I wish you both luck." Axel chuckled. "Knowing that, I forgive you for not answerin me last night, Reno. And Roxas...be good to him...or I'll kill ya myself. And I don't mean that in some kind of figurative, literary, alluding way. I mean it in a very literal, I will stick this fuckin M9 in your mouth and pull the trigger kind of way."

Roxas’ smile had faded and Reno watched as his expression grew serious then cold. "I get it...you don't want your brother getting his heart broken by a junkie whore."

"Woa! Where'd that come from?" Reno said taking Roxas in his arms.

"It's my fault, Reno." Axel said on the phone. "I'm sorry Roxas. I didn't mean...aww fuck it. You know what yeah. I love my fuckin brother and I don't wanna see him hurt. And as much as I would love to see you guys work out, who really encourages someone they love to get involved with a junkie?"

"Runt ya outta line yo. Since when did you become so judgmental?" Reno snapped. “Where do you get off callin him out for being a junkie anyway? I seem ta recall draggin you outta a fuckin bar bathroom half dead and coming home to find ya strung out with a house full of squatters."

"I want better than that for you, Reno. You deserve someone better than me." Axel said.

Roxas looked from the phone to Reno as he shoveled down the sweet syrupy toast. Reno winked at Roxas who didn't seem to give a single fuck that they were talking about his drug habit like he wasn't even in the room.

"Imma go. We can discuss this later if you feel like ya need ta insult me and him further yo. But I'm done hearing it for now. Good luck with your Dragon. Knowing him he's on his way there to get his shit so, remember to be all self-righteous and preachy with him too. See what that gets ya...a fucking fat lip yo...and fyi- I _did_ kill Roxas last night but he's here now...so fuck it...I'm in, and if he fucks up then I'll keep my whining to myself."

"I'm sorry Reno." Axel muttered over the phone. Roxas watched Reno pick at his food and felt badly for him. He finally wanted a relationship and the most important person in the world to him didn't approve.

"I'm sorry, Reno." Roxas said quietly.

"You got nothin ta be sorry for yo." Reno reached across the island to take his hand.

"He's right yanno. I was a junkie whore when I fucked him...and Riku." Roxas lamented then he released Reno's hand and went to the bathroom to puke.

Reno looked at his phone and snapped. "Thanks a lot."

"I said I was sorry!" Axel snapped back and Reno had a flashback from the previous night when he had said those words to Roxas.

Starting briefly at the phone he said quietly, "I love ya runt." Then he hung up. When he found Roxas he was in the solarium smoking...still wishing he had a hit.

  


Vanitas arrived in Midgar and went straight to the apartment. Walking in, he saw Axel laying on the sofa asleep with his gun on his chest. _Great_ he thought, _I’m gonna get shot_. Deciding that waking him from across the room would be a bad idea, he walked over and leaned down to kiss his face like he always did.

Axel grunted and stuck his gun to Vanitas’ chest before opening his eyes. When they opened Vanitas saw sadness then rage then sadness again as he spoke. "Sorry." He put his gun down and shoved Vanitas away gently.

"I'm sorry, Axel." Vanitas said quietly.

"Hey, it is what it is. I couldn't give you what you needed. I get it." Axel said.

"Do you really?" Vanitas looked closer at his eyes.

"Yeah...just last night I was thinking I should talk to ya cause I just...I felt like somethin was missing between us."

Vanitas nodded and Axel smiled, "So I get it, but I'm not gonna sit here and watch you move out."

Standing to get his keys, he turned to look at the tattooed Strife. "I hope it works out for you. You deserve to be happy." He kissed Vanitas’ cheek and left him there to pack.

  
  


Roxas knocked on Xemnas’ door and got no answer so he stepped inside. There was a note for him there.

_Dear Roxas, I didn't want to wake you so early before I left but I didn’t want you to feel abandoned. I was distraught momentarily but then I reminded myself that you are not a child… also that Laguna would be here for you. Enjoy your new home. If you have any questions or concerns you know where to find me._

_Nunky_

He smiled and folded the note, intending to keep it. Going up to his room he called Cloud who filled him in on Sora then Roxas told him about the house.

"He did what!?" Cloud squawked, making Roxas laugh. He was shocked but pleased that Roxas seemed so happy.

"And Dad...I’m seeing someone." Roxas confessed quietly.

"That's great Rox! It's about time...I’m so glad you're moving forward. You've always been so strong. I’m proud of you baby. Who's the lucky person?"

"I'm seeing Reno." Roxas said then waited for the fallout.

Cloud quietly contemplated the repercussions of different things he wanted to say. "Roxas...that's...um...ok. Ok he's a good guy...and a Turk so I don't have to worry about anyone hurting you ever...that’s good. I love you, son."

"I love you, Dad." Roxas said before ending the call.

Reno was outside on the beach wading in the surf thinking about the future. Roxas would be back in Twilight Town at school soon. Vanitas would be gone and _Axel may move back...or may not._ His phone rang- it was Cloud. As soon as he answered, Cloud went off. “What the actual fuck do you think you’re doing right now!? Roxas just told me that you and him are together now and not 48 hours ago you were offering to write poetry about my ass!”

“Hole yo…your ass _hole_ …be correct.” Reno said, setting Cloud off again.

“You can’t do that to him, Reno! You can’t just fuck around with Roxas’ heart…he’s not me, he’s breakable. You don’t…”

“I don’t what, yo? Roxas is stronger and smarter than you give him credit for and you’re right, _he’s not_ like you…but he _is_ like me. A lot. He’s got a fucked up relationship with his brother, he’s tougher than he looks, he’s been around the block yo and he survived, and _he’s my age_! So let him fucking have this! If anybody is gonna get hurt it’ll be me yo, so don’t worry your head about that.”

Cloud was quiet and then he simply ended the call. Reno growled and put his phone away.

  


Roxas talked with Laguna about his plans for college and Laguna informed him that Xemnas had left some important documents in the study that needed to be signed. Roxas went inside to find paperwork for the transfer of Riku's trust. Taking the things he needed and signing what needed to be signed before faxing them back, he glanced at the balance. "What the fuck!? Reno!!! We're rich!" Roxas ran out to find his new boyfriend.


	12. HOMECOMING

HOMECOMING

  


Six months later Sora was finally going home and everyone made plans to be together at Costa and have their Thanksgiving a little early. All the Strife siblings opted to stay at hotels and Cloud was a bit disappointed. He wanted all his boys together but alas...shit had gotten complicated.

Axel was invited because he was honorary family and was bringing his boyfriend. He had told Cloud all about him and he looked forward to meeting the new addition.

Vanitas had moved back to Costa and got an apartment and a job teaching art at the college there but spent most of his spare time working on his sculptures which were selling so well that he had talked about opening a small gallery for local artists.

Olette and Ariel had come back from Destiny early to settle back into their home and prepare for Sora's return. He had sounded happy and ready to see everyone the last time Cloud spoke with him.

 

When the day arrived, Xion had prepared a huge dinner with three turkeys and everyone began to arrive. Roxas and Reno showed up and Cloud tried not to be weird about it- he hadn’t seen them together since he got the news. Roxas was happy and straight and that was a bigger novelty than Reno not flirting with him, although he did notice that Roxas was a little clingy...that was new. He supposed maybe he was nervous about seeing Sora.

Demyx and Ventus showed up happy as usual. Ventus was wearing a little makeup and Cloud kissed his cheek and whispered, "You look beautiful."

Ventus looked as if he may cry but instead he hugged his dad and said thank you, then giggled as Cloud waltzed him around the room like a princess.

Vanitas and Namine came together but were quiet. She was nervous about the whole Axel thing but Vanitas had a few shots in him already so he was in a better mood. Axel and the new boyfriend arrived last.

"Ah the prodigal son returns!" Cloud said when he opened the door for the final couple. Axel smiled broadly and stepped inside after his guest who was dressed in black. Smiling at Cloud and extending his hand as Cloud said "You must be Yazoo. It's nice to finally meet you."

"Nice to meet you finally as well Mr. Strife." Yazoo said. Cloud had gotten his PTSD moment out of the way earlier when Axel sent a pic.

 

When they entered the room, Vanitas saw them first as Reno went over to speak to his brother and the silver demon. Roxas followed and signed to Yazoo busily about how happy he was to see him again, about school, and his brother Sora, who they were all waiting for. Grabbing his hand, Roxas looked to Axel for permission to take him around for introductions.

Axel nodded and winked at his lover who smiled brightly, then gave Reno a quick hug before being led away by the blonde. Roxas introduced him to everyone and saved Vanitas for next to last. That would let him relax but leave him an out if he wanted to get away.

Cloud watched the room full of happy people and wondered at how Roxas had blossomed since he had been with Reno...or since he had been away from Sora he wasn't sure which made the difference or if it was a combination of the two; either way he was happy.

Demyx and Ven loved Yazoo on sight and they all chatted about their experiences and lives. Yazoo got a new nickname immediately since he was the youngest of the crowd; they all called him Bebe.

Axel watched him circulate through the room and could tell he was at ease. When he met Vanitas, he was guarded but polite. "It's nice to meet you Vanitas." Yazoo smiled.

"Same" he smiled and winked. "How’s school?" Vanitas said as if he was truly interested. "Dad said you’re at MU."

"I love it...I’ve been very busy getting ready for finals." Yazoo said relaxing a little.

"I bet..." Vanitas added.

"I love your art. I bought one of your sculptures this summer past." Yazoo said, surprising the raven-haired Strife.

“Really? Which one?” Vanitas smiled a genuine smile and across the room Axel watched and then joined Cloud in a drink.

  


Finally they saw Olette’s car pull into the driveway and everyone quieted. Roxas looked at Reno, suddenly mortified, then his expression went blank. Reno looked at him and said, “Its ok. It’ll be alright.”

Roxas nodded and threaded their fingers together. “Dad told him about us…so he’s had time to process…I just.”

“I know baby. I got you.” Reno whispered and Roxas smiled making the few others in the room who were watching him smile too, except for Axel who just turned away.

He knew the two had grown a lot closer but he didn’t see much of either of them. Roxas was in school in Twilight Town and when Reno wasn’t working, he was there too. Stealing one more glance at Roxas, he shifted his gaze to find Vanitas staring daggers at him. His eyes betrayed him by getting wide with guilt before he turned to look at Yazoo and smile a huge fake smile that fooled no one except Yazoo, who smiled back sweetly.

The door opened and Sora came inside carrying his little girl. He was smiling as he looked around the room- he looked genuinely happy. Olette closed the door behind them and everyone said “Welcome home!”

He laughed and kissed Ariel and Roxas could see tears in his eyes and immediately squeezed Reno’s hand. Reno looked at him and whispered, “You ok?”

Roxas nodded weakly but Reno thought he looked like he needed to puke. “Come on. Let’s step into the kitchen for a sec so yo can get your breath ok?”

Roxas nodded again and slipped quietly into the kitchen, a move that didn’t go unnoticed by Sora. Everyone was talking to him and hugging him as his eyes searched for Roxas and saw him slipping out of the room. Taking a step back from the crowd and handing Ariel off to Olette, Sora excused himself for a drink.

 

As he stepped into the kitchen he realized two things, the first being Roxas was being held by Reno and the second being, he wanted to be the one to comfort his brother. Reno eyed him warily and smiled, “Hi Sora…Rox got a little nervous and needed a sec.”

Sora nodded and stood staring at them for a moment before speaking. “There’s somethin I need ta say to Rox…and I’d rather not do it in front of everybody.”

“I’m not ‘ _everybody_ ’ yo.” Reno said with all the nicety he could muster, which wasn’t a lot at that point in time.

“So I’ve been told.” Sora snarked, no longer trying to be polite to the Turk who still held _his_ Roxas.

“Sora…you can say what you need to say in front of Reno…he knows everything about me.” Roxas said as he turned to face Sora without letting go of Reno’s hand.

“Ok…I just wanted to say I’m sorry.” Sora stated bluntly.

“Sorry for what, Sora?” Roxas challenged, knowing what he meant but refusing to let him off the hook. A straight Roxas gave _many fucks about many things_ …even himself and he felt like he deserved to hear the words. Reno was enjoying seeing Roxas stand up for himself against Sora. He had seen the blonde’s temper so he knew he had it in him but he was so damaged where Sora was concerned that it was hard for him not to be afraid.

“Sorry for never wanting you to have your own life…sorry for takin advantage of you when you were strung out and fucked up…sorry for hurting you and being an asshole when you were just tryin to be happy…and I’m sorry I blamed you for Riku.” Sora said looking as lost as Roxas had ever seen him.

Roxas wiped his tears away with a nervous hand then stepped away from Reno to hold out his arms to Sora. Reno smiled a sad smile as Sora walked into the hug and cried quietly. He stood by while they held one another and whispered about love and brothers and family. He even heard his name hissed out at one point but he wasn’t going to budge. Sora stepped away first, surprising them both and said, “Thanks…I don’t deserve any of this.”

Reno piped up, “There YOU go… _deserve_ …you deserve to be happy Sora, as much as anyone… _more_ than a lot of people. Give yourself a break. You deal with more in a day than most people deal with in a lifetime and you’ve managed a family and a career too yo. That’s deserving of a lot more than Xion’s cookin. Not that her cookin is shabby yo…she’s no Laguna.”

Sora and Roxas laughed then Sora said, “Who’s Laguna?”

They chatted as they walked back into the den right before everyone started to file into the dining room. Dinner was a loud and happy affair and afterwards there was alcohol for everyone except Sora and Olette who didn’t seem to mind at all. Sora watched his family and friends get drunk and laughed at them.

Soon it was time for goodbyes as Sora and his family went home. He hugged Roxas tightly and whispered, “Let’s surf tomorrow.”

“Ok” Roxas said and when he stepped away from Sora he caught a hint of that familiar glare and his right eye ticked. Just then Reno popped his head on Roxas’ shoulder and smiled at Sora, “Safe trip.”

Sora nodded and smiled at Reno, and was gone. Moving the visit out onto the beach there was more drinking and some friendly smoke. Yazoo smoked but didn’t drink and fell in with the family seamlessly. He and Ventus talked at length about fashion and hair products while Demyx got his guitar out to play and sing.

Axel and Cloud had found themselves propped shoulder to shoulder talking about life. “I really fucked up, Dad.” Axel said and hacked around the smoke, passing the joint to Cloud.

“Who are you tellin?” Cloud said cutting his eyes to make sure Xion wasn’t in ear shot. “And don’t call me Dad.”

Axel grinned and Cloud turned to him, confident that he could speak freely. “When you say you fucked up…do you mean Vanitas or Roxas or have you already fucked up with Bebe?”

Axel stared at him with bloodshot eyes and hissed, “All of them. Ass.”

“How have you fucked up with Bebe? The other two are pretty self-explanatory but…he looks pretty damn happy to me.” Cloud said passing back to Axel.

“That’s just it…he _is_ happy…very happy…and I’m not.” Axel sighed. “Don’t get me wrong, he’s beautiful and sweet and the sex is- oh my God! But ugh…I see Vanitas is happy and I should be happy for him I guess…but it still pisses me off that he just dropped me so fast.”

“Yeah that seemed odd to me too…especially since Nami had no problem at all fucking me before he showed up.” Cloud said. “Gimme…fuckin bogart.”

Axel coughed and passed. “Daaaaaamn…does Vani know that?”

“I’m sure…he gave me the stink eye for about a week and I told him to get over himself. That’s when he moved out and took her with him.” Cloud said, burning the last of the weed.

“Well…then…now…I’m just not sure how I feel about that. What did Xion say?” Axel leaned harder onto Cloud’s shoulder.

“She was with us every time…she didn’t care.” Cloud mumbled as if he didn’t care one way or the other.

Axel picked up on it immediately and remarked, “That sounds like a man deeply in love if I ever heard one.”

“I never said I was deeply in love…I haven’t been deeply in love since Sephiroth and don’t care to be again…I’m an emotional cripple.” Cloud giggled. “That’s why I smoke so much weed.”

Axel cackled and jiggled Cloud enough to slip off his shoulder and collapse onto the blanket they sat on. Looking down at him grinning, Axel smirked. “You’re stoned.”

“I am.” Cloud admitted laughing. “So…Mr. I have my shit together but I really don’t…after Riku, did you never think about trying again with Roxas?”

Axel sighed and looked aged. “I was with Vanitas…and I wasn’t going to dump him to try and get back with his brother…that would’ve been shitty. But after the way he did with Nami…no I still wouldn’t have.”

“So you weren’t that into Rox?” Cloud asked floundering as he tried to sit up again. Axel grabbed his hand and helped him chuckling.

“I was totally into Rox…and seein him now, straight and happy and at peace…my God. It kills my fuckin soul that I never had a shot at that.”

“Never _took_ a shot…you could have.” Cloud corrected.

“Way to make me feel better, Dad.” Axel grumbled.

“It’s never too late.” Cloud said nodding. “and don’t call me Dad.”

“It was too late the minute Reno said he cared about him. I won’t interfere with that.” Axel stated it like it was his last will and testament and Cloud felt sorry for the redhead.

“You wanna hear some truth?” Cloud asked looking at Axel from the corner of his eye.

“Sure why not…you’re a regular Buddha when you smoke…tell me some truth.”

“I would take Reno back in a minute if I thought he gave a shit about me and it wouldn’t hurt Roxy.” Cloud said honestly.

Axel stared at him thinking that if they could go back and he had stayed with Roxas and Cloud had stayed with Reno… _wow_.

  


Axel's thoughts were interrupted when he saw Ventus and Yazoo dancing while Demyx played. He elbowed Cloud and they both watched smiling. While they watched, Cloud didn't see Xion and Namine watching him and Axel. "Did they ever hook up?" Namine asked.

"Not that I know of...but Cloud did have the thing with his twin brother you know...the one who's fucking his clone now." Xion said coldly.

Namine watched them briefly, then said, "Come and dance with me...we'll give them something to watch."

Before they could make an adequate spectacle of themselves, nearly everyone was dancing. Cloud and Axel joined in as well, albeit not like everyone expected. Cloud danced with Roxas to everyone's delight and Axel danced with his red twin surprising no one. They were laughing just like old times, when everything wasn’t simple but it was predictable- the red twins were going to sing and or dance, Roxas was going to dance, Demyx was going to play and sing, and Vanitas was going to get drunk, _very_ drunk.

  


True to himself, Vanitas was very drunk and dancing with Namine all the while watching Axel out of the corner of his eye. Axel glanced his way as he was laughing and talking with Reno and caught him looking.

He stopped grinning and cocked his head to the side and held his gaze. Reno said "Runt?" And followed his stare across the few yards that separated them, then said. "Aww fuck..." but Axel was already walking toward his ex.

"Runt!" Reno said a little louder but not loud enough to call everyone's attention, then he sheepishly looked around to see how many were already watching.

As Axel approached, Namine turned to see what was holding Vanitas’ attention. "Fuck...Vani...please don't fight."

"K" he said just as Axel reached them. Yazoo was dancing by Demyx and Ventus and had just realized where Axel was headed. He started to go after him but Demyx grabbed his arm. Yazoo looked at him questioning.

"Don't get between them...it could get ugly quick." The musician signed.

Yazoo dropped his head and nodded, "I lose either way. He's not over Vanitas and I've known since the beginning. I was just something shiny to pass the time, I guess."

Demyx and Ventus hugged him. "You're beautiful, Bebe. Why were you with him if you knew he was still stuck on Vani?" Ventus asked.

"Look at him!" Yazoo said pitifully. "He was so sweet and kind to me. He never hit me...I don't think he's ever even been mad at me...and I love him with all my heart."

Ventus and Demyx, both near tears hugged him again and looked at one another sadly.

  


"Can we talk?" Axel said when he reached Vanitas.

"Go away, Axel. You're drunk." Namine snapped.

Vanitas groaned. "Now is _not_ the time, Namine. Axel, say what ya need ta say."

"Um I just wanted to say that what happened between us wasn’t all your fault...I mean...I felt there was somethin missin and I should've said somethin. I actually met Yazoo before we...but I only kissed him. Anyway, I just wanted you to know the story from my side… and to say I'm sorry."

Vanitas snapped, "Why are _you_ sorry? For kissing someone behind my back? Look at what I did to you."

Namine opened her mouth but Vanitas turned and raised one brow and one finger, so she's stopped, snapping her mouth closed.

"I guess I'm sorry it ended badly between us ...and the truth is when we hooked up initially, it was a rebound situation for me and I should’ve known it wouldn't work out in the end."

Vanitas stared, thinking that he knew who Axel was rebounding from but he shouldn't say it out loud...for obvious reasons, so he nodded. "Ok...I accept your apology...I guess I should've realized."

"No, no. You had your own self-realization going on and you wouldn't have seen it. I should have though..." Axel said honestly.

Namine snarled but kept quiet. Vanitas looked at the redhead thoughtfully. "So what are you gonna do about... or are you over it or..."

"There's nothin I can do given the current situation...and even if that ended...it's just impossible. I missed that chance... and I need to accept it." Axel smiled at Vanitas letting him have a glimpse of the regret in his expression.

"If it was meant to be, it'll happen…don't be so hopeless. If it matters, I was rooting for you two back then...before." Vanitas said about the time Namine huffed.

Vanitas cut her a look and she rolled her eyes. "Why don't you two just come out and say it. I was there you know."

"Why don't you keep your fuckin voice down before you get a bunch of people upset over some shit that's not everyone's business?" Vanitas snapped.

"Fine but I think Roxas has a right to know that Axel is still in love with him." Namine said quietly. They both looked at her and hissed. "Sssssshhhhh!"


	13. TAKING OUT THE TRASH

TAKING OUT THE TRASH

  


Reno was watching the two talk when he felt a hand slip into his. "Hey." Roxas said as he stood on his toes for a kiss. "What's goin on with those two?"

"I saw Axel apologizin to Vani and I caught most of it but basically I think they're just burying the hatchet yo." Reno answered truthfully but not sharing the part about Axel being on the rebound or the part where Namine said that he was still in love with Roxas. Surely Axel hadn't meant for him to see that...but he knew how well he could read lips...could that be his way of letting Reno know?

Kissing Roxas’ hair, Reno led him back to the bonfire thinking about what might happen if Roxas found out about Axel's feelings. Would he go back to him or would he stay? Did Roxas really care for him or was this some kind of fucked up Stockholm syndrome? The one thing he knew for sure was that he didn't know anything for sure. 

"Ya wanna go to the hotel baby?" Reno asked the little blonde.

"Ok. I'll say goodbye to Dad." Roxas smiled and finished his beer.

"Alright. Imma say goodbye to the Runt." Reno said making Roxas giggle.

"One day you gotta tell me why you call him that." Roxas said as he walked away. Reno watched him go and thought about how much Roxas didn't know about him and his brother and their life in the slums. Vanitas knew them better than anyone there, including Cloud. He sighed and set out to talk to Axel.

"Hey Runt, we're takin off." Reno said as Axel turned to face him. Vanitas stared at him with his wild eyes sparking gold. Reno nodded to him and thought, _serpent._

"Okay Reno. I should get going too I guess. We'll walk up with ya. Vanitas..." Axel turned back to face him. "Thanks for hearing me out."

Vanitas nodded, "Safe trip, both of you."

The redheads smiled and cocked their heads to opposite sides as they were apt to do, then wrapped him in a hug. Whispering to him things that were meant for only his ears, he cried silently between them and Namine walked away cursing under her breath.

  


Cloud hugged Roxas and whispered, "I love you. I'm happy for you and I hope everything works out for you and Reno...if that's what you want."

"I love you too dad...and he is what I want." Roxas said confidently.

"Ok baby ok. Then I want that _for_ you. Just make sure you want it for the right reasons. As much as he drives me nuts, I'd hate to see him heartbroken because you were misplacing some feelings."

"You think I'm misplacing feelings? But we have so much in common...Axel's perfect for me."

They stared at one another, then Roxas added, "Reno...I meant...Reno."

Cloud lifted one eyebrow a tiny fraction then pulled a face making Roxas laugh. "I love you, Dad. I'm going to the hotel and then getting back to school. Behave...if you know how."

Cloud laughed as Roxas walked away but his mirth was squashed by Xion. "What are you plotting?"

"Plotting? Nothing...and what right do you have to even accuse me after you engineered the breakup between Axel and Vanitas?" Cloud hissed so no one else would hear.

"I did no such thing!" Xion hissed back angrily.

"I heard you Xi, don't deny it." Cloud said a little above a whisper. "I've heard a lot of things that I've chosen not to call you out for because I simply didn't give a shit." Opening his beer he took a long drink, then smiled. Cloud was sliding headlong into a meltdown and this time Vincent wasn’t around to help him contain it. "Wanna know what I know?"

Xion looked pissed. She had never seen his temper so she kept pushing. "You're so full of shit. You probably misheard but go ahead and tell me what you _think_ you know."

"You told Namine that you're bored here- _tired of playing Betty Crocker to a bunch of crazies_ \- were your words. Then there was the time you told her not to tell me that the two of you slept together without me- as if I would care, the complaints about Sora, the complaints about Roxas, saying that you would fuck Vani if she approved."

Xion stood with her mouth open, eyes huge at hearing her own words spouted back at her. "But I..."

"But hell! When I asked you to stay it was because I cared for you, it wasn't because I was some desperate old man, so don't get it twisted little girl. I don't _need_ your trifling ass." Cloud snapped as Ventus and Demyx roasted marshmallows and giggled.

"Cloud I..." Xion began.

"Nope." Cloud finished his beer. "I should have said something sooner but I was focusing on my boys."

"That's all you care about anyway! You never cared about me!" Xion got a little louder.

"If I didn't care about you, you'd have stayed in Twilight Town and kept dancing for dollars and sucking dick for twenties." Cloud said in his normal tone of voice while Ventus and Demyx were cooking on their s'mores trying not to laugh out loud.

"You asshole!" Xion yelled.

"That's the general consensus, yes." Cloud said smiling. Xion was furious and she reached back to slap him across the face but someone grabbed her arm.

"That's a bad idea." Ventus said from behind her. "If you're so unhappy here then you should leave." Releasing her am he stepped away.

"Whatever...have a nice life, asshole." Xion said as she stomped away to the house.

 

"That escalated quickly." Demyx said and Cloud chuckled.

"It's been a while coming. The whole Namine sex thing caught me off guard. I wasn’t expecting that and I plan to tell Vanitas as soon as possible."

"Good idea." Ventus said "I didn't think he would go back to her anyway...even though he fucked up with Axel, he could've found someone else."

"Yazoo said he thinks Axel is still pining after Vani." Demyx shared and Ventus nodded.

Cloud grunted, "I think Axel's pining may go back a little farther than that."

"Roxas?" Ventus said and Demyx just stared as Cloud nodded.

"How do you know this? Spill it." Demyx said grinning.

"Father's intuition." Cloud said smiling. "That, and I heard him telling Vani when he went over to 'apologize'"

"Wow" both blondes said in unison. "What else did you hear tonight?"

"I heard what Yazoo said and it broke my heart. He's such a sweetheart and I know Axel didn't hurt him intentionally. It's just a fucked up situation."

"That it is." Ventus agreed. "So do you think Olette and Sora will be ok?"

"Honestly I don't know. He’ll be going to therapy so hopefully he can work through his issues about Roxas. But you know couples who get married because of a pregnancy don't usually last." Cloud said as he watched the dwindling fire.

"Dad...we love you." Demyx said making Ventus and Cloud both smile.

"I love you guys too. Now let me go up to the house and make sure the trash gets taken out."

  
  


Yazoo was quiet at the hotel and Axel had a feeling he knew why, so he ordered some light dessert and champagne for them after sending Yazoo to relax in a bubble bath. When he emerged in a robe Axel was sitting on the sofa waiting. _"You look beautiful."_

_"Thank you."_ He said sitting with him, picking up a strawberry while Axel poured champagne.

_"Why do you look so sad?"_ Yazoo asked even though he knew the answer.

Axel took a deep breath then sighed _. "It's complicated."_

_"I can probably guess..."_ Yazoo said with a sad smile.

"Oh yeah?" Axel smiled and sipped his champagne. _"What's your guess?"_

_"You still care for Vanitas and it hurt you to see him with that witch tonight."_ Yazoo said smiling around another strawberry.

Axel laughed and said, _"You're a mess."_

_"Am I right though?"_ He asked downing his drink then rubbing his nose.

_"She is a witch, yes...and I do care for Vanitas, yes. But things weren't exactly right with us before the witch came back."_ Axel admitted.

_"Then what's bothering you?"_

_"Before Vanitas...there was someone else...and even though it was a short relationship, I never stopped wondering…could it have been more."_

_"Oh baby...what happened? Why was it short?"_ Yazoo petted Axel's hair.

_"He was a junkie."_ Axel said and his voice cracked. Yazoo couldn’t hear the sadness in his voice but there was no mistaking the misery in his eyes.

_"Oh that's so sad. I'm so sorry. What happened to him? Is he still around?"_ Yazoo laid his head on Axels shoulder to comfort him.

_"He cleaned up after his boyfriend passed away...and yeah he's around..."_ Axel said abandoning the glass and picking up the bottle of champagne.

_"Well now that he's clean...why don't you...I mean, I'm not stupid, Axel. I can tell something's missing between us."_ Yazoo said quietly.

_"I'm so sorry..."_ Axel said, not denying anything.

_"Don't be sorry baby. You love who you love and I love you...so even though I knew your heart wasn’t in it, I stayed."_ Yazoo said softly _"I'm not a baby."_

_"Yes you are."_ Axel said then kissed his hair _. "You're a beautiful doll and should be treated like royalty...and I've only been half here the whole time."_

_"You've been wonderful...but it's time you pursue the one who has your heart."_

_"Are you dumping me right now?"_ Axel chuckled as a tear slipped out of his eye.

Yazoo cuddled close to him and whispered, "yes" as he closed his eyes and cried quietly with Axel.

  


Reno snuggled Roxas and whispered sweet things to him as he dozed but Roxas was fitful as he dreamed about unpleasant things. His tossing and mumbling kept Reno awake so he eventually left the bed to smoke.

Staring at his phone, he thought about his situation. He could stay with Roxas and carry on or he could drop him and let Axel have a shot at making him happy... _but what about Reno...who would make Reno happy?_ He was happy with Roxas. They were straight with one another, neither one trusted the other off the end of their fingertips but they had discussed it at length.

They had discussed lots of things like sex and drugs because they couldn't be together often and those things were issues. Roxas confessed to using coke at college and Reno confessed to using coke whenever the fuck he wanted. Roxas confessed to letting a guy blow him at a party at the now infamous Strife House and Reno confessed to letting his boss fondle his goods. They had confessional and weed every time they got together and neither had ever gotten jealous or angry. Reno thought that was strange. He wondered if Roxas thought it was strange. Maybe he would ask him when-

"Nooooo!!!" Roxas screamed from the bedroom like he was dying...and incidentally Reno knew what that sounded like. Rushing to his side he found him thrashing in bed.

"Roxas. Wake up!" Reno said pinning him down and speaking into his ear. "Wake up."

Roxas struggled briefly then he began to cry. Reno held him but after a few minutes he pushed him away. "No." He got out of bed and fumbled for a smoke. Reno watched him go, then followed him to make sure he was awake.

"Fucking shit..." Roxas grumbled as he smoked.

"Was it Riku again?" Reno asked.

"Not this time...it was absolutely the most fucked up dream I have ever had... _ever_...even when I was kicking cold turkey." Roxas said angrily.

"Wanna share?" Reno fished as he lit another smoke.

"It doesn't make any sense...there were all these animals...rabbits and dragons and birds...the birds though were...like phoenix...like your tattoo. Anyhow they were all around me...one of the dragons was one of those water things with all the heads..."

"A hydra?" Reno asked as he remembered the story Jiji had told them when they took Vanitas to the slums.

"Yeah hydra, thanks...anyway we were going somewhere, me and all these fuckin animals when this fucking huge Goddamn fire spirit thing just comes along and fries all of em. Just fucking torches all my animals...I thought I was gonna die. Goddammit." Roxas smoked with shaking hands. "I so need a hit right now."

Reno watched him get his shit together, rubbing his arms and fidgeting. He shook his head then smiled and asked "Got plans for Christmas yo?"

Roxas looked up at him exasperated. "What?"

  
  


Cloud woke to his phone buzzing. "Fuuuuck" checking his messages, he sighed.

Axel: hey dad. Split with Bebe last night. Going back to Midgar today. Sorry won’t be there for lunch. Love.

Sora: hey dad, what hotel is Roxy staying in?

Xion: you fucking bastard. I hate you. I can't believe you cancelled my credit card. You are such a piece of shit. All I have is my bank account. How am I supposed to live?

Xion: I'm so sorry Cloud. Thank you for paying off my car. I'm sorry I was a bitch.

Xion: what the fuck Cloud! Did you have to take me off your membership at the spa?

Xion: you are such a dick. Seriously. You cancelled my Starbucks card. What next!

Xion: you are a fucking scourge! I'm not staying in this fucking town where everyone knows you and loves you. I'm going to Midgar.

Cloud laughed out loud knowing that he was just as well known in Midgar as he was in Costa. Getting out of bed and strolling through the house he felt good…free. Then there was a knock at his door. Smiling as he expected one of his boys he opened the door and almost swallowed his tongue. "Rufus! Hi."

"Hello Cloud, how are you? How are the boys?" Rufus crowed as he walked in.

"They're all good...and they're all in town." Cloud said hoping that Rufus wasn’t planning to stay long.

"That's lovely. I'd love to catch up with the little beasts." Rufus took a seat on Cloud’s sofa as he noticed that his Director was only dressed in pajama pants. "Oh my...did I get you out of bed with your darling Xion?"

"N-no...she...we..." Cloud stammered.

"Oh she's gone already. Well...more for me!" Rufus winked.

Before Cloud could speak again Reno and Roxas walked in. "Hi Dad, hey!!! Uncle Rufus!" Roxas trotted over and sat on his knee like he was 5 years old.

"Hello Roxas! How are you? Tell Uncle Rufus all about it. Has Daddy been mean to you?"

Reno was staring in a state of temporary shock and mouthed the words ‘Uncle Rufus’. He knew that Cloud and Rufus had their flings over the years but he had no idea it went back that far. His boss had been fucking Cloud when he was just a little brat in the slums. Reno was suddenly feeling his very young age.

"No, Dad's been good to me. He had to lock me up for my own good." Roxas giggled.

Rufus winked at him and Roxas hopped off his lap, "Such a bad boy..."

"Are you working Reno, or are you playing" Rufus said turning to him just as Roxas wrapped his arms around him.

"Playing sir." He answered around messy blonde hair.

"Very good, carry on then." Rufus chuckled.

  


Vanitas walked in alone and tossed his keys onto the table by the door. "Uncle Rufus! What's up?"

"Hello beastie. Good to see you." Rufus smiled getting up to hug the newcomer. Before Vanitas could get his phone out to warn Ventus, they were walking through the door.

Rufus was still standing so he looked right into the face of Demyx who froze mid-step, looking terrified. Ventus put his arm around his waist and spoke to Rufus. "Uncle Rufus, good to see you. I think you know my husband Demyx."

Rufus smiled and spoke very humbly, "I do...Hello Demyx. It's good to see you so happy...the last time I saw you, you weren't, and it was my fault I'm afraid...and I'm _very_ sorry."

Demyx only nodded.

"I read about your benefit for the orphanage and I must say you did an _excellent_ job." Rufus said and Ventus relaxed knowing that Rufus was trying...and Rufus rarely tried.

"Th-thank you I-I-it w-was a lot of f-f-fun." Demyx said quietly and Rufus looked like he might cry.

"Good. It's important that you enjoy your chosen career...it will never seem like work."

Demyx nodded again and hugged Ventus closer. "Y-yes, I love teaching."

 

Suddenly there was squealing from outside and Cloud said "Ariel is here, yay!" And he ran to the door to scoop her up into his arms. Sora walked in behind her grinning. "Uncle Rufus!"

Rufus went to him and hugged him. "How are you?"

"I'm good....glad to be home."

Rufus kissed his hair and released him to speak to Ariel. "How are you my love? Did you get your gift I sent to you in the purple box?"

Rufus had found out that her favorite color was purple and he sent her purple gifts in purple boxes at random times so they would always be surprises.

"I love it! It's the biggest teddy I have and the only one that's purple so it's my favorite!" Ariel squealed and Cloud hugged her tightly. Rufus smiled at the two but still had tears in his eyes. "I'm glad you love it my little princess."

Roxas yelled from the kitchen "Soraaaa!"

Sora lit up and ran to the kitchen where there was laughing and squawking before the two went to change for surfing. Reno strolled back out of the kitchen and nodded to Rufus and Cloud before joining Vanitas for a drink.

"Not surfing?" Vanitas asked.

"No... thought I'd give Sora and Rox some time..." Reno said passively.

"But you're gonna keep an eye out right?" Vanitas asked worrying about Roxas a bit.

"Always yo." Reno winked and strolled outside.


	14. STOCKHOLM SYNDROME IS A THING?

STOCKHOLM SYNDROME IS A THING?

  


The surfing was spectacular and without incident. Cloud and Rufus talked on the patio while Ariel played. "What's the matter, Rufus?"

Rufus looked up from his drink like he had been a thousand miles away. "Hmm? Oh nothing. Just been doing little soul searching lately. Thinking about the future and such."

"Is everything alright with you, health wise I mean?" Cloud asked because he rarely saw Rufus like this.

"Yes...I just...I haven't gotten around to starting a family and it still seems like such a tedious thing." Rufus grumbled and Cloud giggled.

"You could do like Dr. Xemnas. He have his estate on Destiny and Riku's trust to Roxas. Maybe you could find someone who you feel is worthy and responsible and groom them to take over the company."

Rufus looked at him blankly. "I don't know anyone who could take over a company like mine...other than you."

"Nope. Thanks but I don't want it." Cloud spewed the words like they had been sitting on his tongue waiting to pop out.

"But why noooot?" Rufus whined making Cloud laugh.

"I didn't wanna grow up when I had to, I revert to adolescence at my whim and I'm not going to let you take that away from me by saddling me with a multi-billion dollar company that I know nothing about running. Imma SOLDIER."

"Well would you at least help me choose a candidate?" Rufus pouted.

"Absolutely. What about Valentine?" Cloud offered. "I'm pretty sure he's immortal or close to it...he's a Turk, got a good head on his shoulders..."

"Well if we could find him then I could pitch him but he has gone into hiding again...about six months ago."

"Yeah it's been hard for everyone. My boys will never be the same." Cloud lamented.

  


Vanitas picked at his cuticles and began gnawing at his fingers when Reno noticed and slapped his hand. "Stop that."

Vanitas grinned at him half-heartedly and said, "Thanks."

"So how's long you gonna keep that stripper around?" Reno asked bluntly.

"She's gone already. We had a fight last night and she left with Xion." Vanitas lit a smoke. "She won't be back."

"What did you guys fight about?" Reno said as he took Vanitas’ cigarette making him light another.

"Xion, Dad, Axel...all kinds of stuff."

"So what now?" Reno watched as Sora and Roxas floated on their boards and talked.

"I just wanna work and make art. Fuck it. Relationships are hard and I'm tired. I don't even know what I want anymore."

Reno didn't answer only nodded and raised his fist for a pound.

"Are you and Rox good?" Vanitas had watched them together and thought that Roxas was a little clingy and he didn't think Reno would like that.

"It's good but...you know...not like I thought it would be...we’re so much alike...except the clingy part." Reno said and then added quietly something about having died.

"What was that? Who died?" Vanitas asked.

"I accidentally killed Roxas...but he's fine now." Reno said holding his open hand out toward the beach as if to say- _see there he is, being alive._

"What!?" Vanitas squawked.

"Keep yer voice down yo." Reno hissed. "Nobody knows."

"Really and what did _he_ say!?" Vanitas asked reverting to the closer relationship he shared with Reno and his twin.

"No I meant _not anybody_." Reno corrected.

"Oh..." Vanitas rubbed his face "Sorry...it's just me and him and you...it's not something you just switch off."

"I know. You'll always be our Dragon yo." Reno patted his hand.

Roxas and Sora were approaching the two and Sora looked tired. Roxas however looked absolutely amped.

"You guys don't wanna carve? It's great out there!" Roxas said and all Reno could see was Riku.

Shaking his head he stood. "Nah I'm gonna pass this time yo."

"How bout you Vani?" Sora asked smiling.

"Yeah...might do somethin for my disposition. You coming back out, Rox?"

Roxas looked at Reno who smiled but he was thinking, _I need to let Axel have a look inside his gourd._ "Whatever you want babe. I'm gonna go speak to the boss man."

"Yeah I'll go back out." Roxas said then kissed Reno's cheek and ran off with Sora who looked back over his shoulder at Reno and smiled.

Vanitas headed inside to change and bumped into Cloud on his way out on his wet suit. "Alright dad!"

Cloud chuckled. "I need it."

Vanitas grinned. "I feel that. Where Uncle Rufus?"

"Going out to the beach when he gets his drink. Said he wanted to relax in the shade while he had something appealing to watch." Cloud laughed mocking Rufus’ tone, making Vanitas laugh as he ascended the stairs.

  


Out on the ocean they conversed about their lives and Vanitas watched Roxas’ eyes roam the beach until he found Reno, then relax. The actions were exactly like he had seen Roxas do for years...but with Sora. _That can't be healthy_ he thought.

"You know Vani" Cloud said "I got a text from Xion a bit ago..."

Vanitas laughed. "Yes, my girlfriend ran off with your girlfriend. The irony isn't lost on me, Dad but really it doesn't bother me. It wasn't right to begin with. I think I just stayed with her cause I knew I fucked up with Axel. You've heard you can't turn a whore into a house wife? Well I'm happy being a whore."

Cloud laughed heartily. "Maybe those two will work out then. Xion was happy being a whore and Nami wants to be a housewife."

Vanitas grinned. "Let em have each other."

"Agree" Cloud said as he paddled away.

  
  


Back in Midgar Axel and Yazoo had said their goodbyes and the redhead was working from home. His phone rang and he answered the usual way, not even looking up.

"Hey Runt. I wanna ask you a personal favor yo."

"Anything Reno. What ya got?"

"Possible PTSD, maybe a little Stockholm...beyond that- addictive personality, sexual abuse, manic depressive, suicidal..."

"You want me to talk to Roxas?" Axel stopped typing.

"Yeah...I think he's got some shit he's not dealing with yo. He's too clingy...it's not natural. He needs my permission for everything. He needs my presence to feel safe..."

"You killed him Reno!" Axel laughed. "What do you expect?"

"I've killed lots of people, Runt!" Reno said seriously. "Just never resurrected one on my own. This is new territory for me yo. And it ain't funny that I killed him."

"That's your opinion. _I_ think it's hilarious. But you're right, he does have some issues. When you killed him and brought him back, then took him to bed the same night in a room where he already had traumatic experiences and bad memories, you became godlike to him. You took his life, you gave it back, then gave him comfort and protection- God."

"That's creepy yo."

"Yeah well...the flipside is much worse but yeah I'll talk to him. You gonna run it by him?" Axel knew that in his current state of mind Roxas would do anything Reno asked of him. _Anything_. "You know what? Let's wait till after Christmas."

"Why Runt?" Reno wondered if his brother was that busy with his other patients and then added, "Never mind yo. After Christmas is good. He'll be outta school for a month and a half so that's great."

"Ok. When you coming back to Midgar?" Axel asked as he went back to typing.

"Donno. Rufus is here and he gets these wild hairs yo. He might decide to send me off on a mission."

"Ok. Text me or something."

"You didn't mention Yazoo..." Reno said knowing Axel would have, at least once if the two were ok.

"We split...I wasn't what he needed." Axel said simply.

"But you were what he wanted." Reno added.

"Yeah I guess. Maybe he just want what I wanted...I thought he was but..." Axel trailed off.

"You miss Vani?" Reno asked as he sat down beside Rufus to watch them all surf.

"I think we got our shit straight last night and...He’s good, so I'm good." Axel mumbled as Reno thought about spying on their conversation on the beach.

"You know he split with Namine?" Reno asked, knowing that Axel wasn’t aware.

"No, really. Wow...what happened?" Axel sounded very unconcerned and Reno could still hear the tapping of keys in the background. _Runt really is unconcerned about Vanitas_ , Reno thought. _That can only mean one thing_. He looked out into the surf at his blonde companion.

"She ran off with Xion when she left Cloud." he said, and heard Axel laughing.

"That's so..." Axel laughed again. "Cloud can't have shit can he? But you know he don't give a fuck. He's great."

Reno looked out into the waves to see his ex surfing in. "Yeah ...he's great. Look I gotta go, Runt. I love ya."

  


Rufus and Reno watched Cloud walk up the beach toward them and they mumbled under their breath.

Reno- look at that

Rufus- my sweet Lord

Reno- so fuckin sexy

Rufus- oh god

Reno- didn't think you were a religious man, boss

Rufus- I’m not but I always end up calling on the Lord when I'm with him

Reno laughed behind his hand and held the other up slightly for a discreet high five from Rufus who was giggling as well.

"I'm beat..." Cloud said. "Can't keep up with these young kids."

"At the risk of bein outta line with my superiors yo, Imma call bullshit on that right now." Reno said as he looked at Cloud's smiling face and waited for the inevitable blush. _Aaaaaand there it was._

Rufus laughed and Cloud dropped his head then put his board down on the sand and sat on it. Rufus turned to Reno. "I have an important mission for you. Find Vincent Valentine and tell him I need to see him and that it's gravely important."

"Ok boss. Just lemme say goodbye to Rox and I'll be on it, yo." Reno said obediently, making Cloud smile.

"Take your time, Reno." Rufus said sweetly then turned to Cloud to say "He can be so good when he wants to be."

Cloud leered at Reno, then said in a husky voice, "Soo good."

It was Reno's turn to blush. "I need an adult yo."

"We're adults." Rufus grinned with his perfect teeth.

"You guys are scary when you're together yo." Reno stood and started toward the beach to wave Roxas in while the two blondes behind him laughed and assessed him as he went.

Rufus- my god I bet he could wreck an old man

Cloud- he can

Rufus- I think he deserves a raise

Cloud- you should give him one

Rufus- I could...

Cloud- you won't regret it

Rufus turned to Cloud and smiled and Cloud winked.

  


"Rox I got a mission yo and I'm not sure how long I'll be."

"Okay. I'll be busy with school for a few more weeks and then I'll be out for winter break. Should I wait for you in Midgar or come here?" Ever seeking direction or permission, Roxas waited.

Thinking about Christmas he smiled. "Wait for me in Midgar. I'll be home for Christmas whether I’m done with the mission or not yo. Axel will be close by if ya need anything. You have a key." Reno kissed his face and neck as he hugged him close. _Why does this feel so final?_

Roxas looked a little lost and Reno immediately felt the exact same guilt he used to feel leaving Axel. _That's it!_ He thought. _I treat him just like Runt! Hell we both needed a shrink, not just Roxas._

  
  


Before going back to school Roxas and Sora went to look at some of Vanitas’ art work. They were impressed and he encouraged them both to use his supplies and make something of their own. They went to work on opposite sides of the large room and when they were done Vanitas was impressed. Sora's piece was very linear and bold while Roxas’ was more abstract and muted. He asked to keep their work and they happily said yes and he encouraged both to pursue their talent.

Sora said he enjoyed the art but didn't think he had a talent for it. He was a scientist and the thought of spending time creating art just seemed silly to him. Roxas on the other hand was excited and shared with Vanitas that he planned to take an art class as soon as he could get into one at TU. He wanted to leave the next morning and Sora asked him to come to his house and hang out with his niece for a bit before he left.

Roxas agreed and followed him home. When they arrived Olette hugged him tight and whispered that she missed him. He felt odd being held too tightly and he didn't like it, but he endured it for her sake.

"Uncle Roxas, are you spendin the night?" Ariel asked.

"No baby. I'm staying at the hotel because I have to leave very early." Roxas said and Sora chimed in. "You could stay here Rox. I have to get up early anyhow."

"Um...thanks but I'd rather..." Roxas began.

"Don't be silly. You'll sleep better here." Olette said off handedly not knowing what exactly she was talking Roxas into.

"I-ok." He agreed and Sora grinned. "Great!"

Inside Roxas was having a meltdown. He probably could have formulated a plan to keep from being alone with Sora but he was in total panic mode. Olette must have seen it in his eyes because she looked at Sora then jerked her head toward Roxas.

Sora approached him and wrapped him in a loving hug as he whispered, "It's ok Roxy...you know I'll take care of you...I've missed you so much..." As he spoke he threaded a hand in Roxas hair and his lips brushed his ear. Olette looked on, a little skeptical about the sleepover or Sora's meds or both.

Roxas closed his eyes and tried to calm himself down. Olette could clearly see both his hands on Sora's waist, fingers flexing gently. Sora held him close and spoke with his eyes closed and after a few seconds of observing, Olette felt like she was intruding on an intimate moment and turned away.

  


Later after Roxas barely touched his dinner there was a knock at the door. It was Cloud. He had gotten a call from Vanitas and had come to bail Roxas out if he wanted. He saw the look of relief on Roxas’ face when he entered so excuses were quickly made and Roxas left with Cloud. Sora was distraught but when they were gone he carried on like they had never been there. Olette watched and wondered how long he would be able to keep it up.

"Are you ok Rox?" Cloud asked as they pulled up to Vanitas’ to collect Roxas’ rental.

Roxas nodded but jumped out of Cloud’s car to vomit. He was clearly not okay. "Just need to get back...I love you Dad but I can't deal with Sora right now."

"I understand baby. That's why I came over. I love you Roxas and I'm sorry I didn't..."

"Stop it Dad. You're awesome...I got this." Roxas said smiling but still shaking and wiping his mouth.

  
  


A week later at TU, Roxas was at a Strife House party stoned out of his mind when Reno called.

"Hey baby...m drunk." Roxas yelled into the phone.

Reno was holding his phone away from his ear as he stepped into a restaurant in Healin. "I just wanted to let you know I probably won't be back by the time you get home. I'll be home by Christmas though."

Roxas was smoking and listening at the same time. "Ok." He was hacking into the phone and once again Reno thought of Riku.

Later after the phone call, a guy approached Roxas with his former lover in hand. "Just one hit...for Riku."

Roxas stared his stoner stare and slurred, "You knew Riku?"

"Yeah...He was my embalmer." The guy said smiling.

Roxas stared for a moment and then shook his head, "Nah...I'll pass but thanks...I might look you up later on."

Stumbling back to his dorm alone, Roxas tried to call Reno who was asleep with his friend Ambien. He tried to call Cloud who was asleep with Rufus. He tried to call Vanitas who was asleep with Jack Daniels. No one was up and he wanted to talk to someone.

In his dorm he showered and lay in the bed staring at the ceiling. His room was in Thompson, which was Zexion's old building, next door to Zexion's old room, where he had spent plenty of quality time with Riku. That was tough enough but he had met the chick who had Riku's old dorm in Sawyer...she was a cunt and he told her so.

Lying in bed he tossed and turned. Finally at 4 a.m. he fell asleep only to dream about Riku. He woke crying at 6:30 and got up to try and find early breakfast. Instead he found the stragglers leaving Strife House where he went in and smoked some heroin with the same junkie who claimed to know Riku. He left at 8 completely disgusted with himself.

  


A week after that he was still smoking, and snorting coke.

A week after that was hell week and he was annoyed but ready. After acing his exams he was ready for a break from Twilight and the memories. While he packed a bag there was a knock at his door. Opening up expecting to find the Goth girl from across the hall asking for a cigarette, he was surprised to find Xemnas. "Nunky! Come in!"

Xemnas was dressed and ponytailed as the Dean but smiled like the Nunky. "Hello Roxas. How are you?"

"Good, and you?" Roxas said sitting on the edge of his bed to give Xemnas the chair.

"I was wondering how you plan to divvy up your winter break and ask if you will have time to go by the estate and check in with Laguna."

"I can do that. Reno won't be home until Christmas so I was really just gonna be killing time until then. What are your plans?" Roxas asked falling back into the easy rapport he now had with the Dean.

"Do you remember professor Saix?"

"Yeah, Sora loved to irritate him…he was a lot of fun." Roxas smiled.

"He has invited me to spend the holidays with him in Traverse Town and I thought it would be a nice change." Xemnas said proudly.

"That's great Nunky! I hope you have a great time." Roxas was genuinely happy for the old man.


	15. BREAK

BREAK

  


Walking in at the estate on Destiny, Roxas heard singing echoing through the rooms and it was beautiful. “…the great unknown where my feet may fail, and there I find you…”

He grinned and joined in loudly. “…In oceans deep, my faith will stand. And I will call upon your name…” The harmony was perfect and bounced off the walls of the mansion and coated everything in beauty. “…And keep my eyes above the waves. When oceans rise my soul will rest in your embrace…”

The sound of their voices wrapped around each piece of furniture and each flower, each crystal on the chandeliers as it rose and washed the walls and ceilings in hope.

The singing stopped briefly, and he snickered because he knew he wasn’t expected, then started again so Roxas started again. “…I am yours and you are mine…”

The singer upstairs became more enthusiastic, so he did as well and he thought of all his happy memories of the ocean. “…lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander…”

When the song was over he could hear a woman laughing and talking as the voices came closer. He recognized Laguna's voice immediately and assumed the woman was his guest.

  


As they entered the foyer where Roxas had dropped his bag to sing, they both stopped. "Mr. Strife! I had no idea you were coming! I apologize for not being prepared, sir!" Laguna looked mortified.

"It's cool, Laguna. I was gonna go to Midgar for the holidays and thought I would check in with you first." Roxas said as the lady by Laguna's side smiled broadly.

She looked to be about his dad’s age, wearing a uniform so Roxas assumed she was from the cleaning service. She nodded and turned to walk away when he stopped her. "Wait, was that you singing?"

"Yes sir, Mr. Strife." She said "I'm sorry for being loud, Sir."

"I loved it. Sing as often and as loudly as you want. This place needs some light and joy." Roxas said as he reached to pick up his bag but Laguna rushed over to take it.

"Thank you Sir. I could have sworn I heard a harmony echoing off the ceilings down here." She smiled.

"You did." Roxas laughed. "When I heard you I couldn't help myself. Music makes me happy...sometimes it's the only thing that can...so by all means, carry on."

She nodded and went back to her work and her singing. Roxas smiled and winked at Laguna making him blush as he left to take the bag up.

  


After eating and surfing, Roxas settled in wearing the fluffy white robe he loved. Flipping on the television to the news he heard the usual tragic reports. Local news was more upbeat but breaking news got his attention. _"...some personal effects inside the jeans...had apparently been lodged on the rocks for some time. The model's body was never recovered after his drowning nearly two years ago..."_

Roxas stared trying to will his lungs to expand. Would life ever stop reminding him of what he had lost? Was he not allowed to be happy? Then he thought of Xemnas. Did he know yet? Grabbing his phone he called. "Nunky I just saw the news. Have you seen it?"

"No I haven't. What has happened?" Xemnas sounded alarmed.

"Someone recovered his jeans and some personal items." Roxas said, his voice shaking.

"I'll call the local authorities and check with them. Are you alright, Roxas?"

"Y-yeah. I'll be ok. It was just a shock... and I was surfing this evening." Roxas said, calming down.

"If you need anything at all, you call me. Do you understand?" Xemnas said as tears welled in Roxas’ eyes.

"Yeah Nunky, thanks really... it means a lot." Roxas just wanted to have his cry and sleep.

"Alright, get some rest and call me when you leave for Midgar."

"I will."

  


The next morning shortly after his breakfast courtesy of Laguna, a police officer delivered the articles that were recovered from the breakers.

Roxas opened the box and looked at the too familiar tattered jeans, a water-logged wallet and tiny bracelet, a ring, and a folder with paperwork about the items. There was also a plastic bag that appeared to be empty at first glance, with a sticker on it.

Roxas took the items one at a time touching them reverently. The plastic bag was all that was left and he picked it up to read the sticker. "Evidence."

Roxas looked closer, then dropped the bag and ran retching from the room. He puked from the sitting room to the guest bathroom with Laguna chasing after him.

  


When Roxas was locked inside the bathroom, bringing up his breakfast, Laguna went back to see what had set him off. Looking at the items strewn on the table, he thought... _jeans, wallet, jewelry…what could possibly have...maybe he just had a bug or something._ But as he got closer to the box of scattered items he heard screaming and loud cries from the bathroom and he thought, _it can't be..._ When he saw the plastic bag labeled evidence he gasped. It contained long silver hairs.

Running back to the bathroom all he could hear was Roxas' wails and sobs. Laguna's heart pounded as he beat on the door calling Roxas’ name. "Let me in! Let me help you! Roxas!"

He could hear glass breaking inside as Roxas screamed and cried out over and over "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!!"

Laguna soon realized he wasn't getting through to him so he ran to get his keys. When he returned sliding past the door at first on the marble floor, he heard no noise, no screams, only soft crying. _That sound_ , he thought as he unlocked the door, would haunt him for the rest of his life. The smell was first, blood and vomit, the sight was worse. Before he even touched Roxas he called 911.

  


When Roxas opened his eyes he saw white and everything was blurry so he closed them back again.

When Roxas opened his eyes a second time he saw Cloud and smiled and closed them again.

The third time he opened his eyes, it was dark except for the light on the wall... he didn't have a light on his wall. Looking around he saw Reno and Axel standing by the bed, holding one another. _Why are they crying?_

Roxas tried to raise his head from the pillow but couldn't. Something was holding his head down. Trying to move his hands was easier but they would only move a little... _am I strapped to this bed?_

Jerking once with his right hand he got their attention so they called the nurse and came to his side. _They’re talking too fast_ Roxas thought… _no...I'm thinking too slow...morphine...but why?_

A nurse came in and rushed around checking this and that but his eyes were too slow to follow so he closed them again. Feeling the cold creep up his arm and spread through his body, he smiled.

  


When he woke again, Cloud was asleep by his bed and it was day time. Roxas looked around to see cards and flowers and balloons... _how long have I been there?_

When he opened his mouth to speak, nothing came out but a whisper. "Dad?"

Cloud sat up, wide awake as if he had yelled out, and Roxas smiled. Cloud’s bed head was epic. Jumping up and grabbing some water for his son, Cloud smiled down at him with puffy eyes. "Hey baby."

"Hey Dad. What happened?" Roxas whispered then began to gulp the water.

"Slow down, slow down. You got cut in the bathroom... shower door broke and you got cut petty badly." Cloud half explained. Axel had warned him to let Roxas remember on his own, and if he didn't remember, well in this case all the better.

"How long have I been out?" Roxas asked as he started looking himself over. Cloud had buzzed for the nurse and she popped in smiling, glanced at the monitors, then took his vitals as she asked, "How are you feeling, Roxas?"

"Sore... and thirsty."

The nurse nodded and checked some bandages on his arms. Roxas stared at them then looked at Cloud questioningly.

"The doctor will be right in Mr. Strife. Please relax and try not to talk too much until he arrives." The nurse said as she left him.

"Why shouldn't I talk?" he asked Cloud.

"I don't know but you should do what she says." Cloud scolded with a smile.

"I gotta pee." Roxas grumbled.

"Pee" cloud said "You have a catheter."

"Ugh" Roxas moaned.

Two doctors came into the room, both in white coats, both with clipboards. One was an older man with glasses and sparse white hair, the other was Axel.

"Red Death... good to see you." Roxas snaked then giggled.

Both doctors looked at one another then Axel made a note and smiled. "Roxas, Cloud." And nodded.

The older doctor checked bandages and made notes on his chart, then looked into his eyes with a light and said, "You're healing nicely so I'm going to leave you with Dr. Sinclair. The nurse will be in when it's time for your pain meds. If you need something before she comes, or if you don't feel you need anything please let her know how you're feeling."

  


Cloud patted Roxas’ foot which was still strapped to the bed he noticed, then walked out to speak to doctor number 1. Axel smiled and pulled a chair over to the bedside. "How are ya feelin Rox?"

Roxas looked him over and smiled, "You know you look awfully cute in that white coat, doctor."

Axel wrote - diverting

"Well thanks Blondie...but I wanna talk about you." Axel smiled.

"About me...Hi my name is Roxas. I'm 5'8", blonde hair, blue eyes. My hobbies are surfing and heroin and..."

Axel wrote- diverting, sarcasm- masking self-loathing, avoidance, denial.

"Cut the shit and let me do my job Roxy." Axel interrupted.

Roxas stared at him briefly.

Axel scribbled - use of trigger word ‘Roxy’ - predict anger

"Why did you call me that?" Roxas snapped and Axel put a check by anger.

"Because I know you hate it." Axel said, not looking at Roxas as he wrote - refusing to cooperate. He drew a line under that and scribbled- direct quest.

"So... tell me what you remember." Axel commanded.

"I don't remember and I don't want to." Roxas snapped. "Dad said I got cut in the bathroom on a broken mirror so let's go with that."

Axel knew what Cloud had told him because they had discussed it beforehand solely for this purpose, and Cloud hadn’t mentioned a mirror. Axel wrote- denial- has memory, partial possibly full.

"So you got cut on a mirror and then what? Do you remember how the mirror got broken?"

"No...can we do this later? I wanna talk to my _friend_ Axel right now." Roxas said quietly.

Axel wrote - using sympathy to divert. It's working. :-p

"Ok Rox. We'll take a break ok but then you gotta help me out." Axel said and Roxas nodded.

The redhead took his hand gently. "I was scared. I thought we lost you."

Roxas rubbed his fingers then tugged his hand gently and reached for a hug.

Axel didn't hug him immediately, he took time to undo the straps on his wrists. As he undid them his hair brushed across Roxas’ chest just barely and he glanced down briefly to see a nipple but then averted his eyes.

Roxas was holding his breath and didn't even realize it. Axel was so close. As soon as his hands were free, he clutched Axel's coat and pulled him down. The redhead gasped as his face hit the bed beside Roxas then he snaked his long arms around him slowly.

Roxas was holding onto him desperately, shaking and taking short breaths. Axel was trying not to breathe in the scent of his ex, his brother's boyfriend, his friend Roxas.

Roxas squeezed his eyes closed and tried to count the wrinkles in the coat he was gripping with his fingertips that weren’t bandaged. He watched the sparkles behind his eyelids. His parched lips were rough as he chewed them, trying so hard to stop shaking. He couldn't.

Axel's arms felt so good around him, so warm and safe. He turned his face so that he could feel Axel's pulse and he almost moaned aloud. Surrounded by the scent of cinnamon and chocolate he opened his eyes and his vision was filled with bright red beautiful hair.

  


Axel wanted to say something to comfort Roxas, but he wanted him to get better, and in order for that to happen he needed to stop going from one to another, and take some time to fix himself. _How do you tell your friend that? Get it together Axel_ , he thought, _you asked for this after all_.

"Roxas..." he said and immediately cursed himself for the way it sounded, husky and filled with need.

Roxas’ breath was puffing in his hair and he started making mental notes. _Roxas must have a gown or pajamas before the next session. Roxas must be dressed at all times. I must not touch his skin. Nope!_

"Roxas we need to talk about what happened." Axel said against Roxas shoulder, closing his eyes. God he wanted...

"Okay..." Roxas said taking a deep breath and Axel could hear the misery in his voice as he spoke and then he sniffed twice, then a third time- he knew what came next.

Roxas made a high whining sound as he released Axel's coat. He struggled to get his breath, shaking as he lay back on the bed and covered his face with his hands and cried.

Axel sat by the bed after releasing his ankle restraints and waited. "Why?" Roxas squeaked.

Axel's heart shattered as Roxas looked to him for an answer to one of the few questions for which he had none to offer.

"I hate myself and I want to die." Roxas wailed and there it was. Axel sat quietly and let him purge. He began from childhood and told Axel everything that he could remember that made him this horrible person that he felt he had always been. From the intentional breaking of a toy all the way to Reno. "I'm a whore. I have to be somebody's whore because that's all I know how to be."

Roxas had cried until he could barely open his eyes, the nurse had come in only to be shooed out by Dr. Sinclair, and Cloud had to be restrained outside the room. When the guards were at the end of their abilities a familiar face stepped off the elevator. "I got this yo. Go get some coffee...and bring him some too."

Cloud was a wreck and when Reno stepped in front of him and opened his arms, the anger was gone and he only wanted comfort. He held him and listened to him berate himself for not being a better father among other things and when he finally stopped talking and crying, Reno kissed his hair.

He sat with him and held his hand, not saying anything and when Cloud dozed off from sheer exhaustion, Reno put an arm around him and pulled him close.

  
  


Roxas’ purge ended without any mention of what set him off this last time and as painful as it all was, Axel needed to know how much he remembered.

He went to the sink and wet a wash cloth with cool water. Walking to the bedside he wiped Roxas’ face gently as he lay with his eyes closed, unmoving.

Axel thought of how much he looked like an angel and smiled down at him. Touching the bandages on his arms and hands, he felt a burning in the pit of his stomach. He knew if Roxas died he would never forgive himself. He was a doctor this was his specialty so he should be able to help him.

Wiping the splotchy red skin on his neck and chest, Axel did something that was wrong on many levels, but at the moment he didn't care. Right and wrong didn't matter. Letting Roxas know that he was not gross and disgusting and un-loveable mattered. Leaning down to the sleeping face he kissed him lightly on the lips and whispered, "I will fix you..."

  


The sleeping blondes and the worried redheads had a long night. The morning brought another hurdle. The nurse came in early while Roxas was sleeping and Axel was typing. "What are you doing?"

"Taking his catheter." The nurse answered as she set about her work.

"K" Axel replied quietly. When she was gone he walked to the bedside and woke the sleeping blonde. "Rox...wake up?"

Roxas mumbled then opened his eyes. Axel watched his pupils and scribbled on his paper.

"Have you been here all night?" Roxas asked rubbing his eyes and hissing at the pain in his hands.

"Yep...cause we're not done talking but you were exhausted…" Axel said as he reached over and pushed some hair away from Roxas eyes.

“Don’t I get breakfast first?” Roxas asked quietly as Axel plopped a disposable cup in front of him. “Liquid diet temporarily. Sorry.”

"What do I have to tell you today?" Roxas asked quietly looking at Axel like a man who had been beaten but was just told that was only half his punishment.

Axel sighed. "When you were brought in, you tested positive for opiates. We can start there."

"Smoking bomb and snorting coke...what else?" Roxas eyes glossed over as if he knew what was coming.

"What happened to upset you at the estate?" Axel asked like he really didn't want to.

Roxas heard the tone so he rolled to his side and looked into Axel's eyes. "The police sent the things they found out by the breakers...Riku's jeans, wallet, some jewelry...and some hair...His hair...I couldn't deal."

Axel nodded. "Do you still want to die Roxas?"

Roxas blinked once and said yes without shedding a tear. Axel sighed again then reached over to touch his face. Roxas didn't flinch so he stroked his cheek.

"I want you to spend some time with me and Reno...at home." Axel said softly. "I think it would be good for you and I...well consider it part of your therapy. There will be no sex, and whatever physical contact you have will be initiated by you. I think this is the best thing for you at this point."

Roxas simply nodded and Axel knew that he was just being agreeable because he really didn't care anymore. He could have told the blonde to jump through flaming hoops and he would have whined but crawled out of bed and tried anyway. He was all the way back there again and he would keep going back there until he could forgive himself and find value in himself.

Axel smiled. "Ok then. I'm going to talk to your doctor and if it's ok with you, I'll let your dad come in...he's been worried."

"It's fine." Roxas said and reached for Axel's hand. "Why do you give a shit, Axel...about me I mean? I'm just a junkie whore."

"You don't choose who you love Roxas." Axel said with a smile and then left him.


	16. DEMONS

DEMONS

  


Cloud spent some time with Roxas and almost threw a fit when he said he was going to spend Christmas in the slums with the red twins. "You don't wanna be home for Christmas baby?"

Roxas smiled at Cloud and then sat up swinging his legs over the side of the bed and reaching for him. Cloud immediately went to hug his son and Roxas said, "Truth. I love you so much...but I don't wanna deal with Sora. I'm not in a good place...and I can honestly say that having him in my face right now would probably make me hate him…I’m not sure I don’t already."

Cloud sighed. "Alright then, at least I know you'll be taken care of."

Roxas nodded and thought about how bad it must suck to be a father and always be worried about your rotten ungrateful kids. "Axel said you could come visit me but only with advance notice..." Roxas mumbled.

Cloud nodded, "I know...Reno talked to me about it." He noticed that since his son had started to recover he hasn't mentioned Reno much at all and they had only had one brief private conversation. Cloud wondered what their status was now but he wasn't going to ask. Reno would tell him soon enough.

"I don't see what the big deal is about Christmas anyway. I've never been religious but if Axel thinks it'll help me to observe the holidays with them I guess I'll have to put my heart into it yanno. Aren’t they Catholic?"

"Very...I know you've heard them pray before." Cloud chuckled. "They were altar boys you know."

Roxas laughed. "You're fucking kidding me right, please tell me you're lying."

"Nope." Cloud grinned. "You know I'm beginning to see Axel’s point here. You need this. It'll be good for you."

"Think they'll save my soul?" Roxas asked more seriously.

"I think they’ll help you do it yourself." Cloud watched Roxas stare at him thoughtfully.

"You got a lot of faith in those two." he mumbled.

"I've got a lot of faith in _you_." Cloud hugged him and mumbled into his hair, "You don't see yourself the way others see you...no one does."

  
  


Over the next week Roxas stayed in rehab briefly until his shitty uncooperative attitude got him released to his doctor’s care. Strolling out casually with Axel carrying his bag, hands and arms still in bandages, Roxas flipped off the nurse who had tried every single day to give him an enema. She said it was part of his cleanse. He told her he didn't need a cleanse, he needed a priest. Ultimately she agreed.

Axel didn't see Roxas flip her the bird but he did see a look of relief pass over her face as they walked toward the exit.

In the car Roxas stared out the window silently. Axel glanced at him and said, "You don't look like you're in a very festive mood."

Roxas turned to him slowly then let his guard drop. Axel was devastated by the dead eyes but smiled at him anyway. Checking his watch he said, "Get comfortable...it's gonna be a long drive."

Roxas turned back to the window thinking how he should pass the time since he was trapped in a car with his shrink. They could sing. He took out his iPod and plugged it into the car then found a song he liked to sing.

  


An hour into the ride they were laughing and talking about things they used to do in college. Axel shared some stories about when he went to Midgar University.

"Why did you need a Turk for a roommate? I mean I saw you off your meds when you were in Costa... flying Xion around like she was an airplane. I can see how that would hinder your education but I don't think it warrants a Turk babysitter." Roxas chuckled.

Axel nodded. "That was a happy time... there's a flipside."

Roxas looked at him for signs of joking but he was deadly serious. "That's one reason I was so drawn to you in the beginning I think...we are similarly afflicted."

"In what way?" Roxas asked feeling like a bug under a microscope and more than a little naked.

"We both have emotional issues where our brothers are concerned, we both love heroin, and we both have been at the point of giving up."

"I've never seen you use." Roxas challenged.

"That's cause I'm clean, Roxas. There _is_ life after junk." Axel said then checked his watch again and took the next exit stopping at the first convenience store they came to. He fueled up and brought back bottles of juice and water and sweets for Roxas. "Here..."

"Thanks" Roxas said taking the bag as Axel got back into the car and drove away. "Were you ever like…strung out really bad?"

"Yep. Reno didn't find me for about a week the first time. The second time it was months...But after that I was off and I promised him I'd stay off. The biggest struggle of my sobriety was finding out you were using." Axel stated bluntly and honestly.

"But you didn't actually watch me fix that often... oooohhh." Roxas said, his tiny dim bulb coming on.

"There were days...nights rather...when it was all I could do not to lick your fucking tracks just to try and get residuals..." Axel confessed, then chirped "but I managed."

Roxas stared at him wondering how he coped with it the aching need. _Axel must be a special kind of crazy_ Roxas thought.

  


Reno called Cloud to see how he was handling not having Roxas for the holidays. "Hey beautiful, how ya holdin up?"

"Hey yourself...I'm ok. I talked with him before Axel came to pick him up and I think this is the best thing for him."

"Really yo?" Reno wondered if brain sucking aliens had visited Cloud during the night.

"Yeah...you and that menace have a way with people...I know you both care about him, so yeah...I'm good with it. Plus, he doesn’t need Sora around while he’s trying to sort himself out." Cloud quietly waited for his favorite redhead to reply.

"When this is done...after the holidays...I wanna see you." Reno spoke quietly but with resolve.

Holding his phone to his ear, Cloud was grinning. "I'd like that."

Now Reno was grinning as well.

"You told me that it was over with you and Roxas but do you think he'd be ok with..." Cloud asked concerned.

"You should definitely ask him yo. I think you'll be surprised at what he says. He told me that it was a mistake being with me, and he didn't want to lose my friendship but after the hospital he realized that I belong to you, whether we realize it or not yo." Reno shared.

"He said that?" Cloud was shocked.

"Yeah...even said he was sorry if he fucked up anything between us." Reno added.

"Said you belong to me? Wow...I always felt like it was the other way around..." Cloud confessed aloud then snapped his mouth closed. Reno grinned and thanked the father, the son, and the holy spirit.

  


Roxas fell asleep singing with the seat half reclined and as he dozed Axel reached over to take a bandaged hand. He sang and hummed while he drove through the afternoon passing a sign, dirty and broken that said 'Welcome to Midgar'. "... Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you..."

Parking his car in a garage on plate he woke Roxas so they could take the train to the slums. Roxas sighed and blinked open his eyes to see Axel watching him a little tensely. His ponytail had been taken down and the sun shining through his red hair made it look like it was on fire and intense green eyes were like crucifixion spikes holding Roxas in his seat.

"We need to take the train. I'm not dumb enough to keep my car down there." Axel said and then asked, "Are you awake?"

Roxas nodded and reached to touch Axel's tattoos. When his un-bandaged finger tips touched soft skin, Axel closed his eyes.

Roxas almost gasped at the smoothness of his skin as he traced a tattoo, then dragged his finger slowly up to trace an eyebrow, down his nose making the corner of Axel’s mouth turn up in a smirk. He still had his eyes closed but he parted his lips to speak only to have Roxas press his finger to them then whisper, "I'm not done."

He traced the outline of the still slightly parted lips, the line of his jaw, the shell of his ear and down the side of his neck. Axel swallowed as Roxas watched his throat move and brushed a thumb across it remembering more intimate times. Axel must have been remembering the same times because when Roxas looked up from his throat to his eyes, they were open again, seas of green fire.

His breath caught as he felt Axel's pulse increase slightly when their eyes met. Roxas stroked his throat with his thumb again and heard the slight rumble of what sounded almost like a purr. Their faces only inches apart, breaths becoming more ragged as he slid his hand around to the back of the redhead’s neck and tugged gently.

Axel allowed Roxas to pull him closer, soft lips gently brushing his, barely touching at all then he pulled away slowly.

Roxas watched him as he pulled back a few inches then took a bandaged hand and kissed it, then the wrist, then the inside of his elbow where the bandages stopped on his right arm.

Cupping Roxas’ face and smiling Axel whispered, "You need to heal..."

Roxas smiled and nodded.

On the train ride Roxas took in the colors flying by in the dying light of day and when it stopped he followed Axel off onto the platform where everything changed. Every single person they passed, without exception nodded or spoke to Axel. He was friendly and courteous to some and outright hostile to others. Roxas stuck close to his side and watched in awe.

  


A teenage boy who looked like he may have been in middle school trotted up to keep pace with them and smiled at Roxas then spoke to Axel in Japanese. Axel looked down at the boy and ruffled his hair then spoke back. Roxas had no clue what they were saying. Vanitas was the linguist, not him, so he just took in the sights while they chatted until Axel touched his hand to get his attention.

Looking up at the redhead Roxas was wide-eyed and curious. “This is Izanagi. He’s a good kid.” Axel said and then turned to the boy, “This is Roxas. He doesn’t speak your language.” Then he followed that with something else Roxas didn’t understand to which the boy questioned Axel and Axel replied. The boy seemed satisfied and trotted away after bowing to them both.

“What did he say?” Roxas asked as Axel slowed their pace in front of a row of storefronts.

“He asked about Reno…everyone here calls him Phoenix.” Axel looked at a door that had a closed sign on it, then they moved on. “Then he asked if we were staying for New Year’s…it’s a big deal here. Then he asked me who you were.”

Axel stopped and turned Roxas to face him. “I told him your name…and I told him you’re mine. However you feel about that is irrelevant because it’s what’s gonna keep you alive in the slums.”

“I don’t mind.” Roxas said as he chewed his lip, suddenly feeling completely out of his depth. His entire life had been lived freely and with the comfort of wealth. He realized that he didn’t even know the man standing in front of him. “S-so where is Reno?”

Axel grinned and to Roxas it looked a tiny bit feral. The truth was Axel could smell fear and knew Roxas was beginning to feel uncomfortable already. Out of his comfort zone was exactly where Axel wanted him. “He’ll be here tomorrow sometime. We have stuff to do for the holidays…he won’t miss it.”

Roxas nodded and Axel cocked his head to the side and said, “Do you miss him?”

Roxas opened his mouth to speak but Axel turned to walk away motioning for him to come along. “You hungry?”

Roxas kept at his side and looked at the many people still on the street as night fell. “Yeah a little.”

“Great! Let’s eat!” Axel grinned and Roxas wondered if this was how Alice felt while down the rabbit hole.

  


They entered a decrepit looking building that housed an eatery and Axel strode to a table near the back. An older woman approached then and kissed him on the head. Roxas smiled sweetly thinking that it must be cool to be adored by nice people everywhere you go…but there had to be a flip-side.

She looked Roxas over and smiled politely then looked back at Axel and said something in a scolding tone. Axel laughed and answered her then turned to Roxas. “People down here are fond of Vanitas so I’m gonna get a lot of shit for having you here.”

The lady spouted something else making Axel look at her and laugh then explain with his hands flapping in Roxas’ direction. This is getting old fast, Roxas thought. She walked away and Axel turned to him and pouted. “Sorry Rox…she got in my ass a bit when I told her you were Vanitas’ brother. She is convinced he won’t come back now…and if he doesn’t, it’ll be my fault.”

She had actually told Axel that Roxas carried death with him; that she could see the demon hanging onto his back…but he wasn’t going to share that. They ate heartily and before they left the grumpy lady came back. She smiled nervously at Roxas and looked over his left shoulder, then handed his a string of jade beads with a small silver coin on it.

“Thank you. It’s beautiful.” Roxas said to the lady and she replied.

“It is not for you.” She said in a thick accent. “It is for your demon.”

Axel dropped his head and cut his eyes at Roxas who looked like a deer in headlights, but nodded once, which was appropriate whether he realized it or not.

Axel stood and thanked the woman profusely and bowed as she smiled at both of them. Roxas held the bracelet and smiled back thinking that having a demon must be common and accepted so…he was good…no angry mob would be chasing him back to the train platform. They left the restaurant and as soon as they were on the stoop, Axel stopped him and tied the bracelet around his bandaged right wrist, then smiled. “I hope you like this because it won’t be the last one.”

  


Sure enough as they browsed around in Wall Market, a man came out of his store to give Roxas another beaded bracelet for his demon, then a lady from a street kiosk, then a little girl, then another and another. Finally when he had accumulated easily a half dozen bracelets for each wrist, the people who looked at him and his left shoulder (which was apparently where his demon sat) they would count his bangles and bow before carrying on.

Axel said nothing of it and chatted with him about the items for sale as if nothing was amiss. Checking his watch again he told Roxas it was time to see Baba so Roxas fell in beside him again for the short walk to a bakery type shop with lots of sweets.

“Baba!” Axel crowed and an old woman appeared and shooed the young clerk out of her way.

“Nobody come to visit an old lady for holiday!” She said smiling but when her eyes fell on Roxas her smile faded and she immediately started to count. He held his arms out slightly so she could better see that he had the proper number of gifts for his demon. She nodded and smiled at him.

“Baba, this is Roxas…he is brother to the Dragon.” Axel said and put his hand on Roxas’ right shoulder. _Maybe he doesn’t wanna disturb my demon_ , Roxas thought.

The old woman laughed with delight and grabbed Roxas’ face with both hands, kissed his cheek then spit over his left shoulder. “I thought you stole his face!”

“No…I love Vanitas.” Roxas said a little alarmed at the spitting. The old woman laughed and patted Roxas’ right shoulder and turned to Axel.

“You boys have dinner?”

“Yes ma’am.” Axel said smiling at Roxas because he knew what came next and he also knew that Roxas would love it.

“It’s time for dessert then, yes?” She said going behind the counter to start piling a plate with various goodies. Roxas’ eyes lit up as he watched her and he bit his lip in anticipation. Axel snickered at his side then led him to a table.

“Where is your brother?” She asked Axel as she placed the plate in front of the blonde and patted his head. He smiled at her and began to munch on a pastry.

“He should be here tomorrow…work.” Axel said taking a pastry for himself as Roxas watched his hand like a hungry dog. She brought them milk that Roxas enjoyed with his sweets and then they said their goodbyes to Axel’s Baba.

Before they exited, the young clerk returned to her place behind the counter and smiled at them. She nodded to Axel and said quietly, “Utsukushī doragon.” Axel smiled and bowed.

  


Outside on the street Axel looked at Roxas and said, “That was goat’s milk you know.”

Roxas made a face and then remarked, “It was really good.”

Axel laughed and bumped his shoulder. "We have one more stop to make and then we should go home." Roxas nodded not knowing protocol or if there was some kind of curfew or if Axel was just tired.


	17. THE DOCTOR IS IN

THE DOCTOR IS IN

  


Walking into a tattoo shop Roxas was intrigued. He looked around as everyone greeted Axel. One man kept staring at him so Axel stepped between them with his back to Roxas. He heard the man apologizing but never heard the redhead speak.

Another man said quietly, "He belongs to Nobody..."

Roxas thought, _bullshit motherfucker- I belong to Axel!_ but he didn't say anything.

"Jiji!!" Axel barked and an old man came out of the back smiling. "I hear Nobody...where is Nobody?"

Roxas looked up at Axel thinking the old man was crazy. "That's me, Roxas. They call me Nobody." For some reason that made Roxas very sad.

  


The old man called Jiji hugged Axel and whispered something to him then released him to stand directly in front of Roxas. "Welcome...I am happy to meet another dragon!" The old man laughed. "Two dragons in one lifetime is more than I ever expected! And this one with such a demon as you have...you must have tea. You are tired yes?"

Roxas smiled, "Yes"

"Come! Nobody will..."

Axel was already heating water for tea as he stood, his lanky frame propped against the door frame smiling lecherously at Roxas. Roxas with his innocent eyes that hid a soul as dark as pitch. Roxas with his bandages that covered self-inflicted wounds. Roxas with his many bangles; gifts from people who feared his demon.

They sat on pillows at a low table and the old man lit some incense and poured tea. The smoke that wafted around Roxas’ head smelled sweet and reminded him of something that he couldn't quite place.

"The demon you carry is a heavy burden." Jiji said and Roxas nodded slightly looking into his eyes. "When you are finally free from him, you may fly away...you will need an earth spirit to ground you."

"How do I find an earth spirit?" Roxas asked completely enthralled.

"It will find you when the time comes, but first you have to be free of your demon."

Axel winked at Roxas and he couldn't help but feel like he was trapped in a dream state. The sweet smell of the incense and the bitter tang of the tea made his head swim. Axel watched patiently as Roxas’ eyes began to droop and his blinks became slower. Jiji and Axel were speaking Japanese and Roxas didn't understand.

"Mm sleepy." he mumbled and Jiji got to his feet and retrieved two large pillows which he laid by him, encouraging Roxas to lie down.

Axel showed no objection so the blonde lay across the pillows on his right side and closed his eyes. He dreamed of fantastic things...dragons and phoenix and a hydra, the fire spirit chased him but it was all in play. There was no torching of his animal friends in this dream. There was no sadness, only lightness and peace.

He woke to the sound of his own voice and the heaviness returned to him; _the weight of the_ _demon_ he guessed. Looking around briefly he saw Axel sitting by him, close enough that he could reach out and touch him...so he did.

Axel smiled. "Did you rest well?"

"Yeah...I did. Is it morning?" Roxas asked as he began to sit up with Axel's help.

"No. You only slept long enough for us to change your bandages."

Roxas looked down to see that he did in fact have fresh bandages on his arms and hands. They felt cool, almost damp on his skin.

"Where is Jiji?" Roxas asked as naturally as if he had known the man his whole life.

Axel smiled. "He's busy with a customer. Some people down here will only let him tattoo them even though he's nearly blind. Come on...it's time for us to go."

Axel helped him up and yawned. Roxas laughed. "Your mouth is huge."

"All the better to eat you up!" Axel chuckled as he led the smiling blonde back out into the main part of the shop.

Roxas’ Zen was completely scattered by shrill squeals from a young girl who flung herself at Axel, laughing and babbling. As soon as her eyes met Roxas’ she quieted and backed away bowing and repeating "Gomen nasai."

He looked at Axel confused but he was speaking to the girl and seemed to be trying to comfort her- but she would have none of it and refused to meet Roxas’ eyes again. Axel and Roxas watched the girl leave, then Axel turned to him and smiled. "Let's go before you scare off anymore locals."

Roxas nodded sadly and apologized. "Don't be sorry, be glad. If they fear you they won't fuck with you."

  


Outside on the street they passed drug dealers and whores and Roxas wondered what it had been like for Axel and Reno growing up there.

"It was tough." Axel mumbled.

Roxas nodded but then realized he hadn't said anything aloud. He wondered if there was something magical about the entire place as they came to a decent looking building and Axel opened an iron gate to enter.

  


After walking up three flights of stairs he watched Axel unlock a heavy roll up door then open another door and stepped aside. Once inside, Roxas couldn't believe he was still in the slums. Everything was clean and organized. It was tastefully decorated and there was comfortable looking furniture.

"This is nice." he said, realizing how foreign his voice sounded after not having spoken very much since they arrived.

"Thanks." Axel dropped his keys by the TV and stripped his shirt over his head, shooting it through a doorway, and then holding up three fingers.

Roxas grinned recognizing the basketball reference and sat down on the sofa to relax. "You need to take your meds little one." Axel said as he stepped into the kitchen.

Emerging with pills and a bottle of water he held them out.

"What are these for?"

"These are antibiotics to make sure your cuts don't get infected." Axel smiled as Roxas swallowed the pills then added "or I could just be saying that."

Roxas giggled. "Yeah like you would roofie me or something."

Axel laughed. "I'll start your bath and then we can work out who gets to wash what." He waggled his eyebrows, then walked into another room. Roxas looked at his bandages and thought _fuuuuck._

  


Axel popped back into the den wearing only a pair of shorts and his hair in a messy bun. "Ok...your bath is ready."

Roxas made a pouty face and followed Axel through a bedroom and into the bathroom where everything looked very sterile. He wondered if Axel was secretly one of those OCD cleaning-crazed people.

Axel looked at him and then began to pull his tee shirt up to his chest. "Hold your arms up but don't try to take em out. Just hold em straight up ok."

"Okay..." Roxas said as he raised his arms and discovered that they were sore and holding them over his head wasn't pleasant.

Axel made quick work of the shirt and whispered as he worked. "Sorry sorry...m tryin to hurry." When he was done Roxas lowered his arms and looked at his hands.

He had a total of four fingers that weren't damaged. Three on one hand and only one on the other.

Axel didn't wait for him to try it himself, he unfastened the jeans that Cloud had dressed his son in and tugged them unceremoniously down to his knees. "Have you not pissed all day?" Axel asked as an afterthought. Roxas shook his head. "Why didn't you say something?"

"I didn't really have to go until we got here." Roxas said almost apologetically.

"Let me get your feet outta these jeans and then you can go ok." Axel said as he tugged off Roxas shoes and then his pants.

Still on his knees Axel tugged at socks and then without warning he pulled Roxas underwear down to his ankles.

Roxas stepped out of them and Axel looked up at him. "Go"

"You're gonna like... sit right there?" Roxas asked as a blush crept up his face.

"Um...I can step out I guess." Axel got up and exited the bathroom. When Roxas finished he walked over to the tub and looked at the steaming water. It looked milky. "I'm done." He called over his shoulder.

"K" Axel said by his ear and he screamed, making Axel erupt into a fit of giggles. Roxas glared at him and then smiled as Axel put his hands on his ribs. "Step in slowly...it's a little slippery."

"K" Roxas said and Axel chuckled, holding him tightly as he stepped into the tub. The hot water felt so good as he sat and Roxas noticed that he had some minor cuts on his knees. "How bad is it?"

Axel helped him rest his hands on the sides of the tub and picked up a sponge. "Some of them needed stitches...some didn't."

Roxas closed his eyes while Axel sponged off his chest and shoulders. "A couple required surgery...I think you woke up briefly right after."

"So how long do I get pampered?" Roxas opened one eye and rolled it around to see Axel staring at his face.

"As long as you'll let me." Axel said as Roxas’ other eye came open so he could gaze into the green. Sometimes his eyes looked like they might burn him alive while other times he thought he might fall into them.

"So… a long time?" Roxas said softly.

"If you want...forever." Axel replied making Roxas’ heart melt.

"What if forever isn't a very long time?" Roxas asked, his eyes falling to his bandages that were still adorned with beaded gifts for his demon.

"I'll take whatever you will give me." Axel said with a half-smile.

  


They were quiet for a time as Axel washed him. He laughed when Axel washed his toes and he chewed his lip when he washed more intimate places. Helping him out of the tub, Axel was careful not to wet his bandages and after he was dried and wrapped in a robe, mumbled something about his hair. Roxas reached up to touch his golden locks and had a sudden sharp pain in his hand.

"You need something for pain?" Axel asked concerned.

"It wasn't bad...I'm ok." Roxas mumbled. Axel nodded and led him to the sofa, arming him with the remote and a drink then announced that he was going to shower.

Roxas dozed off and when he woke up he was tucked into bed alone. His arms were throbbing so he dragged himself up to find Axel in the den with his laptop and some paperwork. Looking up at the clock, he rasped, "Do you ever sleep?"

Axel jumped and turned to him wide eyed. "You scared the shit outta me." Making the sign of the cross as he laughed.

Roxas smiled and turned to go to the bathroom. It was then he realized that he was wearing sweats. He must have really been out of it to have Axel dress him and carry him to bed without waking. Walking back into the den he saw Axel putting his things away. "Can I have something for the pain now?"

"Absolutely." Axel said darting off to the kitchen and returning with meds and water. "Is it bad? If its really bad I can give you a shot."

"It woke me up." Roxas said before yawning.

Axel took the pills back and came out with a syringe. Roxas instinctively held out his right arm then looked at the bandages. Axel grinned and raised one brow as he reached down and tugged the sweats low on his hips.

Roxas smirked but then Axel dropped to his knees and looked up at him gauging his reaction. Roxas took a short breath and held it, making Axel smile as he placed a warm hand on his bare hip. "This is gonna hurt a little."

Sliding his hand down the curve of Roxas’ ass, he turned him slightly before sticking him with the needle. Roxas didn't flinch, only waited until the medicine was administered and then whispered, "Kiss it."

Axel looked up at the blonde to see him grinning as he held back a snicker. Axel snorted and they both laughed like idiots.

Shooing him back to bed Axel grabbed a blanket and pillow from the closet. "Where are you going?" Roxas asked from the bed.

"I don't wanna hurt you accidentally so Imma sleep on the sofa." Axel said as he headed for the door.

"K" Roxas said and closed his eyes.

  


The next morning he woke to hear music coming from the den. After hitting the bathroom he went to investigate. Axel was sitting on his window sill smoking weed.

"Share?" Roxas croaked as he walked to the window and shivered at the cold morning air.

Axel turned to him and wrapped his arms gently around him. "Shotgun?"

Roxas nodded and snuggled against the warm body. Axel took a hit then lifted Roxas face with a finger under his chin.

He closed his eyes and breathed in the smoke that seemed to make an instant cloud around his brain. Not ready to relinquish his place or the feeling of warmth, he remained as he was and Axel trailed the finger from under his chin down his neck and across his clavicle. Roxas sighed, letting the smoke billow out around them and then he felt the soft brush of lips on his skin and the tickle of hair on his face.

He placed his bandaged hands gently on Axel’s chest wanting to feel his lips on his own. Brushing their cheeks together Axel began to whisper what Roxas now knew to be a prayer. Long fingers brushed his neck and throat, then he felt the slightest touch of praying lips on the corner of his mouth. 

Slipping his battered hands around to the redhead’s ribs, he turned his face so that his lips brushed against the praying ones more fully. Opening his eyes slightly Roxas lowered his head enough to kiss along Axel’s jawline and linger beneath his earlobe. He could feel the pounding pulse against his lips before he continued down the long pale neck and around to the throat.

As he applied the feather light kisses he felt warm hands caress his bare shoulders and back. The touches became firmer the more Roxas kissed and soon he was pulled against Axel with slightly shaking arms. “Roxaasss.” He hissed. “We should stop now.”

“Why?” Roxas asked against the smooth skin of his throat.

“Because…I said no sex.” Axel whispered.

“We’re not having sex…” Roxas countered.

“But we will…if you don’t s-stop. Stop that.” Axel had himself under control.

“But if we don’t…I mean…” Roxas backed off enough to look into Axel’s eyes and state bluntly. “I can’t even jack-off.”

Axel laughed making Roxas laugh and he gave him a short hug. “If you absolutely positively can’t lose it, then I guess, as your doctor I can help you out.”

“Oh gee thanks Dr. Sinclair! Best shrink ever! Can I get that now, or…” Roxas laughed as Axel giggled and hugged him close.

Breathing in the sweet scent of bath oil and Roxas, Axel smiled into his hair. “You want it _now_? You’re not trying very hard.”

“Am so.” Roxas pouted and gently flapped his bandaged hands to remind Axel that he only had four fingers to work with. Axel took his hands and kissed each uncovered fingertip then licked one and looked at Roxas devilishly.

“You didn’t even really kiss me…can I have that too?”

Axel immediately released his hands and pulled him into a passionate kiss as he snaked a hand down into the sweats to grip Roxas’ erection. The blonde moaned not knowing what to do with his hands so he propped them on Axel’s shoulders. “What about you?” he asked.

“I’ll be ok.” Axel breathed as he stroked.

“It’s not fair.” Roxas said trying not to pant as long fingers teased and squeezed him.

“I’ll be f-fine.” Axel hissed.

“But I wanna see you…” Roxas moaned.

“Goddammit.” Axel hissed as he scooped Roxas up and carried him to the bedroom where he sat him on the bed and quickly took off his pajama pants. Silently he Pulled Roxas to a standing position and snatched his sweats to his ankles then put him back into his seated position. Roxas watched him intently and wondered if he was angry with him for being a brat.

Axel spun him around so that his head was on the pillows then whispered, “Put your arms up…over your head.” Roxas did as he was asked, noticing that Axel’s voice was shaky and he seemed a bit conflicted…either that or he was definitely pissed.

Crawling on top of him, Axel looked down into blue eyes. “As your doctor, I must warn you that this is a bad idea and it may impede your healing process.”

Roxas watched as he used both hands to bring them together. He moaned at the sensation of hot skin against his. “Healing of m-my arms?”

“No” Axel sighed as he began to stroke both of them together. “Your mind.”

Roxas wanted so much to touch him, to hold him, to participate, and he kept moving his arms as if he was about to grab him but Axel would shake his head. “Don’t…it’ll hurt.”

Roxas moaned and bucked under him making Axel smirk. “What’s wrong, Rox? I thought this was what you wanted?”

“I want more.” Roxas panted.

“Greed is a sin…so is lust…straight ta hell.” Axel breathed as he shook the memories from his mind. Roxas looked up at wild red hair and eyes full of passion right before Axel bent to kiss him.

Kissing Axel wasn’t like kissing anyone else. It was like becoming a part of him for those seconds (or minutes if you were lucky), feeling his emotions and being wrapped in his aura. Roxas reveled in the taste of him and let go of everything else. He let himself be carried away into the beauty and heat that was Axel.

  


After the blissful moment and a jolt of self-realization, Axel lay beside Roxas and thought of what he had done. He couldn’t help Roxas if he couldn’t refuse him anything. This was going to be a problem.

Reno was due back to Midgar soon and Axel had dutifully ditched his meds that morning. Roxas could ride it out under Reno’s care and he knew that what he would see during their traditional Christmas tour of the slums would change him profoundly as a human being…one way or the other.

Kissing Roxas’ hair before getting out of bed, he looked down at him and said softly, “Reno’s due back soon…and I’m not going to be myself for a few days. Merry Christmas, baby.”

Roxas stared at his retreating back trying to figure out what the fuck he was talking about.


	18. SHAKESPEARE AND SHIT

SHAKESPEARE AND SHIT

  


“Shall I compare thine asshole to a summer’s day?” Reno said seductively, looking into Cloud’s eyes with adoration as they lay in bed in the glow of the Costa morning sun. He had arrived in the night after finding Vincent and sending him ahead to Midgar. Cloud roared with laughter but Reno never wavered.

“Thine ass is more lovely and more temperate. Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May…but I have never heard them, I promise, yo.”

Cloud squawked and covered his face with a pillow as Reno rose up on one elbow and held a hand high.

“And summer’s lease hath all too short a date. Sometime too hot the ass of heaven shines…and makes me come before my time.”

“Jesus Reno!” Cloud laughed behind the pillow.

“And often is his gold complexion dimmed…by a blush…like now. And every fair from fair sometime declines; By chance, or nature’s changing course, untrimmed… that gives me a bit of a stubble burn on my dick, but…”

Cloud was peeping over his pillow but was laughing so hard tears were streaming from his eyes. Reno sat up on the bed and raised his voice.

“But the eternal summer of your asshole shall not fade, Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow’st… because it was pickled in mako. Nor shall death brag thou wand’rest in his shade, When in eternal lines to Time thou grow’st…also because he’s a mako pickle!”

Cloud choked out, “Stop! Can’t breathe!”

Reno held up a single finger for silence, still not cracking a smile. “So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see, So long lives Cloud’s asshole, and this gives life to me.”

Reno hopped off the bed naked, and took a bow as Cloud rolled on the bed laughing.

Walking over to the wall of windows that looked out onto the beach, Reno picked up a cigarette and stepped out onto the deck, giving Cloud a few minutes to get himself together. Sitting bare assed on a patio chair, he lit up and propped his feet on the railing, and looked out at the ocean. Costa was beautiful and he always thought of how blessed he was to be able to see places like this…coming from the slums, the odds had always been against him and the Runt…Dr. Runt now.

Cloud walked out and planted a big wet kiss on his mouth and grinned. “You…I don’t even know what to say to that…and Shakespeare no less.”

Reno reached for him to sit on his lap. Cloud had put on a robe before coming out and just as he sat down, someone waved from the beach. Cloud waved a hand at the passer by and much to his shock, so did Reno.

Giggling again, Cloud leaned against his chest. “So…what now?”

“I gotta go to Midgar for Christmas with my Runt…and yours yo.” Reno said dropping his butt in a cement planter that had been filled with sand and converted to an ashtray. “I’ll text you as soon as I get there and let you know how he is.”

Cloud nodded. “Will Axel be off his meds?”

“Yep…so I may only text ya the one time until he’s back on unless somethin happens yo…and I don’t think anything will happen, before ya even start worryin.”

“I understand…but Reno…” Cloud started and paused.

Reno ran his fingers through messy blond hair and smiled. “What is it, baby?”

“I don’t want this to be like before…like last time.” Cloud said hoping that Reno knew what he meant.

“It’s different already yo.” Reno played with the robe string while Cloud listened to his heartbeat. “It’s different because I know how I feel about you and I accept it. I never wanted ta love anyone but Axel before…cause lovin Axel was safe. Before, I kept ya at arm’s length and that hurt us a lot yo. Now…I know you’ll never love me the way I love you, but I’m ok with that…I’m happy with whatever ya give me.”

Cloud snuggled closer to him and whispered, “I don’t deserve that.”

“And I don’t deserve any of this yo, but here I am.” Reno said as he wondered what it was about the Strife family that made them all feel so unworthy of love.

  
  


Axel was changing Roxas’ bandages quietly. As Roxas inspected the damage he remembered…

_In the bathroom at the estate he began screaming when he had nothing left to vomit. Ripping at his hair as he cried, he smashed the mirror with his fists. Grabbing handfuls of glass shards he dug into his arms, still screaming. The blood started to drip and he became more hysterical grabbing more and more broken glass only to stab his arms repeatedly. Sliding down the wall he sat and sobbed, shards of glass sticking out of his hands and arms._

“Roxas…you ok?” Axel asked bringing him back to the present.

“Yeah…was just remembering...” he mumbled.

“How ya feel about that?” Axel got some fresh bandage ready to go on.

“It was stupid…but I was outta control.” Roxas said as he wondered if he had ever really been in control.

Axel nodded. “I wanna help ya learn to control that rage.” He busied himself with the gauze and ointment.

Roxas didn’t want to talk about it anymore…didn’t want to think about it. “Why are all these fingers still numb? I mean I’m glad they don’t hurt but how long…”

“It could be permanent…nerve damage…there are things you can do to help it but it may not ever be like it was before…your sense of touch, I mean.” Axel was chewing the inside of his jaw while he worked. Roxas eyed him warily and wondered what he had meant earlier _. Would he not remember anything he did while he was off his meds? How would he know?_

Axel looked over his shoulder at the empty room and hissed, “Leave it! I’m not playin right now. I have to take care of this one.”

Looking back at the bandages he raised his eyes to meet Roxas’ frightened stare and said with a smile, “Reno’ll be here soon. They said he’s already left Costa…he was with your dad.”

“Th-that’s great. I know that made Dad happy.” Roxas said with his mouth but his eyes were saying _holy shit_.

“Ya know your demon don’t scare me.” Axel smirked then he shook his head and said, “Sorry…he’s mean…he’s an asshole…same thing, same thing, same thing.”

"Are you okay Axel?" Roxas was getting a little nervous and the fact that his question made Axel giggle didn't help at all.

"D-define...Ok!" Axel laughed out loud then suddenly stopped. "Don't be scared Roxas. None of us would ever hurt you..."

Roxas stared as Axel shook his head slowly and mumbled, "One of us is scared of you...your demon ohhh. Sshhh-shit." He looked up, having finished the bandages.

Roxas watched him struggle with voices he couldn't hear as he sat back on his ass in the bathroom floor. The blonde touched his hair. "Axel?"

Axel looked at him and said, "Sorry Rox...I'm ok. It just… feels like coming apart on the inside...like unraveling…not in a painful way though. It’s like I been bound together by ribbons and they begin to loosen and then fall away…It used to scare me but I've been this way for so long baby. Once the meds are outta my system we won't be talking like this ok."

Roxas nodded. "It's kinda scary."

"I'm sorry...but this'll be good for you." Axel said propping his arms on his knees and squeezing his eyes shut.

"I don't see how seeing you suffer is going to help me." Roxas said quietly.

"Not seeing me suffer...seeing me free...seeing the real me." Axel said softly. "You're going to learn a lot about yourself over the next few days Rox. Your eyes will be opened and you'll know for sure what you're getting into with me too." Axel stood and stretched. "The last thing we want is to be a burden on one we love."

Roxas nodded. "I'll miss the normal you."

Axel pulled him to his feet and hugged him. After a few minutes standing there, Roxas was beginning to wonder if maybe Axel had fallen into a trance or something when suddenly he dropped his arms and grinned before he went skipping through the apartment calling Reno's name.

Roxas hurried after him saying, "He's not here yet."

Axel spun around and squinted at him, skipped over to where he stood, spat over his left shoulder, and then pirouetted off to the kitchen. "Tha fuck..." Roxas said as he stared.

  
  


When Reno stepped inside Axel's apartment he knew Axel was gone...mentally anyway. Roxas sat on the sofa with barrettes in his hair watching TV and eating popcorn with latex gloves over his bandages. Axel sat on the floor in front of the sofa with pigtails and a bowl of cereal.

"Runt, Roxas! I'm home." Reno called out as he closed the door. Axel got clumsily to his feet and ran to Reno almost knocking him down. "Reno let's go to our place! I don't like this apartment that Axel got...I wanted to go to our place but Roxas donno how ta get there...is it Christmas yet!?"

Reno laughed. "Calm down Runt. Tomorrow is Christmas yo. Wanna do a Christmas Eve run?"

"Yes!! Yes, yes!" Axel jumped once and then quieted. Looking at Reno slyly he whispered, "Roxas has a demon."

"I know, cool huh. Can you see it?" When Reno asked he motioned for Roxas to pay attention.

"It's silver…It's angry...and it has long claws that stick into his arms...pretty arms...skin, pretty skin." Axel said sweetly as he rubbed his hands together.

"We need to help him get rid of it yo." Reno whispered.

Axel nodded, looked over his shoulder, then back at Reno. "I have an idea...I had planned to put him in that box under the bed but…let's take him with us for Christmas."

Reno nodded. "Good idea. Go eat your cereal yo. We'll get ready and when we come home tonight we'll stay at our place ok."

Axel skipped back to the couch and Reno text Cloud- hey Blondie, all is well in Midgar. Don't worry.

Roxas finished his popcorn while Reno got some things from Axel's kitchen, then announced that he was going to get his stuff and he'd be back.

Axel finished his cereal and turned to Roxas looking him up and down. "You ok?" Roxas nodded. "You need warm clothes...come on."

Roxas nodded and followed. In the bedroom Axel got the jeans that Roxas wore from the hospital and helped him into them. Then he put him into a tee that was slightly too big and a black sweater that had sleeves that completely covered his hands with a couple inches to spare. Helping with his shoes, he looked up and smiled. "Do you hafta pee?"

Roxas nodded so Axel stood and pulled him to the bathroom by a sleeve. Aaahaa, Roxas thought. There was a method to his madness.

  


Reno popped back in wearing jeans, a thermal shirt, leather jacket, and boots. Axel was similarly dressed but those ridiculous pigtails averted attention from his clothes. Roxas was swaddled in the black sweater and Axel had added a thick scarf to the ensemble because he thought it looked nice with the barrettes in Roxas’ yellow hair...plus he might get cold.

Reno smiled at Roxas who looked mortified. _Good_ Reno thought, _he's not thinking about drugs_ _or Riku._ Axel went to his bedroom and came out with his custom Beretta M9 and grinned at Roxas. "Rules, rules...Reno...Rules."

Reno smiled. "The rules for Christmas are- we make the rules. I got a list of people who don't deserve the air they're usin yo. We're gonna send em on their way."

Roxas stared. "You're kidding, right?"

"It's gettin late yo, let's walk and talk." Reno said as Axel bounced out the door ahead of them. Down the stairwell and on the street people immediately scattered from Axel's path. He was skipping and his pigtails bounced. Roxas looked at Reno concerned. "You're insane."

Reno laughed and pointed at Axel. " _He's_ insane! I just don't give a fuck."

Roxas flapped his sleeves at Reno. "What if I don't wanna be an accessory to murder?"

"Once again, I don't give a fuck." Reno grinned and tapped the blonde’s nose with a fingertip and walked ahead to follow Axel. "Wait up Runt!"

Axel spun around and trotted back to his side. Draping an arm around Roxas’ shoulder he whispered, "Its ok. These are bad people."

Roxas nodded as they stepped into a store. "Merry Christmas!" Reno said and the lady at the counter smiled.

_She seems happy to die_ , Roxas thought. But then Reno took out an envelope and gave it to her then kissed her cheek while she fed Axel candy. Roxas stared. _What the actual fuck?_

"You brought the yellow boy with his demon. Does he like candy?" She asked Axel.

"Roxas" Axel turned to him. "Come have some candy."

Roxas walked over nervously and smiled at the lady. "Thank you," he said as he took a piece of candy and ate it. She smiled and kissed his cheek then spit over his left shoulder. He smiled again thinking how he would forever expect people to spit at him after meeting him. _Thanks Red Death._

  


Outside they walked back to visit Baba and Jiji, both of whom received envelopes, Roxas assumed were filled with money. After a couple more stops Roxas had been given food, tea, bracelets, and a handmade knife. He started to relax thinking they were pulling his chain and carried the guns for protection only.

Stopping in an alley that wasn't anyone's home so Axel could pee, Reno took out a piece of paper and looked it over as he lit a smoke. He saw Roxas looking curiously so he showed him the list.

"These two are for the Don...we'll take you there tomorrow yo. These ones are from sector three, this one from sector 5…"

Roxas noticed he was using his gun (a pretty chrome Colt 1911) to point to the names on the paper. "Close your mouth, beautiful."

Roxas snapped it shut and looked to where Axel had stopped bouncing and stood solemnly on the corner. Reno watched him watch his twin. "After this holiday yo, if you don't wanna be with him, tell him. Don’t fuck around and don't drag it out."

Roxas’ eyes never left the insane redhead as he thought of how complex he was and how vulnerable. "How could I...not want him?" Reno saw tears fill the blue eyes. "He's beautiful."

"You haven't seen all of him yet, yo." Reno said smiling and tugged the sweater. "Time to go to work."

 

Following the Turk, Roxas caught up to Axel and reached up to touch his face. Axel looked down at him and smiled. "Why are you sad?"

"I'm worried about you." Roxas said as Axel stroked his cheek.

"Why? We're free..." Axel whispered and kissed him softly. Roxas kissed him back and felt a hand in his hair. "I love your hair..." Axel whispered "And your eyes...and your nose...and your mmm"

Before he could finish Roxas had kissed him and he returned it greedily. Reno strolled by and slapped Axel on the ass. "Let's go, lover boy. We got work to do."

  


Hoping off the train in sector 5 they made their way past whores and drug dealers to an alley full of people. Axel questioned a person or two then came back to Reno. "Flew, flew, he knew, he knew."

"Don't we know where he lives?" Reno asked and watched quietly.

Axel nodded, pigtails flopping and winked at Roxas. "Did you see it?"

"See what?"

"That bunny?" Axel pointed and then hissed, "Goddammit...He's gone. Time to go to work Reno."

Popping a kiss on Roxas’ cheek he headed out of the alley and Reno followed.

Down a street, up some stairs, Axel kicked a door open and they walked inside. Reno looked around briefly and Axel skipped through the place. Roxas touched Reno’s sleeve and looked at the long dirty curtains. Understanding, Reno winked and nodded. "Come on Runt, he ain't here yo."

Axel came back, gun drawn. Reno nodded toward the curtains. Axel grinned and stepped quietly over to the window then jerked the curtain aside to reveal the rapist. He screamed and Axel giggled, "Merry Christmas!"

Reno shot him in the center of his forehead, spraying brain matter onto the filthy wall. Roxas gaped and Reno snickered. "One down, Runt!"

"More?" Axel asked.

"Yes" Reno lit a smoke and they left on the way to the next victim. Roxas was freaking out inside. _What the hell have I gotten myself into? How could they just kill people and not care? Were they heartless?_ He realized that he really didn’t know either one of them…at all.

Watching the second kill, Roxas started to feel sick. Axel had been holding the guy when Reno shot him and had blood spatter on his shoulder and face…and didn’t even seem to notice. Roxas held down his gift goodies and carried on. The redheads were happy after all…he just needed to get himself into a different state of mind.

By the third kill Roxas had gotten over the shock and wanted to know what each one was guilty of. Reno was correct in saying they were bad people. On the street he felt different, not odd or foreign, but more like a unique part of something greater. He strode alongside Reno as Axel skipped ahead. "How long have you guys been doing this?"

"Since we were about 11 yo." Reno smiled. "And _this_ " he held up his gun "is the same gun that started it all. I had it chromed and engraved but it's still the same underneath. Like me and Runt. He's a doctor, Imma Turk, but we're still slum rats."

"Does he remember all of this?"

"Yeah but he don't talk about it yo." Reno yawned. "Hey Runt, wanna save these three for tomorrow?"

Axel spun smiling, "No no no! Come on Roxas. You can help with this one." Roxas grinned and looked at Reno who rolled his eyes, secretly praying.

  


The next one was man who had beat his wife to death and forced their son into prostitution. Stopping on a corner in sector 7 they chatted with two women who told them where to find the boy. Two blocks over, the 14 year old was leaning against a street lamp when the three approached.

Roxas watched the brunette teen shiver slightly in his worn sweater as he tucked his hands into his armpits. When he saw them approaching he smiled weakly. He knew who the redheads were and what they did at Christmas time. He looked a little relieved.

"Joey, where's your pops yo?" Reno asked as Axel went to the boy and hugged him. He peeked around the redhead to look warily at Roxas.

Roxas looked him in the eyes and smiled kindly, and thought the boy reminded him a little of Sora when they were younger. Axel looked over his shoulder. "Roxas...stay with him...we'll be right back."

Roxas nodded then pulled up his sleeves enough that he could see the bandages on his hands. The teen looked at them and then at Roxas’ face. He didn't speak...or spit over his shoulder, but he did take his hand gently and held it as they stood together under the lamp.


	19. GHOSTS

GHOSTS

  


Vanitas was busily working on the building he had acquired to house his gallery. Armed with a sledge hammer, he was knocking down a wall while Slipknot blared. He didn’t hear Sora knocking and he didn’t see him standing in the doorway so when he touched him on the back of his shoulder, he whirled around, hammer drawn.

Sora squeezed his eyes shut and waited for impact that didn’t come. Vanitas stood with the hammer cocked back, and started laughing. Sora was as stiff as a board, fists balled tightly by his sides, one eye slightly open.

When he registered that Vanitas was laughing, he relaxed. “I thought I was dead!”

“I thought you were…I donno what I thought!” Vanitas roared with laughter. “But whatever was touchin me, I intended to kill it!”

Sora cackled and after the laughter died down he looked around at the half gutted building. “Ya need any help around here?”

“Sure…I’ll take all the free labor I can get.” Vanitas smirked. “You offerin?”

“Yeah.” Sora shoved his hands into the pockets of his shorts. “Gonna have some free time…need ta fill it up.” His voice was softer since Vanitas had turned his music down, but his words were clipped and he seemed nervous.

“What’s goin on, Sor?” Vanitas made him look into his eyes. Sora had been crying but his pupils were blown and his sclera looked like he hadn’t slept in days. “What the hell?”

“Olette left me…she took Ari and went back to Destiny. Said I needed to get my shit together.” Sora said as he chewed at the inside of his jaw.

“Wow, Sor I had no idea things were bad between you guys. I’m sorry.” Vanitas tugged his hand toward an antique sofa that he had picked up at an estate sale for twenty bucks. They sat and he waited to hear more.

“She said that I’d never love her as much as…I’d never be able to love her enough and she wanted more out of a marriage than just a glorified friendship. She said as long as I keep my shit together…” Sora pointed to his own head. “That I can see Ari for a week each month.”

“That’s fuckin bullshit!” Vanitas exploded. “If that bitch thinks that she can just take off with your kid and dictate the terms of visitation she’s insane!”

Sora sighed. “I’m insane, Vani…that’s her point.”

“So you’re ok with this?”

“No, but what can I do?”

“You can get a lawyer…as a matter of fact, I have the number of one already. You remember Zexion from school?” Vanitas asked as he flipped through is phone. “He’s a lawyer and if he can’t help you he’ll know someone who will.”

“Zexion the drug dealer, Zexion?” Sora asked.

“Details, details, do you want the number or not?” Vanitas chuckled making Sora smile. “And that’s former drug dealer…”

“Yeah gimme the number.” Sora giggled.

  
  


There was storm brewing off the coast of Destiny when they landed and by the time they reached the gates to Roxas’ home the rain was starting to fly. The wind was blowing too hard for it to fall so the drops were like tiny insects flying in the same direction.

At the gate Roxas was punching in the code when Axel elbowed him chuckling. The sign on the big iron gates now read STRIFE ESTATE. “Moved on up from house to estate…not bad.”

Roxas laughed and they strolled up the driveway to the mansion that looked deserted. Axel gaped at the hugeness of it all and wondered if Riku had ever gotten lost in there when he was a kid. The place was the exact opposite of his place in the slums. He remembered seeing Cloud’s big beach house in Costa for the first time and thinking it was huge, but this was a real mansion and no matter how old he was, how educated he was, or how many pictures he had seen in magazines, he was a kid again as soon as the doors opened.

“LAGUUUNAAAAAA!” Roxas howled. Laguna came rushing in through two tall double doors that Roxas knew led to the formal dining room and slid to attention in front of them smiling. Axel stared at the penetrating dark blue eyes that studied him briefly before snapping to Roxas. “Yes sir, welcome home Sir.”

Roxas smiled. “Thanks, this is Dr. Axel Sinclair, he’s gonna be stayin here with me til I go back to school.”

“Very well, Sir.” Laguna nodded to Axel. “If you need anything, feel free to…bellow.” He smiled curtly at Roxas making the blonde’s face split into a grin. Axel smirked then winked at Laguna.

“Did Nunky come by while I was away?” Roxas asked as he took Axel’s hand and tugged him toward the stairs.

“No Sir, your Nunky has been absent. Shall I prepare dinner for you and the Doctor?” Laguna followed a few steps behind them with his hands clasped behind his back.

Axel spun suddenly surprising him and spouted. “You’re the cook! You’re the guy my brother was tellin me about with the awesome cookin skills…he said you’re a chef or somethin!”

Laguna had stopped in his tracks not losing his composure except his eyes were huge. “Yes…I…well that was very kind. I’m the house steward but I was a chef and I do cook when the master of the house requests it.”

Axel looked at Roxas and waggled his eyebrows. “Master of the house.” He picked the blonde up making him screech and put him over his shoulder as they began to ascend the stairs and Laguna disappeared to do whatever it was he did.

“You may wanna take the elevator…” Roxas mumbled upside down.

“Pfft! I wanna see everything!” Axel giggled like a kid.

  


By the time they reached the topmost floor Axel was nearly crawling. “Fuck’s sake…I shoulda took the elevator.”

Roxas laughed. “I can walk yanno.”

Axel put him down and looked down the short hallway. “So what’s up here besides the bedroom?”

Roxas looked at the other three doors and mumbled, “Just a closet and another bathroom and the elevator.”

Axel felt a chill and immediately gave himself a pep talk. _This doesn’t seem like a beautiful cell that Riku was locked away in…he was free to come and go…in this mausoleum with no one else around but the servants…shake it off Red._ Taking a deep breath as Roxas opened one of the double doors to the bedroom suite, he held it briefly them let it out in a huff.

Walking inside was like walking off the edge of the world to Axel. Everything was white. The floors were shiny white marble and there were columns in the fucking room _. Who does that?_ _Really rich people do that._ Roxas was pressing buttons on the wall and automatic blinds began to lift revealing windows from the floor to the ceiling. Axel watched as light filled the room and made the white glow and sparkle.

When he was a kid in church and Father Creeper talked about heaven, this is how he envisioned it. Everything was white and clean and pure. But then his mind curved back around to reality as Roxas opened two of the glass doors letting the ocean breeze catch the sheers. _It was beautiful, without a doubt, but this had been someone’s hell. Someone suffered greatly in this heaven…not just someone…Riku._

  


When the room was sufficiently aired Roxas closed the doors. The rain had picked up and the day had turned completely gray. Axel couldn’t shake the creeps he got from that room…until he stepped into the bedroom. He stopped abruptly in the doorway and couldn’t catch his breath. Roxas didn’t seem to notice that he was about to asphyxiate so he tried to cough and it came out in a wheeze.

“You ok? Axel! What’s wrong?!” Roxas ran to his side and pulled him back to the sofa in the sitting room. “I’ll get you some water…what happened?” Roxas asked as he slipped off to the kitchen to fetch a bottle of water for the panic stricken redhead.

“I donno…I just couldn’t catch my breath. I’m ok now.” Axel said almost panting as he downed the water.

“Are you sure? Look if this place creeps you out, we can stay at a hotel or somethin.” Roxas offered and Axel knew there was no way he was going to take him up on it.

“Are you kiddin? This place is beautiful!” Axel; said calming almost instantly. It was as if whatever had restricted his airway was now gone. _Nerves_ he thought… _just nerves_. 

“Will you be ok here until I go talk to Laguna about dinner?” Roxas asked patting his hand.

“Sure, yeah…I’m good.” Axel reassured Roxas as he watched his eyes and then stood to go.

When Roxas was out the door Axel stood and went directly back to the bedroom, not stopping until he was standing by the bed. _White and fluffy…this is where Riku slept…with Roxas. This is where Roxas slept…with Reno._ Axel touched the duvet and thought about his and Reno’s single blanket they shared for years.

He walked around the room and noticed the door to the bathroom was ajar _. I bet this bathroom is as big our old apartment in the slums_ he thought as he peeked inside. Falling all over himself to get away, he scrambled across the bedroom floor gasping for air. There had been blood everywhere. There was a body on the floor, too white to be alive and he knew because he had seen plenty of dead people.

That body though had belonged to one silver surfer. He calmed his breathing and told himself it was a hallucination probably brought on by stress and being off his meds. Taking a few deep breaths, he picked himself up and went back.

  


When he reached the bathroom door he took a deep breath and let it out. For the first time in a long while he recited an Our Father and meant every word. Swinging the door wide, he saw a pristine white bathroom.

He sighed and stepped inside, closing the door. Before he had another hallucination he needed to pee or he just might not have the wherewithal to hold it next time. He chuckled as he relieved himself.

After flushing and washing his hands he felt that cold slimy fear creeping up his spine and across his scalp. He began to whisper a Hail Mary when he heard a soft chuckle from behind him.

He closed his eyes and focused on his breathing. He steeled his nerves and opens his eyes...and there he was.

Riku sat on the floor of the bathroom watching him. His skin was sickly gray making his hair look almost white. His skin was mottled with bluish patches and black veins streaked his face and arms. His once stunning eyes were shot through with the black veins and the aqua irises were the washed out and watery. His pupils though were black as pitch pinholes.

Axel stared briefly, "What do you want?"

Riku smiled as his haunting eyes fixed on the redhead. Axel shuddered at the blackened gums behind the swollen cracked gray lips. "Stop that." Axel grumbled.

This time Riku laughed as he stared and it sounded crackly and had the undertone of a gurgle. Axel gagged as he thought of drowning and how it must have felt to be filled with sea water. Turning away from the specter he retched into the toilet.

When he was done he looked behind him to the corner where it sat but saw nothing.

  


Washing his face he stepped back out into the bedroom where his senses were assaulted with the smell of weed. Roxas was in the sitting room getting baked. Axel rushed to him and grabbed the joint nearly burning it down to a roach, then passed it back. "Damn… are you ok?" Roxas giggled.

"Not sure...you got a stash here or somethin?" Axel asked as he started to calm down. He thought about his meds but really wanted to stay off them so he decided to try and stick it out.

"Yeah, or somethin." Roxas giggled again. "Come on I'll show ya around. I told Laguna to cook spaghetti because it's your favorite."

"Aww baby that was sweet. Thank you." Axel was thrilled that Roxas remembered what his favorite food was and he smiled as he followed him out of the rooms.

  


They took the elevator all the way to the basement and started there. Axel enjoyed the tour and only got the creeps a few times. When he started to feel it he would go over his rosary mentally until it went away.

Roxas never noticed or didn't mention it if he did. Under any other circumstances Axel would have loved the estate but the current situation made him feel like an interloper...a trespasser.

Walking back into the suite they found their dinner had been delivered up by Laguna and it smelled heavenly. There was a service cart parked right inside the rooms laden with silver trays and dishes along with a small card that read- _if there is anything else you need, please call for me...On the intercom system...by the door. Laguna_

Roxas chuckled and they had their dinner with the wine Laguna had chosen as the storm raged outside. Afterward they lay on the sofa talking and cuddling. Axel didn't mention his hallucination and Roxas didn't mention Riku.

After the day they had Axel decided to wait on starting with Roxas’ therapy. Curling blonde hair around his fingers he wondered if Roxas found comfort in being surrounded by Riku's things. Soon he heard soft snoring so he decided it was time to tackle that fluffy white bed.

Carrying Roxas to it, he laid him down gently then sat on the bedside and began undressing his hands and arms. Inspecting the wounds he found that they were healing nicely so the redressing would be far less extensive.

He checked the stitches in the deeper wounds and stepped over to his bag to retrieve his supplies. Turning back toward the bed with his hands full, he jumped when he saw Riku bent down, hovering over his sleeping boyfriend.

He was dressed in ragged jeans that seemed to be dripping water onto the floor, no shirt or shoes, still covered in those disgusting black veins. "Go away." Axel hissed.

Riku's head snapped around in his direction and their eyes locked. He wasn't smiling with his ugly black gums this time, he was pissed. Axel could feel the anger emanating from him as he glared and reached a water pruned finger toward the worst of Roxas’ injuries.

"He did that...to himself." Axel explained to the glaring ghost as he felt his heart thudding hard in his chest. "You shouldn't be here."

Riku's eyes blazed with hatred as he opened his mouth impossibly wide making a horrible gurgling hiss and then he was gone.

  


Axel sighed, shaking so hard that he barely held onto his medical supplies. He stepped toward the bed when suddenly he was stopped by a cold wet hand at his throat. He froze as he smelled the ocean and heard a gurgling voice by his ear. "Fix him."

All at once it was gone again and the room was too quiet. "K" Axel squeaked making his way hurriedly to the bed.

Once the bandages were on and Roxas still seemed to be resting comfortably, Axel started to undress him. When he finished, he undressed himself quickly and crawled into the not-his bed.

  


Snuggling close to Roxas, he thought again of taking his meds but decided again to wait. _Tomorrow will be better_. They would talk about Riku and maybe that would help him as well.

He dozed off quickly enough and slept peacefully until his bladder woke him around 3:00. Stumbling to the bathroom he saw nothing unusual so he did what he need to do and went back to bed. Spooning back up to Roxas he sighed as he thought of how good the bed felt. Minutes passed and he began to doze but Roxas snorted in his sleep and then giggled. Axel smiled and kissed his hair.

“How sweet…” A familiar voice, as clear as it was before he died spoke right behind his ear. “Couldn’t wait to get back with him… could ya?”

Axel lay perfectly still with his eyes bugged and started whispering the rosary.

“Would you _stop_ that? I’m not a demon, for fuck’s sake.” Riku said and Axel cringed when he felt the brush of soft hair across his ear and squeaked “Debatable.” But then silenced himself, still not looking over his shoulder.

“I got a question for ya, Red Death…” Riku said in what Axel thought was a very sarcastic tone, for a dead guy. “You were all Florence Nightingale and helpy with Sora and Roxas…and Vanitas and mostly everyone who came around Strife House… even kids in the slums…why not me?” Riku asked bluntly. “You’re all about savin a soul…was mine not worthy? Was I hopeless?”

Axel bit his lip as he debated turning to face his ghostly stalker and was about to decide against it when Riku laughed loudly. “You can look Red, I don’t look like a floater.”

The redhead flipped in bed and faced the speaker. He lay on his side propped on an elbow, skin perfect and poreless, silver hair hanging in his bright aqua eyes, a slight smirk on his pink lips. “Better?”

Axel nodded as he looked to make sure the rest of him was there and not a cloud of mist or some monstrous form. He looked just like he always did when they were in college: tee and jeans but no shoes…that bugged him. He thought briefly about the Jesus feet on all the crucifixes that he used to see in the church and then returned his eyes to the now sweetly smiling face.

“So if you’re done checkin me out, we can get down to it.” Riku said.


	20. SILENT NIGHT

SILENT NIGHT

  


Reno and Axel walked away and as soon as they were out of sight the boy spoke. "They're going to kill my father aren't they?"

"Yes" Roxas said numbly. "What will you do after?"

"I can stay in our apartment until the rent’s due...then I guess I can go work for the Don...if he'll have me." Joey said.

"You shouldn't have to do this." Roxas said angrily.

"I don't wanna be a pusher...I got to finish school...I wish I could live on top..." The kid then turned to face Roxas and gently took his other hand. "Where do you live?"

Roxas smiled thinking of home...his new home. "I live on Destiny Island."

"Destiny Island is real?"

Roxas died a little inside. "Yes its real...would you like to see some pictures?"

The boy nodded as Roxas released his hand and gently picked his phone from his back pocket. "These are on Destiny...but these are from where I grew up in Costa del Sol..."

While they were looking at photos a man approached. "Hey guys...how much for the both of ya?"

He wasn't a sleazy looking fellow but his words told the tale. "He's not..." Joey began.

"We're not workin." Roxas snapped interrupting the teen.

The man's demeanor changed instantly as he stepped closer. "Oh yeah? Well ya look like ya are...and his dad says he _is_...so how much?"

"I said we're not workin, asshole." Roxas snarled. "By now his dad's a dead man... and we belong to Nobody."

The man's face flushed as he began to back away looking around. Down the street, under the next working street lamp stood a horrifying figure with dead eyes, a gun, and disheveled pigtails with blood smeared on his cheek."

The man turned to run and the boys watched silently as two alleys down, a long arm reached out and snagged the man’s coat jerking him into the darkness. They heard a loud pop and saw blood and tissue spray out onto the sidewalk.

  


Watching Reno wipe off his gun as he walked toward them with a trail of cigarette smoke curling behind him, Axel draped an arm across their shoulders from behind. Roxas leaned into him a bit and felt Axel kiss his hair. Joey smiled and said thank you as Reno reached them.

“You don’t hafta thank us, kid. Get off the street, finish school, and look out for your own yo. There are a couple places in Wall Market that’ll let ya work. The money ain’t great, but it’s better than this. Tell em I sent ya and I’ll be around.”

The three walked the teen home where he immediately began looking for his father's body. "Did you do it here?"

"We took him out yo. You gotta live here and we didn't wanna leave a mess." Reno said looking around the poorly lit room.

"You can have this...but you should only use it for rent or food..." Axel gave the boy an envelope. "And this stuff was your dad's so now it's yours." Giving him a wallet and handkerchief filled with the contents of the old man's pockets, Axel patted his head. "I kept his eyes..."

"Runt!" Reno butted in. "Inappropriate."

Axel nodded, "K" and bit his lip then smiled at the teen and batted his eyes, clearly exercising restraint.

Roxas giggled making Axel turn to him grinning broadly. Reno watched the two share a secret look while they snickered and then he smiled as he thought that either Roxas was over the hump or he was on the verge of hysterics...he really couldn't tell which

  


Back on the street Reno watched as Roxas chatted with Axel. They would giggle occasionally and Axel flapped his arms wildly as he spoke. Soon though, he tapered off and became quiet and Reno knew that someone else was driving …but he wondered if Roxas would pick up on it.

Axel stopped and turned to the blonde peering closely at his face. Obviously confused, he pulled up the sweater and shirt to bare Roxas’ belly and chest.

"I'm Roxas, Vanitas’ brother."

Axel dropped his shirt and looked closely at his eyes. "K...I like your hair, Roxas."

"Thanks." Roxas smiled and they continued toward the train.

"What happened to your hands?" Axel asked.

"I cut them."

"On what?"

"On purpose."

"Ahhh ha ha ha ha!!! You're funny!"

"Thanks"

"You're very grateful..."

"Yes I am"

"Why?"

"Because I I've got a lot and some people don't."

"Right right right...Roxas is right." Glancing up as they passed a run-down building Axel added, "Reno wouldn't let me kill him yanno."

"Who?"

"Da. Reno said no cause we'll have to go to the orphanage and it's bad there...worse than here…that’s where we grew up” Axel pointed at the old dilapidated building. “We were nine…and he said it…on a Thursday…in August." Axel was picking at his nails while he talked.

Roxas stilled his hands. "Was he a bad man?"

"Yes...he hit us and he burned Reno when we were older...the tattoo...a gift from Jiji. I hate him. I wanted to kill him but..."

"Runt...he's dead yo...let it go." Reno said as he flopped onto the bench, obviously tired.

  


Axel sat down and hugged him, then kissed him on the cheek. Roxas sat beside Axel and picked at his bandages.

Reno lit a joint and passed it down then another, then a third. They smoked silently until Axel laid his head on Reno’s shoulder to whisper, "Can we keep him?" Glancing in Roxas’ direction.

Reno chuckled, "That's up to him yo."

"Why?" Axel looked confused.

"Because he's his own person, Runt. He can choose where he wants to be." Reno explained.

Axel mouthed the words 'where he wants to be' then turned to Roxas and stared as Roxas smoked. "He's real."

Roxas eyes slowly turned to Axel as smoke jetted out of his nostrils. Axel reached to touch the blonde’s face. "He's real...ooohh...fuck."

Roxas turned into the touch and Axel gasped. Reno laughed. "He's a real boy!"

Roxas laughed making Axel laugh. "Like Pinocchio! Only...better!"

  


Walking into Reno's apartment, Axel dove onto the couch and grinned. "I've missed this place!"

Reno smiled and looked at Roxas as he slipped out of his jacket. "We moved here when we were just 15. Seems like 100 years ago now."

"Let's go bath Runt...come on Rox, lemme get you outta that sweater...you've got red on you, yo."

Roxas laughed just as Axel chimed in and they spoke in unison, "Like Shaun of the Dead!"

They laughed and Reno arched an eyebrow. "Wow...lets bath guys, come on."

They both headed his way still giggling and said, "K"

He glared at both, baring his teeth and they looked at each other before mumbling, "Sorry..."

Reno shivered and got busy getting everyone clean.

 

His apartment was roomier than Axel's but three men undressing in the same bathroom still wasn’t going to happen. As soon as he entered the bedroom Axel began stripping. He had more blood on him than Roxas and Reno combined so nothing was said while he was hopping around on one foot as he tugged his jeans off the other. Roxas tried not to look at his junk bouncing around, he really tried.

"Eyes up here, Rox" Reno chuckled.

Roxas blushed. "I can't...it's just...it's right there and it's bouncy...and his ass...sorry."

Reno was laughing outright by the time Roxas finished. "Gimme your hands yo."

He tugged the sweater sleeves and the tee went next. When he knelt to strip the lower half, the blonde stopped him. "Do you think Axel will... be weird about me and you?"

"Nope." Reno said without hesitation.

"K" Roxas said and Reno hissed. "I really hate that shit yo."

"Reno Reno Reno...how are we gonna wash baby without gettin his booboos wet?" Axel asked as he walked over to them completely naked.

"He can shower with us tonight. We have ta change his bandages after anyway." Reno mumbled as he slid Roxas’ jeans down.

Roxas looked down at him just as he looked up and a smirk spread across the redhead’s face. When Roxas lifted his gaze to Axel he was staring at him unabashedly. His eyes started with the hair and ended at the feet, then returned.

 

Reno stood so Axel's attention went to him. He helped Reno undress while he helped take down the ruined pigtails. Roxas stared and his right eye blinked a few times as he thought of Sora. Axel looked to him as if he knew where his mind was. "He can't hurt you here."

Axel took Reno's hand and Roxas nodded as Reno took his hand gently and led him to the bathroom where half the room was a shower/sauna. Stepping into the hot spray Roxas started to relax immediately. They put him out of the direct spray and Axel said, "I hafta get the blood off before I can wash you...ok?"

Roxas smiled. "That's fine...go ahead and do what you need to do."

Reno tugged Axel's hair and he turned to him and hugged him whispering something Roxas couldn't hear but as he whispered he buried his long fingers in Reno's hair.

Reno smiled and glanced at Roxas then he chuckled. "It's ok Runt...I think he'll be cool with it yo."

Axel released Reno from his hug and all the while Roxas was trying to recall all the struggle players’ stats that he could think of while he watched the two.

They shampooed one another's hair and chatted as they washed one another. When they were done they turned to Roxas who couldn't keep his mind on stats long enough to avoid a raging hard on.

"Your turn Rox." Reno announced, and Axel smiled as he pulled him into a hug. All Roxas could was release the breath he’d been holding and it came out in a low moan.

Axel growled, then giggled. Roxas giggled. Reno grunted. "Imma leave you two to it yo."

Reno exited the shower and Axel pinned Roxas to the wall and kissed him. "Roxaaas" he breathed before descending on his neck and shoulders. "I really really want you Roxas..."

"You can...have me." Roxas squeaked still trying to hold his arms out of the water.

"No no...I said no sex until you're better...until your heart is well...and even after that if you're not ready." Axel hissed like he hated saying the words.

"But I wanna touch you and I can't." Roxas complained looking at his damp bandages.

Axel paused. "I'll stop...we should wait." He released Roxas and threaded his fingers into his hair.

"I don't wanna wait." Roxas said and pouted.

"It's important that you know your value. If we have sex, you'll think that sex is one of the things that defines your worth." Axel explained sounding like his nerdy self for a moment. "And while I remember that sex with you could change a motherfucker’s religion, there's more to you than that." Axel smiled and grabbed Roxas and jerked him against his body, holding his ass and grinding against him. Roxas squeaked and moaned as Axel literally lay siege to his person.

The blonde was melting at the sensation of being pressed against Axel and his lips on his neck then on his mouth. One long hand reached between them to stroke Roxas while the other squeezed his ass then spread him so that the hot water coursed between.

Roxas cried out as Axel pressed two fingers against his entrance but then stopped and bit him on the neck gently.

  
  


Already in bed Reno text Cloud.

Reno: hey baby wud

Cloud: wishing u were here. Exhausted. Everyone s gone for the night. House s wrecked. Glad tomorrow s Christmas. Hows everything?

Reno: all is good here. Need ur help

Cloud: anything- u kno that

Reno: send me a pic

Cloud: ok just a sec

Reno: no now! Wanna see how you look right now

Cloud: ok but u asked for this

Reno received a pic of Cloud from the pecs up, no shirt, hair wrecked, looked like he was outside in the dark maybe on the deck.

Reno: Goddamn you're beautiful

Cloud: Pfft

Reno: I miss you

Cloud stared and waited for a text saying it was auto correct, but after a few seconds when one didn't come, he text back.

Cloud: I miss u too

Reno: I'll text u tmrw

Cloud: K. Lol

Reno: grrrrrr

Cloud: so sexy

Reno: O.O I'm sensing a role reversal here

Cloud: maybe a little

Reno: goodnight Blondie

Cloud: goodnight Red

 

Reno groaned. He had forgotten about Roxas bandages. Crawling out of bed, he stopped before opening the bathroom door when he heard Roxas cry out. He smiled and went to watch some t.v.

  


Sleeping was fitful for Roxas. He was alone on the sofa, his pain meds made him a little high, and he had witnessed more than a few gruesome murders the night before. He dreamed of blood and fire.

The next morning was a totally different atmosphere. Axel woke up as someone else. He wasn't happy. This Axel was angsty and wanted coffee and quiet. Roxas rolled up in his blanket and hid.

Grumpy Axel chuckled in spite of himself. Reno was always grumpy before coffee but hearing this Axel chuckle when no one was bleeding to death was different, so he smiled too.

Later they dressed Roxas in a hoodie and took him shopping. Axel skipped the pigtails because Grumpy Axel didn't like them. Grumpy Axel looked at Roxas like he wanted to fuck the stuffing out of him...or eat his eyeballs...or do both simultaneously. Roxas trusted him regardless, since even grumpy Axel was a part of his Axel, so he taunted him when he got the chance.

Breakfast was a ridiculous affair of simulated sex with food and cursing. Reno just drank his screwdriver and laughed at them. The day was filled with visits to Don Corneo's, the train graveyard, sector 8 where you could see the sky, and more food from street vendors and of course there were more shoulder-spitting locals.

Reno was surprised at how Roxas interacted with the many faces of Axel. He played with the joker, he held the crier, he clung to the lover, and he made the grumpy one laugh. Grumpy was the most dangerous Axel. He was quiet and only wanted to watch people die.

  


That evening when it was time to go visiting, grumpy Axel was back and Reno knew it was going to be a bloodbath. Best thing to do would be let him take out a few drug dealers and get him home.

"Time to go to work guys." Reno said as he walked into the den. Roxas was dressed more appropriately after shopping earlier and Axel seemed to be occupied looking at his ass in those jeans.

As if he had a delayed reaction Axel looked up at Reno and then strolled to the bedroom to get dressed and get his gun. He emerged in his favorite leather pants and some old boots he picked up second hand years ago. The tail of whatever shirt he wore underneath was longer than his black hoodie and his hair was loose and a little messy. Reno wore dark clothes as well because on the second night, bad people were better hidden and better prepared.

"I wonder if that asshole we couldn't find last year will be out tonight?" Reno mumbled as he packed some extra ammo.

"We have it on good authority that he died the last time I got my feelings hurt...his death was followed by some delicious chocolate cookies." Axel grumbled.

"Was that recently yo?" Reno looked worriedly at his twin. It wasn’t often Axel went on a killing spree on his own without even telling Reno afterward. _Aww_ , he thought, _the Runt is growin up_.

"Yeah...it was when we realized that I still had unresolved feelings for the baby." Axel said quietly.

Reno was confused. Grumpy Axel never used terms of endearment. Did he switch that fast? Or was he coming back together on his own? _Wouldn't that be somethin_ , he thought.

Axel shook his head then looked around for Roxas. When he saw him standing by the window he went over and put his chin on top of his head and sang quietly, "If you were the ocean and I was the sun, if the day made me heavy and gravity won..."

Roxas sang in a whisper. "If I was the red and you were the blue, then I could just fade into you..."

Axel kissed him, then turned to Reno. "Ready?"

Reno was staring completely dumbfounded. "Uh, yeah." Roxas trotted off behind Axel as Reno lit a smoke.

  


On the street Axel was quiet as Roxas walked along beside him humming. Reno was a mere spectator at this point. He wanted to see what this new Axel was going to do.

They stopped outside of a building where drug dealers squatted until they got a drop. Looking up to the rooftops Axel turned to Reno. Knowing what he wanted, Reno nodded once and Axel turned his attention to Roxas. "Stay with Reno...I'm goin up."

Roxas nodded and walked to Reno's side as Axel went down the alley to climb the escape. He never heard a sound as Axel climbed but when he heard the taps on the metal drain pipe, he guessed it meant he was ready. Reno winked at the blonde. "Stay behind me."

  


They entered the building from the front and Axel came down from the roof. He shot one drug dealer, Reno shot one, and the one pissing himself while he waited to die turned out to be the most unlucky bastard Roxas ever saw.

Axel walked over to him putting his gun away and taking a knife out of his pocket. "It's your lucky day!" Axel smirked.

"You just won the asshole lottery!" Reno said smiling.

Roxas giggled and it echoed eerily through the old building. Some of his bandages had come lose and hung off his hands reminding Reno of the straps on a straight jacket. He shook it off.

"You get to sing a song for my baby." Axel said "It's Christmas...barely, almost midnight, so! Sing him a Christmas song...but not jingle bells cause I hate that shit."

The pusher began weakly. "Hark the Herald angel sing...glory to the newborn king."

Roxas giggled again and Reno folded his arms across his chest watching the madness of his crazy ass brother unfold.

Axel grabbed the pusher by the back of his neck and said "Keep singing asshole."

"Peace on earth and mercy mild aaaaahhh!" The pusher screamed as Axel used the tip of his knife to puncture his jugular. Blood started to spurt in a tiny stream and Axel barked, "Sing!"

"God and sinners reconciled." He began to cry but still tried to sing. "Joyful all ye nations rise join the triumph of the skies with angelic hosts proclaim, Christ is born in Bethlehem."

Roxas had wandered close and was currently putting his finger over the spurting hole intermittently and giggling. Axel smiled like the demon he currently was and said, "Sing Silent Night. My baby has a beautiful voice...he'll sing with you...don't fuck it up."

Roxas and the dying pusher began to sing silent night as Axel stood watching. Soon the pusher was weak and fell to his knees, still singing. "He looks like he's prayin, don't he Reno?"

Reno nodded. The pusher fell down on his face unconscious and Roxas was left to sing the last few words solo, which he did. "Sleep in heavenly peace."

Reno never wanted to hear that song again.


	21. COME TOGETHER

COME TOGETHER

  


Outside Axel looked tired and Roxas was humming and watching his feet. Reno needed a drink. Turning to walk backward so he could face Reno, Axel said, "One more?"

 _That’s the Runt talking but he don't have his mannerisms_. "One more, Runt." Reno said.

"Roxas are you ok?" Axel asked.

"Yeah I'm good." Roxas chirped.

"Did I ever tell you about Father Liam?" Axel asked Roxas, catching Reno's attention.

"No...who is that?"

They found an open cafe and sat down for coffee. The waitress didn't mention the blood on Roxas’ hands and sleeves but she did slip a folded napkin toward Reno who winked at her and nodded. While Axel told Roxas about Father Creeper, Reno sipped coffee and opened the napkin.

_My boss rapes his daughter._

Reno drank some more coffee then waved the waitress over. "Can I get a Danish-is he here yo?"

"Sure" then she added in a whisper, "He's in the back."

Reno stood and excused himself from Axel and Roxas who were trading crappy jokes and laughing at one another.

As he stepped behind the counter, one of the three other customers watched him then picked up his silverware and raised his hand to tap a warning on the table, but a thin hand stopped him. Axel stood behind the man holding his wrist as Roxas stepped around in front of him and pressed a dirty finger to his lips, bloody bandages hanging from his hands. "Ssshhhh."

The man pissed himself.

  


In the back, Reno crept in to see the _boss...owner...whoever_ , watching porn on a black-market laptop.

"Wow that's hot yo." Reno said startling the man into slamming the computer shut. He wasn't a fast disgusting slob like Reno pictured in his mind when he put together what he knew about him _: runs a diner in the slums, rapes his daughter..._

"She was a cutie. Is she local?" Reno asked sitting on the desk looking down at the nervous soon to be victim.

"Yeah, she's local...I can get her for ya if ya want...right now if ya want."

"Do that." Reno said looking around the small office area that was blocked off by half wall partitions from the general storage area.

The man took out his phone and made a call. "Get down here. Someone wants to see ya."

Reno checked his watch and played with the string on his hoodie while he waited. The boss nervously tapped his finger. "I know who you are..."

"Cool." Reno said disinterested.

"You know I own this place and you can have it yanno...if ya might be willin ta let an old man have his last years in peace."

"Cool." Reno said still picking. He looked up when a door opened and feet shuffled in...small feet. He looked up to see a girl wearing a short dress and makeup who couldn't have been more than 13.

"Hey sweetheart." Reno said with kindness and sympathy in his voice.

He watched as her young eyes darted from his red hair to his face before she approached him slowly and pulled back the edge of his hoodie just enough to see red ink. He smiled and opened his arms.

The girl practically collapsed onto him whispering an Our Father. Reno smiled wrapping his arms around her thin shoulders and kissed her head. "Merry Christmas doll."

Turning acid greens to the owner, he took his gun from behind his back and pointed it at his face, still holding the girl close to his chest. "Tell me again about the diner yo. I can have it, you said?"

The man now sweating in his cheap suit, nodded vigorously.

"Where's your mommy, sweetheart?" Reno addressed the girl who had her eyes clamped shut.

"She's upstairs with a man. He had us both and then she said I could go." The girl said quietly, still not shedding a tear.

Reno whispered the beginning of a Hail Mary then turned to the door where the man's eyes were now riveted. "Runt, go fetch mommy for us yo...and her boyfriend if he's still there."

 

Axel disappeared silently from the doorway but Roxas remained and stepped inside. Reno winked at him as he looked at the girl curled against his chest. "I want ya to go with my friend Roxas here. Get somethin ta eat if you're hungry and wait for me with him... Stay with him, ok."

The girl looked warily at the blonde but then stepped to his side and took a bloody bandaged hand as he led her out.

"Ya know it don't have ta be like this... you could make a fortune down here...and not have to work for the ShinRa no more." The man was trying his best to sell Reno.

"I have a fortune already...and I made it honest. Now shut up. Your kid is gonna inherit this place in about fifteen minutes yo so quit tryin ta give it to me." Reno said passively as Axel returned with the mother and a man who was wearing only boxers.

"Sorry for the wait. This guy was naked and honestly his ass made me sick. It had pimples...disgusting." Axel said blandly as Reno cackled.

"Ok. Play that video yo...The one you were watchin when I came in." Reno told the owner who reluctantly opened the laptop and turned the video back on.

Reno looked closely and saw the girl and the mother with a man. Looking up at the mother he was pissed. "Why did you let this happen to your daughter?"

"We needed the money...and she's old enough!" The whore spat.

Axel was grinding his teeth as he held her arm. Reno looked up at him and nodded. "Outside yo."

  


Stumbling into the alley behind the diner the owner began to beg and the woman began to curse. The boyfriend was mumbling about having a kid to raise and _please no_...but it was gonna happen anyway.

"Get on your knees! One two three!" Axel crowed then laughed. The jester was back.

Reno grinned. "Ok we gonna play my version of twister, just for fun."

He pointed with his gun and directed as Axel skipped up and down the alley singing his own version of Pop Goes the Weasel.

"Ok, Mr. Owner, drop trou. I wanna test a theory...and you, boyfriend...if it works you might get to do it too." Reno said as Axel skipped by.

"The diner man is gonna die for fuckin other people. The little girl can have this place ...pop goes the weasel."

The woman was on her knees with the owner's dick in her mouth. They were both crying as Reno waited for Axel to skip back by.

"Reno's gonna shoot the whore and make her bite the pee-pee, diner man won't be a man..." Axel stopped skipping and looked at Reno who shot the woman in the leg. "Goes the weasel!"

  


The red twins came back inside the diner to find Roxas and the girl talking and smiling.

"Alright little lady," Reno said as he sat down with them. "Do you have any other family?"

"No. I had an older brother but he got killed a few weeks ago." She said and Axel winced.

"Ok well here's the deal yo. This diner is yours now and I know a kid...He can help you out cause he ain't got nobody either." Reno was thinking of young Joey as were Axel and Roxas. Helping the girl close up for the night and getting her home safely, the three went back to find Joey and tell him about his future.

  
  


Christmas in Costa had been a huge success considering one of their own was missing. Cloud had dinner catered and everyone was relaxed and happy. Sora surprised everyone by _not_ moping and obsessing over Roxas’ absence.

Ventus and Demyx told Cloud they were thinking of adopting. He gave them some solid advice when he told them children were a joy but they should wait and enjoy one another for a few years.

Vanitas didn't bring a date and seemed fine with it. He gave everyone his art for Christmas. He had made a specific piece for each person and admitted that he had been working on them since the spring.

  


Back in the slums the redheads were replacing Roxas’ bandages. They had showered and were ready for bed and Roxas was actually nodding off before they got his arms covered. "He's so worn out." Axel said as they wrapped the last finger

"Yeah...He's a good guy...had such a hard time...and now he's got you yo. Best thing that ever happened to him, I'm sure." Reno smiled collecting the first aid supplies.

"Thanks Reno...I hope I can make him happy." Axel was staring at the dozing blonde when Reno noticed that he had been talking like medicated Axel.

"Say Runt...yanno you sound a lot better." Reno wondered how long it would last.

"Yeah it's weird...I feel like myself...my single self." Axel pondered before gently scooping Roxas up in his arms and walking toward the bedroom. "Come on Reno, he's sleeping with us tonight. If we hurt him, his screams’ll wake us."

They laughed together and crawled into bed, tucking Roxas in between them. Axel hugged him and Reno spooned up to his back as Roxas giggled in his half sleep state. Axel kissed his forehead and reached across him to rest his hand on Reno's hip. Reno nuzzled his hair and reached across him to rest his hand on Axel as well.

  


In the wee hours Roxas woke himself up moaning. Axel had pulled one of his legs across his hip and was grinding their bodies together. Reno was pressed against his back mumbling and kissing his shoulder as his hands roamed between him and Axel.

Roxas wiggled as much as he could between the redheads and managed to wake them both. "You ok Rox?"

"You guys are molesting me in your sleep and now I got a…" he gasped as Axel grabbed him and rolled to his back dragging Roxas on top of him.

Reno crawled up onto his knees chuckling and stumbled off to the bathroom. By the time he stumbled back to bed Roxas’ problem had been taken care of and Axel was sitting by the window smoking. Roxas was snoring softly, rolled up in the covers. Reno looked at him briefly thinking of the time they had spent together on Destiny and how much had changed, how much Roxas had changed.

"Hey Reno...I was thinking I wanna try and stay off my meds...and see how it goes." Axel said quietly.

Reno nodded. "That's your call, Runt. I've never seen you maintain this long off your meds...but you're different...I donno how ta explain it."

"I feel different...I can feel them all but not separately...if that makes sense."

"It does. Cause you act like mix of all of them right now."

Axel sat thinking and smoking, then sighed. "It can't be realization because I've known about my multiples for years...it could be the interaction with someone other than you...because I've always thought of you as part of me so..." Axel mumbled.

"So you think this could be it? Think it's over yo?" Reno almost choked up. He had been taking care of Axel ever since he could remember and if he was well now, it would mean a major life change for Reno too.

Sensing his unease Axel hugged him close. "I'll always need you. You'll always be my other half."

  


Reno couldn't sleep, so after Axel laid back down with the Roxas cocoon, he text Cloud.

Reno: I know ur sleepin but I wanted to tell u I miss u n I wish I was there with u

Reno: is that cheesy yo?

Reno: I bet u will think its cheesy

Reno: want more poetry yo?

Reno: text me when u wake up or when ur not busy

Reno stared out the window as the sun rose and watched it until it was obscured by the plate of upper Midgar. His phone buzzed making him jump.

Cloud: that was the absolute best wake up text I've ever gotten. Come to Costa...or I'll come get you. You have 30 seconds to decide starting now.

Reno looked at his sleeping twin with Roxas and wondered what it would be like to not have to watch over him.

Reno: on my way yo

Cloud: safe trip XXX

Reno sighed and scrawled a note.

_'Gone back to Costa. Call if u need me. I love ya Runt, you too Rox- Reno'_

Hitting the door whistling, he didn't look back.

  


Cloud went out to the beach and breathed in the salty morning air. _What am I going to do with a twenty-something year-old boyfriend?_ _Will I be able to keep him happy?_ _What if he meets someone his own age that doesn't have so many kids?_ _Hell I have a grandchild! This is too good to be true, especially after I bailed on him for Xion._

Cloud picked up a seashell and turned it over in his hand. _Will Roxas ever be ok? How did I fail him so consistently and miserably his entire life? It's never too late to start being a better father_ he thought.

Sitting on the sand he thought of how Reno made him happy. He thought of the first time they met right there on the beach. Sifting white sand through his fingers he chuckled to himself when he remembered the first time they had sex. Reno had prayed the entire rosary through at least once. He had accused Cloud of lying about his age and made him prove it. After they cuddled, Reno had gone into the bathroom and cried. He didn't know Cloud had heard him so when he continued to play the tough guy, Cloud let him.

When he thought of how young Reno was, it scared him, but then he was Cloud fucking Strife and he wouldn't let fear hold him back. Standing and brushing himself off as Vanitas came over, he smiled.

"What's on your mind, Dad?" he asked.

"Life. How ‘bout you?" Cloud said simply as they walked toward the house.

"I'm gonna open that gallery we talked about. I found a great building...it's big enough for me to do my work there too." Vanitas said as Cloud noticed a new piercing in his nose.

"That's great Vani. I'm proud of you." Cloud clapped him on the back.

"So what's happening with you and the Red Menace?" Vanitas smiled. "I was out surfing when he left right before Christmas yanno."

"Honestly son, he scares the shit outta me. He's so young." They entered the house. "Scary as it is though...I can see myself being with him for...for a long time."

"I don't get what happened last time between you two." Vanitas pondered.

"Last time we were together, but not...I mean we kept each other at arm's length and we each had our reasons." They had settled in the kitchen to chat. "This time...it feels different. This time it _is_ different...and that's what's scary. I mean even with Xion, I wanted her here but it wasn't a thing yanno. When she was ready to leave I was ok with it. I really didn't care. I've stressed more over buying a suit. Ugh...I suck." Cloud lamented.

"Yes you do and it's glorious yo." Reno said as he stepped into the kitchen and wrapped Cloud in a hug.

Cloud squawked and laughed as Vanitas roared. "Inappropriate!!"

Reno laughed then whispered to Cloud, "I don't want you worrying about nothin yo. I'm all in this time."

"Yeah?" Cloud pulled back and looked into his eyes.

"Yeah." Reno smiled.

"Ok well I'm gonna bail. I've got a lot to do and you guys need to spend some time together so..." Vanitas started to walk out of the kitchen but was stopped by Reno.

"Hang around yo. I haven't taken time to talk to you either."

Vanitas nodded and sat back down and proceeded to tell Reno all about his plans to open an art gallery. Reno was impressed and told him so, all the while Cloud listened to the two chat. He then realized that as much as he knew about Reno, Vanitas knew him pretty well too...intimately so. He watched them and waited for the jealousy to creep in...but it didn't.

 

Reno talked to Vanitas like he talked to Axel. Satisfied that he wasn't going to turn into a jealous psycho, Cloud told the two he was going upstairs to shower and change. Reno kissed his cheek and slapped his ass as he walked away.

Vanitas chuckled as Cloud disappeared upstairs. "You guys..."

"Yeah...He scares me though..."

"Funny he said the same about you." Vanitas quirked a brow.

"My age, right?" Reno said picking an apple from the fruit bowl.

"Yeah. But I think he realizes deep down that you're the more mature between the two of you." Vanitas laughed and Reno giggled.

"It's just that I never had a chance to be a kid really so..." He tapered off as he looked at his hands. "Vani...I've had it bad for him for a while yo...at first I was scared, then I pushed my feelings aside. I never thought he’d ever feel the same about me. I never even entertained the thought until now."

Vanitas nodded. "I think Riku's death changed a great many things in all of us..."

"It did yo."

  
  


Axel woke up in bed alone. He didn't panic and he didn't get angry, he simply crawled out of bed to go look for Roxas. Stumbling through the apartment naked he found him in the kitchen on the phone with Sora.

"I'm sorry...yes I had a good Christmas...no...cause he's cool with it." Roxas didn't see Axel standing in the doorway and obviously hadn't heard him so he stood and listened, arms folded across his chest, hair askew.

"I said I was sorry I...no…Yes I do. I do love you Sor but..."

Axel approached and slid the phone easily from Roxas’ grasp before he even registered what was going on.

"Sora hi, this is Axel. You need to stop guilt tripping your brother for having a life because as his doctor I can tell you it has an adverse effect on his mental well-being, and as his boyfriend I can tell you that if you don't suck it up and get your Goddamn ass in therapy and leave him alone, I will personally, and with great passion, kick your fucking ass. Goodbye."

Axel hung up the phone and smiled at Roxas who was staring with his mouth open. "I-I-I'm sorry..."

"You don't have to be sorry, baby." Axel went to him and hugged him. "He’s the one who’s wrong in this. I can see you every day, a little at a time building your own life. I know he’s your brother and you’ll never escape him completely, just remember that the only power he has over you is the power you give him."

Roxas nodded. "Thank you."

"I was just being a good boyfriend." Axel chuckled. "A jealous one, but a good one."

"So did you go back on your meds today?" Roxas asked noticing how normal Axel was acting.

"Nope...it seems all the Me’s have decided that they agree to disagree about who is driving this meat puppet." Axel laughed and Roxas listened to the rumble in his chest and smiled.

"When can you take a week off and come to Destiny with me?"

"I actually still have week left so why don't we spend New Year’s there?" Axel played with blonde hair and hoped Roxas would agree. He needed to get him back there to gauge his coping skills when it came to Riku. _Riku_...Axel thought. _The most alive dead guy ever_...seemed like even after almost two years he was still having an impact on their lives.

"Reno left a note. Said he was going to Costa and we should call if we need him." Roxas said as they started for the bedroom.

"Cool, we’ll call on our way to the airport and let him know where we're headed." Axel smiled and slapped Roxas’ ass. "So sexy!"

Roxas squealed and ran for the shower. Axel felt for a second like he was watching everything from a far distance but then he was fine. Shaking it off, he followed the blonde.

  
  


Cloud had showered and Reno changed into some shorts and they went for a walk on the beach. "So how long do I get to keep you before you have to go back to work?" Cloud asked looking down at their joined hands.

"I have no intention of going back until after New Year’s...so a week." Reno said pulling Cloud’s hand to his lips. Cloud stopped walking and turned to him.

"And then what?"

Reno looked into the mako blues that kept drawing him back time after time. "Whatcha mean, 'and then what'?"

"I mean when do I get to see you?" Cloud asked smiling coyly.

"Well if you're workin then you can see me every day..." Reno cupped his face and kissed his nose making him blush. "But if you're here then, well...it's a short flight...unless..." Reno smiled and kissed his lips lightly.

"Unless what?" Cloud pouted.

"Unless ya need a break from this beautiful beach and wanna spend some time in the slums." Reno chuckled. It sounded absurd and he knew it. Who in their right mind would leave beautiful Costa del Sol for the slums of Midgar? He wasn't surprised when Cloud laughed.

"Can I come back with you after New Year’s?" Cloud asked as he laughed.

Reno nodded, "Sure baby. Make sure to pack your dark clothes and a gun."

"I'm serious." Cloud giggled.

Reno looked at him seriously. "Really?"

Cloud nodded. "Yeah...I haven't been to the slums in years and besides, it's your home. If we're doin this right then I wanna know that part of your life. I wanna know _every_ part of your life."

Reno turned toward the ocean and rubbed his face with both hands. Cloud watched him and began to get nervous.

"It's too much too soon...I'm sorry...just forget it. I can see you...whenever you want." Cloud felt like a total fool as he stood there looking at the back of Reno's head. He saw the redhead put his hands back to his face and felt worse.

"I'm sorry, look no pressure ok. I just thought..."

Reno turned back to him and Cloud saw the tears on his face as well as the ones dripping from his thick lashes. "Would ya stop a second yo?"

He took both Cloud’s hands in his. "I want ya there..." Reno took a breath then sighed. "I want you there I just didn't think for a second that _you_ would want..."

Reno shook his head, not able to go on so Cloud stepped to him and lay his head on his chest, and eventually he continued. "I didn't think ya would wanna leave here...ta be with me."

Cloud heard his voice crack and hugged him tightly. "I wanna be with you...I don't care where we are."

Cloud closed his eyes and thought of the one other person in his life that he had said those words to...Sephiroth...and in his heart he finally said goodbye to him.

  


Later, Cloud and Reno had just settled down to watch a movie when Cloud’s phone buzzed. “Can you get that baby?” He asked Reno.

Reno reached a long arm out and snagged the phone before checking it. “It’s a message from our Runts…they’re flyin ta Destiny ta spend New Year’s.”

Cloud smiled as he munched. “Tell em to have fun and I love em.”

Reno smiled as he text. “We love you guys, have fun, and call if u need anything.’

  


Roxas and Axel’s heads were side by side staring at the text. “Is that Dad or Reno texting?” Roxas murmured.

“I can’t tell…” Axel chuckled. “Maybe they’re turning into the same person…you should totally ask Reno if you can call him Dad…or Daddy.” Axel laughed. “Do it.”

Roxas grinned and sent the text to Cloud’s phone.

Roxas: can I call Reno Daddy?

Cloud: No

Roxas: y not?

Cloud: cause I said No

Roxas: but I want to…s this Reno?

Cloud: no, and no

Roxas: lies…

Cloud: ok it s but I don’t want u callin me Daddy yo

Roxas: u text exactly like u talk??

Cloud: fuck u blondie jr

Roxas: u hurt my feels Daddy

Cloud: I said don’t call me that yo. s creepy.

Roxas: y?

Cloud: u kno y

Roxas: s it gonna b weird? Cause we slept together? For half a year?

Cloud: ugh…well it will b now…ass

Axel and Roxas were laughing so loudly they stepped out of the store they were in. Axel thought absolutely nothing of the fact that Roxas had slept with Reno. They both had discussed that Cloud may have a problem with it, but it was too early to tell really. Axel himself had tortured Cloud about the use of the same moniker that Roxas was now trying to hang on Reno.

Roxas: boarding now Daddy XXX tell Dad Ilh2

Cloud: this is Dad now. Ilyg. Safe trip.


	22. LOVE IS...

LOVE IS…

  


Axel whispered to Riku, “We should go in there so we don’t wake Roxas.” Riku evaporated and Axel left Roxas sleeping.

In the sitting room he lit a smoke and looked around for his Casper only to find an empty white room with one open door leading to the balcony. Stepping quietly out, he saw him there staring up at the moon. The storm had passed and everything was a silver glow.

Axel had wandered out without dressing and looked down at the damp furniture, wanting to sit but not. Riku stepped over to him and waved his hand over a chair cushion and then slung the water off his hand. “Sit.” Axel did as he was told and continued to smoke.

“I remember the first time I saw you at Strife House.” Riku said smiling. “Do you?”

“Yeah…it was my first full day there…I had just met the Strife earlier that day. I had no way of knowin about you and Rox and…” Axel started headlong into an apology but Riku stopped him.

“That’s not what I’m after.” He said as he did a very familiar thing; he rubbed the old scars on his wrists. “What did you see when our eyes met… I know what you were thinking but I wanna hear you say it.”

“I thought you had the saddest eyes I had ever seen.” Axel admitted. “And bein from the slums, I’ve seen some sad eyes.”

“Did the shrink in you wonder why?”

“Yeah but I didn’t know you and…”

“What about later? When I was so strung out. Did you know that Roxas lied about how he got those bruises?” Riku asked but his expression never changed.

“N-no…did you hit him?” Axel asked getting a little pissed as Riku nodded nonchalantly.

“Why would he…” Axel started.

“Because he loved me.” Riku finished. “When I left to do the modeling thing…did you think you would get him back then?”

“No because I was with Vani then…and we were happy.” Axel said as he lit another cigarette off the one he was finishing. “But still I should have said somethin… I should’ve tried to talk to you.”

  


Riku sat quietly and watched the redhead replay in his mind all the opportunities he missed to help the miserable boy and chose to turn away…and wonder why. Finally Axel looked up at him and his face scrunched into a wince. “I’m so sorry.”

Riku smiled slightly. “Sorry for what Red? Sorry because you never tried to help a lost soul or sorry because deep down you know you were just waitin me out so you could have him back?”

Axel didn’t try to deny it. _What other reason could there have been?_ The truth wasn’t always pretty and this was a truth he had to admit to before he could move on. He sat and thought about what that said about him as a human being. He thought of all the meds he was on at the time and wondered if that had influenced his subconscious decision not to help Riku…probably not. Glancing up guiltily at the ghost, he fought with himself about what to say to him.

“You don’t have ta say anything…I know already. This little chat wasn’t so I could get another heartfelt apology…it was for you…so you can move forward with him.” Riku said as he stood from where he had been sitting on the balcony railing.

“Don’t go yet!” Axel blurted. “I need forgiveness...”

“Ugh Catholics…whatever man…” Riku laughed and as soon as the sound reached Axel’s ears he felt light and awash in peace.

“Wow that’s like…wow.” Axel said smiling at Riku who was still chuckling at him. “But what about you? Are you at peace?”

“I’m with my little girl and my dad… that’s all I wanted in life and now I have it. I’m sorry for the people I hurt.” Riku’s eyes lost a bit of their sparkle. “I’m tryin to touch lives here and there when I can to nudge some in the right direction… Roxas being the most stubborn of all living humans…and your brother being a close second.”

Axel chuckled. “Who’re you tellin?”

“Who indeed? Which Axel decided to hang me out to dry?” Riku asked coming to sit by the naked redhead who was beginning to shiver.

“I guess it would have been all of us because ultimately what we do, we do together.” Axel said and as the words left his lips he gasped and looked into aqua eyes with shock. “You’re in my head!”

Riku smiled at him and stood. “I gotta go, Red Death. It’s been real and it’s been fun…but it ain’t been real fun. Take care of him and Sora, Reno and Dad… and yourself.”

“Any advice for a sometimes oblivious doctor?” Axel asked as he watched Riku hop up onto the railing.

“Be patient and kind, don’t envy, don’t boast, watch your pride… you know the rest.” Riku smiled as he stepped off the balcony railing and disappeared into the pre-dawn darkness. Axel thought about the bible verse he had referred to and deftly recited the rest of it before going back inside.

  


Creeping back to bed and slipping under the covers he snuggled Roxas who shrank away at first and mumbled, “Cold.”

Axel tucked the covers between them so he wouldn’t freeze his sweetheart out and hugged his Roxas cocoon tightly. “I love you.” He whispered to the sleeping blonde and kissed his hair.

  
  


Vanitas and Sora were busily remodeling the inside of the building so that it would be better suited to display the works of local artists. Sora stopped suddenly and turned to his raven haired brother. “It’s New Year’s Eve…”

“Yep” Vanitas said “Let’s call it quits for today. Have you talked to Dad to see if he and Reno are havin a party?”

“I haven’t talked to him but they prolly are… I mean its Reno.” Sora said lighting a joint and passing it to Vanitas who was staring at the floor.

“Yeah…its Reno, so prolly.” Vanitas mumbled.

“What’s up, Vani? You just lost your glow.” Sora giggled.

“Nothin…just wonderin…” Vanitas began.

“How Rox is doin?” Sora finished.

“Yeah” Vanitas chuckled. “I sure have missed havin you around, Sor.”

“I’ve missed bein around.” Sora smiled. “And I’m not gonna check up on Roxy. He’s gotta do his thing…he’ll get in touch with me when he’s comfortable. I don’t wanna push. Plus Axel said if I didn’t leave him alone he would kick my ass.”

Vanitas looked less than surprised and nodded. “That sounds like him…long on giving advice, short on taking it.”

“Whatcha mean?” Sora puzzled as he winced through the smoke.

“I mean if it was me wantin to kick someone’s ass, he would be all like- _Vanitas, violence isn’t always the answer. You should let him make his own choice._ ”

Sora cackled at Vanitas’ spot-on imitation of the redhead and nodded. “Yeah but this time I think he’s right. I was in a fuckin downward spiral until Olette left me and took Ari. That shit will wake you up quick.”

“Did you call Zex?” Vanitas pondered looking down at his paint spotted overalls and dropping the bib and wiping some paint flecks off his tattoos.

“Yeah, he said he knew a good divorce lawyer who was nearby and he would send her my way.” Sora said brushing off his own overalls that he had cut off into long shorts. He had some paint spatter in his hair but Vanitas didn’t bother to mention it. Instead he looked at how much muscle Sora had gained since college. He was quite buff as was Vanitas, and they both looked a wreck, shirtless in their overalls and work boots.

“Hellooo!” A female voice called from the front of the building and the two wrecks stared at one another, eyes bloodshot and brows up.

“Shit!” Vanitas said as he started in the direction of the voice only to be stopped abruptly as he rounded a corner. “Aaahh!”

The scream got Sora’s attention but it made him giggle. He had just made Vanitas scream like that a few days earlier…it never got old. He listened to mumbled speech and a woman laughed before he went to investigate.

  


Rounding the same corner Sora wasn’t prepared for who stood with Vanitas, in business black and stilettos, holding a briefcase. “Larxene!?”

She smiled the shark-toothed grin that he remembered so well. “Good to see you too, Sora.”

He grinned broadly and looked her over as he rubbed his hand though his hair finding the paint. She looked them both over quickly hissing a little. “Zex called me and said you needed a lawyer. He said your beach bunny wife left and took your kid. I can help.”

“Thanks…I really didn’t know what to do when she took off like that. Vani gave me Zex’s number.” Sora shrugged as he caught Vanitas checking out Larxene’s legs smiling.

“Well, by law she can’t do that. So the first thing I want to do is get her back here.” Larxene said as she slid a heel back to whack Vanitas on the shin, and smile as he bit his lip rings and grimaced.

Sora laughed at them and nodded. “What do I need to do?”

Larxene went over to the antique sofa and sat, opening her briefcase. “First of all, tell me this is NOT your job.”

“This is not my job.” Sora crowed and Vanitas laughed heartily making her shoot him a scowl.

“Seriously…you guys haven’t changed a bit.” She almost smiled. Sora proceeded to give her all the information she needed and when she got around to asking about his health, he was up front and honest about everything; offering to provide records if necessary.

Vanitas was impressed as he sat with them and listened to how mature his brother sounded, all the while cocking his head occasionally to try and get a peek under that black mini. When she stood to go, she looked around and asked, “What’s this going to be anyway?”

“I’m turning it into a gallery for local artists… and for my work too.” Vanitas said rubbing the back of his neck as he looked around at all they still had left to do.

“I’d like to see it when it’s done…send me an invite to the opening.” She smiled and Vanitas nodded. She gave him a business card with her cell number scribbled on the back. “Call me…we’ll catch up over drinks…you can bring that annoying redhead if that’s still a thing.”

“That’s not a thing anymore.” Vanitas said flatly as he kicked a chunk of broken sheetrock across the floor. “He’s back where he belongs…with Roxas.”

“The junkie?” Larxene spat. “Well there’s no accounting for his taste.”

“Hey take it easy on Rox…he had a hard time after Riku died.” Sora said ever the defender of his brothers.

“Yeah I bet…so he’s clean now?” She asked but Vanitas could tell she really didn’t care.

“Yeah, he’s good.” The tattooed Strife added.

After she left Sora said, “Damn…she’s still scary.” Vanitas nodded and they got back to work.

  


A couple hours later Olette called Sora. “You didn’t have to get a lawyer, Sora!”

Sora scratched his head and Vanitas saw a shadow pass across his face. “You didn’t have to run off with my little girl, Olette!” he snapped. Vanitas thought at that moment Sora reminded him more of Cloud than Roxas ever did.

“We’re coming back but I’m not happy about this!” she yelled through the phone that Sora had put on speaker, so Vanitas could be a witness to the conversation.

“I wasn’t happy about you taking her.” Sora growled. Vanitas put his hand on his brother’s shoulder and nodded encouraging Sora.

“We’ll be back in the morning…and I’ll be expecting to stay at the house. Would it be possible for you to stay at your dad’s for a few days?” She asked still sounding angry.

“No. I’m staying with Ari… I’ll stay outta your way.” Sora said, now completely calm. Vanitas thought he would get seasick watching his brother’s mood swings but he was impressed again with Sora’s ability to control himself.

“Fine!” Olette snapped.

“Can I talk to Ariel?” Sora asked quietly.

“No!” She barked.

“Please Olette.” Sora begged. He heard his daughter in the background saying “Is that daddy? Lemme talk to Daddy!”

“You’ll see her in the morning.” Olette hissed. Ariel screamed shrilly. “I WANT MY DADDY!!!!!”

Sora started to cry but he kept his voice even. “Come on, Olette…I hear her cryin…lemme talk to her.”

There was a silence except for Ariel screaming and then a loud sobbing “Hi Daddy I love you. I wanna come home! Please Daddy come get me!”

Sora had a hand in his hair and one on the phone and he stared at Vanitas with tears running down his face. “I love you too, baby and guess what? Mommy said you get to come home tomorrow. She said you’ll be home in the mornin.”

Ariel wailed. “She tells me that every daaaaayyyyy.”

Sora sniffed back the tears as he checked his watch. “Ok how about this then, I’ll be there in two hours…that’ll be about 5 o’clock and I’ll make sure you get to come home with me, ok baby?”

“Ok Daddy…Mommy, Daddy said…”

“I heard him, Ariel. That’s fine.” Olette snapped in the background and Sora ground his teeth.

“I love you Ari and I’ll be there soon.” Sora said as his face began to return to its normal shade.

“I love (sniff, sniff) you too (sniff, sniff) Daddy.” Ariel said before the phone went dead.

Sora sat his phone aside and took a deep breath then blew it out. “I gotta go, Vani. I’m gonna shower and change and get going. Thanks for everything. I love ya.”

“I love you too Sor. It’ll be ok…say ya want me to go with?” Vanitas asked realizing he had nothing holding him there and his brother would need someone to lean on.

“Would you? That would be so great Vani.” Sora sounded completely relieved so Vanitas nodded.

“Sure, no problem. I’ll get ready and you can pick me up on the way to the airport.”

“Great, see you in a few.” Sora said on his way out the door.

  


Roxas woke up to Axel singing loudly in the shower. _What the fuck_ , he thought, _is that nut_ _singing?_ Listening closely he heard a few words and a familiar tune.

“Beauty queen of only eighteen she had some trouble with herself. He was always there to help her, she always belonged to someone else…”

Roxas grinned and dragged himself out of bed. As he stepped into the shower with the redhead he joined in singing. “I don't mind spendin' everyday out on your corner in the pourin' rain. Look for the girl with the broken smile, ask her if she wants to stay awhile…”

Axel kissed him before they could finish the song and Roxas giggled into the kiss. Pulling away for a second, Axel looked into the blues and said, “I love you, Roxas. I love you more than you will ever know…and it may be too soon for you but I didn’t wanna wait another second to tell you. I love you.”

Before Roxas could speak he was being devoured again and in the midst of it all, inside the steam-filled bathroom, Riku sat against the wall where he had died once, and smiled.

  


Sora and Vanitas were snoring loudly on the plane, much to the other passenger’s aggravation. Sora had gotten so upset that he decided on a power nap and Vanitas dozed off listening to him snore. When the voice announced that they would be landing soon, an attendant had to physically shake them awake so that they could put their seats upright. Sora’s eyes rolled in two different directions as he awoke making the attendant giggle. “Sorry Vani…” he mumbled.

The attendant was busy shaking Vanitas when Sora looked over and grinned. “Just tug one of his piercings, he’ll come around.”

“But won’t he be mad?” She asked naively.

“Nope.” Sora smiled and winked. “I promise he won’t be mad.”

The attendant surveyed her choices as he snored loudly near her face. Choosing an eyebrow ring, she tugged gently. Vanitas groaned and winced.

The attendant hissed at Sora even though she was supposed to be waking the sleeping pin cushion. “He’s gonna be mad!”

“No he won’t, I swear.” Sora smiled again and batted his eyes. She huffed and tried again. This time she chose a silver lip piercing and tugged it down. Sora giggled at the way his lip tugged to the side. Vanitas groaned and his hand went directly to his junk. The attendant shrieked in embarrassment and backed away laughing.

“You can wake him yourself!” She laughed, walking away to no doubt share her story with the other attendants.

“Wake up Romeo, we’re about ta land.” Sora said shaking his brother who was sleepily beginning to unbutton his pants.

“Stop! Idiot…do you wanna get arrested?” Sora cackled louder than he should have, finally waking Vanitas.

“What I do?” he grumbled sitting up but then snickered as he realized what he had been doing. “Anybody see that?”

“The blonde attendant.” Sora giggled as he noticed she was looking right at them.

Vanitas winked at her and grinned broadly and they watched the blush creep up her cheeks.

  


“So, what first?” Sora asked.

“Find a hotel, go get your kid.” Vanitas said. “Well, smoke a cigarette, find a hotel, and then go get your kid.”

“I love you, Vani.” Sora said as they stood to leave the plane. “You never change…you never have. You’ve always been Vani…no matter what direction the shit splattered.”

Vanitas chuckled and lit up as soon as he could get away with it. “I don’t know how to be anything but me, Sor…it’s my curse I guess.”

“I think it would be great to be the same every day.” Sora lamented and then chuckled. “Unless I was an asshole…no one wants to be an asshole every day.”

Vanitas nodded smiling. “Hey call your old lady and let her know you’re in town. She may let you take Ari back with ya tonight.”

Sora nodded and dialed. “What?” Olette snapped as she answered.

“I’m here, can I come see her?” Sora asked politely.

“Yes…we’re at Mom’s.” Olette sounded a little defeated and Vanitas watched Sora’s expression soften. He wasn’t sure what Olette said but he wasn’t going to let Sora lose his edge. He needed to keep it together.

“Ok, I’ll be there soon.” Sora ended the call as they stepped inside the car rental office.

  


Driving down the coast toward Olette’s parents’ house, they were coming up on a huge estate that was locked away behind huge iron gates. Vanitas whistled as he glanced toward the towering white mansion and he noticed Sora had a morbid look on his face. “You ok, Sor?”

“That’s where Riku lived…Olette told me about it once. She said it was huge, Riku called it a fuckin mausoleum. Can you imagine livin in a place like that, Vani?”

Vanitas mumbled something as he slowed to get a better look at the place. Passing the gates he heard Sora gasp. “Stop stop stop!”

“Tha fuck!?” Vanitas hit the brake and pulled over to the curb. “What is it?”

Sora hopped out of the car and Vanitas scrambled out after him wondering what had gotten into his nutter brother. “Sora! What are you doin? You can’t just…”

Sora had stopped in front of the gates, staring. Vanitas caught up to him and stumbled into his back when he read the words- STRIFE ESTATE.


	23. LIGHT

LIGHT

  


Roxas and Axel had been sitting on the balcony talking about Riku. The redhead was impressed at how once he got Roxas started, it just flowed. He had cried about some things and laughed about others. He had shared wretched stories of drugs and Riku dealing with his demons…or not.

“Let me show you somethin that I need to address but I really donno how.” Roxas sniffed and Axel followed. Inside the suite he went to a door and opened it revealing a dismantled crib and other pieces of baby furniture, a rocking chair and boxes of baby clothes.

Axel looked inside sadly and sighed. “He was 15…this stuff has been in here since he was 15?”

“Not exactly. He refused to take it down and put it away for years. He was in college at Radiant before the stuff ever got packed up…I think Nunky had it put away.”

“That’s so sad…I should’ve tried to help him, yanno.” Axel said sadly. Roxas closed the door and as it shut Axel caught a glimpse of Riku sitting atop the boxes, swinging his legs grinning.

“Fuck.” He hissed and Roxas looked up at him. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothin…just creepy is all.” Axel mumbled.

“A rabbit jump across your grave?” Roxas snickered as he turned to walk away.

“A what!?” Axel grabbed his arm.

Roxas looked at him warily and tugged his arm away. “A rabbit… Dad’s friend Barrett used to say that if someone had a chill and shivered, he would say that it was because a rabbit hopped across the place where they would one day be buried.”

“That’s fucked up, Rox.” Axel said as he calmed down. “Seriously…fucked up.”

“Um…Christmas in the slums…pots, kettles and such.” Roxas said holding his hand up to Axel’s face making him cackle. He hugged his blonde just as his cell buzzed. Roxas rolled his eyes and fished the device from his pocket.

Sora: S’up Rox

Vanitas: S’up Rox

Sora: u have a good xmas n Midgar?

Vanitas: have a good xmas?

Roxas laughed and showed Axel. “They must be stoned together and texting me.” Axel laughed as Roxas text them back together.

Roxas: S’up guys- had a fun xmas- good x’s. ru guys stoned??

Vanitas and Sora looked at each other and giggled, standing in front of the gates.

Vanitas: not stoned. Lol. We came to Destiny to get Ariel

Sora: not stoned- on Destiny to get my baby girl.

Vanitas: just saw the oddest thing

Sora: saw somethin crazy

Roxas looked at Axel and their eyes went huge and then they bolted for the elevator. Reaching the bottom, Roxas was no longer looking at his phone. He and Axel were laughing like idiots when they ran past Laguna and out the front door. He turned and watched them, smiling.

 

Outside they peered toward the gates and Roxas scanned the yard quickly. Denzel was smoking a joint while he trimmed the hedges and his supply cart was nearer to them than it was to him. Roxas grabbed Axel’s hand and dragged him to the golf cart laden with gardening supplies. “Hey Denzel, commandeering your vehicle dude!”

Denzel smiled that stoner smile and waved him on. Hopping onto the cart they headed for the gates, tools and bags of soil falling off randomly as they went.

“It’s them!” Roxas squealed excitedly as they got closer. Axel laughed because he had never seen Roxas so excited about seeing his brothers before. The cart slid to a stop at the gates and Sora and Vanitas were laughing like mad men.

“You’re insane!” Sora crowed as he laughed at his blonde brother hopping off the golf cart and rushing toward him and Vanitas who was grinning at them in spite of the apprehension he felt.

Roxas blurted the gate code and Vanitas typed it in. As soon as he could squeeze through, Sora did and ran to hug Roxas who hugged him back and grabbed two hands full of chocolate colored spikes as he whispered. “I missed you and I’m sorry I got so weird and I’m sorry I didn’t return your texts and I’m…”

Sora was smiling but his eyelashes were getting damp. “Roxy…stop.”

Roxas quieted as Sora held him at arm’s length and said just above a whisper, “I’m sorry…you shouldn’t be. I’m sorry _I_ got weird…and I missed you too.”

  


Axel stood by smiling as did Vanitas. It made them both happy to see the closest of the quads reunited. Vanitas lit a cigarette and Axel reached over and took it from his mouth and nodded in thanks. Vanitas smiled and shook his head as he lit another. “So what the fuck, Rox? Strife Estate? Really?”

Roxas laughed as he talked. “Xemnas…I went to see him when I found out Riku’s mom had passed away and we had a ‘come to Jesus’ meeting under the old oak at TU. He gave me the place…said I needed a place to call my own.” Roxas squeezed Sora’s hand that he held as if to say everything was ok.

“I think he’s tryin to redeem himself and…he’s changed so much guys. I wish that he would stop by while you guys are here. It’s amazing how different he is. I came here with him when he was ready to move his stuff and we got baked. It was hilarious!”

“Mansex got baked with you?!” Sora laughed. “Hey remember that day he came over to give us hell…freshman year?”

“When you said he was tryin to fuck you!” Roxas laughed and Axel smiled as he listened closely because he didn’t know them at that time and was always happy to hear about the mischief the brothers got up to. Vanitas was still trying to picture Xemnas smoking dope with Roxas.

Shaking his head, he brought everyone back to reality. “We need to head. We were goin to Olette’s folks to get Ariel. We can come back though.” Vanitas looked around then back to Axel.

Roxas nodded. “Come back when you get her. She’ll love the house, hell any kid would.”

Sora nodded and grinned, then grabbed Vanitas’ hand and released Roxas’. “See you guys shortly…as long as Olette don’t give me a bunch of shit.”

  


Back on the road, Vanitas was quiet. Sora was happy to be able to talk to Roxas again but he sensed a little tension where Vanitas and Axel were concerned. He hoped it would pass. Pulling into the driveway at Olette’s, Sora took a deep breath before he got out. Vanitas followed him and looked around at the humble beach house. It wasn’t anything fancy but it looked like a home. He couldn’t imagine Riku staying there and he tried to get his head around the relationship they had back then. It just seemed like a different person from the Riku he knew at TU.

Knocking on the door, they heard Ariel squeal inside the house and an older woman’s voice mumble and then laugh. Sora smiled as Olette’s mother opened the door for them. Ariel shot out and into Sora’s arms. “I missed you Daddy…I love you bigger than the ocean.”

“I missed you too baby and I love you even bigger than that.” Sora said as he kissed her smiling face.

“Would you boys like to come in for some tea?” Olette’s mom stepped aside so they could come in.

“Thanks Belle, but I don’t wanna upset Olette.” Sora said politely.

“She’s gone Sora.” Belle said and her tone made them both stare at her as if to ask if that statement was as final as it sounded. “She said Ariel could go back home with you to Costa del Sol and you can send her divorce papers to this address in Radiant Garden…now, do you want to come in for tea?”

“Yes ma’am.” Both Strifes answered in unison.

Inside over tea, Belle explained that Olette had told her that she had rented an apartment in Radiant back when Sora went into the hospital. Sora sat and listened to how long his marriage had actually been over while Vanitas held his hand.

Looking around the room at the family photos, Vanitas noticed there were photos of Riku with Luna. “Do you mind if I…um…” He nodded toward the photos and Belle nodded. “Go ahead honey.”

Sora glanced toward the photos but had obviously seen them all before. Vanitas looked at the much younger face of Riku and the precious baby he held and thought, _no wonder he wasn’t afraid of dying…he was just goin to see his baby_. Shaking his head he went back to his seat by Sora as he finished his chat with Belle.

When they were ready to leave, Ariel ran to another room and came back with her purple Minnie Mouse suitcase. “Ready Daddy!”

“Wanna go see Uncle Roxas?” Vanitas asked as he scooped her up and Sora grabbed her suitcase.

“Yes! And I wanna see Uncle Vennie too, and Poppa! And Uncle Demmy, and Uncle Axel and his bruver!” Vanitas laughed.

“We’ll see all those people.” Vanitas said and kissed her cheek.

“You boys take care of my little princess.” Belle said with a sad smile.

Sora turned to her and hugged her. “You know you’re welcome to come to Costa anytime…don’t worry about the money ok? Jest let me know when you can come and I’ll take care of everything. Family is important.”

  


When the three travelers got into the car Vanitas looked at his brother and took his hand. “You’re fuckin awesome, Sora.”

Sora smiled and winked. “You know the last time you said that to me I was wearin an inflatable duck swim ring and smokin a bowl.”

Vanitas laughed and drove away. Pulling up to the estate gates Ariel stared wide-eyed and said, “What’s this house Daddy?”

“Its Uncle Roxas’ house…he said there was fun stuff here.” Sora said as they rolled through the gates toward the mansion. Laguna opened the door for them and led them to the sitting room that faced the beach. Vanitas looked around thinking it felt like a museum and he was afraid to touch anything. Sora felt the same and when Vanitas commented on it, he grunted assent.

They turned toward the door when they heard Roxas shrieking and laughing before he slid through the doorway in his socks and tripped over the rug, followed closely by a laughing Axel. Ariel squealed and ran to Roxas laughing. “Uncle Rox! Your house is so big and pretty! It looks like a castle! I can be a real princess here!”

He picked her up and swung her around. “There’s some stuff I wanna show ya…come on guys.”

They started in the trophy room where all the animals were and the day just kept getting better for Ariel.

  
  


“I need a safe word!” Reno howled as he crawled back onto the bed and Cloud laughed at him.

“Wait! Don’t go!” He giggled from the floor, tangled in the sheet. They had spent the New Year hour in bed together and hadn’t left.

“Unenhanced people need sleep and food…maybe not in that order yo.” Reno laughed.

Cloud sat up abruptly peeking over the edge of the bed with his hair an epic mess, mako blues glowing. Reno laughed and scooted away from him to the other side. “I don’t trust you! Trust has been broken!”

Cloud hopped up onto the bed and tackled the redhead in a single pounce. Reno shrieked as they hit the floor on the other side. The blonde smiled as he held his squirming captive. “I’m hungry too…let’s eat.”

Jumping up, he pulled Reno to his feet and kissed him. The Turk surprised him by holding him tighter to lengthen the kiss. Cloud looked into his eyes trying to guess what he was thinking and if he was really happy.

Reno looked at the messy blond spikes and bright blue eyes before him and tried to remind himself that it was different this time. He felt differently and he thought Cloud did too but he couldn’t help but feel like a dumb kid sometimes _. This was the savior of the fuckin planet right here…why would he want to settle down with a kid from the slums?_

Sensing his apprehension Cloud kissed him again and whispered. “I got something for you…I hope that’s ok.”

Reno pulled his head against his chest and kissed the bed-head. “You just got me a bunch of _somethins_ for Christmas yo.”

“And you got me a bunch of _somethins_ too but this is different.” Cloud chuckled.

“Why?” Reno asked simply.

“Why did I get it? I got it because I wanted us to have something…to represent our relationship.” Cloud said weighing his words carefully because even though he felt completely secure in the relationship, he was worried that Reno may not be so sure. Cloud stepped away and got a small box from his dresser and held it out.

“One is mine and one is yours…but yours is mine and mine is yours.” Cloud said with a shy smile.

Reno took the box and opened it slowly. When he saw what was inside he looked up at Cloud and said, “I’ve never seen anything like these. Where…?”

“I had em made for us. It’s a tradition from my ancestors…the rings are engraved in the old language and they say…minn svass.” Cloud turned one ring around and added, “And our names…right here. They’re made for the first finger because this is the promise you keep first, above all.”

Reno looked at the gold rings and then at Cloud. _What the hell should he say to that_? _What was minn svass?_ He was a Turk goddammit…but at this very moment he was a twenty-something guy making a commitment.

Cloud watched him and wondered what he was thinking. He had his Turk face on and Cloud could never read it…that was either really good or really bad. Then suddenly Cloud realized that maybe Reno was wondering what the fuck the inscription meant and he grinned. Taking Reno’s right hand, he slipped a gold ring onto his first finger. “Minn svass means my beloved.”

Reno smiled and took the other ring and slipped it onto Cloud’s first finger of his right hand as well. Smiling proudly he saw that it read- MINN SVASS RENO. He looked at his own long enough to admire Cloud’s name and then he scooped him up into his arms. “How’d I get so lucky?”

Cloud laughed and draped his arms around his neck. “I’m the lucky one…I get poetry.”

Reno cleared his throat as he walked toward the kitchen carrying his svass. “Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.”

Cloud smiled and blushed making the redhead chuckle. “Ya like that huh?”

  
  


Ariel was napping in a room that she chose as her favorite because it had the prettiest flowers. She had exhausted herself, Axel, and ¾ of the Strife exploring and playing hide and seek. The four had collapsed in the second floor sitting room not wanting to leave her sleeping in the guest room too far away. They looked at one another dazed but happy. “How do you do it Sor?” Roxas asked.

“It’s a process that builds…they prepare you when they’re babies by not letting you sleep. Then they destroy you with teething and by the time you potty train them, hell…you have nerves of steel.”

They all laughed at him and Axel said quietly, “It’s amazing how kids can go from 1000 miles per hour to sleep in just minutes.”

Vanitas yawned. “I could nap myself.”

“Why don’t you guys stay here tonight or for a few days if you want?” Roxas offered as Axel laid his head on his shoulder and closed his eyes.

Sora looked at Vanitas, who shrugged. “I got nowhere to be.”

“I don’t have to be back at TU for a few more days and Axel’s stayin til I leave.” Roxas said. “Stay…Ariel will love it and we’ll watch movies and stuff…and since it’s too chilly for her to be in the ocean, she can swim in the pool downstairs.”

“Did I ever tell you you’re my favorite brother?” Sora grinned and Vanitas slapped the back of his head making them all giggle.

“I’ll tell Laguna you guys are hangin out. Anybody have a preference for dinner? He was a chef before he came here.” Roxas said as he dragged up and went to the door and opened his mouth to yell. Before he could finish taking a breath Sora clapped a hand over his mouth and smiled.

“Don’t wake it…if it doesn’t get its nap it will eat your soul.”

Roxas nodded and stepped to the buttons for the intercom system. He pressed for the kitchen, assuming that’s where Laguna would be and he was right. The man loved Roxas’ kitchen and forbade him from hiring a cook. He said he belonged in that kitchen and he wouldn’t share it with some hack.

  


When Ariel woke from her nap they watched a movie and had dinner in the formal dining room at the request of her majesty. Laguna made a special dessert for her and she squealed with delight when she saw that it was on fire.

After dinner she was allowed to wander through the house but Sora made her carry his phone so they could call it and follow the sound if they lost her. They strolled through and chatted about the huge mansion and Roxas shared some of what Xemnas had told him.

Axel watched Sora’s reaction to talking about Riku and he seemed to be taking it well. Roxas only choked up once and it was a story about Riku jimmying the study door open…or trying. He had been a very, very lonely child.

They stepped inside the study and Sora mumbled “…can just leave me here cause…” as he looked around at all the books.

Roxas smiled. “Stay as long as you like Sor…Science is…”

Sora was already walking that way but when he saw the spiral staircase that led to the second level he slowed and made a wide curve and went up mumbling. They all grinned and left him to it.

Walking out of the study and back into the hallway, Axel glanced back and saw a familiar pair of bare feet swinging from the second story of the study as Riku watched Sora browse the titles.

  


*Reno’s poetry quote is from _Stray Birds_ by Rabindranath Tagore


	24. POP GOES THE WEASEL

POP GOES THE WEASEL

  


Axel lay beside Roxas as he slept. He had stuck to what he said and they hadn't had sex but it wasn't easy. Roxas was so much better now and he was pleased with his progress. He sat up and got his tablet off the bedside table and began making notes when a hand slid across his lap. Without even looking he reached down to move it. Across the room the sheers puffed out and Riku walked in smiling, "S'up Red Death?"

"What do you want?" Axel mumbled not looking up from the screen.

"Luna is spending the night with Ariel... thought I'd drop in and say hi." Riku said plopping on the bed not making so much as a wrinkle in the covers.

"That's not creepy at all." Axel chuckled and Riku giggled.

"So what's the hold up with Rox?" Riku asked bluntly.

"No hold up, he's doing great." Axel said and then stopped typing to give his visitor his full attention.

"Rox needs physical contact... you're neglecting him." Riku said as he tried his best to tug the blanket and finally got it to move. He grinned, pleased with his accomplishment and looked at Axel who was looking at him like he was being ridiculous.

"I think I know what Roxas needs. He needs time to get better and to be ok with himself. If we start sleeping together again now, it could impede his progress."

Biting his lip, Riku was completely focused but not on the redhead. Tugging the blanket more he began to caress Roxas skin. Touching his arms and chest, then his stomach, the pale digits left trails of chill bumps as he went. "You're an idiot, Red. If I had another chance to hold him...I wouldn't hesitate."

Axel stared at the ghost of Riku and then asked, "Do you regret what you did?"

There were times in his life when Axel wanted to die and even though his life was much better now, he was truly curious about what it was like to be dead. Riku however was focused on trying to pull the blanket off of the blonde.

"Stop that." Axel hissed and Riku laughed then reached out to try and touch Axel. Closing his eyes Axel felt the softest touch and it made him shiver.

Opening his eyes again he looked at the hand resting on his chest. He tried to take the hand but it just seemed like a spot of cold damp air. "How does that work? You can touch me but I can't touch you..."

"I like the way that sounds." Riku giggled, then he looked a little sad before lying down on the bed beside Roxas.

"What are you doing?" Axel asked as he reached out once more but couldn't touch the silver hair.

Riku was completely ignoring Axel as he lay on his side facing Roxas’ sleeping form. Twitching slightly in his sleep, Roxas rolled to his side so that he was nose to nose with his dead boyfriend.

Axel gasped, "What are you doing to him?"

"Be quiet." Riku snapped. "He can't hear me but he can hear you. Don't wake him up...just let me be here for a little bit."

Axel watched him and sighed. "Should I leave you two alone?"

Riku laughed. "No Red, he's yours now. I just wanted to be in his light again for a little while."

Axel thought of Riku's statement and mumbled quietly, "I'm so sorry you died."

Riku was currently focused on trying to touch Roxas’ nose with his finger. "Me too."

Roxas scratched his nose lazily. Riku giggled and tried again. Roxas scratched again and mumbled "Quit it..."

Riku leaned forward and kissed his lips and Axel watched as Roxas sighed and his face turned to a frown as his brows drew together. He sniffled and whined then rolled to his back as he began to cry softly in his sleep. They both instinctively reached to sooth Roxas as their hands touched briefly in soft yellow hair.

“I wish he could feel that you’re at peace. If he could just have the comfort of knowing that you aren’t as miserable in death as you were in life…” Axel mumbled.

Riku thought briefly, then squeezed his eyes shut and rolled forward, disappearing into Roxas’ sleeping form. Axel opened his mouth to protest but stopped short as Roxas began to groan in his sleep. Cocking his head to the side, he watched raptly as his boyfriend’s eyelids fluttered, his face relaxed and his lips parted slightly.

Inside the head of Axel Sinclair he was busily trying to figure the physics of what he was watching, while at the same time worrying that Riku may get stuck in there and what would that be like? One of him snickered that it would be like having a bonus boyfriend while another of him said Roxas would go nuts and get back on junk.

His thoughts were interrupted when Roxas sighed and smiled flopping his hand across his chest. Axel felt the intense urge to hold him…both of them, so he did. Scooping Roxas into his arms he kissed his face and his hair as Roxas reached for him. He kissed his parted lips and noticed that he tasted different, like mint and candy.

Settling the blonde back onto the pillows, he lay down beside him just as Riku emerged crawling over him. His image was very thin and slightly transparent as he looked at Axel and smiled before he was gone completely.

“Well…” Axel looked around briefly to make sure he hadn’t materialized somewhere else. When he was satisfied that they were alone he looked at Roxas’ sleeping face and whispered. “That happened…” Snuggling down he fell asleep and dreamed of the ocean.

  


The next days were full of fun and games. There were movies, beach parties by the indoor pool, pretend hunting in the trophy room, tea parties, playing dress up, and shopping in town. As Roxas packed to go back to school, Axel sat with his tablet and mumbled something about Reno.

“What was that?” Roxas asked over his shoulder.

Axel looked up and said, “Nothin just thinkin that I need to catch up with Reno and see if he’s still havin trouble sleeping.”

Roxas nodded and went into the closet. He emerged with an armload of shirts which he folded neatly and put into his bag on top of his clothes. “Riku’s?” Axel asked.

“Yeah…Nunky left me his clothes…is that ok? I mean with you?” Roxas looked concerned but continued to add the clothes to his bag.

“Yes, its fine with me.” Axel smiled. He hadn’t seen Riku anymore after that night and Roxas hadn’t mentioned anything about it so he just kept quiet and enjoyed the peace.

There was a knock on the doors so Roxas trotted away to get it, still holding one of Riku’s shirts.

“Roxy we’re all ready to go whenever you guys are.”

 _Sora looks happy and rested considering he’s becoming a single parent_ , Roxas thought, but then something changed in his eyes. It was like a shadow fell across them taking the sparkles out and at the same time turning down the corners of his mouth.

“Sor… you ok?” Roxas thought of the shirt but knew better than to try and hide it so he figured he would tackle the subject head on. _If Sora gets mad, well… I’ve got plenty of experience with that so…_

“Sorry, um…this is one of his shirts…I’m sure you can smell it.” Roxas said not realizing that Axel was watching their interaction from inside.

“Mansex left you his clothes?” Sora asked his eyes brightening a little.

“Yeah…you can have…some…if you want.” Roxas offered but not really wanting to. _This is_ _progress_ Axel thought. _They are willing to share his memory…progress_.

Sora picked up on Roxas’ apprehension and smiled, “Just one…I don’t wanna be a Riku hog.”

They looked at one another briefly silent, and then burst into laughter so suddenly it made the redhead jump. “Riku hog!” Roxas crowed as they stumbled through laughing and mumbling about what Riku would look like if he were an actual hog. As the two walked into the closet Axel noticed Riku standing by the bedroom door with his hand on his forehead smiling. Feeling eyes on him, he looked up at Axel and grinned, then snorted and was gone again.

  
  


Cloud woke up screaming and Reno was desperately trying to calm him. “Nothing’s on fire yo. Calm down. You’re at home in Costa baby.”

Cloud looked at him, eyes wild with panic as he panted and babbled. “…he burned them …all, everyone is dead…”

“It’s over Cloud. Cloud! Look at me! It’s Reno…its ok now. That was a long time ago, yo.”

Cloud’s breathing began to return to normal and he collapsed onto the bed exhausted. “Fuuuuuck…Will it ever stop?”

Reno smiled sadly and got out of bed to smoke. “I donno baby. Why don’t ya talk to Runt about it? That’s his thing yanno.”

“Yeah I know but…he likes to fuck with me as it is. Not sure I want him that deep into my head.” Cloud chuckled.

Reno smiled because he knew it was true. Axel loved fucking with Cloud’s head. If Cloud went to him for help there was no telling what he would end up doing. “They’re all due back here today. The Runt is comin here with Rox before they go their separate ways yo.”

“Maybe I should talk to him…since he’s gonna be here anyways.” Cloud mumbled and Reno smirked.

“Yanno since you’re comin with me ta Midgar, he can see you at the office if ya want…but he lives nearby if ya would rather not. It’s up to you.”

Cloud nodded and crawled out of bed kissing Reno as he passed on his way to shower.

  


Axel’s phone buzzed and he looked at it and grinned. “What’s up with the cheese?” Roxas smirked.

“Your dad’s PTSD.” Axel chuckled.

“That’s not funny, you ass.” Roxas giggled.

“No! I know…but Reno just told me that he plans to ask me to treat him.”

“Be nice baby.” Roxas scolded. “No post hypnotic suggestion that will cripple him more than he already is.”

“How did you know what I was thinkin?” Axel laughed and Roxas smiled shaking his head.

  


Cloud was dressing when he heard the door downstairs and the voices of his boys, sans Ventus, as well as Ariel and the good doctor. _Good doctor my ass_ Cloud thought and snorted. Looking into his mirror to check his hair he was greeted by a familiar haze of green at the edges of his vision. “Not now Seph,” he whispered and when he looked up it was gone but the rumble of a laugh in his head spurred him on to go speak with Axel.

Downstairs he hugged everyone and held his granddaughter as they talked about their stay on Destiny. Cloud was happy to see everyone getting along while they were clean and sober. It had been a long time since that had happened. He patted Ariel. “Why don’t you go see what Uncle Rufus sent you while you were away? There’s a pretty purple box in your bedroom.”

She squealed and he set her on her way.

Looking at Axel, Cloud sighed and approached him. “Can we talk…privately?”

“Sure” Axel said sounding concerned but secretly doing his happy dance. They walked out onto the patio and sat.

“What’s on your mind? Look if its Rox, then just let me say that he’s doin great and…”

“It’s not Rox. I’m confident that you’ll take the best care of him…it’s me.” Cloud looked at his hands clasped on his lap.

“Ok…go ahead…” Axel leaned forward a bit to show interest and Cloud seemed to relax a little.

“I’ve been having night terrors…for years. It’s always about the same thing, well usually…but it’s always about the same person. I’ve taken medications and been on and off them over the years but with the mako…it’s kinda like eating m&m’s.” Cloud rubbed his face and Axel noticed the gold ring on his index finger but didn’t mention it. “Do you think there is anything you can do as an alternative?”

“Sure, we can try some stuff…have you ever been hypnotized?” Axel asked keeping his game face on while he was shaking pompoms in his head as he did mental cartwheels.

“No…I don’t even know if that’s possible because of the enhancements.” Cloud mumbled as Axel nodded.

“We’ll give a try. When was your last episode?” Axel said taking out his phone to take notes.

“This morning.” Cloud almost groaned. “But there’s something else…something I haven’t ever spoken to anyone about…and it’s been going on for over twenty years.”

Axel was intrigued. “What’s been happening?”

Cloud looked at the redhead’s concerned face and almost wished he hadn’t brought it up, but if he was going to get better then he had to start somewhere. “Hallucinations…voices.”

Axel pecked away at his phone screen as he looked at Cloud to check his bullshit meter. He was serious so Axel continued. “Are these hallucinations random in subject matter?”

“No…absolutely not…always the same…always.” Cloud shook his head and Axel could see that he was getting stressed.

“Just a couple more questions and we’ll leave it for now and smoke a bowl. Okay?” Axel said in his calmest voice and it seemed to work. Cloud chuckled and sat back in his chair.

“Do you have them at random times or have you figured out any possible triggers over the years?”

“Stress about the kids usually brings him around. Any extreme emotion in me tends to do it…even happiness.” Cloud relayed the truth to Axel who listened quietly and noted that he had assigned a gender to his hallucination…then he thought of Riku briefly and his experience on Destiny.

“Ok…the voices…are they constant or intermittent?”

“I hear him more often than I see him but it also seems to occur during stressful times.” Cloud said now staring at the ring.

“Since you had an episode last night I’m going to assume that you’re feeling stressed or strongly emotional right now or lately?” Axel asked making a point not to look at Cloud when he asked. Nothing felt worse, he thought, than to feel like you were being scrutinized for what you said…especially if you thought you were bonkers to begin with. He knew first hand.

“I’ve been so happy lately and at peace…you have no idea. I mean… I stress about things but the boys have gotten their collective shit together, Reno has been…” Cloud blew out a breath and closed his eyes. “Reno has been amazing…so maybe it’s just the strength of my emotions that brought him back…I donno.”

 

Axel put his phone away and leaned over to prop his elbows on his knees and peer at the blonde who looked a little apprehensive as he waited. “First of all, I don’t think this is something that will be hard to fix…but clearly you do because you waited so long to ask for help. The fact that you have functioned while suffering from hallucinations and voices is baffling to me because …well…you’ve seen me off my meds.”

Axel sighed and sat back in his chair and lit a cigarette, passing it to Cloud who looked very grateful, then lit another for himself. “I know we can get you past this. I know it because I’m better now, currently off all my meds and with only minor setbacks so far. It’s been weeks and I’ve never felt better.”

“How do you do it? I mean…I’ve seen your alters and sometimes you’re scary.” Cloud said a little alarmed that his son had been with an un-medicated nutter for weeks away from home.

“I had some shit I had to deal with. Roxas has been my anchor through all this and I think in focusing on him, I realized that the stuff I had going on wasn’t necessary anymore. They’re in there.” Axel tapped at his temple. “But I’m drivin and they know.”

Cloud nodded. “So you think I can make him go away?”

“Absolutely…but you have to want to.” Axel said as if he already knew that would be the biggest hurdle.

Cloud sighed. “I have Reno now…I need him to go away so I can get on with my life with him. I love him Axel. I’m in love with Reno…oh my goddess…just saying it out loud feels…” Cloud placed his hand on his chest and Axel smiled.

“Everything is gonna be ok.” He smiled at the blonde and leaned his head back closing his eyes. “We’ll put our silver haired demons to rest.”

Cloud looked at him curiously and smoked his cigarette.

  


Later that afternoon they were all eating and drinking while the watched Ariel play. She was such a joy to everyone she met and they all cherished her but none more than Sora. He was happy that he would be able to raise his daughter alone, he saw it as a blessing.

“What did Uncle Rufus send you baby?” Sora sked her while she played at his feet.

“I show you!” She ran off to the bedroom and came back with a purple glittery jack-in-the-box.

Reno had been chatting with Cloud and the box caught his eye so he scanned the room to see where Axel was and if he was paying attention. He and Roxas were standing by the tropical fish aquarium that fascinated his pigtailed self so much. Reno was amused when he noticed the different Axels as they surfaced.

Roxas walked away to get another drink when Ariel began to turn the crank on the pretty box as it played Pop Goes the Weasel. Sora was smiling happily as he held it for her and Cloud and Vanitas smiled as they looked on. Roxas heard the music and did an immediate about-face and ran back toward Axel, but not before the song reached its “pop”.

Reno watched Axel’s reaction, and it was as if suddenly everything was in slow motion, and a smile spread across his face. Axel reached behind his back and in one fluid movement pulled his Beretta from his belt and shot a hole right through the ceiling.

Roxas reached him and touched his face as everyone stared with their mouths open. “Can I have that… please?”  He took the gun and turned to everyone and smiled broadly while Axel stood looking confused.

“Sorry …about that…” Roxas smiled like a car salesman. “I’ll um… I’ll get that fixed Dad…sorry.”

Ariel looked up at Sora wide eyed and her laughter echoed through the otherwise silent room. “Let’s do it again!!!”


	25. HISTORY REPEATS

HISTORY REPEATS

  


The trip home to Midgar had been fun; Reno brought Cloud and they all flew together and got drunk on the plane. Axel got the story of the rings and lamented that he wanted to get Roxas a ring but he was afraid it was too soon, and Roxas might bolt at the thought of a deeper commitment than what they had.

Cloud and Reno both agreed that Roxas may not be ready and they commended Axel on his vow of temporary abstinence. All that was discussed between drinks 2 and 3. By drinks 5 and 6 they had reduced themselves to making fun of one another's mental disorders much to the horror of the others on the plane.

"I'm just sayin, I'm glad you finally got yourselves together yo." Reno crowed at Axel as Cloud giggled.

"I kinda miss the pigtails though." Cloud snorted.

Axel smirked at the two hecklers. "You guys are just a quiet kind of fucked up is all."

Pointing at Reno he said, "You fuckin kill people for a livin and before you were a Turk you did it for fun."

Pointing at cloud he nodded, "And you, Daddy are a special kind of fucked up and I'm not altogether sure that it’s not hereditary- Sora."

They laughed as he continued pointing with the hand that held a nearly empty drink. "And the both of you together is like a wet dream that turns into your worst nightmare! Now you two have committed to each other...and possibly need to be committed."

Laughing like mad men, they seemed oblivious to the other passengers who had plopped down the big bucks for first class seats.

  


A flight attendant came over to try and quieten them down. "Would you gentlemen like some coffee? We'll be landing shortly."

They stopped laughing...mostly...when they realized they were being addressed. The first to speak up was Reno. "Coffee!? Hell no! But some more of that bourbon would be great yo!"

Cloud rolled his lips in to quell a grin but when Axel snorted it was all over. They all laughed and fell all over one another.

The attendant wasn't amused as a blush crept up her face so she leaned closer to the three drunks and hissed. "I know that you gentlemen have had a little too much to drink and according to your first class status I'm sure you have the money to buy as much booze as you can poison yourselves with, but there are other passengers who have just as much money who would appreciate it if you would stop acting like you’re from the slums. So I suggest you have some coffee or water and settle yourselves for the next thirty minutes."

They looked at one another and began playing rock-paper-scissors, ignoring her completely. She stood unamused as the two redheads argued about 'best two out of three'. After two more rounds the blonde had collapsed into fits of giggles again and the less mouthy redhead finally won.

Axel grinned and leaned toward her as the other two put their heads together to watch. Axel looked her up and down and began, "I'd like to apologize for my brother's rudeness before. I had no intention of apologizing at first but after seeing you for what you are, I felt sorry for you."

"Just what do you mean by that?" She snapped condescendingly.

"Glad you asked." Axel grinned. "First of all you're not fooling anyone with those extensions, your own hair is probably too dead and brittle to grow because of your painfully obvious eating disorder which I am guessing stems from feelings of inferiority due to an overbearing mother and an abusive or absent father…which would also explain the underage pregnancy and subsequent single parenthood. Your kid is probably around 15 now which puts you around 30 which means you have given up hope of finding him a daddy so you're dolling yourself up to try and snag one of these unlucky first classers to keep you in the _real_ expensive perfume and not that cheap knock off you're wearing. You like the finer things - think you deserve them and you took this job so you could ditch your kid and look for a sugar daddy. Well let me tell you somethin _lady_ , while you're flying around up here, your kid is down there fucking their way to a family of their own and while you're stressing about paying for your shitty extensions and manicure, drug store perfume, and import taxes on those black-market shoes, or where you're gonna score that cap so you can blow some old geezer for a fancy dinner or some drinks at the club, your kid is down there probably doin a lot of the same."

Axel scratched his head as the woman stood staring- eyes huge, mouth open, and cheeks red. "So before you get all judgmental on us for being loud and drinking, think about what got us to this point...after all, that's all I did with you just now."

He then held out his hand toward Reno. "This is Reno, my twin brother, he's a Turk and I'm a doctor. We’re from the slums so good call on that. And this guy..." Holding his hand to Cloud, "Well this guy saved the fucking planet...didn't ya, Cloud…and your sorry ass as well."

The attendant had tears in her eyes and began to apologize profusely as she backed away. Reno whistled and Cloud winced. "How are you able to zero in on a person's weak point and decimate them so completely?"

"I donno...practice I guess..." Axel said turning to look out the window.

Reno turned his face around with a finger, "What's wrong, Runt?"

Axel smiled. "Nothin. Just listening to my selves..."

"What they say yo?" Reno asked concerned as Cloud looked on.

"They said I was unnecessarily mean to that lady and I should apologize." Axel mumbled.

"Go apologize if it makes ya feel better yo." Reno leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Hey…I love you, Runt."

Axel nodded then squeezed his eyes shut. Cloud heard him whispering the rosary then he opened his eyes and stood. "I'll be right back."

 

Axel approached the attendant and she looked at him nervously. "Can I get you something Dr.?"

"No, but thank you. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for...all of that. It was unfair and rude and I apologize." Axel said sincerely.

The attendant smiled coolly and said quietly, "Did you have an attack of conscience… doctor?"

"Yes." Axel said simply and suddenly wanted out of the conversation altogether and didn't know why.

The woman’s gaze turned hateful as her eyes flashed green and hissed. "You should. Murderer."

Axel looked startled and asked, "What did you say?"

The woman looked confused. "I said its ok..."

Axel shook his head and smiled. "Ok so we're cool?"

She smiled crookedly and nodded. He turned and walked back to his seat humming then he sat to stare out at the clouds. Reno held his hand for the rest of the flight wondering what he had said to the rude woman.

  


Back in Costa Vanitas was back at work on his gallery...kind of. He looked around at where he and Sora had stopped and passed up the neutral paint he had chosen for the walls and went over to a large canvas that was covered. Pulling the cloth off he stepped back to look. What had started as a large portrait had turned dark...as was the case with most of his work. He smiled and threw the cloth back over it moving on to a metal sculpture he had been working on. Grinning he went to work.

  


At TU Roxas got settled in and plopped onto his bed. Staring at the ceiling he thought of the holidays and how different everything was. A knock at his door jarred him back to reality. He thought briefly about putting on a shirt and then yelled, "Enter!"

The door opened slowly and a guy poked his head in. "Strife?"

Roxas sat up looking over the guy who had stepped right inside and closed the door behind him. He looked like a freshman, young, athletic, and a little scared. He was wearing a hoodie and cargo shorts with skate shoes and his blonde hair was messy but clean. He had a cute face and wide innocent looking blue eyes. Something about him looked familiar but Roxas couldn't put his finger on it. "What can I do for ya?"

"Someone told me you could help me with something...um..." The kid looked down at his feet and mumbled something.

Roxas looked puzzled as he felt a little sorry for his mysterious guest. "Come sit down dude...what did ya say ya needed help with?"

The blonde boy stepped over and sat on the edge of Roxas’ bed surprising him. There was a chair...

He turned sideways so he could look directly into Roxas’ eyes. He licked his lips and began again a little nervously. "They said you could help me... m-mainline."

Roxas stared as his world turned onto its side. He felt his eyes burn as the memories of his first meeting with Riku came flooding back. Overwhelmed by emotion, he couldn't move and the visitor put a hand on his cheek. "I-I'm not a baby...I just need some help with my first time."

Roxas stared dumbly as a tear escaped his eye and his guest leaned toward him and kissed his lips lightly. The kiss was soft and warm and the boy smelled sweet and clean. He kissed Roxas again lingering on his lips before he mouthed against them, "Will you help me?"

Roxas closed his eyes and the world fell away as he put his hand on the boy’s neck and kissed him deeply. All he could think of was Riku. This was Riku all over again...except this time he was Riku.

  


The boy melted into the kiss and began to tug Roxas’ shirt off just as he snapped back to reality. "Stop...I can't...I'm with someone and I...can't."

The blonde looked at Roxas then dropped his head and nodded. "I'm sorry...I didn't know...what can I do to, yanno...I don't have a lot of money."

Roxas shook his head. "Look kid...what's your name?"

"Shuyin" he said quietly. "I'm Tidus’ brother."

"I thought you looked familiar, look Shuyin, I'm not gonna help you throw your life away ok...and that's what you'll be doing." Roxas said rubbing his face and scratching his head. "Main lining feels like nothin else in this world but it takes over your life...it's like falling in love."

As Roxas spoke his own craving gnawed at his guts and prickled his veins as if they were crying out for it.

Shuyin chewed his lip and stared down at his hands. "But I..."

"But nothin. Has Tidus ever mentioned a guy named Riku?" Roxas asked lighting a smoke and wondering how much more his nerves could take.

"Yeah...he died...drowned." Shuyin said walking over to the window and lighting up. Standing stoically, he blew the smoke and the gentle breeze puffed it back in Roxas’ direction. He smelled the heroin and his mouth began to water. Every cell in his body screamed for the drug so when Shuyin held it out in his direction, Roxas thought for a tenth of a second before hitting it hard.

 

Feeling the heroin he lay back on his bed and waited...it was everything he knew it would be. The feelings of loathing and failure were gone. Closing his eyes he touched the skin of his face and smiled before trailing down his neck to his chest.

Shuyin watched and smiled. Roxas was beautiful in his repose and he wanted to be a part of that. The freshman thought he looked like an angel from one of his art appreciation lessons.

Roxas felt the bed move beside him and rolled his eyes over to see the baby-faced blonde smiling at him. He thought briefly of Axel and how he should be calling him right now for a bail out.

Shuyin began kissing him as he stroked his chest and abs. It felt like tiny tingles and as his hands went lower the tingles became more intense. In Roxas’ mind the tingles were visible and colorful and left trails of warmth on his skin.

Roxas stretched his arms over his head as Shuyin un-fastened his jeans and tugged them down giggling because Roxas was wearing Mickey Mouse underwear.

"They said you were a fuckin head case man...I believe it." Shuyin mumbled as he began to gently bite Roxas’ erection through his last scrap of clothing. Roxas moaned and when the words penetrated his haze he slurred, "No that's my brother Sora...."

  


There were few words after those as Shuyin took him into his mouth. Roxas started to push him away but the boy pushed back and slapped something into Roxas hand that made him smile.

Lighting up again, he lay back and smoked the brown while Shuyin blew him. He felt like a prince...he felt worshipped, and he felt happy…it was like seeing an old friend again after a long absence and getting head as a welcome back gift. He moaned louder than he meant to when he came, and only heard a grunt from the soon to be junkie on his knees who was jerking himself off.

Shuyin released Roxas when he was sure there was nothing left and sat up on his knees to look at him while he finished. Roxas looked up at the sweet face of the blonde biting his lip and pushed his hand away. "Let me..."

It didn't take long as Roxas stroked him with one hand and held his face with the other forcing him to maintain eye contact even as he came. He felt so in control at that moment...He never wanted to give that feeling up. _Fuck being whiny and submissive, fuck giving in and giving up_ , fuck people telling him what was good for him...this felt pretty Goddamn righteous.

Bucking under him a little, Roxas smiled, "You still wanna do it?"

Shuyin looked down at him with total and complete worship and nodded.

"Ok cutie...come on. I don't have works any more so you're flying solo...besides I'm pretty gone already." Roxas said sitting up on the bed reaching for tissues to clean Shuyin's mess. Shuyin crawled off him and pulled up his pants glancing at Roxas every few seconds.

"What?" Roxas chuckled meeting eyes with the other blonde.

"You're beautiful." Shuyin said quietly.

Roxas stared briefly fighting back the memories of Riku, then shook his head. "Nah...I'm a monster."

Shuyin looked away and then abandoned the subject as he got his works and sat down with his sensei.

  
  


Stepping off the plane in Midgar, Axel, Reno, and Cloud all felt like they were coming home. Cloud did most of his work from home but his office was in ShinRa Tower, Axel's office wasn't far away and of course the Turks had their own floor. This would be different, going to work with the Red Twins every day.

"Ah the smog of Midgar!" Axel cried as they walked. It seemed when he stepped off the plane he left the other Axel behind and Cloud smiled as he walked between them holding Reno's hand. They had never been openly affectionate when they were together before and Reno was proud. He knew there would be talk and there would probably be repercussions doled out to the talkers. He was not one to walk away from a reason to punch someone in the face and his boyfriend was Cloud fuckin Strife. His ability to lose his shit and show his ass was legendary.

Axel whistled a tune as they walked and Cloud thought of the pigtails and giggled. Taking his phone out, he snapped a pic of the whistler and sent it to Roxas. He commented- meanwhile back in Midgar...

  


Roxas watched shaking hands aim the syringe at the bulging but pristine and never before corrupted vein.

"Will you help me?" Shuyin asked looking up into Roxas face.

Roxas leaned his head back and blew out a breath. This had become nightmarish in similarity to his first time with Riku. He was amazed by being in Riku’s shoes and he could tell by the innocence in the wide blues that looked up at him why Riku had fallen so hard for him. If that innocence could be cut and sold it would be hotter than the finest brown. "I will...but listen to what I'm sayin ok..."

Shuyin nodded and passed the syringe to his brand new hero. Roxas took it and scooted around behind the boy with his legs on either side of him pulling him back against his chest.

"Once upon a time...there was a prince and a nobody..." Roxas smiled as he spoke with his lips close to Shuyin’s ear. "The prince was wealthy and beautiful and possessed all the knowledge of the ages...and the nobody, well…he was just a nobody and wanted to learn from him. So one night he went to the prince with offerings, and asked nicely..."

With that Roxas squeezed him tightly and Shuyin said, "You're the Prince right?"

The needle pierced the vein and Roxas whispered, "Just listen..."

Waiting to see blood he continued "The Prince fell in love with the nobody so he shared all his knowledge..."

Pressing the plunger and releasing the tie, he waited for a reaction. Shuyin gasped and sighed relaxing into the form behind him.

"All he asked for in return was love...but the nobody was cruel to the Prince and disregarded his feelings...breaking his heart." Roxas whispered as Shuyin’s head drooped forward. He leaned back slightly then reached up to tip the boys head back to rest on his shoulder after dropping the syringe to the floor.

"What happened..?" Shuyin breathed.

Roxas kissed his neck as he whispered. "The prince died of a broken heart..."

Shuyin head lolled to the side and he slurred, "What bout tha nobody?"

"He's holding you right now..." Roxas kissed him and then stroked his hair as he groaned and mumbled.

  


Staring at the syringe on the floor Roxas thought of Riku and that first night again. He couldn't do this...He couldn't be Riku…could he?.. _.look at this kid’s cherubic face...and how fuckin old could he be...18, tops_?

Roxas sighed as his high dissipated. He needed to call Axel and explain. Maybe he would forgive him...but what if he didn't?

Shuyin eventually sat up and turned to Roxas with those unmistakably stoned eyes. "Oh my god..." And then he started to cry and laugh and grope Roxas. "I wanna touch your skin again..." He mumbled caressing Roxas chest and neck.

"Can't...I got a boyfriend." Roxas said but didn’t stop him.

"Don't tell him..." Shuyin looked up suddenly and soberly and said the words that sent Roxas over the edge. "Don't tell anybody...I mean, no one can know about this. No one."

Roxas began shaking his head and scooting away from the boy. "You gotta go man...this was a mistake. I'm sorry...just go."

Shuyin stumbled around collecting his things and turned to look at Roxas from the door. Just as Roxas feared, the boy looked devastated but all he offered in parting was a quiet, "Thanks..."

"Don't fucking thank me for that...you'll hate me for it soon enough." Roxas mumbled and searched for his phone to call Axel.

Before Shuyin reached the fountain outside Roxas was in tears. He found his phone and saw the message from Cloud. "Fuck!"

Staring at the pic of his beautiful Axel he cried and screamed. He couldn't call him, not now...He was dirty and he was wrong. He had cheated and he didn't deserve anything beautiful. He was still acting like a whore. One little sniff of drugs and he was off and putting his dick where it didn’t belong. Cursing his life he dried his face and stepped into his shoes, grabbing one of Riku’s shirts and his board, he left. He had already fucked up so he figured in his drug hazed mind, he may as well go big.


	26. SNICKERDOODLE

SNICKERDOODLE

  


At Strife House things were already lively. Walking in to a chorus of "Striiife!" Roxas raised a hand and went straight to the booze. In the kitchen he picked up a bottle of vodka and strolled around checking out the goods. Shuyin showed up and was beset by females as was the usual with most jocks. Roxas smirked and raised his bottle in his general direction making the popular freshman smile and wink.

He took his vodka out to the deck and sat, propping his feet up on the railing. A skinny brunette girl stumbled out to speak. "Roxaaas... hook me up."

"You know I ain't holdin." Roxas smiled.

"But you can get it..." She smiled and sat on his lap, running her fingers through his hair.

"Maybe...what you gimme?" Roxas asked slyly.

"What you want, baby?" She squeaked and giggled.

"You know what I like..." Roxas snickered, making the girl laugh.

"Are you serious...when you want it?"

"Just whenever... surprise me."

She stood and started back inside calling over her shoulder, "When I get mine?"

"Aaaahh!!" Roxas growled and laughed. "You'll get it when you get it, biiiiitch!"

She laughed and left him alone. Roxas called someone who called someone who made house calls and waited. After getting smoked out and drinking half his vodka, the guy showed up, Roxas paid him and then walked through the house passing out goodies. He got hugs and kisses from everyone and when he reached the skinny brunette that he had known from TU before… she squealed. "Thank you, angel!"

"I want my cookies, don't forget." Roxas smiled kissing her cheek.

"I could never forget you, Roxas." She said and staggered away.

  


Axel went to his apartment to unpack and do a little work before going to bed. He wondered why he hadn't heard from Roxas but tried not to worry. Checking his phone once more before bed he text him not really expecting a reply.

Axel: going to bed baby. Hope you had a good afternoon. I love you.

Roxas: hey sorry I haven't text you. Had some company... some kid.

Axel: glad ur still up. I miss u

Roxas: miss u too

Axel: seen ur Nunky?

Roxas: no. Got a ? for the doc

Axel: shoot

Roxas: will I ever stop fucking up?

Axel: define fucking up

Roxas: smoking H, helping some poor kid mainline, letting him blow me for it

Axel dropped his phone and sat with his head in his hands. This was bad but the fact that he was honest about it was good. _Deep breaths, in...out_. Giggles and snickers from his others rang through his head. Picking up his phone he sniffed and sighed.

Axel: make better choices. Ur not stupid. Don't do stupid shit. Simple.

Roxas: so that's it?

Axel: yes

Roxas: I'm sorry

Axel: don't be. Ur a god at TU. I love u but I can't compete.

Roxas: ru dumping me???

Axel: no- that would b too easy

Roxas: I'm sorry- I'm a fuck up

Axel: as your doctor I have to tell you that you shouldn't be so negative about yourself but as your boyfriend I agree. I didn't deserve that and it hurts me and pisses me off that you dismiss what we have so easily for some kid junkie stroking your ego. Men are not gods Roxas. You can stay there and immerse yourself in the lifestyle and become the next Riku OR you can get your shit together and cut them all loose- all your junkie friends, all your connections, all your fair-weather waste cases. Your choice. Be junkie Jesus, or be mine. Call me when you decide.

Roxas: I'm sorry

Axel: decide. I'm going to bed.

Roxas: can I call you tomorrow?

Axel: if you've made up your mind

Roxas: my mind is made up

Axel: ?

Roxas: I want you. I don't want this. I don't wanna be Riku

Axel: what are you doing right now, Roxas?

Roxas looked around Strife House at the drunks and stoners. He was a legend already, they idolized him and he loved it but if Axel was going to give him another chance, he wasn’t going to fuck up again…ever.

Axel: what should you be doing?

 

Roxas looked around once more before walking out. The walls were a different color and the furniture was newer, but if he stared for more than a second the room filled with ghosts from years ago. Dropping his board he skated away and didn’t look back.

Inside his dorm he checked the time and got ready for bed.

Axel waited for a text but didn't get one and fell asleep holding his phone. The next morning he called Reno and they met for breakfast before work. Cloud loved seeing Axel in a suit and tie, even though his footwear was questionable; _at least the red chucks match his hair_. They laughed and had a pleasant morning. Axel didn't mention Roxas and when Cloud did, he just said that he spoke to him before bed and left it at that.

"So when do you wanna come into the office Cloud? Or would you rather do it at the apartment?" Axel asked, finishing his coffee.

"I can come to the office...I'll probably focus better in a neutral place." Cloud said before he flagged the waitress over.

Axel nodded and Reno looked at his watch. "Yanno Blondie, with you here I'm actually gonna be on time."

  


Roxas woke up right before dawn, staring into the face of Riku. He screamed and scrambled out of bed backward but Riku followed him, snarling "What the fuck are you doing, Roxas?"

Roxas was currently hyperventilating.

"Didn't you learn any fucking thing from the mess I made?" Riku was pissed. Aqua eyes flashed as he pursued Roxas off the edge of the bed, onto the floor. Roxas backed up until he hit the wall and Riku was still in his face.

"What what what?" Roxas couldn't put words together and his heart was about to jump out of his chest. He noticed Riku's bare arms and chest but his eyes kept returning to the angry scowl. "I I I..."

"You hell! You knew what you were doing with that kid! Goddamn, it was almost word for fucking word the same conversation _we had_! There's no excuse! You don't give a shit about Shuyin! You were just power trippin, playing God!"

"But but but but you you..." Roxas still couldn't calm his breathing.

"I died!! I fucking died!! And I ruined your life before I went! You should _hate_ me! I had a choice, same as you did last night and I chose to ruin your life! DO NOT DO IT TO HIM!!" Riku snapped. "I heard what you said about the Prince Roxas, I was sitting _right fucking here_ and I heard it all. I heard what you said to Reno once that I _thought_ I loved you...remember when you said that? I _did_ love you- I love you still!!" Riku turned his face away and hissed, "And I let you go...I left you...because of THIS!"

Riku sat back and held up his arms for Roxas to see long ugly black tracks. Staring and panting Roxas reached a hand out to touch his face. Riku closed his eyes just as fingertips made contact with what felt, to Roxas, like ice crystals hanging in the air. All he heard after that slight touch was bitter, sorrowful weeping as everything went dark.

Roxas woke to the sound of his own sobs. He looked around, startled by the sound of his own voice to find that he was on the floor against the wall. The memories came back and he cried harder. Knowing what he had to do, he dragged himself up.

  


In Midgar Axel's phone rang and he checked the ID before sending it to voice mail. "Not now Roxas."

When his phone alerted for a voice mail he sighed and listened. "Axel...I know I fucked up and I'm gonna make it right. I don't wanna lose you."

"Still don't love me, huh Rox?" He mumbled putting his phone away.

  
  


Roxas went to classes, then lunch, then more classes, then signed up for an art expo, then ordered out dinner and ate while he worked on his laptop. Shuyin came by and Roxas turned him away.

"I'm sorry...I never should have helped you. Do yourself a favor and kick it now." Roxas said standing at his door.

"But I..." Shuyin began.

"But nothing. Kick it. There's plenty to do besides junk." Roxas said and closed the door to go back to his work. He didn't go back to Strife House and he didn't hear from Axel for the rest of the week.

On Friday night he was working on a painting for the expo in one of the art rooms when the door creaked open. He didn't budge because he was focused. Squatting on the floor in front of his canvas, trying to figure out what was missing Roxas winced and chewed loudly on his gum, one ear bud firmly planted and blasting Sublime, the other dangling on his chest. Sweats and a beater spattered with paint, barefoot, hair wrecked he was still the most beautiful thing Axel had ever seen as he stood right inside the door watching.

Having come directly from work, he still had on his suit and tie and thought of skipping out and waiting in the dorm but he didn't want to leave, not even for a second. He was fascinated seeing Roxas like this; immersed in something healthy. Tapping on the wall lightly, Axel waited.

 

Roxas peered over his shoulder and nearly fell on his ass when he saw his visitor. Jumping up and stumbling a little he ran over to Axel who was smiling. "I've missed you" He said as he opened his arms for the blonde.

"I've missed you too. It's been such a long week! I've got papers to write and I've been trying to get this ready for the expo...it's been..."

Axel silenced the blonde with a kiss and picked him up off the floor. Roxas moaned and wrapped arms and legs around the redhead making him giggle. He held him and kissed him like he would never let go but then when he broke the kiss, surprising Roxas.

"I can't be with you until you're well, Roxas. I can't...it's too hard for me…the rollercoaster. We both need to learn to be happy apart-with ourselves- before we can be happy together. I'm sorry."

Standing back on the floor Roxas’ stomach burned and his lungs refused to take air. No sound would come from his throat and the look on Axel's face said that he had pretty much said what he came to say.

Stepping back, Roxas dropped his hands and then his eyes, and nodded. Axel took in a deep breath then sighed. "I need to go now. Behave yourself. You’re on the right track with your life right now...but I'm still working on myself-ve's... so I can't take a chance on getting caught under the wheels if you derail."

Again Roxas nodded and wiped his eyes trying to stop the nausea that welled up and the imminent need to vomit. Turning away before Axel had a chance to say any more, he walked back to his canvas and picked up a brush... He knew what was missing... red.

  


Back in Midgar Axel dealt with his demons and when it was time to talk to Cloud he wondered how much of his own problems would surface throughout the treatment.

Cloud sat down in the too comfortable chair in Axel's office and watched the redhead warily. Axel stood from his desk chair and took the seat near Cloud and pulled it directly in front of him. Suddenly this all felt too intimate and Cloud began to get nervous.

"Relax ok... all bullshit aside. I wanna help you." Axel said as he patted Cloud's knee making him jump.

Cloud nodded and tried to smile. "Sorry... it's just hard to see you as a doctor."

"I said all bullshit aside... that means all of it. All the pickin your brain about callin you Daddy... all the pigtails song and dance, all of it. I'm not Reno's brother, I'm not Roxas’ boyfriend, I'm your doctor and anything you say or do will not leave this room."

Cloud relaxed visibly and eased back into the fluffy chair. Axel smiled and sat back as well with his hands folded on his lap. "Ok now I wanna know what you know about these hallucinations. Don't be shy and don't beat around the bush. Also give me enough credit not to try to lie ‘cause it'll just complicate shit."

Cloud nodded and smiled.

"Ok let's get started. The person you see, who is he?" Axel asked.

Cloud looked at his hands. He could do this but he couldn't do it looking at Reno's face on Axel's body. "Sephiroth...was my first love...my first real lover at 16...and my general. I'm sure you know the story of his death."

"If I wanna hear it from your side would that be ok?" Axel asked kindly but before Cloud could answer he said, "Let's do this... I want to do a regression and see for myself. You won't remember what we talk about ok, because I don't want to add to your trauma."

"You wanna take me back to then?" Cloud squeaked.

"It's important." Axel said simply testing Cloud’s trust in him.

"Okay...you're the doctor." Cloud said making Axel smile.

  


Once Cloud was responding properly to Axel's commands he began. "You're sixteen years old now, Cloud. You're in the military and you've just realized that your general is interested in you. How do you feel?"

Cloud smiled and Axel was amazed at the innocence of it. "He told me I was different and he wanted to speak to me alone... He watches me practice sometimes."

“Does he know that you’re interested?” Axel asked watching Cloud wiggle his fingers as his hands dangled over the arms of the chair.

“Well, yeah! Everyone’s interested in him! He’s Sephiroth!” Cloud grinned and blushed.

"Ok good now, still sixteen years old Cloud, you’re currently in a relationship with the General how have your feelings changed?" Axel asked.

Cloud’s face looked calm and serene. "I love him... He says he loves me but sometimes he gets frustrated because I'm so young and because I'm a cadet... He asked me to quit the army...said he would keep me...he's very jealous."

"How do you know he's jealous?"

"He knows the other cadets that I've been together with...not like me and him but..."

"It's ok Cloud, just say it." Axel said to the adolescent Cloud.

"There were a couple guys who flirted with me...I let them suck me off...but that’s all. He calls Tifa the cow…"

"Ok...and you said the general was jealous. Did he ever yell at you or hit you?"

"Nooooo...I'm the baby." Cloud said smiling as his cheeks turned pink.

Axel smiled in spite of himself and shook his head. He was looking at the Cloud Strife who didn't have a clue that he would one day have to kill the man he loved and be the savior of the planet…and he was beautiful in his innocence.

 

"Ok you're seventeen now, Cloud. How is your relationship with Sephiroth now? Are you still happy?"

Cloud’s face squinted a little. "We’re in love…some people know…a few. We're gonna get caught...He says he doesn't care anymore...I love him so much...I may quit the military...I'm definitely _not_ going into SOLDIER. That would make it impossible for us...easier if I'm just infantry."

Axel thought about all the reports that said Cloud had failed the soldier exam and all this time he said nothing. He had failed on purpose so that he could stay with Sephiroth. At such a young age he sacrificed everything to be with this man that he loved…and still loves, if Axel was a betting man.

"Ok now you're18...is it different now?"

Cloud’s face became more serious and his voice seemed to lower in pitch just a bit. "Seph has to go to the labs and then disappears...it pisses me off. I donno what they do to him there but it's not good. He gets so sick...sometimes I stay over and try to take care of him. Sometimes he’s angry and won’t let me …says he’s afraid he’ll hurt me… says I’m throwing my life away. I just want him to be well... he's talked about leaving ShinRa. If he goes, I'll go with him. Sephiroth is my life."

"When he's sick is he also abusive?"

"Sometimes if he doesn't know who I am... he's hit me before but he always says he's sorry..." Cloud looked worldly and tired as he spoke and it made Axel recall Roxas trying to care for Riku when he was strung out.

 

Cloud’s hands were now resting on the arms of the chair and he wiggled the ring finger of his left hand, rubbing against his pinky as if there was a ring there.

"Ok now Cloud, it's a night when you are taking care of Sephiroth while he's sick."

Cloud looked distraught. "Will you please drink the water...for me?"

Axel watched him flinch. "Is he yelling at you Cloud?"

"Yes"

"What's he saying?"

"He's cursing about Hojo... says I should leave and let him die because there's blood..." Cloud gagged. "There's blood when he vomits and..." Cloud gagged again. "He won't come out of the shower...on his knees..."

Axel grabbed the garbage can for him and sat it by his chair but hoped he could move him along before he needed to use it.

"Okay Cloud, it's the next day...what's going on now?"

"We’ve been in bed all day. His fever is gone...he's got nothing left to puke up or shit out...he's just lying here...still and quiet and beautiful…and broken."

Axel stared in awe of a man that he already held higher than his grandma’s god.

 

"Ok Cloud, we're gonna skip ahead to the week before Nibelheim. Does he treat you differently?"

"He's too quiet. He hurts me...he's too rough and when I ask him what's wrong, he says nothing...but I know it's something. I heard a rumor that he had gotten a woman pregnant...some woman from the slums, but I don't believe it. He took me to a private party with some of his Turk friends...it was great. It felt like old times…but he’s too quiet."

Not seeing the necessity of dragging Cloud through the actual killing, Axel makes a decision.

"Ok Cloud now we're gonna skip some stuff. Nibelheim happened, he died, and you disappeared. When did you first see him as a hallucination?"

"He's not a hallucination." Cloud said as his brows began to draw together making him look more like the angsty Cloud he saw every day.

"He's not? What is he then?" Axel asked, puzzled at the response he didn't expect.

Cloud's breath begin to come faster. "He's...what I see is...his spirit..."

Axel watched as Cloud began to cry quietly. "I'm sorry..."

"Ok, we're going to come back to the present and when you wake up, you'll be relaxed and happy...and whenever you hear the word 'snickerdoodle' you will do whatever I tell you."

  


Cloud stopped crying and nodded so Axel proceeded to wake him. As soon as his eyes were opened he smiled. "How'd I do doc?"

Axel grinned. "You did great. I think we'll take a trip to see Baba."

"Now?" Cloud asked.

"Yep. Or maybe Jiji..." Axel mumbled. "Let's get lunch and go handle this."

Cloud nodded and left with his doctor. Outside he text Reno.

Cloud: out of the office

Reno: where ya goin

Cloud: ur brother decided I need to go see your grandparents (?)

Reno: lol have fun

Cloud: lol thanks a lot. Love u

Reno: love u bb


	27. WHISTLE WHILE YOU WORK

WHISTLE WHILE YOU WORK

  


Vanitas pecked on Roxas’ dorm door and waited, checking his watch. He pecked again and he heard a muffled response. “It’s opennnnnuuuuhhhhh!”

Feeling like he may have interrupted something intimate, he opened the door slowly and peeked inside. “Rox?”

The bed was messy but empty and the window was open with a clay ashtray sitting on the sill. Assuming Roxas was in the bathroom he walked over and picked up the ashtray that looked like a talented grade schooler had made it, then saw that it was full of butts but no roaches. “Damn.”

Walking over to a canvas that was propped against the wall and covered, he began to lift the cloth with one finger as the bathroom door banged open and Roxas stepped out and snapped “Nope!” as he slapped his brother’s hand.

Vanitas chuckled at the blonde who was clad only in a towel. “I just wanna peek.”

“Negative. S’not finished yet.” Roxas said as he walked to the window sill to light another cigarette.

“Nice ashtray there Rox…” Vanitas smirked.

Roxas looked at Vanitas and laughed, flipping him the bird. “Thanks asshole. It was a gift…and I like it.”

Vanitas nodded. “To each his own. Look I came to pick some pieces for the opening next week. I’ve waited on you long enough.”

“I been busy.” Roxas said around his smoke as he dropped his towel and picked up some jeans and sniffed them before putting them on. “Everything’s at Fuck Ass.”

Vanitas giggled as he recalled the pet name they gave to the fine arts building.

 

Roxas picked up the remnant of a tee that was once Riku’s but was now spattered with long dried paint. Vanitas raised a brow as the blonde shoved his feet into some shoes that had so much paint on them they didn’t look like they were a matching pair. On the way over, he was greeted by everyone who passed them and finally Vanitas asked “So who gave you the pottery?”

Roxas squinted at him, “This little girl in my art workshop.”

“You’re teaching a workshop for kids?” Vanitas was impressed.

“Not exactly…I hold a workshop at Twilight Center and the little girl was visiting her mom there. Her mom’s a junkie…recovering junkie…addict…sorry, still getting the PC shit down.” Roxas said as he pushed open two large doors and walked inside.

“Ain’t that the rehab that Riku founded?” Vanitas asked as he looked around the room that was easily as big as their high school gym back in Costa.

“Yeah…I’m doin my internship there next fall under Dr. Luxord, but for now, I’m just a volunteer.” Roxas mumbled as they walked.

“How long ya been doin that?” Vanitas asked about to burst with pride for his brother.

“Couple months.” Roxas said as if it was no big deal. “I was pinch hitting when they were short-handed at the methadone dispensary…and I just thought it would be a nice distraction for them…the residents.”

 

They had walked all the way across the huge room that was scattered throughout with canvases and sculptures. Some areas were blocked off by partitions and there were tables full of supplies and tools. In the farthest corner a large section was partitioned off and as they got closer he knew it was Roxas’ area. One of the canvases was six feet tall but covered. He pointed at it and Roxas shook his head. “No.”

“You can take any of these that you want but if it’s covered it isn’t finished.” Roxas looked around as Vanitas walked from canvas to canvas.

“How many can I take?” He asked taking out his phone to text Sora and ask how much room they still had.

“Take as many as you want…these have all been graded already or were just shit I did on my own.” Roxas mumbled picking up a jar of brushes and fishing out one only to chunk it in the garbage.

Vanitas browsed and decided to take all the works that were available. There was one collage that he couldn’t take his eyes off of. There was so much going on in it that he was utterly fascinated. Roxas helped him wrap them and they discussed them as they wrapped.

“This one is beautiful Rox, I want it for my house.” Vanitas said as he scrawled NFS and his initials on the brown paper before sitting it on the trolley.

“That was an assignment that I had a hard time with. It was supposed to portray emotion and I was in a bad spot…I really didn’t wanna do that.” Roxas said as if he was glad to see it go.

“I bet I know what inspired this one.” Vanitas chuckled.

“Is it that obvious?” Roxas grinned wrapping the three foot landscape that was done completely in shades of red. “I wanna see him so bad…but damn I’m scared.”

“I get it…but yanno when you see him and he sees you…all the bullshit falls away Rox.” Vanitas said as he stared at the collage. “What’s the story with this?”

“That’s something…it was an assignment. It had to be collage and when I started I was thinkin it would be a disaster but by the time I was done with it I was happy…with it.” Roxas said as he watched Vanitas study it.

“These look like tiny torn pieces of photographs…and they stick up in places. That’s cool as shit…the relief gives it an amazing effect.” Vanitas picked it up and lay it on the table.

Roxas stepped over and stood it up and bit his lip then turned it about 45 degrees. “Tell me when you…”

“That’s our fuckin face!” Vanitas squawked, making Roxas laugh.

“The edges of the pieces look like us! Oh my god!” Vanitas crowed and that was immediately NFS also. “Has Dad seen that?”

“Nah…I thought about givin it to him for our birthday…since we all share.” Roxas admitted.

“That’s amazin Rox. I’ll hide it for ya til then.” Vanitas offered and Roxas nodded again.

“Sure I can’t peek at that one?” he asked pointing to the huge covered canvas.

Roxas laughed, “No you can’t peek. I…it’s not ready.” He stared at Vanitas like he was going to say something else but didn’t. Vanitas watched a range of emotion pass over Roxas’ face and he knew instantly that the hidden art had to do with Riku or drugs or both. He walked over silently and hugged the blonde who held him tightly and Vanitas almost sobbed when he felt his arms shaking.

“Hey you wanna get somethin to eat?” he asked and Roxas who, not trusting himself to speak only nodded.

  
  


Cloud was quiet after thanking the old tattoo artist politely and following Axel back to the train platform. No one spit at him and no one gave him any gifts for his demon. His demon was gone. Cloud remembered every word, every sob and watching him leave with Riku. He also remembered the angry blast of air that shook the building as they left. He pulled his hood down while they waited and took his sunglasses off and hung them from his shirt.

Axel looked at him warily and asked the inevitable. “Are you mad?”

Cloud looked up at the tall redhead like he didn’t realize he had been there. “No…I’m just different. I’m so used to him being there…it’s strange to have him gone.”

Axel nodded and smiled. “Think you’ll be ok without your demon?”

Cloud smiled but dismissed his question completely and countered with a question of his own. “Is Roxas ok without Riku?”

Axel just stared and wondered if Cloud meant to be hurtful or if he was just asking and not hearing what an asshole he sounded like. Axel looked guiltily at the blonde and muttered “Snickerdoodle.”

Cloud stared off as if he hadn’t heard the murmured word so Axel said, “You’re gonna ride on top of the train back up topside, then jump off and pirouette.”

Cloud simply nodded and waited for the train to arrive. Axel looked in the opposite direction so Cloud couldn’t see him laughing and when he saw the train pulling in he was almost in tears. As soon as it stopped he walked toward the door and Cloud vaulted up on top of the train car that Axel was stepping into.

A man tapped Axel looking concerned. “Hey Nobody, you see that guy tryin ta ride on top of tha train?”

Axel nodded and smiled.

“Aren’t ya gonna do somethin?” The guy asked looking out the window wondering if Cloud was still up there.

“That’s Cloud fuckin Strife. You wanna tell him he can’t train surf?” Axel asked the guy who shook his head and went on to a seat.

  


The train ride was short and when it stopped Axel was first off to see Cloud hop off and spin around on one foot with the other foot on his knee, arms out, hands relaxed, and in Axel’s opinion, _very graceful._  

Done with his command, Cloud fell into step beside Axel who was grinning like a fiend. “Axel…thanks for all of this.”

Not feeling a bit guilty, Axel turned to him. “No problem…I want ya to be well and happy and…”

He stopped, realizing that he had said those words before, not long ago…to Roxas. “Say Cloud?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think Roxas really wants me to come to Destiny? It’s only a week away.” Axel asked nervously.

“Yes.” Cloud smiled. “I think he really wants you there.” Axel nodded and they went back into his office.

  


Sitting down in the too fluffy chair Cloud yawned and Axel smiled sitting down in front of him. “Ready?”

Cloud nodded. As soon as he was under, Axel began. “Cloud…you’re 18 years old and you’re in Nibelheim with Sephiroth.”

Cloud’s face changed and Axel was devastated at the pain it showed. As he spoke pain turned to panic and then to anger. He screamed and he cried but when he became quiet, Axel spoke. “Cloud, tell me what you did.”

Cloud said numbly, “I killed Sephiroth…I had to…he was gonna kill everyone.”

Axel nodded and smiled. “That’s right, you had to. It wasn’t his fault he was that way…and it wasn’t your fault he had to die.”

“Not his fault…not my fault.” Cloud mumbled.

“How do you feel now Cloud?” Axel asked.

“I need a drink, goddamn.” Cloud said and Axel snorted and thought, _there he is!_ Getting an evil idea Axel continued. “Ok Cloud, you’ve escaped from the labs and you’ve been back in Midgar for three months, what are you doing.”

Cloud’s expression went blank briefly and he began to speak but it was so slurred Axel could barely decipher his words. “…mothrfuckeeeerrr! Stoopedass…why din I get more las time?”

_He’s drunk!_ Axel thought and snickered. “What do you need Cloud?”

“Mmm outtafuckin…whass thisshit? Whiskeee.” Cloud mumbled and flopped his hand like he was throwing a bottle to the ground.

“Why can’t you get any more?” Axel grinned.

“Aah could call Teef bu she’ll make me fuck er for et…fucken bitch…goddamn nag…” Cloud paused and smiled. “All jus ride mah bike!”

The word bike was so clipped and high pitched that Axel almost squealed with glee at the spectacle before him. The click of the door got his attention and when he looked up he knew he was busted. There stood Reno with his arms folded across his chest. “Um…sorry. We’re almost done.”

 

Reno smirked. “Why does it sound like you got a drunk in here yo?”

Axel winced. “Cause I do.”

“Runt, why you poking around in his head if he’s ok?” Reno asked walking around to get a look at Cloud’s drunken smile. Shaking his head he pulled up a chair. “Alright, show me what’s funny yo…and then wake him up.”

Axel grinned and nodded, fiercely happy that he wasn’t getting his toy taken away just yet. “Ok Cloud, it’s a week later and you got your whiskey.”

Cloud’s demeanor didn’t change; he was still drunk. “Goddamn I gotta pisss agin…fuckit all…jus fuckit…oh Goddman!” Cloud squinted and put his hand up as if to shield his eyes from the sun. “Too bright…fuck this…”

Growing quiet for a moment, Cloud sat quietly then his head jerked to the side. “Holy fucken..you gotta be kiddin me ri now…fucken ShinRa trucks…I prolly should hiiiiide.”

Reno and Axel were giggling uncontrollably as Cloud ranted about not being able to stop pissing and “holyfuckballs they comin this way! Sonofabitch. Stop stop stop…fuck mah life…I’m jus gonna have to piss while we talk…Rufus iz gonna be so pissed.”

“Ok ok Runt. Quit yo.” Reno laughed and wiped the tears.

“Wait wait wait! Please just one more thing!” Axel hissed. Reno nodded and held up one finger.

Axel grinned. “Cloud, tell me about your first encounter with Tifa when you got back to Midgar.”

Cloud’s face scrunched up in aggravation. “What’s happening Cloud?” Axel asked a bit concerned.

“She’s yellin…as usual…goddamn I wish that bitch would lose her voice.” Cloud said then mumbled “Die, die, die.”

“Is she still yelling?’ Axel asked and Cloud nodded.

“She thinks I’m stoned and she will not shut the fuck up…oh no she just did _not_ go there. Whatever Tifa!” Cloud snapped and they were about to wake him up when he went off on a rant about how she was sorry at giving head and how she was an ungrateful bitch and the redheads were laughing but when he yelled, “Get your goddamn ungrateful ass down to the bar and cook me some fuckin dinner!”

Reno hooted and Axel squealed and they fell all over each other laughing. When Reno could breathe, he spluttered, “Make him stop, make him stop.”

Getting himself together Axel woke Cloud and forgot all about the snickerdoodle.

  
  


Roxas was back in his dorm when he got a call from Xemnas telling him the copies he asked for were ready. Skating over to the Dean’s office, he ran into a familiar face. “S’up” he said as he continued on but was snatched backward off his board and landed solidly on his ass.

Shuyin looked down at him and scowled. “Don’t act like you don’t know me anymore Strife.”

“Don’t fuck with me Shu. I told you to get outta that shit…” Roxas said as he picked himself up..

Roxas looked into his eyes and thought about telling him he would go with him to the clinic, and he also thought about sitting him down to talk one on one, but just as he opened his mouth to offer an olive branch, one of Shuyin’s teammates walked by and glanced their way. "Come on Shu, get away from that junkie fag...we got practice."

Shuyin smirked and Roxas rolled his eyes. If the guy thought ‘junkie fag’ was gonna piss him off he was wrong, but he didn't need to be pissed off to whip their asses or give it his best shot.

Shuyin looked Roxas up and down once more and started to walk away but the buddy... _it's_ _always the buddy_. Roxas shook his head as the buddy turned back to get into his face. Seeing the smirk on Shuyin’s face behind him made Roxas not wanna hear whatever it was buddy planned on saying so when his mouth began to form a word Roxas punched him. Standing there waiting on the repercussions would be stupid, so Roxas punched him again before he could recover.

Shuyin grabbed Roxas from behind and the buddy punched him twice before he could wriggle free, grab his board and smack buddy upside the head with it. Buddy was down so Roxas turned to Shuyin and shoved him. "What the fuck?!"

Shuyin growled and took a swing but Roxas ducked and tackled him to the ground. Shuyin hissed and spat on him as Roxas held his arms to the ground.

When the spit landed on Roxas’ face, he lost it. His guilt over Shuyin had been a heavy burden up to that point, but he was tired of being treated like trash while he was trying to put it all behind him. Roxas started swinging and didn't stop until he felt someone dragging him off the athlete.

 

"Let me go." He snapped.

"I will not! Look at his face, Roxas." The unmistakable voice of Xemnas brought him to reality fast. Roxas looked at Shuyin who was getting up with his hands over his face.

"Sorry..." Roxas said to Shuyin.

"Fuck you, junkie." Shuyin said hatefully.

Roxas sniffed, his nose burned where buddy had hit him and it was probably bleeding but he was still mostly numb. Xemnas was brushing him off as he looked around. Shuyin’s buddy was still out. Roxas watched him walk over to check on him and he remembered the night at the dorm.

"I should get someone to help him..." Xemnas said.

"I'll help." Roxas said and sniffed back some blood.

"That's not advisable, Roxas." Xemnas said quietly.

"I owe Shu." Roxas mumbled.

"You owe no one. Come with me." Xemnas sniffed and tugged Roxas along.

"I was coming to get those printouts..." Roxas said as he followed his Dean.

"They’re all ready, but I have to ask though because it was such a random request...why do you need copies of all those records?"

"It's for an art project I'm working on." Roxas said as if he really didn't want to talk about it.

"Very well." Xemnas quipped and smiled. "I'm looking forward to going back to Destiny. You are planning a large celebration... has Laguna had a meltdown yet?"

Roxas chuckled and wiped his nose. "Not yet but he did call me yesterday to confirm the number of guests and he sounded a little uptight."

Xemnas was amused at the thought of Laguna under duress.

"So I called Denzel and told him to give him a little something to help him relax."

They both laughed as they walked into the building that housed the dean's office. The Secretary screamed when she saw Roxas’ bloody face and ran to him, grabbing tissues. Xemnas rolled his eyes and sighed as she cooed and scolded, demanding to know "Who did this!?"

"I'm ok...it's ok." Roxas chuckled but she would not be comforted. Pushing him toward a chair, she rushed off to the bathroom to wet some towels.

Xemnas stepped inside his office and came out with a box full of the printed copies. "They are as you asked…and I quote “I want the pinks pink, the yellows yellow and whatnot.”

“Thanks Nunky.” Roxas grinned and stuffed some tissue up his nose before kissing the secretary on the cheek and heading over to Fuck Ass.

  


Cloud woke to see Reno and all he could do was smile. He held open his arms and Cloud stood, went over, and melted into him.

"Long day baby?" Reno asked and kissed Cloud’s hair.

"Yeah...can we go home now?" Cloud asked as he snuggled against his man.

"Sure....Runt thanks for everything." Reno said and Cloud smiled and nodded.

"I don't know how I'll ever be able to thank you. I feel so much better. I haven't been this relaxed since...well in long time." Cloud said and Axel felt happy to have helped.

  


After they left Axel packed up his laptop and headed home. As he strolled, he thought of going to Destiny and seeing Roxas for the first time in months and the image that created in his mind made him smile. Hopping the train to the slums, he began to whistle and eerie tune. He was happy but someone else in there was trying to take the reins and he didn’t understand why.

His inner struggle was realized and won over, when he was disembarking the train and felt a hand on his back and a gun against the back of his head. An unfamiliar voice said, “Walk with me, Nobody.”

Axel smiled brightly and giggled under his breath. _This guy is an idiot_ , he thought as he walked in the direction he was being gently pushed. In an alley not far from his apartment the man grumbled, “Get on yer knees.”

“But we just met.” Axel giggled as he gave in to his other self.

“I’m not playin, asshole. You’re just another piece of slum trash and no better than the people you murder down here.”

Axel dropped his head forward as he knelt down, his back still to the man with the gun, and began to sing, “Ring around the rosie…a pocket full of posies…”

“Shut up, freak show!” the man growled and cocked the gun and began to empty Axel’s pockets.

Axel blinked dully then turned to face him, still kneeling. The man looked at him strangely as Axel gently, careful not to bump his teeth, put his mouth on the barrel of the pistol that he held and looked up at his face. Shocked, he almost drew the gun back out of the redhead’s mouth, but then realized that this was just Nobody’s crazy ass trying to scare him.

He chuckled as he looked down at the tattooed face waiting calmly to have his brains sprayed across the alley, then shook his head stuffing the spoils into his own pockets. As the man filled his pockets and grinned, Axel swiftly reached up with his right hand and grabbed his balls while spitting out the muzzle, and grabbing it with his left. He jerked the pistol to the side just as the idiot pulled the trigger, missing Axel completely. He jumped to his feet, breaking the thief’s wrist and hitting him hard on the temple with the butt of the gun.

 

He fell in a heap in front of the black and white checkerboard Vans ( _Classics_ , Axel had said when he bought them). Whistling while he worked, a tune of the same name, Axel picked the thief up and carried him to the end of the alley. He looked around briefly before tossing the unconscious man over the side of the dumpster so that he was half in and half out.

Quietly but quickly he retrieved his things from the thief’s pockets then reached around him to unfasten his pants. Tugging them down to his knees along with the underwear, he grimaced at the ugly ass before him then took a step back. He stopped whistling and covered his face with his right hand, peeking between his fingers as he began to giggle. Clutching the pistol in his left, he shoved it between the ugly ass cheeks and pulled the trigger.

He tossed the gun in the dumpster and mumbled, “Dirty dirty dirty…”

After skipping up the alley he continued down the sidewalk to his apartment.


	28. DEMONS II

DEMONS II

  


Cloud and Axel took the train to the slums but not before Axel made Cloud put on sunglasses to cover his mako eyes and a hoodie to cover his famous chocobo head. “I don’t see why this is necessary.” Cloud said with a little sadness. “Do they hate me that much down there now?”

“Quite the opposite. Up here you’re a hero. Down there you’re a fuckin Savior of Biblical proportions to the old-timers and anyone who follows the old religion of Gaia. So if you don’t wanna get mobbed before we get to deal with your demons, you’ll do this for me.” Axel smiled like he was about to snap Cloud’s neck.

Cloud looked up at the tall redhead and made a face, then put on the glasses and hoodie. “Pfft!”

“Pfft all you want but after we’re done, I’ll take you on a stroll without that shit and you’ll thank me.” Axel chuckled devilishly. “Did ya ever ask Rox about his first visit down there?”

“No…um…I didn’t and he didn’t mention anything unusual about it.” Cloud admitted boarding the train with the notorious Nobody who had switched his sport coat and button-down for a hoodie and old leather jacket.

Cloud thought the leather pants looked good with the oxford and jacket he had worn to the office that day but he didn’t mention it. He wondered absently if Axel was one of _those_ people who needed to be complimented. He sat there beside him staring out the train window as they rode, slouched slightly but his chin was up, daring anyone to look at him for more than a second. Cloud watched how he held himself and then down at the black and white checkerboard Vans on his feet, and decided he probably was not one of _those_ people.

 

Standing up as the train pulled to a stop in sector 7 Axel stood and Cloud followed suit. Walking through the slums wasn’t a big deal to Cloud. He was usually down there after dark, but how much different could it be in the middle of the afternoon? When he stayed with Reno for the New Year, they barely left the apartment …and he always wore a hoodie because it was cold.

People scattered from their path in the bustling streets, some bowing heads as they passed, kids squealing in other languages and running away and Axel plowed through like it was normal. Cloud kept to his side wishing he had his sword.

Stopping in at a sweet shop, he was enveloped by the smell of cakes and cookies and fresh bread as he followed Axel who scared the shit out of him when he barked, “Baba!”

An old lady came out of the back of the shop smiling. “Nobody is here to see an old lady…tell me now, have you eaten?”

“Yes ma’am.” Axel said, smiling as the lady made her way around the counter to wrap her arms around him. He hugged her close and kissed the top of her head. She took a step back and looked up at him. “Well it’s time for dessert then. Who is your little friend here?” She peered closer at Cloud’s face. “I see he still has that demon.” She spit over his left shoulder and he froze as she addressed his left shoulder in Latin, then spit again. “I think it’s bigger than the last time he was here.”

Axel didn’t bother correcting her since he had the confirmation he needed. Cloud had a demon similar to Roxas’, only bigger… _definitely Sephiroth_. Taking Cloud’s elbow he led him stiffly to a table and sat.

“Why did she spit at me?” Cloud hissed.

“She didn’t. She spat at your demon.” Axel said matter-of-factly. “And she thinks you’re Roxas so just go with it.”

Axel’s Baba returned with a platter of baked sweets and two huge glasses of milk. She pulled Cloud’s hood off and fuzzed his hair while Axel grinned. “Let Baba see your hands now…are they well?”

Cloud looked confused but held out his hands for her to see. “Where are the gifts for your demon? Good Goddess boy! No wonder he’s gotten so big! It’s a wonder you’re not on your knees!” She ambled off to the back of the shop.

“What the fuck?” Cloud asked as quietly as he could, and Axel was giggling as quietly as he could. He knew about Roxas’ meltdown and the bandages but no one had told him about offerings for a demon.

“She’s gonna bring you some bracelets for your demon, just wear em.” Axel said settling down. “And eat for Goddess sake. Rox pigged out when he was here.”

 

Sure enough she returned with a dozen beaded bracelets and began to fasten them on his wrists as he ate with one had or the other. “You need to go see your Jiji, Axel Sinclair. He’s not well.”

Axel was shocked. “Baba, Nani ga okorimashita ka?”

“Akumu.” She said as she produced a bag of chocolates from her pocket and sat them by Cloud, patting his right shoulder.

Axel nodded with a piece of cake stuck on his bottom lip. She smiled at him and wiped his face with a napkin. Cloud watched and smiled realizing that Axel and Reno had family, they just weren’t blood relatives.

“Where’s your brother?”

Axel pointed up as he chewed and took a long drink of the rich milk that she had brought them. “Toppu.”

She nodded and left them to eat. Axel watched Cloud eat the pastries like a kid. He would bite the end off and squish it to see what was inside before he ate it. After the first couple, if it was something he was fond of, he would squish it and then suck the filling out. Axel watched him, his own food forgotten, chewing only his lip as he stared.

Cloud was on his own planet and on his way to a massive sugar high. Bite, squish, suck, bite, bite, bite, repeat. Axel was mesmerized as his mind went to the most obvious port of call for a man who hadn’t had sex in months, many months. Biting his lip he wondered how many of those little pastries Cloud could eat before he had to have some personal time in the bathroom.

When one of the pastries squished more than he expected, he tried to catch the filling with his tongue and Axel squinted and squirmed in his seat. The blonde had made a mess of it and it was on his fingers so he began licking the filling off. Suddenly a napkin hit him in the face that coincided with a hiss of “Stop that” and the scraping of Axel’s chair across the floor as he walked to the back where the restrooms were.

  


After leaving the sweet shop Axel was quiet and he flipped the hood back up over Cloud’s hair as they walked.

“What’s wrong, doc?”

“Nothin.” Axel grumbled as he took out his phone to text Reno.

Axel: don’t b mad

Reno: FML Runt you only been gone an hour

Axel: I had to have *me* time after watching ur bf eat pastries

Reno: s’ok lol

Axel: K…can I tell im?

Reno: yeah def…and get a pic of his face plz

Axel: will do ily

Reno: Ily2

 

Axel stopped abruptly on the sidewalk, because he couldn’t wait. “Cloud…I need ta tell you somethin and I hope you don’t get mad.”

“Ok…spill. I won’t get mad.” Cloud said, quietly wondering what was so important that they needed to stop on the street to discuss it.

“When we were eating…when you were eating…I got…I had to…” Axel stuttered as he got his phone ready to snap a pic without Cloud noticing.

“Just say it, Axel.” Cloud said leaning toward him so he wouldn’t even have to say it loudly if he didn’t want to. _So thoughtful_ , Axel giggled internally.

“I got hard watchin you eat.” Axel blurted and snapped the pic.

Reno’s phone buzzed with the influx of pics. Cloud’s gaping mouth, Cloud’s angry face, Cloud running toward the cam, Cloud helping Axel up off the ground, Axel with a bloody nose grinning with a thumb up beside his face and the caption that said ‘worth it’.

  


Sitting down to tea with Jiji was peaceful and quiet except for the buzz of tattoo machines from the next room. “Your demon is the one I have been dreaming of…I knew he was coming. He has stolen my sleep for weeks.” The old man said lighting an incense that made Cloud dizzy immediately.

He started to panic but Axel put a hand on his thigh and took his sunglasses off. Cloud’s eyes were already drooping and he slurred. “Whass he doin?”

“He needs to talk to your demon and you need to be asleep.” Axel said simply as he gently pushed Cloud down onto a soft cushion.

“Cloud?” Axel sounded very far away and he couldn’t make his mouth work. He could see the two through tiny slits but he was otherwise not really there…merely a spectator.

“Cloud isn’t here right now, may I take a message.” A sarcastic voice spouted from Cloud’s lips. “And for the record, I am no demon. I do not need these trinkets to pacify me, however beautiful they are. I am with him because I belong to him. I will always be with him.”

Jiji stared down the silver-haired demon with green cat eyes that he saw right behind Cloud. “You must leave him so that he can be happy in this life. You may return to him when this life is over.”

“I cannot! He needs me…and I need him. We were cheated! We should have had more time.” It said as Cloud’s eyes began to water slightly.

“Do you want him to have a happy life here or do you want him to merely exist and wait to die so that he can return to you?” Jiji asked solemnly but with authority.

A moan left Cloud’s mouth then a whimper and the old man whispered to Axel, “He is saying goodbye to him now. He will go, but not far…he will now be his guardian.”

Axel watched sadly as Cloud’s eyes leaked and he made the whining sounds of a man who was destroyed on a spiritual level. It broke his heart but when he began to feel consumed by the misery of loss, he smelled a familiar smell…the ocean and something sweet. Looking around the room, he saw a shadow in the corner as if it was waiting.

“Riku…” he whispered and the candle in front of him went out then he felt a cool puff of air against his face and across his lips. Axel touched his fingers to his lips just as Cloud began to wake up.

  
  


Roxas sat under the old oak on Riku's bench smoking. He had immersed himself in his studies after Axel left and signed on as a Western Civilization tutor. A lot of people found the professor nearly impossible to follow but he managed to ace the class. He had very little free time and that was the way he wanted it. Thinking of how long it had been since he caught up with everyone, he decided to call Sora.

"Hey Roxy! How's school?" Sora crowed.

"Hey Sor, its good, how are you and Ari?" Roxas asked as he burned strings off his jeans with his cigarette.

"We're good. Great. She's my little sunshine. I haven't heard any more from Olette but she speaks to Ariel once a week. We've got a court date for our divorce and custody hearing already."

"That’s great! That happened really fast huh?” Roxas said as he thought of his brother’s on again-off again adaptability skills.

“Well, considering Larxene is my lawyer, I really didn’t expect anything less…scary bitch.” Sora giggled.

Roxas laughed remembering the shark-toothed blonde. “How's Vani?"

"He's good. You should be getting your invitation soon for the opening of his gallery."

"Cool. Hopefully it won't be during finals." Roxas mumbled because he genuinely wanted to be there.

"I think he planned it around your schedule and he wants to hang some of your work." Sora said with a hint of excitement in his voice.

"Cool but he will have to choose what he wants. There's no way I'd be able to decide…all of them are, well…different and I don’t know what people like to look at.” Roxas pondered as he saw Xemnas coming his way. “I guess I should go Sora, I love you."

"I love you too." Sora said happily.

  


Xemnas plopped down beside Roxas and smiled. "Hello Roxas. How goes it?"

"Hey Nunky...it goes well. I got high, got dumped, and got my shit together. How goes it with you?" Roxas smiled lighting another cigarette off the one he was almost done with.

"I had holiday with professor Saix and discovered a new passion. He is a pianist and has begun teaching me. Can you believe such an old man can be taught?" Xemnas chuckled.

Roxas turned to him and eyed him from head to toe then grinned, "Ooh yeah..."

Xemnas looked shocked and cackled. "Roxas!"

"What else he teaching you, Nunky?" Roxas waggled his eyebrows.

Xemnas was still laughing and Roxas noticed a pink on his cheeks and giggled. "Are you serious right now? You were married all those years to a woman and now you're finding yourself!"

"My _self_ has never been lost." Xemnas quieted to a chuckle. "My marriage was very one-sided…it was always about money so I had my affairs with women and men as well...I just was never able to pursue my own happiness...my happiness was never a priority."

"We should totally have a party or something." Roxas smiled.

"I dare say there would be few attendees." Xemnas said honestly.

"It could be just us, on Destiny if you want." Roxas chuckled. "It's for sure that I've proven myself to be unworthy of every boyfriend I've _ever_ had so I wouldn't presume to be inviting anyone...but Laguna would be down."

"I'm sorry for your relationship troubles Roxas. Are you very lonely?" Xemnas asked as Roxas looked up into the old oak.

"Yes...but no. I miss Axel but I have all my fuck-ups to keep me company. I'm taking some time to reflect on that." Roxas smiled bitterly. "I've been one way for so long...because it was easy. It's not who I really am, though. My whole life has been one long cop out...my default setting is junkie whore."

Xemnas stared at the blonde as he spoke and watched the emotions crawl across his features like ghostly hands. "How are your brothers?"

Roxas smiled genuinely and Xemnas saw a glint of joy in his eyes as he spoke about his brothers' lives and happiness. Demyx and Ventus' happy marriage, Vanitas' gallery and art, Sora's new status as single father and the joy he found in it.

Too soon Roxas quieted and stood. "I gotta go Nunky. Thanks for hanging with me and listening to me ramble."

"It was enjoyable Roxas. It's good to see you finding happiness in your family where there was anxiety before. I'm proud of the man you are becoming." Xemnas watched the blonde’s face transform into a wide grin even though there were tears on his lashes. "Riku would be proud as well... I'm sure he is..."

Roxas nodded and turned to walk away. A few strides into his retreat he realized that Xemnas had said the name. Spinning to go back, he stopped short when he saw the bench had already been vacated and there were white roses where they had been sitting. Realization crashed into him like a rogue wave…today was the day. It had been two years since Riku had taken his own life. Taking out his phone he knew he had a very important call to make.

  


In Midgar Reno reclined with his feet on his desk dozing while Rude balled up paper into tiny balls and launched them across the room into the wild red hair. _Look at him_ , he thought, _sitting there all relaxed and happy and matrimonial and shit_. Rude chuckled out loud making the redhead grunt and snort before sliding into a full on, open-mouthed snore. He had never seen his partner look as healthy and happy as he had since Cloud began working out of his office after the holidays. It made Rude smile, but not while anyone was looking.

Cloud had been given an apartment by ShinRa in the tower’s residential area so he wouldn’t have to live out of a suitcase during the week or take the train every night. He and Reno stayed there during the week mostly but on weekends when the Turk had work, Cloud would fly home to Costa to spend time with Sora and Ariel and Vanitas…when he wasn’t busy fight-fucking that scary lawyer of Sora’s. Rude thought they had a very good arrangement and it seemed to be agreeing with the both of them.

 

Reno’s phone rang with a loud thumping club mix. “Goddammit Cloud…Imma kick yer sexy ass…” he grumbled as he answered. “Reno here, what ya want yo?”

“Hey Daddy!” Roxas crowed and Reno lost his fight with gravity as his chair teetered too far back. Flopping ungraciously to the floor he was further shamed by loud laughter from his partner across the room. Giving Rude the stink eye, he picked up his phone and stood stretching his back and arms.

“Hey ya little shit!” Reno returned to his chair as he greeted Roxas. “Where tha hell ya been? Ya fall off the face of Planet?”

“I been busy with school. How’ve you been?” Roxas asked as he sat on the side of the fountain at TU.

“I’ve been great. I was gonna call ya later yo…just ta check on ya.” Reno said as he looked at his computer screen that displayed a picture of Cloud and Ariel.

“Yeah…that’s kinda why I called…just to check on you.” Roxas quieted and then sighed. “I miss him Reno…will I ever not miss him?”

“Prolly not yo. He was more than just your boyfriend, he was a turning point for ya. He was the pivot point for turning yer life around…and ya have…and we’re proud of ya.” Reno said as Rude felt tears come to his eyes and adjusted his glasses on his nose.

“Thanks Reno. I guess I’ll see you guys after finals at the gallery opening in Costa. If you want, you two can come to Destiny for a while…hell you should all come. Sora and Ari, Ven and Dem, Vani and whoever, you and Dad…and if maybe Axel wanted to come, yanno…but that would be up to him…and you and Dad can do the askin.” Roxas waited while on the other end of the call Reno was sitting with his eyes closed trying not to weep openly at the pain in the blonde’s voice.

“That sounds good, Rox.” Reno said simply, not knowing at all how Axel would react to being invited for an extended stay on Destiny with the family.

“I’d like for Nunky to be there too…at least to see everyone again…he thinks a lot of Dad and he’s been um…he has a…he’ll be bringing a plus one.” Roxas stammered trying not to out his honorary uncle.

“That’s great…a plus one for Mansex…cool, and Rox…don’t call me Daddy.”

“Why?” Roxas snickered.

“Cause its creepy yo. Just don’t do it.” Reno smiled, sensing the mischief.

“K” Roxas snapped grinning at his phone.

“Goddammit you know I fuckin hate that shit yo! You and Goddamn Runt gonna give me a fuckin brain hemorrhage with that fuckin K shit…both of ya need a spankin yo…with a brick…on the face!” Reno snarled as Roxas cackled on the phone and Rude bellowed at his desk.

  


Reno ended the call and looked at Rude exasperatedly as he heard a light tap at his open office door. Looking up abruptly, his features softened when he saw a very sad looking Runt. “S’up?”

“Hey Runt…come on in.” Reno said as Rude composed himself and mumbled something about coffee before fleeing the room.

Axel walked over and sat on Reno’s desk like he always did when he visited and plundered his candy bowl as he spoke. “Was that Roxas?”

“Yeah…he was just callin ta check up, cause today is…” Reno said and Axel grunted cutting him off.

“I know what today is…have you seen the fuckin news?”

“No but…hey stop pickin out all the strawberry pieces yo.” Reno pushed his hand away and took a strawberry candy for himself as Axel smiled.

“How is he?”

“He’s good yo. Cloud got a letter from TU last week, he made the Dean’s list and he’s doin well with his paintin and such…donated a couple for auction to benefit tha rehab center.” Reno reached up and touched Axel’s cheek. “He misses ya.”

Axel looked down at his twin with watery green eyes and nodded. “Walkin away from him was…” he couldn’t finish but Reno knew how hard it had been for him. He stood and hugged his brother, rubbing his back.

Axel put his arms around Reno and whispered, “Is it too soon?”

“I don’t think so, Runt.”

“I miss my heart.” Axel sighed and buried his face in red hair only to pull back slowly inspecting the mane. “What tha fuck, Reno?”

Reaching up to his hair he dislodged one of the tiny paper balls that Rude had been tossing at his head while he slept. “Fuckin…Rude.” He smiled and Axel chuckled.

“Well I’ll have to thank him on my way out for dredging me up from my funk.” Axel grinned. “I’m goin ta eat and then I think I’ll take the rest of tha day. I got some ‘fuck it’ that I need to deal with.”

“Oh before ya go…Roxas invited us all out to Destiny after the gallery opening for vacay. He wants ya to come but he doesn’t think ya will so he told me an Cloud ta ask ya.” Reno watched his twin’s expression go from lightly amused to somber.

“I donno…that’s a couple weeks from now…I’ll think about it.” Axel said as Reno nodded.

“No pressure yo, just wanted to let ya know.”

“Fuckin shit…motherfucker…I’m scared Reno.” Axel grumbled.

“I know Runt, that’s why I said no pressure. If you ain’t ready yo, don’t do it.” Reno said as he walked with him out into the hallway.

Axel took a deep breath and sighed. “K”

Reno growled and Axel squawked and ran down the corridor laughing like a mad man. He passed Rude who smiled at him as he carried two coffees toward the office.


	29. COMA

COMA

  


Axel was about to get into the shower when his phone rang. 'Gobble gobble gobble! Gobble gobble gobble!' _Reno!_ He thought and grabbed his phone. "Reno, what's up?"

"We came down ta grab some stuff from my place an I heard a shot...sounded like it came from yer buildin yo. I just wanted to check on ya." Reno said calmly because he knew if Axel needed him he would have called.

"It was close by. Some asshole tried to rob me, can you believe that shit?" Axel snorted.

Reno was stunned into silence. No one had tried to attack either of them in years. The slums were changing, the old timers were dying off and the younger generation was taking over. As he pondered the repercussions he realized Axel was still talking.

"...huge, huge asshole now." Axel chuckled.

"Runt...you ever consider movin up top yo?" Reno asked and immediately heard Axel _'Pfft'_.

"Why? Cause some asshole tried to rob me?" Axel snorted again, then got quiet. "Are you movin up top?"

Reno looked at Cloud who was listening and sighed. "I thought about it yo." Cloud's face split into a grin and he blushed.

"K...can we talk about this another time, cause I was about to shower." Axel said as Reno heard the water start to run in the background.

Knowing the conversation was over, he said, "Sure Runt. I love you."

Reno ended the call and looked at Cloud who already knew what he was thinking. "That's bad, Reno."

Reno nodded and held his lover close. "We've been untouchable for too long yo. The younger generation’s got no respect and they feel like we don't belong here anymore...maybe they're right."

"Or maybe they just need a reminder...." Cloud mumbled making Reno hold him at arm's length and smile. "What ya sayin yo?"

"I'm not saying anything except...maybe we could go for a walk." Cloud shrugged. Reno nodded and sent a text asking Axel to call him after his shower.

  
  


Roxas was working quietly on a painting with his ear buds in so he didn't hear the last artist other than himself leave nor did he hear two other students enter right after.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a shadow but before he could turn it was too late and he found himself face down on the floor. His ear buds were pulled out and a familiar but nasal voice said, "Hey there Strife, nice work."

It was Shuyin and his buddy.

Roxas panted but could only grunt as one of them must have been sitting on his back.

"Did ya hear that? He sounds like he said he wanted some drugs." The buddy looked at Roxas’ red face and laughed, "You want some drugs, junkie?"

Roxas heard Shuyin laugh and wondered what they were planning.

"Hurry up." The buddy said and Shuyin got on the floor by Roxas and smiled. Roxas growled, “What are you doin?”

"Just wanted to pay you back for helping me out once." Shuyin said as Roxas felt a stick in his arm.

"No no no no!" Roxas screamed with all the breath he could muster but as soon as he felt the hit, he quieted to a wine. _Too much_ , he thought right before her felt his body begin to shake uncontrollably and then everything was dark and quiet.

  
  


Cloud, Reno, and Axel took a walk through the slums. For the most part people were respectful and kind and the ones who weren't, got the hell out of the way. Cloud was walking between the two redheads but the looks on people's faces told him that he had nothing to fear either way.

They talked with the kids in different sectors and learned a lot about who they needed to see to quell some of the respect issues they were having.

Getting to work, they took care of a few people and Cloud marveled at how the twins worked together. Reno was deadly on his own but he had no idea that Axel was that much like the Turk...except he seemed to find entirely too much joy in it. The hero watched it all play out like a movie and was disturbed a bit that he found such beauty in it.

Cloud flinched once when Reno shot a man between the eyes while Axel held him. The shot was so close that any other person would have taken Axel out as well, or wounded him at the very least. Their actions were so smooth it was like watching a well-choreographed dance. Reno was the right hand and Axel was the left.

Axel would skip like a child occasionally or talk to himself and giggle. Reno walked and smoked as if he were just taking a late stroll through a park, almost languid in his motions but his eyes never stopped moving.

At one point a man who looked to be about their age ran from an alley, vaulted over a fence, and then started to climb through the window of an old building. Seeing the man running for his life seemed to excite Axel, making him squeal and spin in circles with his arms out laughing while Reno shot the fleeing man in the back. After lighting another smoke and conversing with his twin in whispers, they left his body hanging halfway in the window.

  


Soon word got around that the redheads were doing a walk through and pedestrians became fewer and farther between. They stopped in at the church in sector 5 to let Cloud pay respects and he was amazed that the flowers were still growing there. Sitting on one of the pews, he leaned his head over onto the back of the one in front of him.

Axel had been walking in tiny circles while he talked to Reno but when his eyes found Cloud, he froze. Reno watched him as he began to whisper. "The wolf the wolf the wolf..."

"Holy shit..." Reno knew exactly what Axel was remembering as he took his twin’s hands and held them.

"Is that him yo? Is that the soldier?" Reno asked in a whisper.

"Yes yes yes!" Axel smiled and started toward Cloud, dragging Reno with him.

Axel sat down by him and laid his head on the blonde’s shoulder. Cloud ran a hand through bright red and patted. Axel sighed and Reno took a seat on the other side of Cloud, laying his head on the other shoulder.

Axel whispered, "One night a long time ago when we were young, I saw you here...you were crying...there was a wolf on your uniform..."

Cloud turned to look at his blood-spattered face as he continued.

"You looked like a sad angel and I wanted to make you smile...so I killed a bad wolf and brought you his heart." Axel looked up smiling like his mostly sane self.

Cloud hugged him and turned to Reno with tears in his eyes. Reno hugged the both of them and buried his face in Cloud’s hair.

Cloud knew that it had been years since he had been to the church and that would have put the redheads in their teens. He was amazed at how long ago it seemed until he looked at the sweet faces by his side. "I love you guys."

They embraced him tightly between them and whispered that they loved him as well. Cloud Strife had been told may things by many people about destiny and how he was born to be the savior of the world as they knew it, but this was something tangible, something that he could put dates and times on...proof of destiny.

  


Cloud’s phone rang early the next morning with a call from Dean Xemnas. "Hello..." Cloud said and cleared his throat, wiping the sleep from his glowing blue eyes.

Xemnas had been on the receiving end of this type of call more than once but this was the first time he had to make one. "Mr. Strife, there has been an accident with Roxas and he is in the hospital. You should come as soon as you can. I'm sorry to have to tell you over the phone but I felt that time was of the essence."

Cloud blinked a few times as he began to shake Reno awake. "An accident? Was he driving? Is he ok?"

"He's at Twilight Medical Center and I have no authority to gain information about his condition." Xemnas said with more than a hint of distress in his voice.

"Ok, we're leaving now. Thank you Dr." Cloud said hanging up the phone.

Reno had heard _accident_ and _Roxas_ so he was dressed by the time Cloud was off the bed looking for his clothes. "We can take a chopper yo, it'll be quicker." Reno said as he shoved his phone into his pocket.

"Call Axel." Cloud said as he grabbed his wallet and keys.

"Done." Reno said getting his gun and cigarettes. As Cloud nodded, the door opened and Axel walked in with eyes as big as dinner plates. "Ready?"

  


They landed on the hospital helipad and were met by a nurse who ushered them in the direction of the ICU. Reno's throat tightened as he saw Cloud falling apart before his eyes. Everyone had their limit...even the savior of Planet.

Slipping into a room where a doctor was seated, Cloud didn't even slow down. He whipped around and went back out the door. "Wait Mr. Strife I need to speak..." was all the doctor managed to get out.

"Why don't we discuss this bedside yo...cause that's where he's going and where he's gonna stay." Reno said as Axel eyed the doctor menacingly, daring him to say anything but yes.

Cloud looked inside every room until he found Roxas. "Baby..." Rushing to the bedside he looked him over for injuries and found none. Puzzled he looked at the i.v. hanging by his bed and all the monitor readings. His heart sank and he hoped it wasn't drugs. He slid into the chair by the bed and held Roxas’ hand.

Reno, Axel and the doctor walked into the small room and the doctor cleared his throat. “Mr. Strife, your son overdosed on heroin and is in a coma. He was found this morning and we're not sure how long he had been unconscious." Reno and Axel nodded.

They had told the doctor to give it to him straight and only facts. An angry Cloud wasn’t something you wanted in a room full of sharp objects.

Cloud nodded then asked, "What's the prognosis?"

"The first 24 hours will tell us more than I can guess Sir, and at this point I would only be guessing." The doctor said nervously watching the glowing blue eyes staring at Roxas. "His vitals are weak, his neurological activity seems sluggish but he's in a coma...at this point there's no way to tell."

Cloud nodded again and lay Roxas’ hand against his face. The doctor excused himself and told Reno if he needed him for anything to press the call button and a nurse would summon him immediately.

Axel stared at Roxas and wondered why. Reno stared at Roxas and thought of Riku. Cloud prayed. Axel moved quietly to the opposite side of the bed and reached across to take his brother’s hand. Before joining hands they made the sign of the cross and murmured quietly and in unison, “In nómine Patris, et Fílii, et Spíritus Sancti. Amen.”

Reno took Cloud’s hand as Axel took Roxas’ other hand gently, and then the red twins began in soft voices. “Credo in Deum Patrem omnipoténtem, Creatórem cæli et terræ. Et in Iesum Christum, Fílium eius únicum, Dóminum nostrum, qui concéptus est de Spíritu Sancto…”

  


Later that evening they were all sitting quietly when Xemnas stepped inside and quietly summoned Reno. Outside the room he told the Turk all that had transpired the day before with the two students. "I trust you will handle this discreetly." Xemnas sighed. "I would like to sit with Roxas for a bit if it's alright."

Back inside the room, Reno kissed Cloud’s head and whispered to him, after which he turned to Xemnas and smiled weakly. "Come sit."

Reno then turned to Axel who was staring blankly at Roxas’ face as long fingers lay atop a pale hand on the white sheet. Touching his shoulder gently, he whispered, "Time to go to work, Runt."

Axel nodded, then bent down and kissed Roxas’ head before nodding to Xemnas and patting Cloud’s shoulder on his way out.

  


Cloud sighed knowing he had to break the news to his other kids so he stepped out into the hallway.

Ventus hugged Demyx and cried, and the two prepared to make the trip out.

Vanitas was alone at his gallery that would be open in less than a week and he looked around at Roxas’ artwork. The gallery was too quiet and it made him think of the quiet of death. Wiping his eyes he left to pack and go to the airport.

Sora looked at his sleeping daughter and thought of Roxas. As much as he loved Roxas and was devastated that he was apparently not free from his addiction, he had this little life to see to before anything else. He would take Ariel and fly out the next day but for now he just wanted to be right beside his own child, thanking God that the worst of his worries with her at this point were bumps and bruises. Laying down on the floor beside her bed with a fluffy purple pillow, he tried to sleep.

  


At Twilight University Strife House was lively and there were people scattered all over the lawn. The redheads made no secret of their presence and soon found the two they were looking for. Reno grabbed the buddy and Axel picked up Shuyin, holding the two by the collar and the balls they carried them screaming to the door.

Someone tried to stop them and Axel grinned ferally. "You want in, motherfucker?"

Standing the two on their feet and shoving guns in their backs Reno and Axel growled, “Walk.” Escorting them to the quarry they set about questioning the two about the misfortune that befell one Roxas Strife.

"I don't know I swear!" The buddy screamed wondering where campus police were. Reno hissed simply, "Lies."

Axel was staring at Shuyin and ignoring the other two. "You're Tidus' brother aren't you?"

Shuyin nodded quickly and Axel smiled. "I remember Tidus. He got Vanitas' man-kiss cherry..."

"What? My brother's not a queer." Shuyin sputtered nervously.

"And you don't suck dick for brown?" Axel asked, his expression never changing.

"Oh fuck." Shuyin said, realizing that if this _nut-job knew about that, he must be the boyfriend_.

Reno looked up hearing Axel's words as he connected the two events (Roxas’ infidelity and the fight the day before) and mumbled, "Oh fuck."

"So...you do or..." Axel said scooting Shuyin closer to the edge of the quarry.

"I do, I do!" Shuyin squeaked.

His buddy looked over at him shocked and Reno smiled. "What'sa matter sweetheart? You jealous?"

"Fuck you, Red!" The buddy snapped thinking stupidly that all they were after was Shuyin’s confession of being with the Strife junkie.

"Wrong answer, asshole." Reno said and checked his watch. "Runt, let's do this yo."

Axel smiled down at Shuyin. "K"

In perfect sync, the twins dragged their victims over so their heads hung over the precipice, flipped them onto their stomachs, and sat on their backs. Grabbing a handful of hair, Axel with his right, Reno with his left, they pressed their guns to the backs of their heads and blew their faces into the darkness and slid the limp bodies off to drop the thirty odd feet then splash into the murky water.

Dusting off their clothes and hands they turned and lit cigarettes as they made their way back to the hospital. “Runt?” Reno asked quietly.

“Yeah?”

“I love ya.” Reno said, thinking of how he would feel if it was his brother in the coma.

“I love you too Reno.” Axel replied with a  smile as he thought of the dead boys in the quarry…he wondered if there were fish in there.

Before going back into the hospital Reno called Rude and told him to get to Twilight and clean up at the quarry. He was going to plant some emails starting a rumor that the two athletes had run away together as lovers.

  


Demyx and Ventus had arrived soon after Axel and Reno left. They sat with Cloud and Roxas quietly wondering why he had gone back to drugs after making so much progress. Cloud admitted that he had no idea either.

Vanitas arrived at the hospital in the night. Cloud had cried all he could, and was soon asleep with his head on the edge of the hospital bed.

Axel and Reno came in quietly and were surprised to see Vanitas, Ventus, and Demyx there. Reno kissed Cloud’s cheek as he greeted the others. "We need to get him somewhere so he can rest yo."

Petting Cloud’s hair, Reno was praying silently that this would all blow over and Roxas would be ok.

"We should all get some rest. Let's go camp out in the family waiting area. There's no one else there." Vanitas offered. They all looked at one another in agreement and filed out after Reno scooped up a mildly protesting Cloud and carried him.

 

In the family lounge they all got comfortable. At four a.m. they woke to a loud beeping and the clatter of people running down the hallway toward Roxas’ room. Cloud gasped. "No."

  


_Roxas was cold. What the fuck, he wondered as he looked around. Have I been sleep walking again...this is bullshit. Where the fuck am I? Everything was gray; it was like standing in a thick fog._

_A man appeared in his peripheral and approached him. "Strife...why are you here?"_

_"Excuse me? Do I know you?" Roxas said, calming immediately in his presence._

_"Not exactly...we played together with your brothers when you were very small. You were the quiet one." The man said smiling._

_Roxas scrutinized the man as he spoke; his tall muscular frame, handsome face, and long silver hair. Thinking that the man was right about him being the quiet one of the quads, he nodded making him laugh._

_The timbre of his laughter made Roxas smile. "So like your father." He said smiling warmly._

_"You know Dad? Will you take me to him? I'm kinda lost." Roxas said and the tall man took his hand._

_When their hands touched, he realized who the man was and asked, "Am I dead?"_

_"You are...but you shouldn't be." He said comfortingly._

_"Sephiroth...where's Riku?" Roxas asked sadly. "Is he still mad at me?"_

_"He loves you Roxas. He is not mad but he ...I am here to guide you back." Sephiroth said then chuckled and shook his head. "If Riku had come, he would keep you and that is not the plan."_

_Roxas felt drawn to Sephiroth and stopped walking to slip his arm around the taller man's waist. "You're so warm."_

_Sephiroth smiled and picked him up into his arms and carried him. Roxas didn't question, only snuggled against the warmth and yawned. "Why do I have to go back? Can't you just turn around and take me to Riku?"_

_"No, you aren't done with this life yet." Sephiroth said as if that should explain everything._

_"Riku wasn’t done either." Roxas grumbled._

_Sephiroth bellowed laughter and Roxas smiled, feeling the laugh as much as hearing it._

_"This is how it is, little Strife...you are going back and you are going to finish what you started. You are not a quitter. There are people who love you and need you to live. You are important."_

_"Sephiroth?"_

_"Yes?"_

_"Do you still love Dad?"_

_"Yes."_

_"I love Riku."_

_"I know."_

_"Does he know?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Does he understand that I love Axel too?"_

_"Yes, it's no different than Cloud and myself. I love him and he loves me, but he loves Reno as well." Sephiroth paused then added. "We want your happiness, it’s as simple as that."_

_"Sephiroth?" Roxas yawned._

_"Yes?" Sephiroth chuckled, cuddling the blonde._

_"Will you always be there to watch over Dad?"_

_"Yes, that I can promise you."_

_"Ok...and Sephiroth?"_

_He laughed, "Yes Roxas?"_

_"Tell Riku I love him and I'll see him when I'm done." Roxas began to doze._

_"I will tell him, but Roxas?"_

_"Hmm?"_

_"You must do something for me."_

_"Anything sensei..." Roxas mumbled and Sephiroth snorted._

_"Tell baby I love him."_

_"Mmkay."_

_"I love you too little one." Sephiroth kissed his hair and laid him down but Roxas was too sleepy to bother with trying to figure out where he was._

  


The doctor came into the family waiting area shortly after the commotion in the hallway and Cloud was about to have a meltdown.

"That alarm was for your son Mr. Strife. He coded, but we got him back. As far as I can tell no damage was done and his vitals look better now than before, so that's a good sign. Please try and get some rest."

  


The waiting sucked. Sora showed up the next day with Ariel and she sat with Cloud while her dad visited Roxas. "Luna said that uncle Roxy came to visit but her Poppa brought him back...she said her daddy cried." Ariel said as she played with her doll.

Cloud stared in disbelief. "Well...I'm glad Poppa brought him back...but I'm sorry Riku cried."

Ariel giggled. "How did you know her daddy's name?"

"Long story, pumpkin." Cloud said feeling soul weary "Another day."


	30. LUAU

LUAU

  


The gallery opening had only been five days away when Roxas was found. It was too late to cancel or postpone so Vanitas left for Costa after much crying and bitching and Axel and Reno physically dragging him to the plane. 

Sora had been taking Ariel out every day to find something new and fun to do in Twilight Town, splitting time with Cloud and Ventus at Roxas’ bedside in the afternoons. They rotated nights and the red twins always were hovering nearby. They had gotten a hotel room with Cloud while Sora and Ariel were staying with Ventus and Demyx.

Flowers and gifts weren't allowed in the ICU so Cloud’s hotel room looked like a nursery with all the flowers and slowly deflating balloons. Axel wasn't sleeping and the danger of that wasn't lost on his twin.

"Come on Runt, let's bath." Reno said one evening while Cloud was at the hospital.

Axel said nothing, only dragged toward the bathroom dropping clothing as he went. In the shower Reno washed his hair as sadness emanated from the jester.

"Let's get some sleep ok?" Reno whispered and Axel nodded yawning.

"I wanna get Cloud to fly back to Costa for the opening tomorrow and I want you to come too yo."

Axel nodded again as they dried and crawled into bed. Reno wrapped him in loving arms and sang to him until he slept. Axel dreamed of the ocean and Roxas laughing, eyes glistening, healthy.

  


At the hospital, Sora and Cloud discussed the gallery opening and flying home. "One of us should stay here." Sora said.

"We need to be there for Vanitas. This is important.” Cloud yawned. “I don't think I've been this tired since you boys were babies."

Sora shook his head. "I don't see how you did it, Dad."

"I don't either, looking back." Cloud chuckled. "Let's get our shit together, Sor. Go say goodbye to your brother...shit." Cloud burst into tears for the millionth time and Sora held him.

"I know what you meant, Dad." Sora whispered. "It's gonna be ok."

  


Xemnas came to the hospital and assured Cloud that he would watch over Roxas until his return. “Try not to worry and tell Vanitas that I will visit the gallery as soon as my schedule permits.”

In Costa the gallery opening was bittersweet. Vanitas was proud of the result of all his hard work with Sora’s help of course. Many pieces sold and taken away or marked to be shipped as many of the attendees had travelled to Costa for the opening. Vanitas was impressed at the number of Midgar socialites who were there.

“Excuse me, Mr. Gallery-owner dude.” A familiar voice spoke from behind Vanitas as he stood staring at one of Roxas’ paintings that wasn’t for sale.

Turning around grinning he crowed, “Snow! Good to see you!”

“I wouldn’t miss this for the world. Hayner’s here somewhere too…so many people, dude.” Snow said. He looked exactly the same as he had the last time Vanitas saw him, dreads in place, surfer tan, beach bum attitude, but wearing a dark blue suit and looking quite hot in it.

“Sora filled us in about Roxas and I gotta say I was quite devastated to hear it. Poor guy…think he’ll ever be ok?” Snow said snagging a glass of champagne from a passing server.

“I donno. It seems strange to me…all of it. He’d been clean for a while and devoted all his time to school and art and volunteering. It just doesn’t make sense.” Vanitas lamented.

“Maybe you’ll hear somethin from his school. You know how word gets around.”

“Yeah…I’m hopin someone comes forward with some info.”

“Sora’s little one is a doll, ain’t she?” Snow said smiling fondly.

“Yeah, she has our hearts.”

“When I went to speak to Sora she was talkin about Luna and Riku like she hung with them every day man. It was creepy and cool at the same time.” Snow finished his drink, sitting his empty on the tray of another passing server.

Vanitas nodded. “I think she does, actually.”

The two laughed and eventually ran into Hayner who looked sad when he talked about Roxas so they didn’t linger on the subject. He told Vanitas that he had bought a seascape of Roxas’ to go in their new, bigger surf shop alongside a sculpture of Vanitas’ that they bought at auction the year before.

While they stood chatting about art, Vanitas saw Larxene circulate through in a stunning black dress. He winked at her and she smiled and winked back. He felt more at ease seeing more familiar faces. Compliment after compliment, the night seemed to drag on but suddenly the monotony was broken when Ariel came running by, screaming like she was being pursued by a pack of dogs. Sora was chasing after her saying, “Ari! Stop! It’s just Uncle Vincent!”

  


When it was over and everyone was gone but one guest, Vanitas began to flip the lights off and she approached him. “It’s about time they all got outta here.” Larxene smiled. “I’ve been waitin to get you alone all night.”

Vanitas smiled and took her into his arms. “Larx…stay tonight?”

“Yes.” She kissed him and sighed. “How’s Roxas?”

Vanitas had never known Larxene to care about anyone other than Larxene so he was a bit surprised that a) she was asking to be polite or b) she actually gave a shit.

“No change. He’s in a coma from an overdose and it’s just a waiting game at this point.”

“So sad…he’s always been so beautiful…even in his suffering.” She made the comment off-handedly but it gave Vanitas an idea and he began flipping lights back on.

“What are you doing, Vanitas?”

“You gave me an idea and I wanna get a start on it while it’s fresh in my mind.” He had taken off his coat and was rolling up his sleeves.

“Yay, me!” Larxene said sarcastically, but instead of leaving him, she sat on the old sofa, kicked off her shoes and watched him contentedly while she drank champagne from the bottle.

  
  


Xemnas sat by Roxas’ bed reading aloud. The book, one of Roxas’ own that Xemnas brought from his dorm was worn from being read and re read, moved from dorm to home and back again, smuggled into rehab, and even had a half thumb print in blue paint on the back cover.

" _I am always saying "Glad to've met you" to somebody I'm not at all glad I met. If you want to stay alive, you have to say that stuff, though._ " Xemnas read and then paused, putting the book aside and taking Roxas’ hand into his.

He inspected the hand and thought to himself _this is a talented hand, a studious, hard working hand as well as a loving hand._ The knuckles were skinned a bit from fighting and there were scars on the palm and fingers, but it was the hand of a boy he had come to love and respect. "I truly am glad to have met you, Roxas." The Dean said quietly.

Cloud was back at the hospital early having left Reno and Axel to their duties. They had sat down with all the remaining Strife plus Demyx and told them about the info they got from Xemnas and what they found out. They shared the official story and told them it was the _official_ story then added that they were going to withhold the _real_ story so as not to make them all accessories after the fact. Everyone was satisfied with this and confident they would never run into the two students on the street or anywhere else.

Sora planned to come back in a week and Vanitas would come with him. Ventus and Demyx were there almost daily as was Xemnas, who insisted on reading to Roxas for an hour each afternoon.

Rufus showed up at the beginning of the second week after the gallery opened, complete with Turk escort. "I want him back in Midgar, Rufus." were the words Cloud said over the phone that brought the president of ShinRa Corp to Twilight Town. After a short conference with Roxas’ doctor, a medical team was summoned and he was moved.

  


Axel came and went freely in ShinRa Tower and most of the time when people called him Reno, he just went with it...except for that one lady...Scarlet.

Axel had been to visit Reno before going to the labs to sit with Roxas and was making his way to the elevator when a tall blonde woman walking in the opposite direction, very aggressively shoved him against the wall and fondled his bits. "Why weren't you at the meeting, Reno?"

"In not Reno, I'm not Reno." Axel squeaked.

She looked closely at his face still holding his junk and said, "Oh...well, what the hell are you doing here?"

"If you give my dick back I'll tell you." Axel smiled provoking her to squeeze him. "Eeeeee!"

"I do not bargain. Are you the one who is sweet on the Strife clone?" Scarlet asked pointedly.

"Yes ma'am." Axel whispered because he was afraid to breathe.

She released him and stepped back snapping, "Why do all of the cute ones like cock?"

Axel adjusted his junk and smiled, "I don't see how that would keep you out of the running, lady."

When she growled he quickly decided to take the stairs.

  


_Roxas walked around, skipping, cartwheeling, dancing, singing, and eventually screaming inside his head. He knew his body wasn't working but his brain was wide open. He had sung every song he knew twice and had begun making up songs when a familiar face appeared from out of nowhere._

_"Riku!" Roxas screamed as he ran to him. "You're here! Am I dead again? Can I stay?"_

_As soon as he was within reach, Riku grabbed him, answering none of his questions until he had kissed him breathless._

_"You're not dead baby...you're dreamin." Riku said and kissed him again, sliding his hands across Roxas’ chest._

_"But I can feel you..." Roxas sighed and then moaned as Riku explored his body further with his hands and mouth._

_"You can? Good..." Riku chuckled as he devoured Roxas’ mouth again, sliding his hands down his back and over the curve of his ass before picking him up._

_"Ahh we're naked..?" Roxas said wondering if he had been clothed before Riku showed up or not._

_"Yes we are...I've missed you so much, Rox...have you missed me, baby?" Riku hissed as he lay Roxas down and crawled on top of him._

_All Roxas could do was nod vigorously as he stared into aqua orbs that he thought he would never see again._

_Riku sat back and looked down at the blonde as he stroked and caressed every inch of him. Roxas moaned and writhed, trying to be patient but when Riku spread his legs and pressed a finger inside him, he ground down onto it and whined._

_Passion filled eyes looked down on him from beneath silver locks for a second before Riku descended onto him, removing his fingers and shoving inside with a groan._

_Dream sex doesn't hurt, Roxas thought...He only felt the good parts._

_Feeling more confident about enjoying himself Roxas allowed anything his lost lover wanted to do. His hands left trails of fire on Roxas’ skin and the more Roxas moaned and cried out, the more aggressive Riku became. Their bodies seemed to melt into one another, taking up the same space and then pull apart again._

_On his knees Roxas panted, begging for more. Dream or not, Riku would deny him nothing. Sitting back on his heels he pulled Roxas tight against his chest and whispered to him. "It will always be you, Roxas...I will always love you...I will always want only you."_

_After the seemingly endless sex they lay holding one another while Riku told Roxas about watching him paint and sing and bathe and jerk off and sleep._

_Roxas laughed and cuddled him close. "I wanna stay here with you forever."_

_Riku looked up and away before whispering, "I gotta go."_

_"But why? It's my dream right?" Roxas said watching him look guiltily away._

_"Mostly yeah..." Riku said biting his lip then hissed, "Gotta go. I love you Rox."_

_"I love you Riku! Don't go!" Roxas yelled but he was already gone. Roxas was clothed again as he was approached by Sephiroth who didn't look happy._

_"Dammit...I missed him...sneaky little shit. Good to see you, Roxas." Sephiroth said clearly still irritated._

_"Hi Sephiroth. Am I dead again?" Roxas asked as he conjured a skateboard to ride in small circles while they chatted._

_"Not exactly...but listen to me...Riku wasn't supposed to be with you here. He has broken rules by being with you. It's time for you to wake and he wants to keep you here." Sephiroth sighed. "Roxas, you have to go now."_

_"But I wanna see him again I love him! Why can't I just stay?" Roxas bellowed and began to cry._

_"Holy...look Strife, you need to go back to Cloud. He needs you, so do Sora, Ventus and Vanitas not to mention that annoying redheaded plague who keeps praying the rosary." Sephiroth grumbled._

_"I wanna see him once more...please." Roxas said now sans board._

_Sephiroth touched his cheek, "Very well little Cloud, but then you must wake." Sephiroth looked away and snapped, "Riku!"_

_Riku tackled Roxas kissing him. Roxas laughed into the kisses and mumbled, "I'll always love you Riku."_

_"I love you too Rox." Riku said then suddenly everything was dark and he felt very heavy._

  


Moaning, Roxas heard his own voice and someone was talking nearby, then he heard a doctor. Opening his eyes a slight crack he wondered where Riku had gone. Maybe he had stepped out so the doctor could come in.

"...where...." Roxas whispered.

Someone leaned down to him. "Where's who son? Who are you looking for?" The nurse asked.

"Riku..." Roxas said and the nurse looked at him with a guarded expression.

"He's not here." She said flatly.

"But I just saw him." Roxas squeaked.

"You were probably dreaming." She stuck a needle filled with glowing green liquid into his iv.

"Fuck you! I wasn't dreaming!" Roxas yelled and everything was dark again.

  


This time when Roxas opened his eyes, he kept his mouth shut as he looked around. He was in a strange place and the last thing he remembered was... _surfing? No...school? No...Riku!_ Excited to see his boyfriend Roxas tried to figure out how he landed in the hospital. He was so confused.

That had to be dad with his head laying on the bed. Roxas tried to move but his limbs felt like lead. Maybe he should say something. "Dad" it came out in a whisper but Cloud woke up right away and was soon smiling and crying.

When he settled somewhat, Roxas whispered, "Where's Riku? I wanna see him."

Cloud stared. "You should see the doctor first."

"Ok Dad." Roxas agreed and Cloud watched as a shadow passed over his son's face and he began to cry.

"He's dead…but I saw him there and he seemed so alive…to me… and Sephiroth..." Roxas sobbed. "He said… tell Baby I love him."

Cloud cried with him and Roxas looked miserable all over again at the memory of Riku's death.

The doctor came rushing in before anything else could be said and the next hour was a jumble of tests and nurses. While Roxas was being tended, calls were made to inform family and friends that he was back, and the lab at ShinRa began to fill with anxious visitors.

As soon as they were permitted Sora, Vanitas, and Ventus were allowed in to see him. Roxas hugged them all and demanded to know where his brother-in-law was. Ventus laughed and said that the doctor had given in at 3 visitor maximum at a time. "How do you feel Roxy?" Sora asked in a whisper.

Roxas nuzzled his hair and smiled. "Happy, but sad. Grateful, but cheated. Whole again, but empty."

"So, like normal." Sora said and for the first time since he woke up, Roxas laughed.

  


Many visitors followed but were limited to 15 minutes. Demyx, Yazoo, Larxene. Xemnas, Rufus, and Olette. Snow, Hayner, and Vanille. Reno, Axel, and Serah. Laguna, Vincent, and Ariel. Cloud, Aerith, and Zexion.

When the visitors stopped coming in because Roxas was exhausted, there was some mumbling outside the door and Axel walked in and around the bed to the window. "You can stay?" Roxas croaked, throat raw from talking and laughing.

Axel turned to him and smiled as he pulled the Beretta from behind his back and put it on the small tray table. "Yeah." He grinned crawling onto the bed and pulling Roxas onto his lap, careful not to disturb his iv.

Roxas laughed again and then relaxed against the redhead as he pressed the button to lower the bed to a sleeping position.

"I missed you, baby." Axel said softly and Roxas turned his exhausted eyes to him.

"I love you Axel. I love you and I don't wanna be away from you...ever again." Roxas said as he buried his face into red hair and fell asleep.

  


Soon he was ready for release and Laguna had informed everyone that he had been prepared for their visit and had taken it upon himself to plan a welcome home party for the master of the estate. Axel was with him every step of the way and when they arrived home to Destiny, he was in good spirits.

Stretching when he got out of the car, Roxas actually felt like he was at home, which was a new and pleasant feeling. Axel grinned at him and patted his shoulder. “Wanna ride?”

Roxas laughed and hopped onto his back. Opening the huge entryway door and strolling in with the guest of honor riding piggyback, they were both astounded at the number of people who were there to yell “Welcome Home Roxas!”

The blonde squealed and then cried a little but was soon let down to the floor to mingle and see what Laguna had prepared. Everyone heard Roxas crow from the formal dining room, “It’s a fuckin luau!”

He popped his head out of the doorway and screamed, “There’s a pig and everything!”

Everyone laughed but no one was happier than Cloud. His heart was bursting because just a week prior, he thought he would never hear that voice or see that smile again. Reno held him and whispered “We are so blessed, baby.”

Cloud smiled up at him and nodded, refusing to cry on this happy day. Axel watched every move Roxas made and when he seemed to be getting tired, he was there to nag him until he sat down. He was never far from his side and was happier than Reno had ever seen him.

  


The luau carried over into the night and everyone went out to the beach where Axel lit a huge bonfire. There were drinks and dancing and Roxas watched everyone happily as he relaxed against Axel on the sand. “This really is home, isn’t it?”

“Yep…its home.” Axel said and then nuzzled his hair. “Roxas…do you feel ok…I mean…what was it like?”

Roxas thought of Riku and felt a stab of misery before it wafted away with the ocean breeze. “It was like dreaming.”

  


Cloud and Reno watched the two sit and talk and Cloud said quietly, “I authorized the mako shot Reno.”

Reno was stunned. “You author…why?”

“Because I didn’t think he was gonna pull out of it and I knew a jolt like that would do it.” Cloud admitted guiltily. He had no idea that Roxas had woke before the mako shot…no one did.

“Well, it worked yo. Will there be side effects or was it just a tiny dosage?” Reno was curious because he knew the story of Sephiroth as well as many other SOLDIERs who had terrible side effects from the mako, some of them ultimately fatal. He knew it had to be a hard call for Cloud after all he had been through with the ShinRa scientists.

“I wasn’t there when it was administered, but they assured me it was the minimum dosage to bring him around. I would doubt their honesty but they know me…if he starts to show signs of addiction, which would come from a large dose, or any bad side effects…they know I’d burn that fuckin place to the ground and everyone it.” Cloud said it like he was reading a dinner menu and Reno smiled, proud of his psycho boyfriend.


	31. TURNING POINTS

TURNING POINTS

  


The week of everyone’s vacation on Destiny was filled with feasts and surfing and family time but too soon it was over and they had to get back to their lives…except for Roxas whose life was on summer break. Axel wanted him to come with him to Midgar but he seemed content to stay on Destiny and recuperate alone, except for Laguna.

“Are you sure, Rox?” Axel asked once more as he loaded his bag along with Reno’s and Cloud’s.

“Yeah…I’m just…I donno. So tired. I think maybe it was all the excitement of the past week. I’ll feel better by the weekend and I’ll fly out ok?” Roxas said standing barefoot in his boxers on the bottom step of the mansion, still not as tall as Axel.

“Well, I can’t argue that. You need your rest and it has been a zoo this week. Laguna will take good care of you. If you need me for anything just call…for anything ok?” Axel was trying to be diplomatic when what he wanted to do was throw the blonde over his shoulder and stuff him into the car.

Roxas saw it in his eyes and giggled. “You are so full of shit trying to be all PC with me right now, but I love you for it.”

Axel laughed and kissed him goodbye and the three departed. Reno looked at Cloud as they drove away and Cloud glanced back at Axel who was looking out the window with his serious face on. Reno held up a hand and counted down fingers…5 Axel stared…4 Axel grunted…3 Axel made a sad face like he would cry…2 Axel checked over his twin’s shoulder to see the speedometer then glanced at the door locks…1 Axel yelled, “Stop! I can’t do it! Take me back!”

Reno smiled and turned the car around while Cloud shook his head. Arriving back at the estate Roxas was sitting where he had been standing when they left, smoking a cigarette with a big grin on his face. When they rolled to a stop, Reno hit the locks just as Axel grabbed the door handle and was out of the car before he had it in park.

Roxas had stood and opened his arms to receive the redhead who was near panic mode until he reached him. “I can’t go.”

“Then stay.” Roxas cooed and grinned over his shoulder at Cloud and Reno who were both smiling as they sat Axel’s bag on the driveway, and got back into the car waving goodbye, again.

  


Vanitas went back to his gallery and after taking a look at his books decided that he would give his 30 day notice at the college where he taught and start giving classes at the gallery. He was loving his life and when he asked Larxene to help him make a budget she was full of surprises.

“How long is left on your lease here?” They were sitting at his apartment after dinner discussing his plans and she was tossing around ideas.

“Not long actually…I need to address that shit I guess.” Vanitas pondered as he sifted through a stack of mail tossing much of it without even opening it.

“You know you have the entire top floor of the gallery…If you wanted you could convert it into an apartment and live there.” She was currently fishing his tossed mail out of the small garbage can and picking out what she thought he should actually open.

He stopped tossing as she added a few letters back to the stack, and looked up at her with blue eyes sparking gold. “That’s a… that sounds like…”

She smiled and winked. “As far as your teaching, that’s a matter of preference. If you continue to do as well at the gallery then you won’t miss the money.”

“Larx…why did you put these back on the stack? I’ll never get done at this rate.” He chuckled.

“Open them, please. They could be important.”

“Ok…here we go. Recycled letter number one!” He opened a letter that was hand addressed from someone he didn’t know. “Dear Mr. Strife, I have seen your work and would like to know if you do commissioned work.”

“No…Mr. So and so, I do not. Next!” he tossed the letter again as Larxene watched, smiling.

“Dear Mr. Strife, I love your sculpture in the commons at Midgar U. Would you be interested in speaking to our art majors next fall? Blah blah…ok, Larx. I’ll do this one.” Vanitas put it aside and moved on.

“Dear Mr. Strife, We enjoyed your opening blah blah…would like to invite you to display some of your work at Mystic Gallery in Healin blah… ok…I’ll do this one too.” Vanitas’ attention was drawn away from the letter by a musical laugh from his girlfriend.

“What you gigglin at? You love bein right don’t cha?” The raven abandoned his mail sorting and hopped off the sofa toward Larxene who screeched and ran to the bedroom, slamming the door soundly. He laughed maniacally and said, “You know I love a challenge.”

Hearing the click of the lock, he set out to find a screwdriver, giggling insanely.

  


Sora and Olette walked out of the court room with Ariel and went to get ice cream. "That went well...didn't it?" Sora said quietly, not wanting things to be weird in front of Ariel.

"Yes...I guess." Olette said not meeting his eyes. "What about school, Sora? When she starts school I won't see her for months."

"You can come here for weekends on occasion." Sora was slurping noisily on his milkshake making Ariel giggle.

Olette sighed. "I don't have your expendable income, assh…Sora."

He stared at her stoically. "I'll pay for the flights or whatever...within reason. Don't act like I'm taking her, Olette. You took her and got your own place while I was in the hospital."

"I was in the courtroom Sora, you don't need to spout it all back to me...stop gloating." Olette grumbled.

Sora smiled his biggest smile. "If I wanted to gloat, I'd say I got full custody and you got _diddly_. I'd say your visits are _at my discretion_. I'd say I could've _pressed charges_ for..."

"Ok! You weren't gloating, just...I need to go." Olette stood to leave and Ariel looked up at her without saying a word.

"Ariel, I'm going home to Radiant Garden now. Will you call me when you want me to come visit? Or have Daddy bring you out to see me?"

Ariel nodded and reached for Sora's hand. Olette looked at the two as they looked back at her silently, waiting for her to go. Two emotionless faces stared and she felt like an outsider. Turning to leave she called back over her shoulder, "Bye Ari! I love you! See you soon!"

"I love you too, Mommy!" Ariel called out releasing Sora's hand and resuming her own milkshake slurping. "Daddy?"

"Yeah baby?"

"I don't wanna go to Radiant Garden." Ariel said as she reached the bottom of her ice cream.

"Ok. You don't have to go." Sora said tossing their trash then picked up his daughter and carried her to the car. "Daddy...Luna said that her daddy saw Uncle Roxas naked."

Sora cackled and then reigned it in and said, "You and Luna are little girls and shouldn't be discussing grown up things...besides Uncle Roxas was in the hospital so a lot of people saw him naked."

Ariel squealed with laughter. "I saw his gown and his booty!"

"Jesus fuck." Sora laughed and text Roxas to tell him the girls had been gossiping about his booty.

  


Cloud and Reno were going to bed early. They were exhausted from the trip and after a long hot shower they were practically asleep on their feet. Cloud went through the apartment turning off lights when he noticed Reno's gun and wallet were laying on the coffee table, forgotten by the Turk. _When did he stop sleeping with it_ , Cloud wondered then continued to the bedroom where his redhead was already in bed. He smiled as he threw the covers back and saw a small gift wrapped box.

"What's this?"

"A gift for my sweetheart yo." Reno said and then yawned like a bear.

Plopping onto the bed Cloud hurriedly opened the wrapping and the box to find a pair of earrings. "Reno they're beautiful. When did you find time to get these?"

Reno smiled, "I'm a Turk baby. Covert operations are what I do yo."

"I've been so busy with the kids I...I should do something special for you. I'm being neglectful." Cloud lamented.

"Don't be that way. You give me everything I need, every day." Reno said smiling as Cloud snuggled close to him.

"Reno will you still love me when I'm old and wrinkled?" Cloud asked shyly and Reno burst out laughing.

"You'll never be old and wrinkled yo...cause you're a mako pickle. Don't you remember the poetry?!"

Cloud laughed and hid his face. "I love your poetry."

Reno cleared his throat. "There once was a boy from the sticks, who found that he preferred dicks. He moved to the city, found a boy who was pretty, and sent him some x-rated pics."

Cloud was laughing so hard the whole bed was shaking.

"Wait, I'm not done yo." Reno giggled. "Listen to my poem!"

"The pretty boy thought he was scary, with the giant sword he did carry. I gave him my heart, swore never to part, and wanted to ask him to marry."

Cloud peeped over the pillow that hid his face to see if Reno was still laughing but what he found was the redhead looking into his eyes.

"Did you just...d-did?" Cloud was numb. He wasn't expecting that at all. He felt fingertips dance across his hip and Reno pulled him close for a kiss.

"You don't have to answer now...just give it some..."

"YES!!" Cloud blurted. "Yes! Oh my god, oh my god!!"

Reno held the wiggling blonde and chuckled as he screeched. "I love you! I love you Reno!"

"I love you too baby." Reno smiled and kissed his fiancee.

  
  


"Why not?!" Roxas screamed and banged on the bathroom door.

Axel stared at the locked door from the bathroom floor where he sat. "Because you're insane!"

"I'm not ins... why am I insane for wanting to fuck you?!" Roxas screamed banging harder on the door.

"Because you've been in a fucking coma!"

"That was weeks ago! Jesus fucking Christ! What's the proper lapse of time that I'm supposed to wait after waking from a coma to get laid?! Do you have a rule for that, doctor?!" Roxas hit the door with an object that could have been a shoe, Axel thought. "Open the Goddamn door!"

Standing and sighing he wondered what brand of crazy Roxas was going to be post-coma and if this was any indication, he was going to need to exercise a lot of patience. Opening the door slowly he found the room empty. "Fuuck."

"Roxas!" Axel began his search and shortly after midnight, he found the blonde asleep in the study under the desk. Scooping him up he carried him to bed and Roxas never woke up.

  


The next morning Roxas woke when he rolled over onto a piece of paper. Grumbling he grabbed the note and read it.

_Dear Roxas, I love you with my whole heart baby, and I'm sorry about last night. I don't wanna fight so I wrote this note because I know you'll read it but you may not listen to the words if I say them. Trust me on this ok._

_You have a pattern that I've seen since I met you- very high, very low, sex sex sex. Do you see what I mean?_

_When you were seeing Riku in secret- that was a high point. When you met me and it was falling apart because of Sora- that was a low. We fucked like animals._

_You dumped me and were happy with Riku- high again. He died- low again, you were fucking Reno._

_You got your shit together- high again. You got shanghaied by the jocks- low again. I don't wanna be someone you just fuck, Roxas. Please understand. I love you. We can get thru this if you are willing to try._

_Axel_

"Fuck my liiiife!!!! JUST FUUCK IIIIT!" Roxas bellowed.

Downstairs Axel looked at Laguna and smiled guiltily. "He's awake."

Laguna sighed. "I can imagine being involved with a patient is difficult."

"Understatement of the century, buddy." Axel said abandoning his pancakes to go up and face the music.

  


In the suite, Roxas sat on the sofa naked, smoking a joint. Axel walked over, took the joint, took a hit, and then gave it back. "You mad?"

"No, I'm horny." Roxas snapped.

"Let's go out today...do something together." Axel suggested to the cranky blonde.

"Let's stay in and do something together...like fuck." Roxas snapped.

"I can't deal with this attitude Roxas. What I'm doing is for your own good." Axel said soothingly.

"Don't talk to me like I'm crazy!" Roxas yelled and then stalked off to the bedroom.

Axel followed with his hands in his pockets, head down. "I'm not, and you're not crazy."

Roxas glared at him from the bed. "How long?"

"I don't know Roxas." Axel began but Roxas cut him off.

"You don't know because the problem isn't _me_ , it's _you_. You don't think I give a shit about you and that's why you wanna wait. I have to do something to _prove_ my love before you'll fuck me. Jesus is this _fucking high school!_?"

Axel let him rant and didn't say anything. Roxas glared at the redhead thinking of all the hurtful things he could say but didn't. _Why was he so angry? Why did he want to hurt Axel?_ _He loved him._

Flipping so that his back was to Axel, Roxas closed his eyes and pulled the covers up high then proceed to touch himself as he grumbled. "Wish I was still in a coma...at least I was gettin laid there."

Axel closed his right eye when he heard it as if a punch had been thrown. With a quickness matched only by his brother, Axel was across the room so he could face the blonde and snatching the duvet off the bed. "Yeah? Who was fuckin you in your dreams?!" Axel snapped clearly having lost his temper. "Was it Sora, Riku, Reno, me or some random person? Who was it!?"

Roxas had frozen when Axel took the cover away but he still lay naked on the bed holding his erection with both hands. Squinting his eyes at Axel's hateful words he rolled onto his back and continued to jack off.

Axel watched, then growled and turned his back.

"What's wrong, Red? Can't look?" Roxas taunted.

"Why are you doing this? Why are you so angry with me?" Axel was trying to get his temper under control while half of him wanted to dangle the blonde over the balcony by his ankles.

"I don't know why I'm angry...and you're ruining this for me." Roxas said and then hissed as he neared orgasm.

Axel listened but tried not to hear as Roxas moaned his name.

"Goddammit..." He whispered turning around just as Roxas said his name again.

Roxas reached out to him while still stroking himself and Axel groaned moving closer to the bed. Instead of taking his hand, Roxas reached for his pants and tugged them open. Moaning at the sight, he got to his knees. Axel watched but didn't turn him away when he shoved his jeans out of the way and swallowed him down.

Axel gasped then ran his hands through Roxas’ hair. Feeling him swallow around him made Axel's legs weak so he tried to focus on remaining in a standing position.

Roxas pulled off his cock to look up at him and ask, "Don't you want me?"

"Yeah baby" Axel said as he stroked himself in the absence of Roxas’ mouth.

"I'm right fuckin here Axel..." Roxas sat back on the bed still touching himself. He bent his knees and continued making Axel wince then hiss, "Goddammit Roxas."

He watched the redhead unravel. Axel pushed him back on the bed shoved his legs apart making Roxas cry out and moan.

Axel continued to touch himself looking right at the object of his desire and when he came he pressed the head of his cock to Roxas’ entrance. Roxas was so surprised by the touch that he lost it, moaning Axel's name.

  


He watched Axel struggle briefly because even though he just got off he was still hard. _That’s a lot to try and stuff into jeans_ Roxas thought and smiled but didn't say anything.

He ran his fingers through his own come and smeared it down to where Axel's was on his ass. Axel shook his head but couldn't not look. Roxas slipped a finger inside himself and Axel's mouth went dry.

The blonde added another finger and Axel shuddered, remembering how it felt to be inside him. Growling he turned his back again and took a step away. He couldn't get his heart rate under control, he couldn't get his dick under control, he turned back to Roxas not sure immediately which of his selves would win.

Roxas saw reason leave green eyes and was immediately sorry he had pushed him too far. He remembered that expression well...He had seen it the night Reno killed him.

Axel grabbed him under the arm pits mumbling about 'Goddamn bunnies...' Throwing Roxas over his shoulder he stomped out onto the balcony and flipped him around.

It was at that moment when part of Axel realized that the blonde was screaming. That part of him gave pause but the part that was driving laughed and worked his way down to Roxas’ ankles so that he was upside down and swung him out over the balcony railing.

Roxas screamed and babbled incoherently as he hung there naked with his eyes squeezed shut, hands on his face.

Axel watched until he stopped wiggling, then swung a leg over the railing to sit astride it, still holding his ankles tightly enough to bruise.

"Shut uuuup!" Axel bellowed, shaking Roxas vigorously.

Looking up at his psychiatrist, Roxas didn't expect what he saw. Axel was grinning down at him and he looked absolutely feral. Roxas whimpered cursing his own mouth.

"I've got a riddle for you Roxaaaass." Psycho Axel said as he sat on the concrete railing with his feet hooked in between the columns.

"What can be stolen or given away, but you can't live without it?" Axel chuckled.

"A heart?" Roxas squeaked wondering how long it would be before he passed out.

"Very good! And what does a heart have to do with our discussion today Rrroxas?" When Axel spoke, he snapped Roxas name viciously but then laughed hysterically.

Roxas looked up at him again to see his straining muscles gleaming in the morning sun and then the black began to close in. "I don't have one..." Roxas was losing consciousness but had the presence of mind to smirk before he went.

The last thing he felt was a rush of air and in his disorientation, he couldn't tell which direction he was headed...and he didn't care.


	32. CLOSING STITCHES

CLOSING STITCHES

  


Roxas suited up and went surfing without another word to Axel. Feeling as though he was being shunned, and with good reason, he went to hang with Laguna.

"How is master Strife?"

"He's out surfing." Axel said snagging a grape off Laguna's lunch masterpiece.

Laguna slapped his hand and laughed. "I know _where_ he is, I want to know _how_ he is."

Axel sighed. "He's beautiful and broken and I'm not altogether sure he still wants me here."

"Why would he not?" Laguna was putting the finishing touches on their lunch and not watching Axel's face so he didn't notice the redhead near tears.

"I hurt his feelings."

Laguna looked up from his work. "Why? Hasn't he suffered enough?"

Axel hissed and put his hands over his face. "I didn't mean to... and I don't know what to do."

"First of all stop blubbering. He belonged to Riku once so chances are he's had his feelings hurt far worse." Laguna watched Axel look up at him to gauge whether he was angry or not. "Second, if you haven't apologized, you should. Third don't assume anything with that little blonde." Sliding his lunch plate toward him, Laguna smiled and propped on his elbows.

Axel ate in silence before going upstairs to wait for Roxas in his rooms.

  


Roxas came in from surfing assuming that Axel had gone. He didn't want him to go but he didn't expect him to want to stay. He sang as he ascended the stairs. It was going to be a short summer break as he had decided take a cram class before fall semester started. It was an entire class covered in a single month but it would give him the credits he needed to graduate in the spring.

Entering his suite, he opened the doors and windows and smiled as the white sheers danced. Stripping as he went toward the bathroom, he was naked by the time he realized Axel was still there...on his bed, face down, sound asleep.

Roxas paused to stare at the redhead in jeans, no shirt, and barefoot. He thought of Christmas and how bat shit crazy Axel was, and smiled. Shaking his head he continued to the shower.

Axel woke himself snoring. Looking lazily around, he heard the shower and smiled. Roxas was a handful but then, so was he. Stretching on the too comfortable bed, he waited. He had something to say and he wanted to say it before he left to get back to his patients in Midgar.

Roxas emerged to see Axel awake but still sleepy-eyed and smiling. The peace that seemed to emanate from him was contagious the closer Roxas got to him. "I'm glad you stayed." He spoke first surprising Axel… he was always surprising Axel.

"I wanted to say I'm sorry...before I left." Axel said as Roxas sat down by him on Riku's bed. _It will always be Riku's bed_ , Roxas thought absently.

"You don't have to."

"Yes I do. I scared you, I hurt you physically as well as saying some terrible things that I shouldn't have and I am sorry, Roxas." Axel stared into his eyes. "I said I would never hurt you but then that's exactly what I did."

"It's ok. I told you that earlier... so if that's all you were hanging around for, you're free to go." Roxas said without a hint of sarcasm.

"I don't want to go but I need to get back to my patients. I've hand-picked a shrink for you...his number is on your table in there." Axel said as he took both Roxas' hands. "And don't fuck around, call him...he's expecting you."

Roxas nodded. "I'm going back to TU in a few weeks...I signed up for a class so I can graduate next spring."

Axel smiled proudly. "That's fuckin awesome, Rox. That's...wow."

Roxas surprised him again by hugging him and whispering, "Did you mean it? What you said before Christmas?"

Axel closed his eyes and focused on the scent of clean, sweet yellow blonde hair and the feel of a hug that asked for nothing but a chaste embrace in return.

"If I said it, I meant it. Are you asking about the time I said I would pamper you as long as you'd let me?"

"Yes and I said..." Roxas quieted remembering that at the time he still planned to kill himself.

"Yes and I said I would take whatever time you were willing to give me." Axel whispered back.

"I wanna live Axel. I...there's things I wanna do...so much I wanna do. I can help other people like me." Roxas broke the hug but wouldn't relinquish contact. "I know there are plenty of people like me...and a lot of em, well maybe…just need someone to listen and point them in the right direction."

"I'm so fuckin proud of you right now." Axel said with tears in his eyes. "I'm so happy to hear you say those words... _I want to live_. My God Roxas."

The two spent the next two hours talking about the future and when it was time for Axel to go plans were made to reunite.

On his way to Midgar he called Reno to give him the good news about Roxas and Reno gave him the news about Cloud's temper tantrum that resulted in 2 broken arms, 6 broken fingers, 2 dislocated shoulders, 2 broken clavicles, 1 broken nose, 3 black eyes, 1 concussion, 1 torn Achilles tendon, and a sprained ankle- all divided between the two Turks.

  


Roxas stood atop the massive stairway and bellowed, “LAAGUUUUUNAAAAA!”

The house man came sliding to a stop at the foot of the stairs in a panic but when he saw that his master was smiling, he calmed and crossed his arms over his chest. “Yes Master Strife?”

“Watch this!” Roxas hopped onto the railing and slid from the second floor landing and hopped off before he reached the bottom. Laguna smiled and indulged him in quiet applause. Roxas grinned. “Do we have ice cream?”

“Pfft! Of course we have ice cream!” Laguna laughed. “You mentioned once that sea salt was your favorite flavor, so we have that along with a variety of others. What would you like?”

“Sea salt for me! And get yourself something…I’d like to talk if you have time.”

“Always. I’ll return shortly.” Laguna started toward the kitchen and Roxas called out, “Meet me in my rooms!”

  


Settling onto the sofa, they began to discuss ice cream flavors when Roxas stopped mid-sentence and waited for Laguna to look up from his bowl. “What was he like when you were together?”

Laguna smiled fondly. “He was an absolute train wreck.”

Roxas nodded and looked back at his bowl. “How long were you two together?”

“About six months, give or take a week or two.” Laguna felt a little nervous about discussing such a sensitive subject with such a fragile person, but he would be truthful about whatever Roxas asked. The truth may be hurtful, but to lie to a man who had survived so much in his short life would be an insult. “How old are you Roxas? May I call you Roxas when we are alone?”

“Of course! You may call me Roxas all the time. I thought you just called me Master Strife out of habit or something…cause you were working. But, yeah…and I’m 23.”

Laguna sat his empty dish on the table and pulled his feet up onto the sofa. “I was older than you are now when I met him. I was the chef at a popular restaurant in Radiant and I met him at a club there. He was so young and I knew I was probably going to get my heart broken…but he was so very beautiful.”

Roxas smiled and sat his bowl aside as well and nodded for Laguna to continue.

“He was such a flirt and an absolutely insatiable lover…but I know you know this having shared far more time with him than I did. Being with Riku was never simple, never easy but the biggest problem we had as a couple was drugs. That’s the main reason I asked him to live with me. I thought if he was away from campus that he would be less inclined to self-destructive behavior.” Laguna sighed. “I was wrong.”

“At least you tried…” Roxas said quietly and patted Laguna’s hand making him smile.

“I did. When he overdosed…the first time…I was mortified. I was such a mother hen after that and I believe that’s mostly what finished it for us. He would _not_ be controlled…not by me anyway.”

Roxas thought of his relationship with Riku and the times he tried to talk Roxas into going public with their relationship. It was a dagger to the heart when he began to realize how much Riku actually loved him, and he just didn’t see it at the time. “I never realized…”

“We don’t have to talk about this if it makes you uncomfortable.” Laguna assured Roxas who was beginning to look a little green.

“No…I need this. I need to be able to get an objective picture of what our relationship actually was…in my head. I need facts to pin everything to. This is actually gonna help me a lot.”

“Alright…well, I spent a lot of time looking for him, crying over him when I found him, and then eventually the relationship became abusive. I don’t think he intended for it to be that way. What I mean is, I don’t think he had that type of personality. I think the reason he became physical is because I tried so hard to stop him.” Laguna rubbed his face and then folded his hands on his lap. “He loved heroin…far more than he loved me or himself. What it came down to was a choice between me and drugs. He chose drugs.”

“When he came out of rehab, right before he started modeling, he tried to stay clean for a while…but I didn’t, so eventually he fell right back into it with me.” Roxas lamented. “I remember him telling me to clean up…and I got so pissed off. I felt like he was being a hypocrite.”

Laguna nodded. “That makes sense. I’ve never used heroin but I’ve seen so many people who just lost themselves to it…very sad.” Smiling hopefully at Roxas he added, “It’s good to see that you’re not one of those people. I rather like my job here…having ice cream with the master.”

Roxas giggled. “I don’t know what the fuck I am supposed to be doing here. I’m not your conventional estate owner.”

“Thank God!” Laguna laughed.

“Why don’t you live here, Laguna?” Roxas asked as he searched his room for cigarettes. “I mean this place is huge and you wouldn’t have to commute anymore.”

“I…well…that sounds like a wonderful idea Roxas, but you won’t be in college forever and how are you going to feel knowing that I’m here at the estate all the time, no matter what you’re doing?”

“Comforted.” Roxas said lighting a cigarette. “I’ll feel comforted. And if you do want to live here, then I’ll buy out the rest of your apartment lease or whatever.”

Roxas stepped out onto the balcony to look at the ocean and was joined by Laguna who sighed and smiled. “Thank you…for giving me a chance to start over.”

Roxas glanced over and nodded but when he saw tears in his eyes he grabbed Laguna and hugged him thinking about how great it felt to help someone. He would definitely do this…for the rest of his life.

  


That summer was the happiest that Roxas could remember in a very long time. He did well at school and was surprised often by Axel showing up at his dorm, at the caf, or at Fuck Ass while he was working. Late in July he got a call from Cloud to say that he was planning a huge birthday party for them and he wanted to make sure the date was good for Roxas. It was perfectly between his final for his summer class and before the start of fall semester.

One evening after dinner at the caf, Roxas walked into his dorm to find Axel asleep on his bed. Grinning at the sight, he wondered how long he had been there. The sweet smell of cinnamon and chocolate filled his nose as he neared the sleeping redhead who was still holding his phone. He took the phone gently and put it aside then lay down in front of him before waking him with kisses.

One fiery green eye popped open before Roxas was wrapped in long arms and legs. “I miss you baby. Did Cloud call you about the party?”

“Yes…” Roxas sighed. “It’ll be fun.”

“Yeah, it will. Somethin’s up though cause Reno called me to make sure my schedule was cleared for it.” Axel mumbled against Roxas’ neck.

“Can we talk about that later?” Roxas giggled.

“Yessss.” Axel hissed and began to divest the blonde of his clothes.

  


Rude and Tseng were in the office after Reno had gone. He had very little to say to either of them after their prank had backfired, and as punishment for wasting company resources, the two were required to be at the office even though they both were still in casts. But that morning they had come in to find invitations on their desks for a party in Costa del Sol in August. “Do you think they will announce their engagement?” Tseng pondered.

Reno smiled as he filled his coffee cup. He had found out about the bug that Rude and Tseng had planted and knew that was the reason behind the prank, so he had kept quiet. Turn-about was fair play though, so as he poured his coffee, he listened to their conversation through a bug he had planted on Rude’s desk.

“It has to be. Strife wouldn’t be inviting us to his birthday party with his kids if there wasn’t something up.” Tseng’s voice said and Reno smiled bigger.

  


Vanitas was sorting his mail and tossing most of it in the trash when Larxene came in and plopped beside him, talking the mail from his hands. “I thought we agreed this was my job.” She said quietly scanning names and addresses.

“Yeah yeah…so did you get done with everything?” Vanitas asked, reading mail over her shoulder.

“Yes baby, I’m done. Everything is being shipped here to my new office and the movers should be here tomorrow with my stuff.” She kissed his cheek, then bit his earlobe.

“Good.” Vanitas kissed her making her drop the mail.

“I love you, Vanitas.” Larxene said breathlessly.

“I love you too, Larx.” He said closing his eyes but still seeing only her.

  


Sora and Ariel were ready for their date. An old college friend of Sora’s had come to work for his company recently and they were going to take her to dinner. Sora was excited to see that Kairi had come down from the tree long enough to get a degree and Ariel was excited that she was getting to meet someone who had lived in a tree!

“Do I look pretty, Daddy?” Ariel spun around in her purple dress.

“You look amazing!” Sora crowed as he picked her up and swung her in a wide circle.

“What does Kairi look like Daddy?” Sora sat her down and adjusted his tie.

“Well, she has hair almost the color of yours, and she’s nearly as tall as me.”

Ariel’s eyes went wide and she grinned. “Uncle Vincent calls me a ginger…so Kairi is a ginger too?”

“Sure.” Sora laughed. “Though I donno if she likes being called one.”

“Or is she a day-walker like Uncle Axel and Reno?” Ariel asked taking one more look in the mirror.

Sora roared and shook his head. “Uncle Vincent is gonna get his butt chewed out when I see him again.”

They walked out the door holding hands and Ariel looked up at her dad proudly and smiled. “I love you.”

“I love you too baby.” Sora smiled down at her before helping her into her booster seat in the car.

“Daddy? Uncle Vincent said that gingers don’t have souls. Is that true?”

Sora cackled. “No…that’s not…and you’re, ahhh. Don’t pay any attention to Uncle Vincent. What else has he told you?”

On the way to the restaurant, they discussed the many un-truths that Uncle Vincent had planted in Ariel’s head. They decided that it probably _wasn’t nice_ to call someone a ginger unless you did it in a nice way, gingers in fact _do_ have souls, day-walkers were _not_ redheads who didn’t have freckles, there was _no_ ghost in her bathroom that would tell if she didn’t brush her teeth before bed, Sora’s job _didn’t_ involve testing on monkeys who turned into giant apes and hid in the parking garage by his building, and she _could not, under any circumstance_ keep Chaos as a pet.

  


Roxas lay still with his head on Axel’s calf muscle looking at his feet. He was hot and sticky but all he wanted was to be still and to be close to his lover. Suddenly jerking and screaming Roxas bolted upright only to fall back over, right side up in the bed. “Don’t tickle my feet.” He giggled while Axel snuggled him close.

 “I can’t wait until you’re done with college.”

“Me too.” Roxas snickered. “Oh, I made arrangements for a new director at the rehab center and I also talked to Nunky about the new one we’re opening on Destiny.”

“That’s good. Does he seem to like the idea?” Axel queried as he stroked Roxas’ hair.

“He does, but we still need to choose a doctor for the facility there. I have someone in mind, but I donno if he’ll be willing to relocate…plus he had his own practice in Midgar, so I’m not sure if he would want to move his practice plus take on the rehab…or if he would just want to be full time at the rehab. It’s going to be in-patient so technically it could be full time…but I donno yet.”

Axel thought of all the doctors he knew in Midgar and didn’t remember any of them having mentioned a new rehab on Destiny so he fished. “Who is it? Maybe if I know him I can kinda encourage him…if you really want him there. You know I’d do anything for you Rox.”

“I _really_ want him there. He has experience with addicts and he knows how to deal with nut-jobs like myself.” Roxas chuckled against warm skin, tracing the lines of Axel’s well defined abs while they talked.

“So have you even pitched it to this doctor yet?” Axel asked and wiggled under the tickling fingertips of the blonde.

“I’m trying….but he’s kinda thick-headed.” Roxas smiled and waited.

“Well that’s a helluva thing to say about a doctor you wanna hire for your rehab!” Axel laughed. “You’re terrible! So who is this poor dumb bastard?”

Roxas cackled and rolled into a ball holding his ribs and Axel watched him laugh as he realized that the poor dumb bastard in question…was him.


	33. SORRY

SORRY

  


Insane laughter echoed in Roxas’ mind as he hung at the edge of consciousness. He suddenly felt cool against his back and hot hands and lips against his skin. When his eyes began to focus all he could see was red and he moaned.

Axel growled then kissed him so hard he whimpered and his hands, still tingling, began to come back to life. Grabbing two hands full of red, Roxas gasped breaking the painful kiss only to have his neck attacked. _Too hot_ , he thought as he felt like his skin was burning from the kisses Axel placed on his throat and shoulders.

"Axel" Roxas groaned realizing what was actually happening. He was getting what he asked for and at the exact moment he was going to protest harder, his mouth was again consumed.

Axel had snapped before Roxas went over the balcony. He was currently trying to reign in his murderous intent and didn't have the mental range to also rein in the part of him that intended to fuck Roxas inside out.

Crawling over the blonde to dig through the drawer of the bedside table, he could hear himself growling and vaguely heard Roxas whine. Looking down, he saw that he had the blonde pinned beneath his lanky frame and he began to laugh again.

Roxas was trying to push away the thigh that was currently restricting his airway while digging into the mattress with his feet to get out from underneath the insane redhead. If he had learned nothing this day, he had learned Axel's limit.

Axel grabbed a bicep just as Roxas was almost free and dragged him back fully underneath him, putting all his weight on him to hold him down while he released his bicep, pinned both his arms with his elbows so his hands were free to fumble with the small bottle of oil.

Roxas couldn't get his lungs full of air and was beginning to panic. Flashbacks from being choked out by Reno played and replayed through his mind as he struggled.

Axel shifted his weight allowing him a breath just before he shoved his legs apart and descended on his mouth again. Roxas whined through his nose using his now free hands to push against Axel's chest.

The viciousness of the attack seemed to dissipate with his continued resistance and Roxas thought maybe if he spoke he would get through.

"Axel...you're hurting me."

"Good..." The redhead growled as he pressed inside the blonde releasing a gruff moan. Roxas panted at the intrusion and the intense heat that seemed to radiate from his assailant who murmured truths into his ears as he lay helpless under him. "You only love people who hurt you Roxas...that's where I went wrong...I've been too kind."

The blonde tried to relax so that he didn't feel like his body was turning wrong side out with each push and pull. This was what he had asked for after all...this was what he wanted, what he deserved.

Becoming frustrated with Roxas’ lack of participation in the act, Axel rolled onto his back and shoved the blonde upright to a sitting position. "It's your call now Blondie. If this is still what you want, take it. If not..."

Roxas looked down at him unmoving. The face was Axel's face but it was void of emotion, almost like he wasn't altogether conscious. "Axel?"

He blinked looking up at Roxas' blue eyes wide with fright and watery from struggling. Getting himself together figuratively and literally, he sighed Roxas' name.

Leaning forward Roxas pressed his palms to Axel's chest and slowly rose up onto his knees. Axel gasped when he began to move and his selves settled back into an order.

Roxas could see the surrender in his eyes as Axel came back around to where he had been when the discussion first began, and emotions played across his features. There was the shadow of frustration, the iciness of anger, the heat of passion, the raw need and loneliness, and the purest love.

Axel reached for Roxas slowly, placing his hands on the soft skin of narrow hips as he moved on top of him. Whispering his name as if in prayer he watched his abused lover stare back into his eyes without emotion.

The two managed another hour of nearly silent love making before they reached their ends. Lying quietly in one another's arms for a moment, they pondered opposite ends of a spectrum.

Without a word, Roxas left the bed and went to shower. His entire body was sore and as he looked into the mirror in passing, lo and behold... one small sub conjunctival hemorrhage. 

  
  


Vanitas had begun his _Roxas_ project and when Larxene brought him some lunch, she stared at it briefly then left the room abruptly.

Vanitas chewed as he stared in the direction she had gone. "Warss?"

He looked at the sculpture and blinked, still eating and then looked back at the doorway. "Warssene! Wha wong?"

Dumbfounded, he looked down at his untidy appearance and thought maybe he disgusted her and it had nothing to do with the incomplete sculpture of Roxas crouching in a corner, peeking out from folded arms.

Vanitas took one more large bite of his sandwich and dusted the crumbs off his overalls before he went to see what he had done to upset her. Wiping his mouth with his forearm, he approached the main gallery where she stood facing a painting. "Larx...what's wrong?"

She turned to face him and he thought of how innocent she looked at that moment, open and unguarded. "Do you have any idea what an amazing gift you have?"

He stared at her not sure how to respond and she continued. "You see things in your mind and you create them and they...they have a profound effect on people, Vanitas."

His eyes fell to her clasped hands then darted back to her face. "I...um...I donno what ta say..."

"You don't have to say anything, I just wanted you to know that I think you're amazing...and that sculpture..." Her eyes began to fill with tears. "It's so like him...that it's frightening."

He took her hands and held them, smiling. "I'm sorry it upset you baby."

She shook her head and sniffed. "It's not your fault. It's just that I've watched him crumble and rebuild himself over and over, just like you guys have, but I was never...I was never a _part_ of it. I could never offer him any comfort because I was just _Sharxene_."

She chuckled. "At TU I had a problem of my own...and Riku was my hook up for two years...and for two years I watched the both of them do the dance alongside me and wondered which one of us would feed the worms first."

Vanitas listened as she leaned into him and put her head against his chest. She was a tiny thing when she wasn't wearing those impossible shoes.

"When Riku went to Destiny and took Roxas, I got clean and stayed that way. I stayed away from them when they came back but I saw the fallout. After Riku died, I just wanted to get college over with and get away from all the reminders."

She sighed. "I did well I guess, considering the things I had done...  I got with a good firm and now…half a world away...I'm back with the Strife."

Vanitas chuckled and kissed her hair. "Destiny."

"You’ve always had such a good heart, Vanitas." Larxene smiled. "Everyone had you pegged for trouble but you were the one who held everyone else together it seemed."

"I think you're giving me a little too much credit there." Vanitas smiled. "I just got drunk and watched it all go down...unless you count me poking the poisonous finger of guilt into Roxas’ open wounds whenever he fucked up."

"Do you really believe in destiny, Vani?" Larxene looked up at him, her face serious and her eyes boring into his soul.

"Yes." He whispered.

  


Axel was quiet as he went about dressing while Roxas showered. _When I fuck up, I sure don't half ass it_ , he told himself looking around for a smoke. Lighting up, he looked around at the pristine white of everything and thought of how it looked like a fairy tale castle. Shaking his head he stepped out onto the balcony and text Reno.

Axel: how r things?

Reno: good. How r things with u?

Axel: I think I fucked up

Reno: elaborate, plz

Axel sighed and looked out over the ocean thinking of his childhood and how he struggled just to live, how he struggled to be the same person, and how he struggled to become more than he ever dared to dream. His life had been one long uphill battle, but it had all been uphill. Watching the sun play on the water he realized that with or without Roxas, he had made a great life for himself and he wasn't going to stop moving forward.

Axel: I was trying to make Roxas understand a part of his pattern of coping and he was being unreasonable

Reno: Roxas is always unreasonable...what happened Runt?

Axel: 1. I lost my temper 2. I hurt his feelings 3. I dangled him off the balcony by his ankles naked 4. I fucked him

Reno looked around the office and sighed. _What am I gonna do with those two_ , he thought.

Reno: 1. It happens 2. That's dangerous Runt 3. Glad u didn't drop him 4. So it's all good rt?

Axel: not sure- he's not talking

Reno: u kno what u need to do

Axel: yes- find him a new shrink

Reno: good call- want me to talk to Cloud?

Axel: plz

Reno: will do- n I'll leave out the whole dangling part

Axel: K

Reno: *sigh*

Axel: XD

  


Roxas walked out onto the balcony and sat down, still saying nothing. Axel turned to face him but he wouldn't look up and meet his eyes. Stepping over to where he sat, the redhead lifted his chin with a finger. Roxas didn't flinch.

"I'm sorry Roxas. I can't be your doctor anymore." As Axel spoke he saw the hemorrhage in the blonde’s eye and felt his cheeks heat up with shame. "And I'm sorry for the things I said when I was angry."

Roxas stared at him, his eyes empty holes and murmured, "S'ok, I was acting like a whore, you treated me like one...I deserved it."

"You weren't acting like a whore. You were acting like you needed comfort and I was so busy being your doctor I wasn't being your boyfriend... and I'm sorry." Axel sat down beside him and propped his elbows on his knees, hanging his head.

Roxas glanced at him thinking about how he was the second redhead who had nearly killed him in his own home...it would probably be smart to change his demographic entirely if he was getting dumped right now. He leaned over and kissed Axel's hair. "S'ok."

"How can you do that?" Axel said and Roxas thought he sounded like he was sobbing.

"Do what? Forgive you?" Roxas lit a cigarette and leaned back stretching his legs out in front of him.

"Yes...I mean I...I almost killed you." Axel said still not raising his head, not because he was upset but because he didn't want Roxas to see the grin he couldn't get off his face. It was all he could do not to giggle out loud. There was something about stress that pulled his selves apart; it was like throwing bucket of red confetti and then trying to collect it all while the wind blew.

"Well Reno DID kill me and I forgave him so..." Roxas spoke quietly then chuckled bitterly. "And I get it if you don't wanna sleep with me. I was kind of the village bicycle when we were together before...so I'm not gonna ask for...that anymore."

"Village bicycle? What the fuck?" Axel snickered.

"Yeah you know, the village bicycle- everyone gets a ride." Roxas mumbled deadpan, and not able to hold it any longer, Axel collapsed into hysterics.

Roxas watched him laugh and wheeze holding his ribs and only offered a smirk. "You are completely fucking nuts and I'm the one getting therapy...I don't see how that's progressive for either of us."

Axel made a funny squeaking sound trying to get his breath and Roxas stood, flipped his smoke off the balcony and went inside to get dressed.

  


Reno took Cloud to lunch where they discussed Axel and Roxas. "Runt wants to find him a new shrink yo. Said he wants to focus on their relationship and he thinks being his doc is causing conflict."

"Well that sounds great as far as I'm concerned. I've watched Roxas deal with a few shrinks over the years and it's not pretty." Cloud said wolfing down his huge salad. "I'm surprised Axel hasn't strangled him yet."

Reno glanced at his burger and thought _, no that was me...divert_. "So...have you thought about setting a date? Is there any particular day you wanna do it or...maybe a certain time of year?"

Cloud nodded chewing. "I been finkin bout it an I like fpring but...you know." Cloud waved his fork dismissively. "Fo much goes on inna fpring...fame with fall yanno."

Reno nodded. "Ok then summer or winter?"

Cloud sat his fork down but only briefly. "What do you think? When do you want to get married?"

When Cloud said the word they stared at each other and began to smile. Reno leaned across the small bistro table and kissed him. "I love you." he said quietly, unable to stop smiling.

  


In the office, Rude and Tseng sat with their jaws on the floor. They had cooked up a plan to spy on Reno just for shits and giggles. They never expected this bombshell.

"When do you think they plan to tell people?" Tseng asked staring at Rude.

"I'm not _people_! I'm his partner! He should have told me already!" Rude barked.

"Well I found him in the slums and that makes me nearly family, so technically, I should have known already as well." Tseng snapped. "We should teach him a lesson."

"Right." Rude nodded and they set to work formulating their plan for 'Operation Sharing is Caring.'

  


Reno went back to work to find the office empty. "Guess Rude got a solo mission..." he murmured to no one as he sat to finish the report from his last mission.

Right before 2 p.m. Tseng walked into the office looking more uptight than normal. "Reno, I need you to give this top priority right now. Rude has gone...just read the file."

Slapping a folder onto the redhead's desk, Tseng turned his face away so that Reno wouldn't see how upset (amused) he was.

Reno looked at Tseng surprised at the show of emotion from his usually stoic commander. "Ookay...Is Rude ok yo?"

Reno reached for the folder just as Tseng reached his hand back and shoved it toward him and squeaked, "Just read it!" before storming out with his hand over his face.

"What the fuck?" Reno mumbled, opening the folder. As he read his heart dropped. Rude was taken prisoner by a Wutai rebel group that was hiding in plain sight in Midgar. He was being listed as MIA for now.

Reno stood and text Cloud on his way out. Commandeering a chopper, he flew off in the direction that the sparse information in the folder alluded to.

Rude and Tseng scrambled to a chopper of their own and took a different route. They knew they would have to haul ass to beat Reno but the info they planted would keep him busy until they got set up.

Landing in Modeoheim, Reno set out to find a man who was named in the info he was given and while he searched frantically for a man who didn't exist, Tseng and Rude set up the scene of the fake slaughter and waited.

  


It was late afternoon when they knew Reno was about to find them. They still had him bugged after all, so they heard every word he said, whether questioning people or cursing because he kept hitting dead ends.

When Reno happened upon the bodies inside an abandoned building, he was in shock. There was Rude, tired to a chair and covered in blood (not really) and Tseng lay on the ground with a gunshot wound, his own gun only feet away.

Reno rushed over to Rude as he called for backup. Finding his pulse strong, Reno began to talk as he untied his friend. "Hey buddy...what was you thinkin yo? Takin off without yer partner huh?"

Rude moaned as if in pain and hoped that Tseng had been prepared for Reno calling for backup because the thought never crossed his mind.

"I got ya. You're gonna be ok." Reno said soothingly as he helped his beaten partner lie comfortably until more help arrived.

Dashing over to Tseng, Reno knelt by his lifeless body searching for a pulse and finding none. Trying again he felt it but just faintly. "Hey boss man...I don't even know how you got here so fast yo, but my hat’s off to ya."

Checking the hole in his suit he started to roll him to his side to look for an exit wound when Tseng cried out. "Aaagghhh!"

"Sorry sorry...just..." Reno took his phone out again and began screeching about backup and where the fuck were they. What the fuck were they waiting on?

  


Back at ShinRa, Cloud heard about the supposed tragedy and knew that must have been where Reno was. Growling about incompetent assholes, he grabbed his sword and hit the door.

  


Tseng groaned and Rude moaned. Reno was distraught and tried his best to make them both comfortable, randomly calling ShinRa to raise hell.

"Reno..." Rude moaned. "You're the best partner I ever had...I'm gonna miss you buddy."

Tseng groaned, "Reno, Reno! I can't see! Everything's dark. Where are you? Do not leave me alone."

Reno was in tears listening to the two and was already kicking himself for not doing more. "I love you guys and you're gonna be ok. Ya hear me?"

Soon after the words left his mouth he heard running footsteps and Cloud burst through the door of the old building. "Reno!"

"Oh shit..." Tseng murmured.

"Oh no..." Rude hissed.

They hadn't prepared for Cloud fuckin Strife. "Are you ok? Where the fuck is your backup?" He asked Reno looking around for enemies.

Reno sniffed, "I'm ok baby but I donno if they're gonna make it."

Rude coughed, he knew he had better come clean before the rest of ShinRa showed up...and Reno was a wreck. "Reno I feel...I feel ok...just go. Backup will be here soon."

"Are you nuts, partner? I'm not leavin you yo." Reno went to his side.

Cloud went to Tseng to check his gunshot wound and Tseng looked up nervously. Cloud looked down at him sympathetically and smiled, "It’s gonna be ok, Tseng."

"No it probably is not, Strife." Tseng said as sweat beaded on his forehead. Cloud looked at him and started to speak again but his enhanced sense of smell picked up the sweet scent of fake blood.

Squinting at Tseng his eyes blazed. Tseng whispered nervously, "It was supposed to be-"

Cloud picked him up by his jacket and threw his sword down. Rude jumped up and ran past Reno who was gaping at Cloud. "W-what...?"

"Cloud we-" Rude began and Cloud dropped Tseng and started swinging.

Seeing that the two Turks weren't actually wounded at all, Reno sat back, dried his tears and watch his fiancée _drag their fucking asses_.

  


On the chopper flying back to Midgar, Reno called headquarters once more to make sure someone was on their way to pick up two injured Turks.

"How did you know?" Reno asked after cloud had calmed down.

"I smelled the fake blood. What I don't get is why the fuck they would do that to you? Some kind of sick prank...but why? And what is that buzzing? I think I'm losing what's left of my mind." Cloud grumbled as Reno piloted them back to ShinRa tower.

"You roughed em up pretty good baby." Reno smiled.

"Well...they made you cry..." Cloud smiled back and blushed.


	34. BEACH CONFESSIONAL REVISITED

BEACH CONFESSIONAL REVISITED

  


The day of the birthday party was busy with caterers and delivery services. Cloud was busy signing this and that and approving this other thing when Reno grabbed him around the wait and hugged him, kissing his cheek. “Can I borrow you for a sec?”

“Sure. What’s up?” Cloud turned to be led away by the redhead out onto the deck.

“Breathe….now. Delegate some of this bullshit so you’re not all stressed when everyone starts to show up yo. This won’t be worth all of this trouble if you’re all stressed and tired.” Reno smiled at the mako blues staring back at him.

“W-well…I guess…could you? I mean, just some of the stuff for the caterers?” Cloud said haltingly because he didn’t want to burden his intended.

“Yes…I could…all of it. Go soak in a bath or somethin yo. I got this.”

Cloud grinned and kissed his man before bolting inside to their bedroom and slamming the door soundly. Reno laughed and shook his head before proceeding to deal with everyone who awaited approvals or signatures.

  


Vanitas surprised Larxene that morning with breakfast in bed. She had moved in with him in the loft but they had been so busy they hadn’t taken much time for one another. “Oh Vani…so sweet. Thank you.”

“Did you get your office set up yesterday?” Vanitas asked her as he held the tray as she sat up in bed.

“I did. It went surprisingly smoothly after this one aggravating man left.” She grinned her trademark grin.

“Oh yeah? Was he a huge pain in the ass?” Vanitas chuckled knowing that she was talking about him.

“Yes…huge pain in the ass, but I let him hang out for a while anyways because he’s so hot.”

Vanitas laughed and kissed her cheek. “I’m looking forward to the party today at Dad’s.”

“Me too. He seems like such a great guy. I bet growing up with a dad like that was awesome.” Larxene said as she decimated the grapefruit half on her plate.

“Yeah…he’s the best.”

  


Ventus and Demyx had taken an early flight and checked into a hotel that they knew they may or may not go back to. It was a safety, just in case too many people were staying at Cloud’s or there was a disaster like last time with Xion and Namine. When they arrived the place was busy and they saw Reno walking around with a clipboard, holding a pen in his teeth.

Demyx raised a brow at Ventus. “Does this remind you a bit of our engagement party?”

Ventus grinned. “It reminds me of our _wedding_.”

“Do you think?” Demyx grabbed Ventus’ hand.

“Maybe…I donno.” Ventus watched Reno for a few minutes longer then said, “He’s got it under control…I wonder how he got Dad to relinquish the clipboard.” Demyx giggled and they went inside the house waving at Reno who grinned around his pen and waved back.

Cloud emerged from his room dressed for the party and immediately sought out Reno. Everything had been taken care of during his bath and he wanted to thank him before shooing him off to get ready. He found him chatting with Ventus and Demyx about the other guests who were beginning to arrive. “Go Reno…get ready…and thank you soooo much for all this. I feel so much better.”

“Anything for my baby.” Reno smiled and strolled off toward their bedroom to shower and change.

“Spill it Dad.” Ventus said squinting at the wide-eyed blonde in front of him while Demyx snickered.

“Happy birthday?” Cloud said weakly and made jazz hands.

Demyx roared and tugged at Ventus’ arm. “Come on…if there’s anything to be spilled you have to wait with everyone else. Stop acting like a brat.”

Ventus laughed. “Ok…but we have some news ourselves, so should we all do a massive telling of news or…”

Cloud watched them briefly and then squealed “Renoooo!” as he trotted off to the bedroom.

  


When everyone was there and the party was already a huge success, it was time for speakers but no one could find Roxas and Axel. The other party goers turned it into a game and whoever found them would win a bottle of champagne.

The winner was Vincent who found them on the beach and he collected his prize after ushering them back to the house. Everyone was seated and Cloud stood and thanked them all for coming, then proceeded to tell a short story about when the boys were younger. “We used to do this thing when the boys were home where we would sit on the beach and tell one another something important about our lives. It was more than just a confessional…without repercussions.” Everyone chuckled and someone in the crowd said “Roxaaas.”

When the laughter died down, he continued. “It was a time for sharing parts of our lives with those most important to us. And this evening, we wanna do that with all of you. Guys, come on up here with me. Like always, I’ll let you all go first…and you can decide between you who goes first…that’s never been my choice anyways.”

 

They went up in front of the crowd of people to stand by Cloud and converse amongst themselves quietly. The guests all laughed when Sora’s arms were flailing in the air and Vanitas raised his voice. Cloud rolled his eyes and grinned.

The Strife started laughing and chanting “Sora! Sora!”

Sora stepped front and center and cleared his throat. “Okay…I guess I’d just like to share that we have a new addition at the lab and she came with me and Ari tonight. All of you who went to TU remember her from the tree behind Strife House…Kairi! Say hi.”

Everyone laughed and clapped as Kairi stood and waved to everyone. “She no longer lives in a tree, but she _is_ the new head of our environmental protection team.”

Sora turned back to his brothers and chaos ensued before Vanitas was pushed to the front protesting and cursing. Cloud growled, “Language Vanitas!”

Rufus ShinRa watched and laughed with tears in his eyes. He had been a part of this for so long and to see them all grown and happy touched his heart. He had been unsuccessful in talking Vincent into being his successor as president of ShinRa and he had planned to approach his next choices at this very party. _What better time than now_ , he thought.

Stepping over to where Cloud stood he whispered to him and Cloud stared at him shocked and then nodded. Reno heard and nodded his head clapping Rufus on the shoulder. Rufus winked and then turned to Cloud. “Are you sure we can’t share him?”

“Nope!” Cloud laughed and sent Rufus to stand in line for the confessional.

Vanitas stopped cursing and lit a cigarette. “I’ve got news…but I’m not sharin shit til Larx is up here with me. Larxy!!”

She had abandoned her impossible shoes early on and went to stand by her man barefoot and smiling.

“Still scary.” Sora whispered.

Vanitas kissed her cheek and all Cloud could think was, _she’s terribly small without those shoes…_

“Larxene has moved her practice to Costa, for those of you who didn’t already know, and she’s living with me at the loft that we _just finished renovating_ …but we’re house shopping as of last week…because we need room for our baby.”

 

Cloud screamed like a banshee and from the looks on the other Strife faces, he hadn’t told anyone. Ariel was over the moon and she clung to Kairi while Sora stood with his brothers and his dad and uncle Rufus. Once everyone settled down, Vanitas shoved Ventus out in front of the crowd.

Ventus was laughing and wiping his eyes and Demyx came to stand by him. “I donno how to follow that! Except to say that Dem and I have decide to adopt…and it’s a girl!”

Ariel squealed. “Daddy! Daddy! Another girl!”

Once again the joy was a surprise and Cloud was already in tears. Congratulating another son and sniffling when he saw Roxas he said, “Please don’t tell me you’re pregnant…my heart won’t take it.”

They all howled with laughter and when Demyx stepped back to give Roxas his turn, Rufus leaned to him and said quietly, “Congratulations Demyx. You deserve all the happiness life has to bring and I know you’ll make a wonderful father.”

“Thank you. That means a lot to me…I hope that you’ll be ok with our little one calling you Uncle Rufus.”

Rufus beamed. “I would have it no other way!”

Soon they were all chanting “Roxas! Roxas!” and the blonde was so busy arguing with his redhead that he didn’t notice everyone staring at them. Axel ended the argument with a kiss that elicited whistles and cat calls from the on lookers and that got Roxas’ attention.

Stepping away from Axel who was looming over him grinning like an idiot, he sighed puffing his bangs up. “I don’t really have…”

Axel interrupted making everyone laugh. “No repercussions Rox!”

He laughed and began. “I don’t think this is really news, news…I’m opening a rehab on Destiny and…” he was interrupted by applause and was surprised to see many people there were crying. He thought briefly that all these people had been rooting for him the entire time and he had been too stoned and self-absorbed to notice. “Um, thank you. I’ve managed to persuade a wonderful doctor to join us at the facility, and he’s agreed to relocate to the Island…and live with me.”

There was much noise made because everyone knew that he was talking about Axel, but the ones who were the most touched were the ones who knew the history between the two from TU. Cloud was so caught up in all the revelations and had already been crying, that it had slipped his mind for a second that he and Reno had an announcement of their own to make. Axel was hugging Roxas as the crowd began to quiet and his brothers looked on in awe of what a truly happy Roxas looked like.

Cloud was hugged from behind by Reno who whispered, “Look at Roxas’ face baby. What’s Runt sayin to him I wonder.”

Cloud giggled and went to the hugging couple and spoke over the crowd. “No repercussions, but no secrets at confessional! Share!”

 

The others began. “Axel! Axel!” Holding up his hands for quiet, he turned to Roxas who was covering his face. As he got down on one knee. The crowd hushed and Cloud held his breath.

Axel pulled Roxas’ hands away from his face and smiled and winked. Roxas was biting his lip, trying not to cry. “Roxas…when I first met you I fell for you right away. That was a while ago and we’re different people now, but I’ve fallen for you all over again. I love you Roxas…will you marry me?”

“Yeeeesssss!” he screamed and dragged Axel up from his knees to hug him. Cloud was crying again and Reno was in the middle of a huge group hug, laughing. Soon they dispersed and Reno looked at Cloud as he dried his eyes and nodded.

Axel grinned, “Can I call you Dad now?”

“Nope!” Cloud said as he walked to the front of the group. “Ok there’s one more person who would like to speak…Rufus.”

Rufus stepped to the front and smiled at everyone. “I have no script…I feel so naked.” They all laughed and he continued. “As you know…I’m getting a bit long in the tooth…even though I don’t look it…and have no heir to pass my company on to, so! After much soul-searching and some research, I have chosen two candidates that I feel will best serve as joint-presidents of the company. One is first in his field of bio-technology and the other is the most diplomatic person I’ve ever met who also has an amazing ability to prioritize and compartmentalize…which in this family is a survival skill. I have complete faith in this team working together, because they’re brothers. Sora and Ventus…” Rufus turned to their gaping faces. “If you are willing, then I’d like to begin integrating you two at the company so that I can retire before I’m as old as Valentine.”

“I’m a school teacher.” Ventus squeaked.

Rufus laughed. “You have always been so much more than that…and I have _years_ of examples if you want to hash it out.”

“N-no that’s ok…thank you Uncle Rufus.” Ventus hugged him and Sora came over to hug the both of them.

“I love you boys…all of you.” Rufus said as he dragged Roxas and Vanitas into the hug as well. “You and Cloud have been my family and I never felt the need for anyone else to share my life with. I never felt lacking. So _I_ thank _you_.”

After much crying and teary thanks, Cloud looked around at all his guests and laughed. “I feel so inadequate when I say I’m happy that you are all here to share this with us. This party was actually organized for my own selfish reasons…well, not completely selfish…Reno!”

Reno stepped forward from where he had been by his brother’s side and hugged Cloud before turning to the guests and clearing his throat. Cloud elbowed him and hissed, “No poetry! That’s just for me.”

Reno giggled and nodded, “Okay baby.” He looked out at all the familiar faces and zeroed in on Rude and Tseng. “There’ve been so many happy announcements this evenin and I’m sure everyone here is ready go and congratulate the new parents and happy couples…and presidents yo, but there is one more thing that needs to be announced, officially…so if ya can just bear with us a little longer.”

Everyone, including the boys were all ears. “When I became a Turk, my life changed for the better. When I met Cloud it got even better. After all the shit, sorry baby…” Reno winked at Cloud who smiled and blushed.

“After all the shit we put each other through since then, we decided that all we really wanted was each other. So after some sweet talkin and some awesome poetry, I asked him to marry me and he said yes!”

The crowd exploded into applause and shouts as the Strife family had one more group hug. The festivities went on into the night and as people began to depart, there were repeated congratulations.

  


Cloud was exhausted and sprawled on the sofa with Reno’s head in his lap. Roxas and Axel had gone up to his old room. Sora and Ariel had taken Kairi home. Ventus and Demyx crashed in his old room, and Vanitas and Larxene went home to their loft.

“That was…oh my God I never expected to have an engagement party and get two more grand kids and a new son in law.” Cloud mumbled as he played with long silky red hair. “Not to mention Rufus’ offer.”

“That was a lotta big news yo and I’m beat…come on grandpa…let’s go ta bed.”

“Oh no…you don’t get to call me that.”

“But why not?” Reno snickered as he led Cloud to the bedroom.

“Because I’m not _your_ grandpa.”

“But you are one….”

“Don’t call me that.” Cloud giggled as he shut the door behind them.

“What ya gonna do, spank me? I might like that yo.”

“You probably would…” Cloud laughed and the two went to bed exhausted and happy.

  


Early the next morning Cloud’s phone was going crazy. He had missed calls and messages that said ‘turn on the tv’. Before he could get out of bed, Roxas and Axel burst in and pounced him and Reno. “Dad! Have you seen TV?”

“Rufus has our party on news!” Roxas squawked as Reno flopped around under his twin.

“Wow…” Cloud said and then laughed. “He’s always working.”

“I’m glad he did that yo. Now everybody knows you’re mine and I don’t hafta off no one for bein ignorant and flirtin with ya.” Reno said as he got his face out from beneath Axel’s hair.

“I love you guys, but get outta here and let us get dressed.” Cloud said sliding Roxas off into the floor laughing.

“Yeah, do as your Dad says, yo.” They all laughed at that but soon departed to find food.

“I love you Blondie.” Reno winked at Cloud.

“I love you too Red.”

  


Roxas and Axel went to visit Vanitas at the gallery but Axel insisted on buying a gift on the way. “It’s important and I wanna be first dammit!” He whined while Roxas laughed at him.

“You know these beach shops are tourist traps…what do you need to do before we go see Vani?”

“You’ll seeeuuuuhhhhh. Wait right here.” Axel popped into one of the shops and Roxas lit a smoke while he waited. He watched tourists mill around with their sun burns, sun hats, flip flops, tired kids, and maps as he stood smoking.

“Roxas?” A feminine voice brought him back to his happy reality but when the face registered, his heart sank a tiny bit.

“Hi Rikku.” Roxas didn’t want to be rude but he really didn’t want to talk either.

“How’ve you been?”

“Fine.”

“Are you living here now, with your dad I mean?”

“No.”

“Oh…The last I heard of you, you had run away from rehab again.”

Roxas bit his lip, then turned his face away thinking… _should I even dignify that with a response? Yes…yes I should_. “Yeah…I did. I ran away to go back to college. I’ll graduate next spring with a B.A. in psych as well as a B.F.A. I’m about to open a rehab center near my home on Destiny Island…in-patient, really nice. Oh and I just got engaged to that hot redhead that used to hang around our house at TU.”

“Wow engaged…I didn’t think you’d ever get over…him.” Rikku snarked when she realized that Roxas really just wanted her to go away. “It must be tough…you know…”

Roxas turned to face her fully and glare at her with a smirk. “Not really Rikku. I mean it was tough but I’ve grown, unlike you. You still workin the rehab circuit pretending to be a nurse?”

“I’m still at Atlantica Place, yes.” She sniffed and rolled her eyes.

“Good stay there. And when your luck runs out there, don’t bother applying for the Riku Valentine Center…you won’t be qualified.” Roxas smiled and thumped his cigarette butt in her direction, bouncing it off her forehead.

“You’re such an asshole!” She shrieked as she stalked off just as Axel came out of the store carrying a bag.

“What did ya do to her Rox?” He giggled as they watched her storm away.

“I fucked her… long time ago. She just wanted to stop and say hello and remind me that I cheated on Riku with her right before he died. Fuckin bitch. I think I hurt her feelings.” Roxas snarled.

“Good!” Axel grinned making Roxas smile and he felt the tight coils in his chest start to loosen and he relaxed.

“So what was so important?” Roxas tried to peek into the bag but Axel pulled it away.

“I’ll show you in the car! Come on…it’s hot as two rats fuckin in a wool sock out here.” Axel strode away in search of air conditioning. Roxas followed after him laughing, the rehab nurse forgotten.

In the car Axel presented his purchases. There were two red onesies and both had been airbrushed to say ‘I (heart) Uncle Axel!’ on the front and ‘hot stuff’ on the back at the bottom.

“Holy balls.” Roxas giggled. “I guess one is for Vani’s baby and one is for Ven’s?’

“Yes!” Axel was so proud. “And I didn’t wanna leave Ariel out so…” he produced a purple tee with the same words, and a purple tutu.

“My achin ass…a tutu?” Roxas laughed touching the stiff material.

“All princesses like tutus!” Axel defended. “Just ask Ventus.”

Roxas cackled and they drove on to the gallery to visit with Larxene and Vanitas.


	35. BUMP IN THE ROAD

BUMP IN THE ROAD

  


Everyone got back to their lives and started to plan for their new beginnings and Ventus and Sora had a meeting with Rufus to make everything official.

“I’m curious if you want temporary homes here, like your father has, or have you given any thought to relocating?” Rufus sat in pristine white, as was his trademark, behind a desk that looked as if it had once been an altar of some kind.

Sora spoke first and was unusually serious. “Ariel loves being by the ocean, but I wouldn’t feel competent living so far away from my work. I’ll definitely be relocating but I’ll keep the house in Costa as well. I’ve done some research and the schools here in Midgar are great so that won’t be an issue when she starts next fall.”

As Ventus listened to his brother his mind wandered back over the years. No matter what kind of disarray his life was in, Sora was adamant about his schoolwork and later, his research. It was almost like that was the one unbreakable part of his mind and no matter which Sora was running the show, there was only one Sora when it came to work. He was so proud of the things he had accomplished, and given the mental instability he lived with, he thought it should be considered a holy miracle that he even made it through college.

“Well, as you both know, this is Demyx’s hometown, and he was excited at the prospect of moving back here. I love the city myself and agree with Sora about the schools, so we’ll be looking for a place here as well.”

“Good. Glad to hear it.” Rufus looked relieved as if that was some kind of hurdle he was worried about clearing. “Here is some information we gathered for you about neighborhoods and of course, schools. Find a place you like and call my people…the number is here.” He slid a folder each toward them and indicated the number they should call.

“But Uncle Rufus, we can…” Sora began.

“Pfft! Consider it your first bonus. And don’t argue with me. When you two are neck deep in the ridiculousness that is my daily routine here, you’ll feel you deserve it.” Rufus grinned and sat back in his chair. “Now tell me boys…is your father happy about this?”

Sora and Ventus looked at one another and then Ventus nodded. “He said he was glad that you chose us because he wouldn’t have to worry about shit anymore…whatever that means.”

Rufus laughed and nodded. “It’s a long story and I completely understand. This company was nearly the downfall of humanity once, and your father…well…like I said, it’s a long story.”

With that Rufus stood and rounded his desk and held out his hands. “Come, little ones, let’s take a walk.” The two stood grinning and proceeded to get the grand tour of their new company.

  


Vanitas was smoking as he listened to Larxene retching in the bathroom. _Gross_ he thought as he blew smoke out the window of the loft. Disposing of his butt and closing the window he heard “Vaniiii…you bastaaard.” He winced as he neared the bathroom because her voice sounded like she had swallowed a cheese grater.

Opening the door he helped her back to bed and babied her until she fell asleep. As soon as she slept soundly he grabbed his laptop and started looking for natural remedies for morning sickness. He wasn’t going to watch her do this every morning for months. Not only would it make her miserable but a sick Larxene was a pissy Larxene and he didn’t want to spend his mornings dodging flying objects.

  


Back at TU, Roxas had settled in and was hitting the books. He was trying to surprise Cloud with a great GPA and he was quite proud of himself. His life was working out finally since he had left drugs behind him. He wished that he had left it all behind before Riku had died but wishing didn’t change shit so he didn’t dwell. He had to focus on the present and the future. It was easy to do when you had someone like Axel to share it with.

This was his last year in college and he was going to get all he could out of it. As soon as he finished the paper he was working on he went over to Fuck Ass to work on his senior project. Inside the huge art room he felt like he was home and thought briefly that he might one day have the guts to move to one of the lower bedrooms and convert Riku’s old suite into his own art studio. He envisioned the suite filled with canvasses and open work spaces in place of the sofa, where he slept with Riku when they were too stoned to crawl to the bed, and the bed itself, where he had nodded while Riku cowered underneath for days, out of his mind on dope.

The kitchen and bathroom would remain much the same. The kitchen was filled with happy memories of breakfasts and sweets and the bathroom was all but a shrine to Riku. The room where he had tried to end his life for the very first time, where he had hidden away when Olette left him, where he realized that he had a responsibility to his friend Hayner… _Hayner_ Roxas thought, _good old Hayner_.

Opening the box of Riku’s medical records and arrest records, he read the first few pages before spray-coating them with clear protectant and then strategically tearing them into small pieces. An hour later, he set aside his torn paper to uncover the largest of his canvases and wiped a tear away that dangled off the tip of his nose.

  


In the science department Ventus and Rufus watched Sora switch gears mentally as he looked over research projects that were underway and questioned some of the scientists there about their progress and projections. They all knew who he was and were excited to have him become a part of ShinRa in any capacity but as co-president, they knew their funding was almost guaranteed; not to mention they would have access to his expertise on all of their projects.

Once they tore him away, they moved on to the weapons department which was rather quiet since the world was currently at peace and the Turks had plenty of toys. Scarlett greeted them kindly, asked about Axel, and then bid them a good afternoon when they relayed that he wasn’t with them.

Moving on to the Investigation Sector of the General Affairs Department, the first person they ran into was Tseng who greeted them warmly and congratulated them both. "Please feel free to disturb Reno as I am sure he is still napping at his desk."

Sora and Ventus grinned at one another and then slipped off in the direction Tseng pointed out to them. Opening the door quietly they found Reno sound asleep, head back snoring, feet on his desk, with a picture of Cloud and Ariel on his computer.

Rude looked up at the two but kept quiet as a wide grin spread across his face. Positioning themselves on either side of the sleeping redhead, they stared at one another briefly then began to sing at the top of their lungs, "Good morning, good morning, we've danced the whole night through! Good morning, good morning to you!"

Before they got to the word 'danced' Reno was out of his chair looking around wildly and checking for his gun which Ventus had wisely picked up and held behind his back.

"What the fuck?!" Reno sputtered as his sleepy brain attempted to sort out what was going on inside his office. Rude began laughing as Reno stared at the two grinning intruders, blinking his eyes in an attempt to gain focus.

They laughed and Rufus and Tseng could be heard laughing in the hallway. "Time to wake up Dad." Sora said.

"We call Dad, Dad...we should call him something else." Ventus said folding his arms over his chest and tapping his cheek with a finger.

"You can call me Reno yo." The redhead grumbled.

"Father? Nah...Pops? Nah..." Sora offered as Ventus shook his head.

Rude glanced at the two and said, "Daddy?"

The two looked at Reno grinning and held their arms open. "Daddy!!!"

"Holy shit! This is a nightmare yo!" Reno said but then laughed and sat back down on his chair, sliding it back, patting his thighs as he smiled sweetly. "Come here boys and tell Daddy what ya want yo."

They both looked mortified at first but then took their places on his lap and leaned down simultaneously to whisper something that made the redhead hiss and immediately start to shoo them away. “Stop that…you two are brats. Don’t make me call your Dad, yo.”

They had one more laugh at Reno’s expense before continuing on with their tour.

  


Since Reno and Cloud had gotten their own place away from ShinRa Tower, Axel decided to stay at their old place in sector 7 and let his other apartment go while he got his affairs in order. He was planning to move to Destiny but he had to help all his patients get established with other doctors. One evening on his way home from seeing Baba he got a call from Roxas. "Hey baby, what ya doin?"

"Hey Rox. On my way home with some goodies. I hope to be wrapped up here by the end of next week. Can I send my stuff on?"

"Of course. This is home now." Roxas’ voice sounded clipped to Axel and he smiled slyly.

"What are you doin right now baby? You sound a little out of breath."

Roxas giggled. "Wishing you were here."

"You ass! You called me because you're jerkin off?!" Axel bellowed as he opened his door and dropped his keys, then his phone and Roxas didn't like what he was hearing. Listening carefully for any clue as to what was going on, Roxas heard a light scuffle, a grunt and a gunshot.

"No no no no" Roxas was almost in tears when Axel picked the phone up again.

"Its ok baby, I'm ok. Somebody was in here waitin on me. Ain’t that some shit?" Axel said sounding a bit shaken. "Imma call you right back ok? I promise. Gotta make sure the place is clear and call Reno."

"Ok. Call me back soon ok. I love you Axel."

"I love you baby"

  


Reno had his head on Cloud’s lap while they watched a movie and talked about their plans to go to Costa for a long weekend when his phone rang.

As Reno listened, Cloud watched the smile fade from his face and the 11 appeared between his neat red brows. He listened as Reno instructed Axel to "get his ass on the train and come stay with them."

There was a brief silence before Reno told his twin he loved him and hung up. Standing and picking up his gun, he winked at Cloud. "I gotta go to work baby. I'll be back soon. Don't wait up."

Kissing his boyfriend, he strode out the door with every intention of killing someone or multiple someone's for fucking with his brother and Cloud didn't question him. Reno was his intended but he was still a Turk. If there was one thing Cloud didn't worry about, it was Reno's ability to take care of himself.

Hopping of the train in sector 7 Reno strolled through the streets waiting for someone to give him a reason to blow their brains out. Going to the Don's place in sector 6 first, he put the word out that whoever had tried to hit Axel was going to die a slow and painful death.

Reno had been around the block and he knew that whoever the unlucky bastard was inside the apartment wasn't the brains behind the hit. He was going to find out who and he didn't give a shit why but when he found them, they were gonna pay.

  


The slums had gotten worse with every passing year and he knew the root of most of it was gangs popping up all over. There was a gang for nearly every sector and when there was a beef, innocent bystanders always got killed.

Checking in with Jiji and Baba, he found that Axel had been by to visit them that very night. "You ever think of movin up top? Or somewhere else completely?" He asked them, ready to finance their way out if they would agree to it. But the slums was their home and as bad as it got in Sector 6 that was where they intended to stay.

Roxas held his phone and waited for Axel to call back. After 5 minutes he began to worry. 10 minutes passed and he was about to call Reno himself when his phone rang. "Oh god I was worried sick." Roxas wanted to cry from sheer relief. "Don't stay there tonight, please baby."

Axel stared at the corpse on his living room floor. "I'm good. I just gotta get this dead guy outta here. Wanted to call you back first."

His voice sounded flat to Roxas. Dull and unconcerned but not even his normal inflection. "I'll go stay with Reno if it'll make you feel better."

"It'll make me feel better." Roxas blurted.

Axel chuckled but it sounded dead and empty. Ending the call with Roxas, Axel got an old blanket from his closet and wrapped the body in it then proceeded out the door and onto the street with the bundle over his shoulder.

In Sector 6 he ran into Reno who gave him a hug and a kiss, then looked him over briefly and patted his bundle. “Did ya know him?”

“I’d seen him around yeah…he was from here.” Axel mumbled before taking Reno’s smokes from his jacket and lighting up one-handed.

“You got a plan yo?”

“Always!” Axel grinned around his cigarette as Reno followed behind his burdened twin. Walking into the Honey Bee, Axel pulled a vacant chair away from a table and as it scraped loudly across the floor everyone fell silent and watched. When he reached the center of the main room, he flopped the dead man into the chair and uncovered his face.

Reno felt a gush of pride as he noticed that Axel had the presence of mind to shoot the asshole through the heart so he could use his face to get information. Folding his arms across his chest, he scanned the room to make sure no one tried to flee before questions could be answered.

“I think you all know this guy…who wants to help me out?” Axel said before the room began to come alive with the chatter of people who wanted to be first to aid the madman in his search for answers.

“You…” Axel pointed at a man near him who had been saying something about the local gang. “Tell me what ya know.”

Reno realized that when Axel had unburdened himself, he had taken his gun out of his waistband and was using it like a teacher would use a pointer. He grinned.

“I know that guy, he’s just a junkie who does anything for dope. He’s in with the Sixes and I heard they’re fightin with the Threes for control of sector 7.” The man blurted before someone in the back of the room whistled. _He just signed his own death warrant_ , Reno thought.

“Well…now…He’s no longer _just_ a junkie. He’s a dead junkie who thought he was a hitman.” Axel said looking at the room full of people. “Someone tell me where I can find these Sixes who want control of Sector 7, aka our home, and I’ll get outta here and let you all get back to your drinkin and whorin.”

The same man spoke up again. “I’m a dead man anyway, so I’ll tell ya. They’re all over, but the boss is…”

Before he could finish a shot rang out and the man fell dead. Axel felt a sting in his arm as the bullet had grazed him and Reno turned and took a shot toward the back. Another thud was heard in the crowded room and Axel looked down at the man he was speaking to. “Sorry…but thanks.”

Reno stepped to his twin’s side and glanced down briefly to see blood running down his hand onto his gun and then drip onto the floor. This wasn’t good. Axel stared quietly and then looked at Reno. They were both wondering where the Don was with all the commotion. Any other time he would have been down raising hell.

Abandoning the bodies they sprinted up the stairs to where they knew his office to be. They had grown up there practically and knew the place inside out. Kicking his door open they found Don Corneo on the floor with a bullet hole in his chest. “Fuck! This place is goin ta hell for real.” Reno grumbled.

Axel was on the phone immediately. “Dirty Sal! What’sup?” Axel had worked for the man helping out behind the scenes with his porn business when he was a young teen and knew that he would be qualified to take over the Honey Bee until everything was settled. When he ended the call, he turned to Reno.

“I’m goin ta check on the ladies.”

Reno followed as he called Tseng to let him know that the slums had just become a war zone.

  


The red twins spent a long night walking the streets of the slums before going back to Reno and Cloud’s place to crash just after dawn. Cloud rolled over and buried his face in Reno’s hair mumbling about _chocobos and what if zoloms could fly?_

Axel spooned up to Cloud’s back and the blonde’s eyes popped open wide when he realized there was an extra person in his bed. Looking down at the long arm draped across and the hand resting Reno’s hip, he knew immediately who it was. He smiled and closed his eyes again.

When he woke the second time it was because he was being fondled in a not so gentle manner. Cloud grunted and tried to orient himself. There were hands in his pajamas and arms holding him as well as lips kissing him and more lips whispering against his ear. He silently cursed his body and tried to associate touches with individuals but he couldn’t separate them.

Lips covered his and he allowed the kiss assuming it was Reno as the rest of the fucks he had to give fell away. The whispers were breathy and hot as the kiss deepened and he relaxed completely engulfed in erotic touches and spicy sweet kisses and red. Hands stroked him while more hands caressed every other part of him. He clung to the kiss as more lips pressed to his neck and shoulders.

Reaching back to pull the body behind him closer, he heard a moan and a hiss before Axel rose up on an elbow and leaned across Cloud’s shoulder to kiss his twin, then slipped from the bed and the room, smiling.

  


At TU, Roxas got a surprise visit from Xemnas. “Nunky! How are ya?”

“I’m well Roxas. I thoroughly enjoyed the party your father hosted, as did Professor Saix. I came to tell you that this will be my last term here at Twilight. I am retiring.”

Roxas smiled, happy that the man was moving forward with his life and plans to finally enjoy himself.

“So when you graduate in the spring, I will be done here as well.” Xemnas almost chirped.

“Wow, congratulations! Got any big plans?” Roxas said as he poured Xemnas a cup of coffee.

“Saix and I have decided to take a cruise and we aren’t planning to be back for a while. We both would like to revisit some places around the world and well…there’s no reason why we can’t.”

“That sounds awesome Nunk. I’m happy for you.” Roxas hugged the man who patted his back and kissed his hair, surprising both of them into blushes and chuckles.

“I have to say, I’m looking forward to the end of the year as much as you are.”

“I donno about that!” Roxas laughed and they sat with their coffee by the window of his dorm.

Roxas kept his focus on studies and his internship. Demyx and Ventus had welcomed their daughter Jasmine to the family and had bombarded everyone with photos. Vanitas and Larxene’s baby was due in early March and Roxas found that he was thrilled at the prospect of having new babies to spoil. There was a peace about the creeping cold of winter in Twilight Town and a stillness to the air that was comforting to him.

Deciding to skate the cemetery, Roxas paid no mind to the fact that it was nearly midnight and barely 40 degrees out. He popped in his earbuds and headed down the center, taking a left at the white mausoleum, singing Weezer songs at the top of his lungs.


	36. CLOSURE

CLOSURE

  


Roxas was nervous about the coming holidays and he had no idea why. He knew how Reno and Axel would spend Christmas so he had planned to spend it with Cloud. Surfing for Christmas sounded like fun and he knew Axel would return to him safely…he hoped at any rate.

Winter break came and Roxas said goodbye to Xemnas who was off to spend the holidays with Saix at a ski resort, then he went by Fuck Ass to secure his remaining work which consisted of a couple finished and graded assignments, and the large piece he had nearly finished for his final. There was something about it that wasn't quite the way he wanted it and he hoped that having some time away and returning to it with fresh eyes would help.

He uncovered the large canvas and stared quietly as he did so many days while he tried to puzzle out what it needed. It was made from bits of paper and scraps of cloth, shards of glass and grains of sand. From a few feet away it looked like an oil portrait of Riku smiling but upon closer inspection, much was revealed.

The colors and highlights were bits of his life torn strategically from hospital, school, and police records. Some contained typed or handwritten words that pertained to his short life. There were colored bits from photo shoots he had done, scraps from his clothes, hospital bracelets, and slips cut from colorful balloons, the significance of which Roxas thought would be lost on the general public.

He wondered if he had wasted his time as his eyes slid across the beach made from cardboard squares, sand and crushed shells. He reached out to touch the face but never quite made contact. It was too real for him to be objective and he hoped he could figure out what it needed before it was due in the spring. The light reflected in Riku’s eyes and his hair were the lightest points, the ocean in the background, the darkest. "What do you need, Riku?" Roxas whispered as if the canvas would answer.

After reflecting for a few minutes more, he began to pull the cover back over his work when he stopped and gasped. Pulling the sheet down quickly he backed up a few feet, checked his watch and set to work.

  


Axel was waiting in the airport when he saw his favorite blonde trudging his way with a bag, a back pack, and a smile. Scooping him up into his arms he kissed him. "I've missed you so much!"

"I missed you too Red." Roxas grinned. "Let's go. I'm starving!"

Axel laughed and led the blonde away to his waiting car. "I drove here from Destiny, can you believe it?! That's a hell of a drive but I enjoyed it."

"I think me and Dad are gonna fly to Costa for Christmas and then you and Reno can join us for New Year’s. Hey, guess what?"

Axel looked at Roxas smiling as he pulled into traffic. "Tell me."

"I finally finished it! That huge piece I've been working on forever. I'm going to submit it as my final in the spring, but I finished it right before I left."

"Sounds like you're happy with it. I can't wait to see it. Do I get an advanced preview when I take you back to school?" Axel waggled his eyebrows.

"Of course, but I wanna tell you up front, it's about Riku." Roxas said hoping for a positive reaction.

"Hey that's cool. I mean I'm thinking it was probably a part of having closure, yeah?" Axel squeezed Roxas’ hand as they traveled toward the city.

"It was, and I didn't even realize until it was finished... It feels different now when I think of it, think of him, and think of my life."

"Good. That's great. I really am proud of you, yanno." Axel winked at the blonde and tugged his hand over to kiss his knuckles only to spit and cringe. "When you said you just finished it, you meant right before you left campus?"

Roxas laughed pulling his hand away. "Yeah exactly that. Sorry for not cleaning my hands better…was kind of in a hurry."

"Oh yeah...what were you in a hurry for?" Axel baited him and Roxas snorted.

"I was in a hurry to get back to you."

  


Cloud watched Reno stare out the window of their apartment. The redhead had been unusually quiet for days and wasn’t sharing what was on his mind. Cloud was worried.

Reno stared out at the city and thought of the coming holiday. Neither he nor Axel lived in the slums anymore and the gangs had pretty much taken over. The Don was dead, Jiji and Baba were retired for the most part having trained others to run their businesses. He wanted this to be their last Christmas in the slums and he wondered if Axel would agree.

They were both building lives with the men they loved and their last ties to the slums had been severed when they moved up top. He had struggled with the decision but he didn't want to risk his life doing it anymore. He wanted a future with Cloud, a long future, and he knew if he kept going down there, his past would eventually catch up to him.

Turning to see beautiful mako blues focused solely on him, he smiled. "They should be here soon yo. I hope they're both in good spirits. They deserve some happiness."

"I share the sentiment completely. I think they'll be ok." Cloud said, determined not to ask for the millionth time what was bothering him.

"I been thinking, babe." Reno offered and Cloud grinned and snorted.

"Careful there, don’t hurt yourself."

"Very funny. You’re the blonde here, just remember that. But seriously, I think this should be our last Christmas in the slums. I'm ready to leave it all behind yo." Reno said seriously.

Cloud nodded and smiled. "You know I'm behind whatever you wanna do and personally, I'm relieved. You know how I stress about shit and I've really been trying to keep my head about this and not insist on going with you guys."

"Ooh so sexy when my baby wants ta take care of me!" Reno smirked.

"I'm serious, jackass." Cloud griped.

Reno grinned. "You know you and Roxas could both come if you wanted. Runt might pitch a fit but he'll get over it."

"I don't know...I'd be so worried about Roxas...maybe. You run it by Axel first, ok." Cloud mumbled while he played with Reno's hair.

"So where are we on wedding plans?" Reno pondered. "It can't get here soon enough for me yo."

"Most of its done already. I'm kinda wishing we would have just eloped." Cloud grumbled.

"Why? Don't ya want all your bad ass kids ta be there yo? Bitchin and snarkin and drinkin up all the booze!" Reno cackled.

Cloud laughed. "Yeah I guess you have a point."

"Ok then suck it up, buttercup." Reno laughed. "I still think you'd be awfully hot in a wedding gown yo!"

"Oh for fucks sake! I'm not gonna be your wife!" Cloud squawked falling across Reno laughing.

"Come on baaaby! Wear the gown!" Reno whined.

"Fuck you, Red..." Cloud wheezed.

"Ok ok. No gown, but how about a little lacy number for our weddin night yo?" Reno knew he was pushing and he was aware of Cloud’s limits but he had a hidden agenda.

"No. I'm not a woman and I'm not playing dress up for you." Cloud’s laughter had tapered off but he still lay across Reno's lap.

Reno huffed and made to pout. "But what about my feelins yo? What about my wants and needs?"

Cloud had heard all he wanted to hear. Sitting up he grabbed Reno under the arms and tossed him over his shoulder eliciting a squeak from the redhead before stomping toward the bedroom grumbling. "I got your fuckin wants and needs right here."

"Wait wait! We never established a safe word yo!" Reno howled before the door closed with a slam and he was tossed unceremoniously onto their bed.

  


Two weeks later it was time for the Christmas trip to the slums and Roxas and Cloud were on a plane headed to Costa. They were both quietly worrying about their other halves and they were both on their fifth drink.

Breaking the silence Roxas turned to Cloud. "So I finished my project for tha art final..."

"Yeah? Kinda early isn't it?" Cloud slurred trying to focus on Roxas’ eyes and failing. 

"Ss early but I been workin on it for almost 2 years so..." Roxas dropped his eyes to his glass.

"Well what's it like? Tell me bout it." Cloud smiled and patted his son's hand.

"It's Riku." Roxas stated bluntly. "It's made up of stuff about him and it’s just...him." Staring out the window of the plane he added quietly "...and me."

Cloud watched him and wondered what was going through his mind. He wondered if, for all the happiness he had found with Axel, if it was all just a waiting game. Putting his drink aside, he decided he was done. He needed to be alert just in case Roxas slipped. There were only so many times he could cheat death and Cloud knew he was out of luck. Turning Roxas’ face toward his he smiled. "I love you Rox."

The younger blonde smiled back. "I love you too Dad."

  


In the slums the redheads went about their normal tour. The gangs had gotten worse and it seemed pointless to knock off a few leaders when there were ten more waiting to take their places. The redheads visited with Baba and Jiji and told them both that this would be their final Christmas. Much to Reno’s surprise and comfort, Axel had no arguments about ending their yearly bloodbath. "It's just not workin anymore yo. The problem here is too big. ShinRa needs to intervene."

Axel nodded then added. "We have ta move on with our lives up top and stop living in the past yanno."

Both the honorary grandparents agreed that the red twins were making the right decision and assured them that if they ever needed them, they would make contact.

The rest of the night was spent doling out money to the deserving and saying goodbye to their handful of friends. On the train, they sat side by side feeling defeated and as they pulled away from the platform Axel looked up to see a man staring at them through the window. He nudged Reno and as soon as they made eye contact, the man smiled and pointed up then dropped his hand to pull his coat open, flashing his gun. Axel stood from his seat and snarled as the man was left behind.

Reno took his hand and tugged him back into his seat and Axel sneered. "Fuck this place." He spat on the floor of the train and waited for the ride to be over.

  


Cloud and Roxas were surfing when they saw two familiar redheads walking down the beach. They hadn't been expecting them for another day so they were both overjoyed to see them on Christmas day. That night after dinner they sat on the beach by a fire, quietly snuggling. “So…excited about the wedding?” Roxas asked the other two.

“Yes. What about you guys? Set a date yet?” Cloud queried as he watched their reactions.

They both smiled and said in unison. “No.”

Reno laughed. “That sounds like an elopement.”

They grinned at him and giggled. “Probably.”

“I don’t blame you guys.” Cloud smiled. “If Reno wasn’t such an attention whore we wouldn’t be having such a big public wedding.”

Reno gasped and stared at Cloud with his mouth open. “Me!? Attention whore? I think you’re confused. Imma Turk Goddammit! I don’t need all this attention…it makes my job tougher yo. Everybody be like- I know that guy, he’s married to Cloud fuckin Strife, don’t tell him shit! I’ll have to start wearin a fuckin disguise to get any intel. I may have ta dye my hair!!”

The more Reno protested, the harder they all laughed. “Our fuckin engagement announcement was televised, so even if we did elope, people will still associate you with me. Thank your boss for that.” Cloud chuckled.

“Yanno, the invitations haven’t gone out just yet…we could always get our deposits back and run off somewhere yo.” Reno quipped and poked at Cloud’s ribs.

“You really want to?” Cloud asked as he began to seriously consider it.

“Yeah...I mean if you do. I don’t wanna deprive a bride of her special day yo.” Reno said and then dodged the slap to the back of his head that he knew would follow.

“What did you learn the last time we had this conversation Reno?” Cloud growled.

Reno giggled. “I learned that you’re Cloud fuckin Strife and also that those donut cushions people sit on ain’t just for old folks yo.”

“Noooooo!!!!!” Roxas and Axel screamed and covered their ears. “Overshare!!!!”

  


On New Year’s Eve the four decided on a huge bonfire, fireworks, and drinking, lots of drinking. Shortly after midnight, Roxas and Axel decided to walk down the beach to the amusement park. Cloud cautioned them about staying out of trouble and they called him a mother chocobo, but then assured him that they loved him and would _not_ need bail money later.

“I wanna get married on tha merry-go-round.” Roxas laughed and Axel grinned down at him.

“Seems fitting. Let’s see if we can find someone to marry us!”

They set about asking random people if they knew someone who would be willing to marry them that night. A man said that he knew someone and since it was a holiday, he was probably still awake. They ate hot dogs and cotton candy while they waited and Axel talked to the man operating the merry-go-round about the coming nuptials, then gave him a little money so that when the time came they wouldn’t have to wait in line.

Roxas staggered to his side and hissed, “He’s here.”

Axel grinned and said. “We need rings!”

The two made a mad dash around the game and food kiosks looking for suitable wedding bands. “Got em!” Axel squawked and Roxas crowed. “Lessee em!”

Axel produced two wide bands, one black and one white. “I got em from that place over there…you are supposed to pick a seashell and they mount it on here or somethin but I liked em like this.”

“Me too! I want the black one, can I have the black one?” Roxas leered.

“You can have whatever you want. Come on, let’s go get hitched.” Axel grinned as they headed for the merry-go-round.

  


In Midgar, Sora, Demyx, Ventus and their children celebrated the holiday and watched ShinRa’s annual fireworks display before turning in for the night. They called Vanitas and Larxene to wish them a happy new year only to have to leave a voicemail. They hoped that all was well and decided to leave it at that and not worry.

After ringing in the New Year with cake and ice cream, Larxene couldn’t sleep. “Let’s go down to the boardwalk Vani.”

He picked her up and carried her out the door beaming with pride. “Anything you want Larxy.”

“I can walk you know…as a matter of fact, after all that junk I just ate, I _should_ walk.” Larxene laughed as he settled her feet to the ground. Hand in hand they strolled and watched all the locals and tourists give their money away for souvenirs and fair food. Suddenly Vanitas stopped and grabbed Larxene’s elbow. “Look baby. Is that Roxas and Axel?”

Larxene watched the merry-go-round spin and she nodded. “Yeah but why is that man standing there facing them? That’s kind of creepy.”

They watched a few more spins and Vanitas spluttered. “They’re exchanging rings! They’re getting married!”

“Idiots.” Larxene laughed as she watched the two, mounted on colorful seahorses declaring their love and grinning like fools. Vanitas chuckled and snapped a pic to send to the newlyweds. The walk home was filled with plans for the new baby and moving again. They had found an old house in the garden district of Costa that Vanitas wanted to renovate. The work was nearly done and they wanted to be settled in before the baby came.

  


Staggering back down the beach singing ridiculously sappy love songs to one another, the two went to Cloud’s and straight to bed. Reno grumbled when he heard the clamor of the drunks and Cloud snorted. “You’re a grumpy old man sometimes…”

“I’m not…I’m just mature enough that some juvenile shit bugs me yo…unlike you.” Reno snarked at the drowsy blonde in his arms.

“I hope I’m never a grumpy old man…you can be the one of us to grow up…cause fuck that shit.” Cloud murmured and yawned.

Reno smiled and kissed his hair as he watched him drift off to sleep. He lay awake for a short while listening to the faint snore that had been lulling him to sleep and thought of how blessed he was.

The next morning at breakfast, Axel and Roxas shared the news about their wedding and there was a brief discussion about the actual ceremony. Cloud and Reno also found it fitting that the two had gotten married while travelling in circles because that was how their lives had been up to a point. At present they were moving forward and intended to keep it that way.     

  


The trip back to Midgar was peaceful and Axel had flown to Twilight Town with Roxas to settle him in for his last semester. Xemnas was there to welcome him and the three of them had dinner together where they discussed the upcoming graduation and Xemnas’ retirement. “I’m excited to get away and learn what it feels like to be free of commitment to the university. I’ve been here for so long that I can’t imagine what it will be to pass the fall somewhere other than here.”

“I bet.” Axel said and nodded. “So you and Saix will be traveling the world huh? Sounds exciting. Do you plan to keep a home somewhere or are you two just gonna be like…hippies…or gypsies or whatever?”

Roxas cocked a brow and Xemnas laughed. “More like pirates, I’m afraid. We have purchased a yacht together.”

“That’s so cool! When you dock at Destiny you two have to come stay with us.” Roxas smiled at his Dean thinking of how much younger he looked with that smile and the glint in his eye.

“That sounds wonderful. So what about you two?”

“Weellll…” Roxas bit his lip. “We got married on New Year’s.”

“Congratulations!” Xemnas raised his hand for the waiter. “Champagne for the newlyweds please!”

The waiter smiled politely and returned with a bottle and glasses. They toasted their marriage, Xemnas’ happiness, and many other things until the bottle was emptied and the three were tipsy. “What about your art project, Rox? I wanna see. You said I could see.” Axel pestered.

Glancing at Xemnas Roxas thought that it might be a good idea to wait but Xemnas caught his expression and shook his head. “I’ll be fine with it Roxas. Do not worry about me. I have made my peace as much as I can…and I would like to see it. I could have peeked at any time, but I did not. I feel my patience should be rewarded as well.”

  


They left for campus to make the short walk to the fine arts building. As they strolled, Axel watched the shadows and thought of how everything seemed to be alive. The night air was warm and the stars littered the sky like shell casings.

Roxas took a deep breath and pulled back the sheet for the two to inspect his work. Axel and Xemnas stood and stared at the portrait of Riku on the beach. “I…its…Roxas…” Xemnas was far more affected than he expected to be when he stood only feet away from a portrait of his son that looked so real he wanted to reach out and pull him from the canvas and hold him.

Axel stood silently with tears on his lashes and merely shook his head. “How did you...? I donno what to say Rox. It’s beautiful.”

“Thank you…and Nunky, I’m sorry if it upset you. I…”

“No no Roxas, you have nothing to apologize for. It’s amazing and I am in awe of your talent. I was just a little overwhelmed…because he is so alive in it. I never expected to see him…like that.” Xemnas took a minute to catch his breath and Roxas smiled sadly at the man he had grown to love.

“Come over here.” Roxas motioned the two closer and watched their faces as the realization set in that the illusion of brush strokes was actually collage. They stared quietly as their eyes darted from place to place. Xemnas’ tears spilled down his face as he read the words, some of which were in his own hand. The ones Roxas chose to use were not the hateful, hurtful words he had said to Riku over the years, but instead were words ‘son’ and ‘love’ and ‘happiness’.

Axel’s eyes followed the different patterns and he picked out familiar things like the paper squares and shreds of balloons that used to contain heroin, the sand and shells, the glint of silver in his hair that was simply light reflected off of needles that had been affixed to the canvas. He swallowed thickly as he saw the buoy that seemed to be far out on the ocean. It was yellow with a black and white checkerboard stripe and he remembered the wristlet that Roxas wore for so long.

As they studied the work that had consumed him for two years, Roxas quietly walked to the corner of his space and slid down the wall, pulling his knees up and folding his arms, he lay his head down and wept.


	37. FALL

FALL

  


Roxas recovered from his minor breakdown that night with the help of his husband and his Nunky and went back to his studies for his final spring semester. Axel returned to Destiny to finish setting up his new office at the rehab center. Reno and Cloud went back to their jobs in Midgar as did Ventus and Sora. Days were busy and filled with happiness and new beginnings.

In mid-March everyone received a message from Vanitas that said ‘It’s a Boy!! And another Boy!’ Larxene had delivered twins. Everyone sent congratulations and gifts and promises to visit as soon as they could get away. Over the next few days the new parents sent tons of pics of their boys, Auron and Eraqus both of whom had Vanitas’ dark hair. The parents looked tired but happy.

The anniversary of Riku’s death came and went with quiet reflection and drinks in his honor. Calls were made between friends and family to check on the well-being of his nearest and dearest and all seemed to be safe and sane.

A month passed and the Strife received a pic of Cloud and Reno grinning with flowers in their hair, very obviously drunk and the caption read. ‘We Did It!’ They had gotten married on the beach in Costa by a vacationing priest who befriended Reno at a bar. Life as everyone knew it was in order and all was falling into place.

Roxas sent out invitations to his graduation knowing that very few of his family members would be able to just take off from their jobs and lives to come for it, but he sent them anyway. He was proud of the A he got on his art final and was honored that the University wanted to hang the huge work in the main entrance at the administration building but he politely declined and wrapped it so that he could take it home with him after graduation.

  


Axel showed up early the day of the ceremony and they walked around campus together talking about the past and sharing funny stories about their college days. The humidity was already high and the smell of too sweet spring blossoms clung to everything. Roxas stopped at the old oak and sat after moving a few flowers out of the way so Axel could join him. “I’m ready to get this over with…I hate waiting.”

“Yeah, it’s been a long time comin for ya and I remember how anxious I was on my graduation day. Ugh…I think I was close to schnockered by the time we went over.” At least you don’t have ta hold your giggles while you listen to your valedictorian give his speech. Oh my God.” Axel giggled. “I wonder what Marwusha is doin now?”

Roxas snickered. “Stop that. He couldn’t help it.”

Axel grinned and nodded but giggled again anyway. “I’m excited about the center back home. It’s awesome to see people putting their lives back together and wanting better for themselves. It’s beautiful.”

Roxas smiled. “It is. I’m ready to go home. I don’t have to stay for the ceremony yanno…I could get my stuff in the mail. I just kinda wanted to do it.”

“You have to do it Roxas.” Axel held his hand, looking down at the flowers that littered the area. “You need to so this for yourself.”

  


Later that afternoon, to Roxas’ surprise, his entire family showed up as well as Rufus, Vincent, and Aerith who was accompanied by Jecht, one of the men who had lived under the freeway bridge when she did.

The blonde was nervous as the ceremony began by honoring Xemnas for his many years as Dean. There was a slide show as some of the faculty spoke and when it was time for Xemnas to take his place at the podium, Roxas heard a loud wolf-whistle from the front row. Craning his neck to get a look, he saw a head of blue hair and giggled.

Xemnas was blushing with a tiny smile as he cleared his throat. “Thank you Professor Saix.” He spoke into the microphone then picked up his speech and put it back down before speaking again. “Leaving Twilight University after so many years feels almost like leaving home. I can’t imagine what the fall will be like when I don’t come back here to my office. But life is about change and it’s time for me to move on, just as it is for all of you.

During my time here I always took my job very seriously. I devoted all my energy and time to it…to the point that I neglected a great many other things…and people. I do not regret being here or the things that I accomplished, but neither do I regret my decision to leave. Regret is a waste of energy better spent on learning. The future holds great things for all of you and I sincerely hope that you never miss an opportunity to better yourselves, further your careers, or just to do something positive for someone else.”

Roxas listened to every word and when Xemnas was done he joined the standing ovation and yelled as loudly as he could, “Love you Nunky!!”

After ceremony was over Roxas was grinning with tears on his lashes as he was congratulated by his small herd of friends and family. They all went to dinner and toasted the future, the rehab center, his future and a great many other things. Roxas Strife was finally pleased with how his life was turning out.

  


2 YEARS LATER

  


Sunsets on Destiny Island were mesmerizing. The way the light danced on the water and changed the color of everything. Laguna opened the drapes in the first floor drawing room to let the Orange glow filter in and reflect off the portrait of Riku that had hung there since Roxas graduated. The master didn't use this room often but he gave Laguna free reign over the house, and this was the way he liked to spend his sunsets when he wasn't busy.

Taking a seat with his book, he relaxed and looked up at Riku's smiling face. "Well here we are. Your heart has gone off to Midgar with his husband and it’s just the two of us." Opening his book he read quietly, occasionally glancing up at his former lover's face.

  


In Midgar Axel and Roxas had visited with everyone and were going out for drinks. Sora and Ventus stayed busy at ShinRa Inc. but had taken time out to visit with the happy couple while they were in town to shop and see Cloud and Reno. The rehab on Destiny was expanding and the two wanted to get away before it was complete.

They clung to one another still, just as they had when they were newly married, so much so that it had even begun to give Reno the creeps. The silences were the worst for the Turk and he had told them as much. At times they would just stare into one another’s eyes and he couldn’t even hear them breathing. It was disturbing but seeing the Runt so happy was enough for him to overlook the creepiness

Cloud watched Roxas and Axel stare into one another's eyes silently until he thought he would puke. Were he and Reno ever that ridiculous? _No_. Were he and Sephiroth ever that ridiculous? _Absolutely. Daily._ He was aware which relationship of the two was healthier and that scared him for his son. As long as Axel lived, Roxas would be fine and vice versa. Whichever of them went to the lifestream first, the other would soon follow, he had no doubt.

Sitting at a table in the back of a bar they stared at one another while the tv blared a news report about _crime rates in Midgar and blah blah blah_. "So what now?" Roxas blinked slowly at Axel.

"Hotel?" Axel smiled.

"Hotel!" Roxas giggled. The two left a large tip and stepped out into the night. It was still chilly for spring in Roxas’ opinion but Axel didn't seem to mind. He had grown up in the slums so it was probably actually warmer on top than what he was used to this time of year.

"Wanna walk? It’s kinda nice out." Axel suggested and Roxas nodded.

"Sure...say do you remember that chick Ven used to date, Aqua?" Roxas asked as they stopped at a crosswalk near the park in central Midgar.

"Yeah I do. Let's walk through the park, yeah?" Axel took Roxas’ hand as they strolled casually.

"She applied for a position at the center back home." Roxas shared. "I don't remember much about her other than she wasn't much of a partier back then. She's definitely qualified."

"Hell, bring her in. We could use some hands now that we're expanding." Axel said tucking his other hand in his pocket as they neared the center of the park.

Roxas nodded then Axel stopped and turned to him, lifting his face for a kiss. "I love you, Rox."

The kiss was gentle as the wind picked up just enough to give Roxas a chill. Axel smiled and rubbed his arms. "Let's get going huh."

Roxas nodded and before the two could begin their walk again, there was a rustling in the hedges nearby. They both looked around but saw nothing and Axel reached behind him and rested his hand on his gun as they resumed their walk. Both were silent and listening to every sound but kept their pace steady as they advanced through the park.

Walking under the budding trees Roxas began to relax when he was suddenly jerked backward by his shirt into the darkness of the grove. Axel heard a yelp as Roxas’ hand jerked out of his. The redhead spun but saw nothing and before he could register what had happened, he heard a rustle to his immediate left.

"Roxas!!" He screamed and jumped headlong into the darkness. Barely visible by the light filtering through the trees, Roxas lay on his side with his hands on his throat. Axel fell beside him fumbling for his phone to call 911. He sputtered the location and with every breath he took he smelled blood. Turning the light of his phone to the blond he went numb at the sight.

In the moment it took his eyes to focus on the lateral cut across Roxas’ throat, a million thoughts went through his head. His life was there, right there in front of him. All his sins had just been brought back and laid at his feet. He didn't realize he was crying as he lay down beside his other half and whispered his love and devotion. “I love you baby….I love you. I’m so sorry…Don’t leave me Roxas. Don’t go.”

As the light left the blue eyes that had captivated him since the moment he saw them, Axel panicked. He was leaving. Roxas was going on without him. When the blues dimmed and stilled, lying in a puddle of blood that Roxas’ heart had dutifully pumped onto the dirt, Axel hugged the lifeless body to him and pressed his Beretta to his own temple and smiled. “Wait up Rox.”

  


Cloud and Reno were just falling asleep when Cloud’s phone rang. Checking the ID and rubbing his eyes he grumbled and Reno giggled. “Rufus again?”

“Yes” Cloud grumped and ignored the call then snuggled close to Reno. Immediately the phone began to ring again. Cloud growled and as soon as he picked it up, it stopped. Reno cackled. Cloud opened his mouth to start on one of his endless streams of profanities when there came a loud banging at the door. The two looked at one another as the color ran from Cloud’s face and they scrambled out of bed.

Rufus was at the door in his pajamas and he was out of breath. Cloud ushered him inside and sat him down but Rufus stood right back up and grabbed Cloud’s shoulders. “It’s Roxas…and Axel. There was a 911 call from the park.”

The former president relayed what little he knew and the three left for the hospital where they were told the rest of the harrowing details.

Bodies needed to be identified and Rufus volunteered as Cloud and Reno were in hysterics and literally on the floor of the family waiting area.

Stepping into the coolness of the morgue, Rufus wanted to gag at all the offensive smells but all he could see in his mind was Roxas’ face. He had watched him grow up and become a good man. He had been there from his first step to his college graduation. He hoped, as he waited, that there had been a mistake.

When the sheet was pulled away from the face and tucked under the chin so as not to reveal the fatal wound, Rufus’ breath caught in his throat. It was him…it was really him. The officer standing nearby handed Rufus a tissue as he looked down at the beautiful face that looked too peaceful in this chilly, smelly room that he knew he would hate were he awake…were he alive. “Yes that’s Roxas.” Rufus squeaked and turned to the other that was already uncovered. “Yes that’s Dr. Sinclair.”

Axel’s face looked slightly misshapen because of the gaping hole in one side of his head that Rufus was sure lurked under the sheet that was tucked neatly against the red hair, but there was no mistaking the very distinctive tattoos that his own company had bestowed upon the beautiful visage. Looking back to Roxas once more, Rufus ShinRa, in his pajamas, leaned down and kissed his forehead then stepped out. Sliding down the wall to sit because his legs refused to carry him further, he wept openly in the hallway.

Tseng burst through the doors to find Rufus on the floor and went to his knees to comfort him. Helping him up and to a chair, their attention was drawn by shouting. Cloud had lost it. The initial shock had worn off and he was pissed. He wanted to see Roxas and the guards had discouraged it so he did what he did best, he lost his temper.

Shoving the doors open, he and Reno stormed in and their eyes softened when they saw Tseng and Rufus but they went ahead.

Inside the doors, they were faced with what they had been told was true but what they didn’t want to accept. Reno wailed and fell across Axel’s body mumbling in Latin and crying. Cloud wrapped Roxas in the sheet and pulled him off the gurney onto his lap as he sat in a chair by the door. He kissed his face, smelled his hair, and cried for his baby.

  


Control of the estate reverted back to Xemnas and he and Saix took over Roxas’ rehab centers. It was a labor of love to see the blonde’s dream recognized. Cloud and Reno went through the motions and got grief counseling together. The three remaining Strife did as well, but Vanitas of course did his separately since he lived in Costa. He had gone to Cloud’s beach house and locked himself in Roxas’ old room for hours. He insisted that the murder was retaliation, a hit, but the investigators said that it was random and that Roxas was just unlucky. Vanitas eventually went home to his family, thinking that Roxas had always been unlucky… apparently.

  


One year later on the anniversary of their death, Reno and Cloud were exhausted. They had gotten a tip months earlier confirming Vanitas’ initial suspicions that the murder wasn’t a random act of violence. Someone targeted Axel to retaliate for some of the killing in the slums and a prison sentence that resulted from their old holiday cleansing ritual. The perp had only been out of prison for two weeks when he committed the murder.

Instead of re-opening wounds, Cloud and Reno told Ventus, Vanitas, and Sora that they were leaving town for a few days to have some quiet time together. Instead, they dressed in dark hooded clothes and went to the slums where they worked all night to prepare for a retaliation of their own.

By dawn they were topside and having breakfast in Reno’s favorite coffee shop. They ate silently and left to get some sleep. That night halfway between Roxas’ and Axel’s estimated times of death, the two stood on their balcony hand in hand and waited.

The devastation was all over the news and the body count kept climbing. Terrorists had blown the support pillars under sector 7, causing the plate of upper Midgar to drop onto the slums below. People were fleeing Midgar in fear, and all those who lived in sector 7 topside, well, they were just unlucky.


End file.
